His lips quirked up a bit. “Sorry I look so fearsome.”
“You aren’t fearsome. Just… serious.”
He pressed his lips together. “Thank you,” he said and met her gaze.
Caroline paused, confused. A blush crept over her face. “Why are you thanking me?”
His lips drew up into a half smile. “For telling me about the boy. For trying to make me feel better. You are a kind person.”
She blushed more. “I, well...” she stopped, unsure of how to respond. Uncertain of how she felt.
He stood as well. “The older I get, the more I realize how important it is.”
Now she was definitely blushing more.
“Thank you,” she said simply.
He nodded gallantly before Caroline left the library.
Two days later, Alexander let go of some of his guilt.
A bit.
His stomach still turned when he first woke up in the morning and remembered the accident. He still had visions of the boy’s body arcing through the air or limp in the dirt when he closed his eyes. But seeing the boy giggle when his cousins visited him or being fed soup by the nurse helped him to relinquish some of his fear.
He had spent the last two days visiting the boy in the hospital and then rode with the carriage back to Howsham with him. He was awake and seemed to be in good spirits, and everyone heartily welcomed him back to Howsham.
By the evening, Howsham was bedecked in flowers and candles for Nelly and Sutherland’s engagement party. Alexander noticed Mrs. Featherton had spared no expense as vases of wildflowers and candles seemed to be set on every available surface. Even Alexander had to admit it was impressive.
But the engagement dinner of Nelly Featherton and George Sutherland reminded Alexander of all the reasons he wasn’t fond of the ton. It was an extravagant affair fit for the Prince Regent himself featuring sliced mutton, several braised ducks, roast pheasants, pork, and more than a dozen bacon-stuffed pigeons. Alexander suspected the stuffed foul outnumbered live humans at the meal. There were several kinds of soups, sauces, casseroles, breads, vegetables, and—by his count—at least six desserts. He wondered if there were enough people at the house to actually eat it all.
Alexander took a glass of bubbling champagne as the party was seated at the table. People toasted Sutherland and Nelly, praising their engagement and completely ignoring the fact that the girl ran away with him only a few days before. Typical, as long as it could be dressed up with a pretty bow, it was celebrated.
Finally, Sutherland stood and raised his glass.
“My beloved embarks on a new chapter, and as such, she will move away from her parent’s sheltered home,” he said. “And be done with the tedium of companions and chaperones for her true calling in life: that of a loving, supportive wife.”
“So as she says goodbye to one chaperone,” Sutherland nodded to Caroline. “She gains a husband: chaperone for life.” He lifted his glass and everyone drank while Alexander rolled his eyes.
Alexander wondered how Caroline felt about all this. She gazed at Nelly with a wistful smile as she sipped her champagne.
“Are you really leaving so soon?” Lady Stanwyck asked Caroline.
Caroline nodded, her smile sadder this time. “My employment comes to an end. Mrs. Featherton was good enough to hire a carriage to take me back tomorrow.”
She was leaving tomorrow?
Alexander’s felt his mouth turn down. He did not realize it would be so soon.
Sutherland laughed and pointed his glass at Alexander.
“Ho, look how sad Wolfolk looks. Are you so disheartened to lose me as a bachelor friend? Stay true, my friend. It is only marriage, not death that takes me.”
Everyone around the table laughed, and Alexander tried to smile along with them. But his heart felt as though it had flipped over. He did not realize he would feel so sad.
He snuck a glance at her profile, her long neck, dark eyelashes, and shiny hair coiled in a bun at the back of her neck. He felt a peculiar tightness in his throat at the thought that her chair would be empty tomorrow.
But that was silly.
His feelings meant nothing, they were the result of spending time with a set of people for a few weeks. He actually knew the name of it: combat bonding. When a small group of people went through difficult things together, they naturally became close. It was a fact, he knew.
Suddenly everyone was raising their glasses in a toast to the happy couple, he lifted his flute along with the others and mumbled happy wishes.
After dinner, he joined the men for brandy, cigars and long-winded small talk he never thought would end. He stood off from the others, listening to the men congratulating Sutherland on his engagement. Men, Alexander noticed, who had been gossiping about what a fortune hunter he was a few days earlier.
“Well done, Sutherland,” a silver-haired man said to Sutherland. “Your bride-to-be is exquisite.” Sutherland thanked him and shook the man’s hand.
“Not to mention rich,” another man said and they chuckled.
Behind them, Alexander rolled his eyes.
He knew the hypocrisy of the ton well. He’d been raised steeped in it. It was only after the military and, particularly, combat, did he truly understand that titles and money had nothing to do with integrity. Many of the bravest, smartest and best men were from working class ranks or lower, he’d found.
Women too.
He threw back another slug of brandy to quell the disgust he felt.
Am I any different than these self-important fools?
Across the room, a large gilded mirror reflected the scene back to him. In his fine coat and billowy cravat, he certainly didn’t look any different. He looked like one of them.
24
He needed air.
He shook Sutherland’s hand, filled up his glass, and left the room through a back door, glad to get away from the clouds of cigar smoke and hot air.
He ducked through a door to an airy but dark conservatory, containing a small jungle of green and flowering foliage. On the walls, pink roses climbed built-in trellises. He stepped slowly around the flowers, careful in the dim light not to kick one over, and headed toward the glass door leading to the garden.
Once outside, he inhaled the cool night air and he realized his heart still pounded. He found a stone bench near topiary trees and sat down.
Alone, finally.
Movement in his periphery caught his eye.
As it moved closer, the shadow trotted to him.
Louie, of course. The dratted dog could sense his location.
“Hello to you.” Alexander petted him and tried to wrench his foot from under the dog’s weight. “What are you doing out here alone?”
The dog flipped his head backward to gaze up lovingly at him, its tongue lolling out its mouth.
Alexander couldn’t help it. He smiled at the dog’s ridiculous expression.
“Great and terrible beast,” he muttered and paused when he noticed a shadow in the corner move.
He wasn’t alone. He tensed.
The shadow moved in the corner, and he nearly jumped. The shadow stepped forward, and he recognized her shape immediately.
Caroline. Alexander exhaled and let the panic slide away. What on earth was she doing out there now?
He stood up.
“I’m sorry to startle you, my lord. I was outside with Louie.”
“It’s all right. Although you may want to rethink sneaking up on military-trained men in the dark.”
She smiled. “Thank you for not bayonetting me..”
Alexander nodded. “You were lucky this time.”
Louie trotted to her and lay on her feet.
“Oh, Louie, you are heavier than you appear.”
“True,” Alexander said chuckling. “And you will muddy her hem, reckless beast.”
He called the dog back over and gestured to her. “Please, take a seat.”
She came over and sat down. She smelled
like buttered cookies, although he tried to ignore it.
“What are you doing hiding out here in the dark?”
She patted Louie’s head and smiled down at him. “Besides sneaking up on celebrated military heroes?”
Being called a military hero embarrassed him and he cleared his throat.
“They are going to begin dancing soon, and I thought I would say goodbye to Louie before I went back upstairs.”
He said nothing for a moment. The dark empty yard yawned before him.
“You are leaving tomorrow?” he said stupidly. He stared out to the shrubs, glad she could not see his eyes.
She nodded and looked down at her hands.
“Adam seems to be doing well,” Caroline said.
“Yes,” he said and paused. “But it’s early days.”
Cricket song filled in the darkness.
Caroline touched his arm with her hand, surprising him.
Perhaps it was her touch, or maybe her voice, but her warmth seeped into him, undoing his careful facade. His heart pounded again.
A low roar started in his head.
“I have seen men lose their legs after battles,” he said, controlling his voice. “It is not anything the boy should have to endure.”
“It is not something anyone should endure,” she said. “But sometimes life tests us.”
He shuddered involuntarily. Long-hidden, bloody images flashed in his mind, and tears burned behind his eyes.
She turned to him.
It was too late. The roar in his head grew. Tears spilled down his cheeks. He desperately wanted what she said to be true.
Caroline slipped her hand into his and gripped it.
“It’s all right,” she said again, which only made him feel emptier.
He sobbed. She took his head in her arms, murmuring softly. He clung to her, surrendering. He could not stop himself. A wave of regret and emotion rose in his chest. He felt sorrow for the boy’s condition and for so many things.
Like the wife he couldn’t love.
Like the young boy he snapped at moments before a tragedy.
Or the dog who was leaning his head against his foot right now.
All the things and people he’d had in his life—he hadn’t always treated them well, and he felt sorrow for that.
The woman in his arms.
After a few moments, his breath slowed.
“I am sorry,” he said, pulling out a handkerchief from his pocket to dry his eyes.
“Please don’t be,” Caroline said and again squeezed his hand. Her presence had an effect on him. Despite being embarrassed about crying not only in front of her but to her, basically sobbing in her arms like a baby, Alexander smiled back at her. She was nothing if not honest.
She still held his hand.
“Well,” he said, “shall we?”
Caroline looked confused. “What?”
“Didn’t you say there was dancing?”
Dancing?
Caroline blinked back at Alexander. Did he really suggest they dance?
“I thought you didn’t like dancing.”
“I usually don’t, but I thought you, me, and Louie here could show them how it’s done. It’s unconventional—a dancing threesome, I know, but who are we to keep Louie from his true calling?”
She smiled. She liked his sense of humor when he managed to let his guard down, and it was a side to him she guessed few people saw.
“I still need to pack. But don’t let me stop you and Louie.”
Alexander’s smile faded. He shrugged, gave her his half smile, before picking up a stick and tossing it for Louie. “I think of us as a package. All of nothing.”
Caroline smiled but said nothing. His reference to “us” made her shiver, but she fought against it. He was utterly charming, but she didn’t want him to know how much he affected her. Instead she began walking to the door.
“So, you will not dance?” he asked.
She stopped with him behind her. After glancing to the door, she turned to him. In the dim torch light, his eyes were soft and dark. Dear God, the man was handsome.
“I think neither of us wants the gossip,” she said.
He nodded, but still smiled at her with his damn perfect lips.
In a quick moment, she stepped back so to face him. She looked up at him, his lips parted a bit in surprise. She could smell him: brandy and leather. Before thinking too much about it, Caroline stood on her tiptoes, wrapped his arms around his neck, and kissed him for a long breathless moment.
At first he was still, then he pressed into her as well.
She opened her eyes and saw his face: surprised, slightly confused, but smiling.
There, now, she could leave.
25
Alexander didn’t want to breathe, move, or do anything that would break whatever exquisite spell caused Caroline to kiss him. But after a moment, her warm lips left his, and he opened his eyes.
She gave him a drowsy, self-satisfied smile.
“What was that?” he asked.
“That was for me,” she said over her shoulder as she moved to the door and glided through it.
She was leaving.
Alexander blinked several times and stared at the empty door.
She was gone.
Several witty retorts popped into his only-now-returning mind. Things he should have said, but hadn’t thought of. Until now. Because all the blood in his body was going everywhere but his brain.
He should have grasped her in his arms and refused to let go. He could have picked her up and taken her to his room. But, fuck, he should have done or said something—anything—to keep her in his arms.
Now, he only slumped in the doorway, feeling the warmth of where her body had been moments ago.
Just then, a scuffle caught Wolfolk’s eye through an open door. No doubt someone had had too much punch and needed to be escorted home.
A man stood in the doorway near the ballroom.
Definitely not in ballroom attire.
Young and scruffy, Wolfolk didn’t recognize him. He wondered if it was a farmer who had stumbled in. The man moved behind a wall where Alexander couldn’t see him, and he heard a deafening crash.
Wolfolk ran toward the sound.
In the hall, the scruffy man stood near a footman who’d dropped a full tray of champagne glasses, sending them crashing to the marble floor. But he wasn’t sure who caused it.
“My sister,” the young man said amid the confusion. Startled guests backed away from him.
Alexander then saw the drawn sword he held, and his stomach sank.
Stanwyck appeared, his own eyes widening when he saw the sword. “Now, look here,” Stanwyck said. “We’re finishing a private party, and my guests are leaving. I think you may be in the wrong place.”
“I am seeking my sister,” the man said again, brandishing his sword.
Nelly, walking with Sutherland, shrieked when she saw the man and clung to Sutherland’s arms. Everyone near turned to look. Whispering buzzed around the room.
“Who might your sister be?”
“Miss Holland. She’s here as a guest’s companion.”
Caroline.
Alexander exhaled and forgot to breathe in.
Lady Stanwyck joined the group. “What’s going on here?”
“Miss Holland is a guest here. What do you mean showing up late at night unannounced and waving a sword?” Stanwyck asked.
“I want to see my sister. I mean to take her home with me.”
Lady Stanwyck’s gaze shifted to Alexander, then back to the young man.
“Now, sir, I’ll not put any of my guests in harm’s way,” Stanwyck said. “Put the saber down.”
Alexander stepped between he and the other guests. The man wore a faded regimental coat.
“I see you’re a soldier. I’m Colonel Montgomery of the King’s Army. What do you mean brandishing a sword in a stranger’s home?”
The young man softened a bit. “I’l
l not harm anyone. I want to take my sister back with me to our home. I’m her brother and her guardian.”
Lady Stanwyck stepped forward although her husband tried to pull her back. “She has retired for the evening,” she said calmly. “What is your name?”
“Jacob Holland, Leftenant, third Dragoons.”
Caroline had said her brother had been in the military.
“Jacob, put the saber down. I am here,” a voice called out.
Caroline stood on the stairs, looking down at them, her brow creased with worry.
Caroline knew something was wrong when she heard the crash, she just didn’t realize how wrong. She would not have guessed that her brother could have traveled all the way to Yorkshire and now be in Howsham standing in front of guests, demanding she abandon her post. As soon as she heard his voice, she knew it was him, and her heart lurched in her throat.
No!
She would never earn her money now. Worse, everyone would know that Jacob was unwell. Dread twisted her gut. She had to protect him.
“Jacob, we can discuss this privately,” she said, starting down the steps.
Then Stanwyck’s brother, Master John appeared in front of Jacob.
“I don’t care who you are. You cannot draw a sword in my brother’s home without expecting it to be defended,” he called and pulled a short knife from his belt.
“John, no!” Lady Stanwyck called, fear in her voice.
A crowd formed around them, looking from Jacob to Master John to Caroline and back.
“Young man, your sister is here. Let us all have a word in my study and allow my guests to be safely on their way home.” Lord Stanwyck nodded to Jacob and Caroline. “Wolfolk, will you attend?”
Alexander nodded quickly. He looked ready to pounce at Jacob.
“Yes, Jacob,” Caroline repeated. “Please.”
Jacob wavered a bit and lowered the sword. He nodded.
Caroline realized she had been holding her breath and exhaled.
“That’s a lad,” Alexander said and stepped to Jacob, patting his arm. “I’ll take the sword.”
Lord to Love Again: A Sweet and Clean Regency Romance Page 22
