My jaw clenches, and I drag a hand down my face.
“It is between her and me. If she wanted you to know all about our story, Bria would have told you long ago. Unrequited love is your pain? Try tearing the love of your life off your soul because she left you in pieces.”
“Pain is pain. Don’t pretend yours is bigger than mine. But what should I expect from someone as selfish as you?”
He lubricates his dry throat with some saliva and stands up, towering over me. I crane my neck, and he lets me detect, behind his black irises, the upcoming grief. My body stiffens and my hand twitches on my glass.
“I have carried this weight with me for such a long time. I also need a reprieve. From now on, it will be your decision what to tell the family when the time comes . . . the truth, or, if you respect her wishes, the sham that it was an accident.”
“What are you talking about?”
My eyes blink as my brain tries to connect the dots.
“The morning when I arrived to find Bria in a state of near collapse, I placed her in the car and sped like a madman to the nearest hospital, dreading my greatest fear would manifest. She had another attack, not good at all usually, but with her heart’s critical condition . . .”
“She had a heart attack?”
Alexander sneers and nods.
My chest tightens, and my heart clenches together. All my instincts alert me that something catastrophic will emerge when he finishes the story. His dejected and eerie calm stance is a clear indicator. Pain contorts his face, staring back at me, pale dread, empty eyes, and sunken jaw. Seconds later, acceptance surfaces, the result of someone who has tried everything, but nothing has been enough.
My hands drop beside me, and if it weren’t for the stool, I’m sure I would have crumpled to the floor. I caused it all. Everything that happened to her is because of me. I made her ill. I destroyed us, not Bria.
My entire body ripples while I yank the ends of my hair.
I am the greatest villain in the story.
Me and no one else.
My name, Damien, a synonym for destruction.
I must find her.
I spring to my feet as if the stool electrocuted me. But before I can scoot away, Alexander grips my upper arm and tugs me to his place.
“Not so fast.”
I gulp, fearing the worst is yet to come from the look on his face.
“I got her to the hospital in time. They used a defibrillator and medications to get her heart beating normally again. Tubes covered her, and needles poked her frail skin. I stood nearby immobilized even after the danger had passed.
“The doctor ordered several tests and said the heart attack had damaged her already weak heart, and another surgery would have to be performed.
“When Bria woke up, she asked to be left alone with the cardiologist. When we returned, she informed us she declined the surgery in the most fucked-up polite way you can conjure. It was a damn miracle I didn’t strangle her. The calmness behind her voice had me slam my fist into the wall.”
His jaw ticks as he says, “And you question my pain? I will tell you what pain is. It’s when a member of your family embraces death without even giving it a second thought and leaves you there hanging.
“You forget, Damien, she is family to me. My romantic feelings for her are irrelevant. You know when I realized the finality of it all and that Bria would leave us? When my father cried that day, and I’ve seen my father cry only once—when my mother passed away.”
He lets his words sink in as he stares, seemingly enthralled at how the speed of understanding crashes into me.
He springs and makes a 360-degree circle gesturing at our surroundings before his eyes collide with me again.
“This was a masked goodbye party, a charade, to be honest. Tomorrow, she’ll be who knows where living out her final months. Supposedly, the jet will crash with her on board so you and your family will accept her death as an accident. Very morbid, don’t you think, to plan her own death to protect you and the others from the reality of her condition? She signed herself out of the hospital the moment she could stand around forty-eight hours later, went home, took a shower, and submerged herself in work.
“She built her walls so high and thick, the last flicker of life in her obscured. After she stumbled out of your house, she lived even more like a recluse. Everything she had left went to the company while gradually accustoming everyone in the family to her distance.
“You never saw her after her birthday last year, did you? Not at family dinners or parties, not at Christmas, and not even on family birthdays, not even when you called the Board did she attend. She sent Emma with a full report instead. She is the master of great excuses, and everyone bought them. No one ever questioned her.”
I could interrupt him by saying that Filip and my sister noticed, and that Sophia had even warned me, but I chose to look the other way. The pain chokes the air out of my lungs like a boa tightening around my neck.
“Most of the time, she wished only for my father’s presence. You think I connect with her? You should see them interact. They played chess, talking about everything and nothing and making plans in hushed tones. She favored his presence over mine, but I couldn’t be angry about it. In her place, I would have chosen him too. He gave her the impression her decision was hers to make and that he would be there for her.”
Even though my insides rip with the unyielding storm emerging with the truth of Bria’s heart condition, jealousy over Quinn and their relationship creeps its ugly face in too. Scanning Alexander, I detect the opposite as a defeated acceptance shows in his sunken eyes.
“My father accepted from the beginning what I never did. Bria lives on borrowed time. They both accepted it long ago, even though my father hoped to beat the odds. I had so many fights with him throughout this year as to why he wasn’t doing anything. I didn’t know he had this one last attempt to get through to her.
“Her uncertainty about what happened and the immense guilt over the events of that night consumed her. I guess it buried her will to move on. My father thought, if she gained the answers to the night of her eighteenth birthday, it would alleviate her. So, he went in search of something, anything to bring clarity. It’s remarkable how people remember events long past with the right payment.
“My father’s people found the video. I was only a pawn in the plan my father concocted to win against Bria’s giving up. As we both know, it hasn’t seemed to help. I tried everything in my power and beyond, but nothing worked. Still, something tells me you would have succeeded without even going through half of what I’ve gone through if you had just been man enough to stay loyal to yourself and to her.”
DAMIEN
“Did I hear you right? Bria . . . she is . . .”
I can’t bring myself to say the words. The thought alone sends me spiraling to the hell of pain. My eyes shut as I knead my fingers. I must have misheard him. She can’t. She just can’t. Tears blur my vision. I wrap my hands around my head to gain some composure. I am free-plunging into a long, rocky fall that slices my skin open. In the fall, my body crushes, my heart bursts, and my mind gives way to craziness as my guilt gnaws at my veins.
“She’s dying.” His voice fractures with his statement, and he fights back his tears.
“You must be in shock, Damien. Yes, this is what I’ve been trying to tell you this whole night. She is leaving me, my father, you, and everyone else to spend her last months in a place she thinks is where she will find her peace.”
There it is, the sound I dreaded, my heart snapping. I shake my head as the rational part of me seeks clarity and focus.
“How much time has she left?” I ask, choking on my words.
“Maybe half a year. Maybe less. It’s hard to say, especially if she has another heart attack.”
“Where is she going?”
I tremble with the desire to punch him in the face as he shrugs, sipping his drink.
“Only my father knows, and
believe me, he won’t say. He won’t even tell me, so you’ll get no chance. And you can hire the best people available, and they won’t find her. My father would not be in the position he is today by leaving anything to chance.”
“But how can he support this?” I shout, pain ringing in my ears.
“Easy. It’s how my father pays the debt he thinks he owes my mother for not being there for her when she was ill. His remorse blinds him. He thinks this is how he can find his peace in return, by at least granting one woman he’s loved to have her way. Ironically, he concocted plans and dug up information to find a way not to give in to her request.”
Fuck what’s right and wrong altogether. She’ll have her way over my very dead body.
“I won’t let her leave.”
“I’d like to see you try to stop her.” The corners of his lips curve, mocking me.
“You underestimate me, Alexander. This has always been your problem. You minimalize the profound connection between Bria and me.” A determination like I have never felt before ignites, and I add, “I’ll convince her to have the surgery.”
He tilts his head. His expression lost in deep thoughts. “It’s too late, even if, let’s assume, you could achieve it. The damage by now has to be irreparable.”
“Only death is irreversible! I’ll find the best cardiologists. I’ll pay whatever’s necessary.”
He rubs his chin and eyes me quizzically. Am I arrogant enough to think he gives me the excuse of believing I have a shot at saving her? Or is it more the last hope of someone in love?
“Let’s pretend you’ll succeed, which is rather impossible, and money, we both know, is no impediment. But what’s your plan?”
His eyes probe mine, and my insides revolt. It’s against my nature to prove myself in front of him. Still, I answer, “Me. Bria has only one weakness, and it’s me.”
“Try not to kill her tonight. I don’t think it would please her much if you jeopardized her plan, and it would be nice to have a drama-free birthday celebration since it will be her last.”
I wince to hear him speak about her death in such a matter-of-fact way. “Why the fuck are you so damn calm?”
I am on the brink of losing my mind, and my body shivers in the rhythm of a steady clock beat, and my voice has lost all hint of sarcasm. Alexander has kept his promise well. I am ruptured to the bones. If I ever heal, I’ll resemble Frankenstein’s monster on the inside.
His eyes find mine, acceptance written in his stare, and deadpans, “I’ve had a lot of time to prepare myself for this, seven long years, while anger clung to me. I have directed my hatred toward you, and you have directed yours toward her, but in the end, we lost her anyway.”
“I would have even preferred to see her with you again and still in my life, instead of being forced to accept her last wish. She just turned twenty-five today. She must have loved you greatly for love to have caused such damage to weaken her heart, leaving her with nothing, not even a glimpse of joy and comfort. You got her youth and love and joy, while I got a broken, numb woman. Which of us loved her more?”
My mouth gapes, but words elude me. After acknowledging my body’s hindrance, Alexander continues, “You don’t need to answer. I have to live with the fact she had only one person in her heart. Before and after, it was you, only you. How is this possible? I don’t know. You really must have had something damn special, Damien. And you have to live with the fact, she was innocent and always yours in her health, illness, wholeness, and emptiness. Meanwhile, you treated her like dirt, like a worthless piece of old trash you tossed away. Is that love?”
Why does he try to challenge me? It is not as if I can fight with him on top of everything else. He purses his lips as his feet point at the door. I am also eager to leave this barstool behind and fight with Bria over her own life. This sounds so fucked up.
“It’s now up to you. You have one shot at it. If you ruin it, she’ll die. Try your best because it will be on you to carry the weight of the guilt for her death.”
I pull myself up, my hands in front of me, and my head slumps.
“Enough now. You made your point.”
In my last attempt at making him understand the depths of my feelings for her, I falter to him. “I can’t live in a world where she is no longer present.” I don’t say out loud that she was my light at first and my darkness in the end. Without her, I’ll lose the compass for my life.
Eye to eye, something flashes in his gaze but is soon replaced by another dagger aimed at me. “One more thing before I can call it a night. Your fiancée, Monica. I’ll make sure she pays for what she did to Bria.”
“Monica will suffer for her actions,” I say, anger at hearing her name unleashes inside of me, and Alexander shakes his head.
“You can do whatever the hell you want. It won’t deter me. I’ll know by tomorrow if you succeeded, and believe me, I hope you do.”
Alexander clamps his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it. “What’s going to happen when the newspapers report one of the heirs of the M&S empire died in a plane crash? Will you reveal to the families the truth? How she planned it all and decided to live the last of her remaining time as a recluse somewhere untraceable? Stick with the plan and let her have her way. It will be enough for your families to lose her. Carry on with your golden-boy image they all have of you and make her proud by continuing her legacy.
He’s already barging through the door when he cranes his head only to add over his shoulder, “If you destroy her achievements, I’ll return, and it won’t be a friendly visit. And congratulations on your impending wedding. It’s in . . . what? Six months? I have to apologize in advance as I won’t be present.”
I haul myself up as his lips quirk in satisfaction.
“Now, don’t hate the player, hate the game. Look at you! You’re not even capable of standing straight. But you did better than I thought. You didn’t collapse. The two of you have something similar, yet . . . you crash, but only on the inside.”
I groan, and the walls rattle with my pain.
The door slams shut behind him, and I crumple.
DAMIEN
Alone in a dark room, l am frozen on the spot as I stare at the door. I must find Bria, but I’m just not ready to face her yet. What can I say to her, anyway, to make it better or at least bearable? How should I behave after everything I’ve put her through? I think about every single one of my mistakes and false assumptions.
Bria never betrayed me. She was drugged and played to make me think she cheated on me, and I bought it all as if I’d never known her at all, never suspecting it might have been a con. How could I have been so blind?
While I assumed she had hooked up with strangers and was living her life to the fullest in the States, she was fighting for her life in a hospital bed suffering from a heart condition and recovering from surgeries. She had lost our baby and become emotionally detached to cope with her new reality.
I believed she was romantically involved with Alexander and asked for war when she came back after three years with him at her side.
I have done so much to her these last years, and then, the night I lied to her in such a cruel manner to disguise my own fears and insecurities. My chest constricts at the reminder.
I could go on and on. I’ve lost seven years of my life, but the truth that hurts the most is I’ve also lost pieces of forever in which I could have been sharing my life with her. Instead, I kept retaliating, even though my heart wasn’t in it, only my brain and ego.
In a remote corner of my heart where I have buried all my feelings for Bria under layers of pain, there is love flickering. I am still in love with her and always have been. I just tried to smother it with bitterness and self-flagellation.
Now, I have to save her from herself. How the fuck do I accomplish this? I rake my hand through my hair, knowing I have one chance to make everything better—maybe it is too late for us, too late for love or even forgiveness—but not to give her back a life.
The moment I should have stayed with her, I let my grief lead me, switching my ego on and shutting my heart off. When I think of that day with the knowledge I have today, I realize she always said she didn’t know or remember what happened. Not even after years was I capable of looking past my hurt. Of course she couldn’t recall any of it. Drugged, used, and played by someone who should have been loyal to her and protected her. Sure, I’m aware Monica is no saint. She had flirted with me, or rather tried to, but I believed it was a young girl’s infatuation. I would never have expected her to be capable of such deceit.
With the veil dropped from my eyes, I recognize all the times Monica was by my side trying to comfort me, how she painted Bria as having two faces, pretending with everyone else, and playing the innocent. She’d say she had used me and was always flirting with other guys when I was not there. Monica insisted that once she had caught Bria telling someone she didn’t love me, but it was convenient for her to remain with me.
I drank in every lie she ever spewed about Bria, like I drank bottles down to the bitter bottom. When she followed me to London, I gave her a job in the public relations department. It’s how I repaid her for her loyalty as she worked to prove to me I didn’t make a mistake in hiring her.
Monica eagerly accepted my offer of a charade of a wedding. Here I’d thought it was because we were friends, and for the check she would receive after what I like to call our business transaction was over. All the while, she has been a traitorous and venomous snake who snatched everything from me.
My hands ball into fists as I fill my lungs with air. When the time comes, I swear there will be no hole in which she can hide away from me. She played a good and dangerous game, but the truth came out, and the loss is on her. I was stupid enough to believe her and not the one person I had shared everything with for sixteen years. No one knew Bria better than me, and I was the one who chose to forget everything and give all away because of something I had seen. The sight betrayed me. Even though my heart always knew better.
Shattered Love : A Billionaire Romance (Forever Us Book 1) Page 18
