I understood that, and I didn’t have a nightmare after that until the day they died, and then after the incident with my uncle. My mother probably didn’t consider I’d dream about things that were real, as if I were reliving them. If she did, she may have taught me a better way to abolish this fear.
Our home is silent when I enter. Though I know no one is here, I still say, “Kylie,” and it echoes through the house. We established a rule that each of us who live here will say something, may it be our name, hello, or something that tells each other we are entering and are not a Zombie. Everyone’s pretty good at following it, except my rebellious brother.
I run upstairs to grab a change of clothes from my room and go to the stalls for a shower. It helps cool me off, and the change of clothes helps me to get comfortable.
It’s not often I get the entire house to myself, and I take the opportunity to dance through the house as I drop my clothes off in my room and boogie into the den to find some music to listen to. It’s the best cure for my drowsiness that’ll soon loom over me if I don’t keep moving.
I press “shuffle Pop” on the screen, and through the speaker blasts an upbeat rhythm. I jump over the coffee table and onto the couch, bouncing on the cushions and pumping my fists in the air.
The front door opens.
I leap from the couch and rush to the music, trading it for a movie. Whoever enters doesn’t announce themselves, but it’s not Luke. Their footsteps thunder as they plod across the floor, this person’s heels drag.
Cory pokes his head around the corner. In a sing-song voice he asks, “Were you dancing?”
I walk around the table to sit in the corner of the sofa. “No.”
He gives me a wry smile, teasing, “I bet you were,” as he takes off his vest and tosses it on the table. “Do you remember that time we snuck off in the middle of the night to the gymnasium at the education center back home?”
“No,” I say, carrying it out. “I remember you trying to sneak out and falling off your roof. We never made it because you broke your ankle and Hanley had a cow.”
Cory throws his head back, bellowing a hearty laugh. “Ah-ha. That is what happened. I guess I just dreamed it went differently.”
I stifle my laugh and look away from him. “Always dreaming, Cory. It’s time you lived in the real life with the rest of us.”
“You mind if I sit with you?”
“You’re already sitting.” I shrug. “But you can stay if you answer my question from earlier.” He is going to tell me. If I have to beat it out of him, he’s going to admit to his name being on that list. That’s the only reason a Creation would double-team with the Trade. And if he reveals this, he may slip up and tell me he left that note on my bed, and then I’ll know the Trade is up to something mischievous. I could be wrong about all of this. But there are things that aren’t adding up.
“How long has this movie been on?”
“Just now.”
He grabs my hand. “I trust you, Ky.”
“Good,” I say, staring at the screen.
“You trust me?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because you are hiding something.”
Letting go of my hand, he pushes behind me, grabs my waist, and pulls me to his side. “I’m not the only one hiding something,” he whispers.
I scoff. “What do you mean?”
“What do you think?” His gaze drops from my eyes downward.
I turn away from him, sensing him trying to kiss me. “You can either tell me or scoot over.”
His index finger pushes my jawline, turning my head to face him. “It’s the reason I wanted to be the one to get that list, and one of those reasons may have been to remove my name from it before giving it to the Trade.”
Yes! I knew it!
I try to turn my head, but he doesn’t let me. “Okay,” I say and try to turn again. He doesn’t allow me to, but he stares me down. “What?”
Distress clouds his features, making his green eyes soften. “I told you, and you had no reaction.”
I drop my gaze, looking away from his boyish face that reminds me of our years of laughter and time spent just talking for hours. “I already had my assumptions. Can I move my head now?”
He cracks a smile, flashing two rows of perfect white teeth. “No. I haven’t been this close to you in a long time.” The breath of his words wafts against my chin and neck. He’s too close.
“There is a reason for that.”
“C’mon, Ky,” he whispers before his lips touch mine.
I can’t say why I have not moved away yet. Stupidly, maybe I want the snake to kiss me. Maybe to take my mind off everything. But it makes me think about it all even more. I break away from him and tug his hand from my chin.
Cory exhales. “With Marc out of the way, maybe we can regrow.”
“Marc is not the reason I stopped talking to you. You were. You were pushy and overbearing.”
Grumbling, he drags his hand over his buzz cut. “What if I told you I wasn’t the only alleged renegade? That I am not the only one hiding my identity in our division. The things I know can change your mind about a lot of people here.”
I raise my brows. “Are you going to tell me?”
“I could. But we could talk about something else.” He grabs my hand now resting in my lap.
“Like what?”
“I would tell you if you shut up.” And he kisses me without me moving back as I return his kiss. He leans back, pulling me over him.
Cory’s kiss is different; a mixture of pecks and a couple that linger. They aren’t warm and affectionate like Marc’s, and no feelings of my own lie behind the action. It’s a pointless notion, and it feels wrong to even grant him the pleasure.
His hand creeps over my hip and grabs my butt. I shove him away from me, moving back, instantly drawn uncomfortable. “Don’t touch me like that,” I blurt out. An icky feeling creeps over my flesh, making me want to vomit.
Cory throws his hands up. “I’m sorry.”
The front door whips open, and I quickly sit back on the other side of the sofa, covering my mouth. My breaths are a little rapid as I try to make my disgust pass.
Cory sits up, leaning against the back of the sofa. He throws a foot up on the table.
Luke walks in with Marc, Sean, and Fein. They stare at us for a second, and I feel even more uneasy.
Cory looks in my direction, and I pull my eyes from the screen to see he’s looking at me. “Maybe you should go,” I mumble in my hand.
“Yeah. I should.” He grabs his vest as he gets up and approaches the small group. He bumps Luke and Marc’s shoulders as he passes.
I take in the sight of Luke’s loathing expression and look away from him to the floor. The heat slowly leaves my cheeks, and I drop my hands to my lap. “Luke.”
“Ky.” He matches my resentful tone.
“You know, Ky,”
“Don’t start, Luke.” It was a thoughtless mistake, and I’m going to beat myself up far worse than he can.
He turns away from me and leaves the room.
I get up, following him.
Marc grabs my waist as I walk past him. “I wasn’t serious, Ky, with what I said earlier.”
“Marc, enough, okay. Leave me alone,” I say, turning away from him to continue after Luke.
He pulls me back. “Why are your lips so red, Kylie?”
“Excuse me,” I turn, and he turns with me. “You don’t have to follow me,” I snap.
He snorts. “I need to talk to you.”
When we make it to the top of the stairs, I whip around and have to keep myself from shouting. “About what, huh? You keep ignoring how frustrating this all is! It’s an obligation for us to keep each other at a distance. So do that.” I pivot but turn back to add, “Before you kill me, and you wind up getting killed.”
Marc gently grabs me by my waist, stopping me from turning away from him. “Is that why you have been acting
funny all day? Because of what I said last night?”
“No. Just…” I grind my teeth and sigh, calming myself enough to say, “just go away. And I promise I’ll do the same.” In the shadows of the stairwell, his plum eyes shine softly as he glares at me. They stab me through my chest with his silence, threatening me to take back my words.
Seconds pass, and longer than I like, we stand staring at each other. Then he hangs his head forward, nods, and walks away from me.
I grab his arm. I’m not going to take my words back, but him having nothing to say and walking away from me isn’t acceptable. His arm slips through my hand as he continues away from me. When his hand reaches mine, it slips away too.
I move my arms behind my back to prevent myself from reaching for him again, and I hold the railing of the stairs to keep me from going after him. When Marc is out of sight, I turn my attention back to my brother and go down the hall to his room.
“Luke,” I call at his door.
He whips the door open and turns away when our eyes meet.
“Luke, I’m sorry.”
“About what, Ky?”
“I don’t know, but you’re angry.”
“Not angry, just disappointed. I asked to swap out Marc and Sean for tonight’s sweep. We will go with Jord and Seits and Marshal and Danielle. Tomorrow is supposed to be hotter than today, and we will have training inside. It will be limited. We don’t want people dying from heat exhaustion. You really need to get it together, Kylie,” he scolds. He avoids looking at me. The smoke is practically charging from his ears though he keeps his voice even.
“You’re not my dad. You don’t have to talk to me like that.”
“I’m the closest thing to a dad we both have.” He slams a drawer closed. “I’m trying to help you. I’m trying to get you to understand. If you want, I could kill both of them to make it easier for you.” He finally looks at me, after the anger has washed from his eyes.
I’m disappointed in myself. I sit on his bed. “I don’t want you to kill them, and besides, I would want to kill Marc myself. No one else could eliminate that distraction but me.”
Luke sits beside me. “What are you going to do? You can’t keep going on like this.”
“I’ve been trying to get information from Cory since we saw him leaving Jord’s office. He finally told me his name was on that list.” Luke’s eyes grow wide and quickly sober before he shifts his gaze to the floor. “And he knows who the others are. I don’t know―”
Someone knocks on the door, cutting me off.
He gets up answering it. It’s a girl I’ve frequently crossed paths with, but never gave her a second thought.
I scoot from the bed. “I’ll go, Luke. Come get me when you go eat.”
The girl steps away from the room’s opening and gives me a small smile on my passing. “Hi, Captain Kylie.”
I glance at her from the corner of my eye. With a single hitch of my left brow and a slight smirk, I acknowledge her with my silent greeting and continue to my room.
I open my door and nudge it closed with the heel of my foot. It’s nice and cool in here. I sigh, flopping down onto my bed on my stomach. My muscles relax, and I quickly grow tired.
But sleep is never good alone.
I scream at the Vojin as they beat my parents and at my uncle as he pins me down, forcing me to watch. With no fair warning, I cry, consumed by my weaknesses, by my memories, by my sadness and hate. Everyone is torturing me, and I’m not strong enough to break free alone. I can’t save my parents or myself.
“Ky,” my name calls out from the light in the ceiling that I shift my gaze to when my father’s neck is snapped. The heavy arms pinning me down become consoling, and the bright light fades to a comforting, warm purple.
I relax and hold the shoulder of the arm that holds me. “Thank you,” I tell Marc. I don’t have to open my eyes to know it’s him. I’m familiar with the hold of his body, the touch of his hands, the smoothness of his skin, the scruff of his beard scraping my forehead, and how the soap that we all use smells different on him.
He kisses my head once and says, “You’re welcome,” as he holds me, rubbing my back.
I fall back asleep in his arms until there’s a knock on my door. I act like I don’t hear it.
I hear the door open, and Luke walks in.
“I didn’t know if it was you or not,” Marc says.
“What happened?”
Marc’s shoulders move. “She was screaming and doing that jerking thing she does when she sleeps alone. I’m helping her calm down so she can get some rest.”
“She probably appreciates that.”
“I don’t know,” Marc says in a mellow tone.
Fabric scrapes against plaster, likely Luke sliding down a wall. “You can’t have this. It’s getting too serious for her.”
“We don’t need to have this conversation.”
“Why don’t you just,” Luke pauses, likely thinking of the right word to use, “stop?” The stress in his tone as he releases the word is heavy with frustration and defeat. A tone he’s often used with me but not with others because he wouldn’t reveal his concern to anyone. But he lets his guard down with Marc.
Marc calmly says, “I do, but she comes back.”
“If you walked away, she would too.”
“Luke, we do not need to have this conversation, and you know that is not true.” The gravelly tone of his voice mixed with his rasp makes his statement sound angered. But that’s just Marc.
There’s a constant knocking on the floor, likely Luke warding off his irritation. “I’m adding in my thoughts and opinions. I understand you know, but I’m giving you another perspective. I think Ky has, um, certain restricted feelings toward you, and if she does and you hold the same type of fondness…Sean and I are out on a limb.” Luke stands up. “Let’s keep this family-oriented. We’re cool, and I don’t want to force you to stay away from Kylie.”
Marc snickers. “Got it, Luke.”
The door opens and closes.
“He’s right,” I say against Marc’s neck.
“I know that.” He adjusts, forcing me to move as he gets up from my bed. “I came in because you were miserable. I intended to leave when you got up.”
I hug my knees to my chest and look away from him as I ask, “Why can’t we shake this?”
“We can.” He crosses the floor to the door.
“Hold on,” I say when he grabs the doorknob.
Marc faces the door, head hung low. “No, Ky,” he says in an apologetic tone. “Remove the temptations, overcome the obstacle, and eliminate the distraction. And you live.” He breathes. “It’s straightforward. Plain and simple.”
I scoot to the foot of my bed and resist the urge to go to him because I don’t want to battle with him pulling away from me. “I know you are right. I know Luke is right. And I agree. But we see each other every day and sleep in this small house with only a few feet separating our rooms.”
He looks over his shoulder, staring at me with a hint of anger lingering in his solemn expression and a question in his eyes. “What were you doing with Cory earlier?” He looks away from me. “And if you don’t mind, I would appreciate it if you told me the truth.” He faces me, full-bodied, leaning his back against the door. His left hand is still clutched around the doorknob.
I rub my index finger over my lips, maybe wiping off the proof or clearing the lie I was preparing. “Why?”
He glares at me, eyes squinting into tight slits, lining their purple. My cheeks burn, and my neck grows hot from his scowl, the anger I can see boiling in him from my evasion. His shadowed eyes lower, matching his thick eyebrows, lips in a thin line, his nostrils flared.
I remain silent.
He scratches his beard with the bed of his nails and pulls his bottom lip between his teeth. He bites it hard before letting it go and crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Fine,” he blurts. “I’m not playing this game with you, Kylie. Are you going to answ
er the question or not?”
I shake my head. “Not.”
He twists the doorknob. “If you were trying to find a way to push me away and cause me not to trust you, you picked the right thing to do.”
“What does that mean?”
He grumbles before saying, “I asked you not to do that with him. I’m not stupid, Ky. I don’t get what you’re doing, what this is you have with him and me. Or maybe you don’t even know, and you just go after whichever one of us is available for your convenience.”
I jump to my feet and fight the urge to shout. “Don’t be rude, Marc. You know it’s nothing like that.”
“Whatever, Kylie. I’m done. This is stupid. And how I feel about you…you’re not worth it, or my negligence in saving you over my brother.”
My legs grow heavy, and an odd feeling attacks my chest. The knife of his words cut me deeper this time, jabbing me right into my spine. I think I just felt my heartbeat stop and stall before beating again.
“Marc, that is not fair,” I mutter breathlessly. My throat closes tightly around the words.
“Whatever, Ky. If you were innocent, you’d say so.” He shakes his head. “So if you are going to continue to do that, I can’t continue to do this.”
“This? Just earlier you were pushing me off on him, begging to have nothing to do with me. Now, we’re what, breaking up? You wanted us to be apart. You wanted this.”
“Right, Kylie. I don’t argue.” He opens the door. I rush to him as he’s walking out. “You don’t have to follow me,” he says, looking over his shoulder, and he stops me in my tracks.
Dammit!
Chapter Nine
“The meteorologists have announced a heatwave for the next five days. We’ve been instructed to limit training until it has passed. Luckily, some of you will be heading out. The Guidance is requesting Creations for Citizen Management. I’ll have the list of who will be leaving before dinner. The ones chosen will leave in forty-eight hours,” Sir Jord states before leaving us.
The Separation Trilogy Box Set: Books 1 -3 Page 37
