As she walked into the green room where drinks and hors d’oeuvres had been set up, she forced a smile and moved from one cluster of people to another, making small talk, thanking the DJs who played her music, flattering their wives and sponsors. For a solid hour she played the part of gracious hostess, before Val whipped in and whispered in her ear.
“What?” she asked, staring at her assistant incredulously.
“Harlan Patrick’s here,” Val repeated. “He’s in your dressing room.”
“Why didn’t you bring him in here?”
“He wanted to wait there,” Val said. “I’ll make your excuses. Go.”
Laurie didn’t have to be urged twice. She flew down the hall and threw open the dressing-room door, but instead of Harlan Patrick, there was a stranger waiting, an older man who looked vaguely, disturbingly familiar. Her breath lodged in her throat.
The man stood slowly, took a hesitant step toward her, then stopped. “Hi, baby.”
“Oh, my God,” she murmured, thunderstruck. “It’s you.”
“It’s your daddy,” he confirmed.
Filled with wonder, she stepped closer, reached up with trembling fingers and touched his lined cheek, traced the deeper grooves that fanned out from the corners of his eyes—lines that hadn’t been there the last time she’d seen him.
But the scent of his aftershave was the same, tantalizing her with the memory of being lifted high in strong arms, then cuddled against a broad chest.
“It really is you,” she said in amazement. “But how did you get here?”
“Harlan Patrick found me. He came to California and brought me here.”
She realized then that he was in the room, too, standing to the side, watching intently as if ready to intercede the instant the meeting started to sour. She rushed into his arms.
“Thank you,” she said, peppering his face with kisses. “Thank you.”
“You’re okay?” he asked, searching her face.
“Better than okay,” she said, tears flowing freely down her cheeks.
“Why don’t we get out of here, then?” he suggested. “You two could use someplace private to get reacquainted. I’ve already talked to the sitter about staying with Amy Lynn till I get there.”
“Yes, of course. The hotel, then.” She gazed at her father. “I’ll get you a room, next to mine if possible.”
“Already done,” Harlan Patrick said.
“He doesn’t miss much, this fellow of yours,” her father said with evident admiration.
“No,” she agreed. “He doesn’t miss much.”
At the hotel Harlan Patrick retreated to the adjoining suite while she and her father sat opposite each other. Suddenly she was as tongue-tied as a four-year-old confronted with a stranger.
“I don’t know what to say to you, what to ask,” she admitted eventually.
“Would it help if I told you I was pretty much at a loss, too?”
“Some,” she said with a smile that came and went. Finally she blurted out the only question that really mattered, the one that had tormented her for all these years. “Why, Daddy? Why did you go?”
“What has your mother told you?”
“Just that you were bored, that you needed to move on.”
He regarded her with regret. “Sad to say, that’s probably as close to the truth as I could tell you. I was immature and irresponsible back then. I wasn’t ready to be tied down. I tried—for five years I did the best I could—and then I just had to go.”
The glib explanation filled her with anger. “You make it sound so simple, as if you were walking away from a business deal that wasn’t to your advantage. Didn’t I matter to you at all?”
He seemed stung by the accusation. “Of course you did. I regretted leaving you more than anything, but I couldn’t see any other way to figure out what kind of man I was. I suppose I thought I’d come back one day or that you’d come and visit me, but then this and that happened and I just stayed away, built a new life. When I never heard a word from either of you, I figured you and your mama had done the same.”
“I just found out about the postcards, the letters, everything you sent back then.”
“That’s what Harlan Patrick told me. I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t know your mother would keep them from you. After a while, when I knew you were old enough to answer and you didn’t, I figured it didn’t matter to you anymore.”
“You were my father,” she said angrily. “How could you not matter to me?”
“I’d been gone a long time.”
“But you were my father,” she repeated.
“I’m sorry, baby.”
He opened his arms and after a long hesitation, Laurie moved into them. “But I’m back in your life now and this time I’ll be a part of it for as much or as little as you want.”
“Are you still in California?”
He hesitated, then nodded. “Yes.”
“I’ll come to visit,” she said at once. “And bring Amy Lynn. Wait until you see her. She’s beautiful.”
“I saw the picture in the tabloid. I couldn’t believe I was really a granddaddy.” He met her gaze, then glanced away, his expression guilty. “You can’t come there, Laurie. Much as I want you to, you can’t.”
Her whole body seemed to go cold at his words. “Why?”
“Because I have a new family now, a boy and a girl. They...” He looked as if he might weep. “They don’t know about you.”
She stared at him in shock. “But you and Mama—”
“That’s right. We never divorced, so you see why I can’t let you come. They’re too young to understand what I’ve done to them. Their mother knows, but we’ve protected the kids. My girl’s a teenager. She’s at that impressionable age when this could tear her world apart.”
“You have another daughter,” she repeated, her voice flat as she envisioned a girl who’d grown up with her father’s love and attention the way she should have, the way she’d never had a chance to.
“How could you?” she asked, her emotions raging. “How could you do that to them? To me? What kind of man would do that?”
“One who’s weak,” he said at once. “A strong man would have stayed in Texas, made his marriage work, but I wasn’t strong then and I wasn’t strong when I settled down with Lucille in California, but she knew the truth. That’s how I justified it.”
“There is no justification,” Laurie all but shouted as she saw her happy ending slipping away.
He sighed deeply. “You’re right. There is no justification.”
“So this is it, then? You drop in, say hi and then run back to the life you’ve built on a lie? I’m supposed to wait around for you to sneak away for an occasional visit with me, an unfortunate reminder of the past you left behind.” She stood up and glowered down at him. “Well, thanks, but no thanks. As of this moment, I no longer have a father. I no longer need one in my life.”
She reached for her purse, fumbled inside until she found the package she’d been carrying with her ever since its discovery. She took one last look at the bright paper, then flung it in her father’s face. “Give this to your other daughter, the one who matters.”
“Laurie,” he whispered, reaching for her.
“No,” she said furiously, backing away and opening the door. She took one last look at her father’s haggard face, his shattered expression, and then she walked out and quietly closed the door behind her.
When she walked into the room next door, Harlan Patrick was waiting. He looked up at her entrance, studied her face, then opened his arms. She ran into them and burst into tears.
“He still won’t let me be a part of his life,” she whispered brokenly. “He still doesn’t want me.”
“You know that’s not true,” he consoled her. “It’s complicated. There are other people to conside
r. Maybe one day he’ll find a way to tell them everything. In the meantime can’t you accept that he does love you? He dropped everything and came here the minute I contacted him. Isn’t that proof of how he feels?”
She wished it were, but it wasn’t. Not when the bottom line was that he would be walking out again and leaving her behind.
Fifteen
Laurie was inconsolable. By morning she had retreated into a bleak silence that tore Harlan Patrick’s soul in two. No matter what he said to her, no matter how he pleaded with her to make allowances for her father’s new circumstances, she saw only that she was being essentially abandoned all over again.
“But I’m not leaving,” he reminded her. “I’m right here.”
“I know,” she said quietly. “And I’m grateful. I really am.”
“I don’t want your gratitude, Laurie. I love you. This is where I want to be.”
“No,” she said with a shake of her head, her expression sad. “You want to be back in Texas, where you belong.”
Harlan Patrick sighed. “Okay, yes, I want to be at White Pines, but I want you and Amy Lynn with me. You’re the two people I love most in this world.”
But no matter what he said, it wasn’t enough. She had convinced herself that her father’s decision to keep her and his new family apart meant she was somehow unworthy of his love, that no man would ever be able to love her.
“Dammit, Laurie, can’t you see that he’s the one who’s losing here? This is costing him the love of a woman who’s beautiful, talented, generous and kindhearted. Blame him. Hell, hate him if you want, but don’t turn this back on yourself. Don’t start thinking that you’re the one who’s unlovable again. I’m here to tell you it’s not true. Doesn’t my opinion count for anything?”
She regarded him with eyes dulled by hurt. “Of course, but—”
“But I’m not your father,” he supplied, defeated.
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry, dammit!” He raked his hand through his hair and tried to think of some way to get through to her, some way to bring back her spirit. She should have been spitting mad now, not resigned, but nothing he could think of to say or do even touched her.
Two days later he was at his wit’s end. So was everyone else around her. She’d insisted Val cancel half a dozen interviews. Her concert performances had been lackluster, the reviews damning. She was dying inside and killing her career in the process. Watching her do it to herself was excruciating for Harlan Patrick.
“You have to do something,” Val said, blasting into Laurie’s hotel suite with a handful of clippings in her hand. “I just got off the phone with Nick. He’s getting rumblings about promoters wanting to back out of concert dates scheduled for the fall. She’s destroying herself.”
“I know,” he said quietly. “I can see it, but I have no idea what to do. I can’t get through to her. Other than when she’s with Amy Lynn, it’s as if she’s just going through the motions of living.”
“I’m scared for her,” Val said. “I’ve never seen her like this before, not even when she found out she was pregnant and refused to tell you about it. I know she felt very much alone then, but expecting your baby gave her a reason to keep going. Her whole focus was on Amy Lynn and her music. Now she’s about to lose her music, and it doesn’t even seem to matter to her.”
Harlan Patrick heard every word Val said, and an idea began to take shape in his mind. It was drastic and very, very risky. Laurie might never forgive him for it. In the end he could lose her; he could lose everything.
But if it worked, if it got her attention and made her start to live again, it would be worth it, he concluded.
“I know what I have to do,” he said finally.
“What?”
“Just leave it to me. It’ll be better if you don’t know ahead of time.” He clasped Val’s shoulders and leveled a look into her eyes. “Just remember that I am doing this for Laurie, not to hurt her, okay? Remember that.”
“Harlan Patrick,” she began worriedly.
“It’ll be fine,” he reassured her as he grabbed his bag and packed his belongings.
“You’re leaving?” she asked, clearly shocked.
He nodded. “I’m going back to Texas. Tell Laurie that and tell her she’ll be hearing from me any day now. Tell her I’ve had enough.”
“Enough?” she echoed. “What does that mean? Harlan Patrick, what are you planning?”
He dropped a kiss on her cheek. “Keep an eye on her for me. She’s going to need you.”
“Oh, my God,” she whispered as he reached the door. “You’re going to file for custody of Amy Lynn, aren’t you? Aren’t you?”
He nodded.
“Are you sure about this?”
“I can’t think of any other way to make her fight, can you?”
“No, but what if she doesn’t? What if she’s not strong enough to fight you?”
Harlan Patrick refused to consider that. He knew that she would never let her daughter go, would never let Amy Lynn feel the pain of abandonment Laurie had felt her whole life long.
“Oh, she’ll fight,” he said with confidence. “I’m anticipating gale-force winds when she figures out what I’m up to.”
“I hope to God you’re right.”
“I have to be,” he said simply. “Her future, our future depends on it.”
* * *
Harlan Patrick was gone. Laurie came back to the room after taking Amy Lynn for a walk to find her own clothes neatly hung in the closet and his gone. Val watched as she made the discovery, her expression uneasy.
“What do you know about this?” she demanded.
“About what?” Val asked.
“About Harlan Patrick leaving? Did he leave a note?”
“No. He said you’d be hearing from him, though.”
“Oh,” Laurie said, wearily. “I suppose he got tired of my moping around here. I can’t say that I blame him. I just don’t seem to have the energy to do anything anymore.”
“Then it’s a good thing that there’s only one more concert to do. You’ll be able to get down to Texas and get some rest.”
“I don’t think I’ll be going to Texas, after all,” Laurie said. “There doesn’t seem to be much point to it now.”
Val looked as if she wanted to argue with her, but she said only, “Well, Nick will be happy to hear about the change in plans. He’s anxious to see you. He’s been worried about you.”
“Why?”
Val hesitated. “The reviews haven’t been what he hoped for the last couple of cities. You know Nick—he starts imagining that the sky is falling.”
She couldn’t seem to make herself care about it. “I was off a couple of nights. I know that,” she admitted. “I’ll do better tonight, I’m sure.”
“I’m sure you will, too,” Val enthused. “You always knock ’em right out of their seats at the final concert on a tour.”
But somehow Laurie couldn’t work up any enthusiasm for that final show. She knew that she was letting the audience down. She even apologized for it, but there was no mistaking the sense of disappointment that pervaded the concert hall at the end of the evening. The posttour celebration at the hotel fizzled out when not one of the band members could bear to look her in the eye.
“I’m sorry,” she said, and fled.
Upstairs as she approached her room a man stepped out of the shadows.
“Laurie Jensen?”
It was less a question than a statement. There wasn’t even time to panic before he was slapping an envelope into her hands and heading for the elevator.
“Wait! What is this?” she called after him, but he was already stepping on the elevator.
Her hand shook as she tried to get her key into the lock. Inside the room, Val was curled up on the sofa, chatting qu
ietly on the phone. When she saw Laurie, she murmured something and hung up.
“What’s that?” she asked, spotting the papers in Laurie’s hand.
“I’m not sure. A man in the hallway handed them to me, then vanished.”
“Legal papers?” Val suggested.
Laurie stared at the envelope. “Legal papers? What kind of legal papers would I be getting?”
“There’s only one way to find out.”
“Yes, I suppose you’re right,” Laurie agreed, but her fingers shook as she tried to rip open the envelope.
She unfolded the thick sheaf of papers and began to read. After the first few sentences, the words began to blur.
“No,” she whispered, and sank down on the sofa. The papers fell to the floor. “He can’t do this. He can’t.”
“Who can’t do what?”
“Harlan Patrick,” she said bleakly. “He’s suing me for custody of Amy Lynn.”
“Can he do that?” Val asked, her expression shocked.
“Well, of course he can. He’s an Adams, isn’t he?” She shot back to her feet and began to pace. “But he’s not going to get away with it—I can tell you that. If he thinks he’s going to steal my baby away from me, he’s out of his mind.”
“You’re going to fight him, then?”
She stared at her assistant. “Well, of course I’m going to fight him. Get on the phone and make arrangements for me to get to Texas first thing in the morning. Harlan Patrick isn’t going to get away with this. He might be rich and powerful, but I’m Amy Lynn’s mother and I’ve got rights. I’ve got a little money and influence of my own, by God. I’m a match for any Adams.”
“Of course you are,” Val soothed.
She turned away, but not before Laurie detected the beginnings of a smile. “What are you grinning about?”
“Nothing.”
“Val?”
“Nothing.”
“Do you know something about this?”
“Of course not. Harlan Patrick doesn’t confide in me.”
West Texas Nights Page 18
