by Aly Martinez
“Thea, come on. She’s your sister.”
I leveled him with a glare. “She’s not my sister. She’s Ramsey’s sister and we all see where their loyalties lie.”
“Is that what this is about?” He stepped into the room, shutting the door. Misty must have come home with him. No use in dragging her into this mess, though over the last few days, she had been pretty skeptical about why Nora hadn’t been around.
I curled my lip. “What the hell did you think it was about?”
Shoving the folders aside, he sat at the foot of the bed. “You’re upset that Ramsey chose Nora over you?”
No. That was just the emotion of the hour.
Over the last three days, I’d been on a never-ending rollercoaster.
There was confusion and hurt, anger and bitterness, guilt and frustration.
I hated Ramsey and Nora.
I missed them.
I loved them.
I blocked their numbers.
I never wanted to see them again.
I went through old pictures.
I made my father tell me every single detail about what had happened when Nora tried to kill herself.
I cussed him out for not allowing me to be a part of her healing process.
I hated them some more.
I was too exhausted to hate them anymore.
I wanted to shake Nora.
I wanted to slap Ramsey.
I cried.
And cried.
And…cried.
Ramsey and Nora were my people. My family. My team. Even when Ramsey wanted nothing to do with me, because of Nora, he was still a huge part of my life.
Why hadn’t they trusted me? They’d made decisions that had changed my life, so I should have gotten a say.
And yes, at the moment, I was pissed to all hell and back that Ramsey had essentially chosen Nora over me.
I shut my computer and set it aside. “If he loved me as much as he told me he did, he never would have taken that plea bargain. All he had to do was tell the truth. Nora probably wouldn’t even have gotten in trouble after what Josh did to her.”
He rested his hand on my foot and gave it a squeeze. “Nora tried to tell the truth. His dad was the mayor. The cops didn’t care about the truth. They threatened to arrest her for obstruction of justice. We’d have ended up with both of them behind bars.”
“She should have tried harder. I took out a billboard to make people see what Josh did to me. She could have gone to the police station at least twice.”
He crossed and then uncrossed his legs. “Okay. Let’s hypothetically say she did convince them to take her seriously and she was the one who ended up in prison. Do you really think Ramsey could have just gone on about his life, traveling the world, having a grand old time while his sister sat in prison?”
I clamped my mouth shut. No, Ramsey wouldn’t have been able to do that at all. Stupid, loyal Stewarts.
“Exactly. He would have been a mess, and I’ll be honest, I don’t think you two would have been able to make it through that.”
“You don’t know that,” I hissed. “And thanks to her, we never even got the chance to try.”
“She was a kid, Thea. A troubled, terrified, naïve kid. Just like Ramsey. And just like you. I’m not saying it’s okay. But this is what happens when dumb kids make grown-people decisions. I struggled like hell when I found out what happened. I was torn in half by my heart and my conscience. That poor kid sitting in a cell for something he didn’t even do.” He shook his head when emotion clogged his throat. “It was why I went to see Ramsey in prison. I needed to understand. And you want to know what he told me?”
I didn’t want to care, but I was desperate to make sense of this mess. “What?”
“He told me he didn’t know how else to fix it. Like any of this was ever his to fix. I swear that boy’s heart is bigger than his brain, but that’s not the worst quality a man could have.” He blew out a ragged breath. “He didn’t choose Nora over you, Thea. He chose the person he loved who needed him the most at the time. Trust me, Ramsey would have rather spent the last twelve years with you instead of showering with a bunch of naked men.”
A laugh escaped my throat, but tears filled my eyes. “Why is everything so hard, Dad?”
His face got soft. “Now that I can’t answer. But hard doesn’t equal impossible, baby. You have to decide what you’re willing to weather and what you’re willing to quit.”
Quit. That wasn’t a random word choice. It was proof that my father knew me all too well.
The one thing I had never even considered quitting in my life was Ramsey Stewart.
“I need to think. Even if I do decide to weather this storm with him, there’s no guarantee that he will too. He was already pushing me away again when Nora told me the truth.”
He shrugged and shot me a knowing smile. “You would be amazed at what a clear conscience will do to a man.”
I narrowed my eyes. “What do you know that I don’t? And don’t lie to me, old man. I know where you sleep.”
His grin stretched as he lifted his hands in surrender. “I don’t know anything. Though…have you been out to the Wynns’ tree recently?”
Hope hit my veins like a drug and I scrambled from the bed, knocking over half a day’s work in the process. I had no clue what I was even hoping for. It was just such a novelty for me to feel hopeful about anything anymore.
He sauntered toward the door, pausing before he walked out. “I’m sorry I checked out on you for so many years after your mother died. But thank you for allowing me back in and giving me the most incredible years of my life since.”
My throat closed as I looked at him. God, time had changed us all so much.
And that’s when it hit me.
That was what I was hoping for.
That maybe my archnemesis time would change us all again—for the better.
To steal the quote right out of Nora’s mouth, there had to be something good that would come from all of this pain. There just had to be.
Maybe it would be that Nora could finally be free of all the guilt and pain.
Maybe I could let go of the past, forgiving and moving on, so it didn’t follow us into the future.
Maybe Ramsey would see that he was worthy and allow himself to be happy—preferably with me.
Maybe time could release us all from our prisons.
That was the only good that we ever needed.
With renewed hope, the side of my mouth hiked. “Is that your final goodbye, Dad? You’re worried I’m never going to speak to you again after I see what’s at that tree, huh?”
He laughed and shook his head. “Go on. Get out of here.”
He didn’t have to tell me twice.
I felt like a kid again as I cut between houses and jumped over the big ditch. The path had grown over without Ramsey’s and my constant traffic, but I had no problem finding my way.
The tall grass of the uncut hayfield rustled in the warm Georgia air. Time had even changed our old tree too. It was now the proud owner of a wooden rope swing.
Two years after Ramsey had gone to prison, I’d knocked on the Wynns’ door in order to ask them if I could bury Sir Hairy Barkington under our tree. I was in a fit of hysterics after losing that dog to old age. I’d babbled my story with Ramsey and their tree from start to finish as fast as I could talk between the sobs. Honestly, I was shocked Lacey understood me. She hugged me no fewer than seven thousand times, and Mason broke out a shovel and dug Hairy’s final resting place for me. Lacey told me I was welcome to come back any time I’d like. The very next day, that swing magically appeared along with a little wooden cross in the shape of two dog bones.
I’d gotten plenty of use out of that swing over the years. It was my escape when I needed to feel close to Ramsey.
It was where we’d met.
Where we’d fallen in love.
Where we’d spent the happiest days of our lives—and one truly unfortunate ni
ght.
Now, I hoped against hope that it was where we’d find our way back to each other.
Disappointment struck me when I reached the tree and found nothing but a dark-blue three-ring binder at the foot. I had no idea what I’d been planning to say to him, but it would have been nice to see him there again—waiting on me like he’d done so many times when we were younger.
I picked up the binder, smiling when I read the simple black sharpie strokes on the front: Things Thea Wants.
And then I gasped, feeling like time had started all over again.
There had to have been at least a hundred plastic page protectors inside that binder, and each one was filled with papers covered in my handwriting.
My letters.
Oh, God, he’d kept them.
I scanned the first one, tracing my fingers over the words. The rush of emotions I’d felt that day hitting me all over again. I’d mailed it as soon as Nora had gotten his address. It was only about three days before I’d received his one and only letter.
Between those lines, I was still so naïve and optimistic.
My gaze jumped down the page to a section that had been highlighted in yellow—and not by me.
I just want to leave, Ramsey. I’ll buy a car and we can go, get the hell out of Clovert and never look back. Maybe by Christmas you’ll be home and we can go to the mountains.
I turned the page and laughed as I skimmed over a dozen cuss words to the highlighted section.
We are not breaking up, you idiot. I love you and I still want you, so shut your stupid face.
Sinking into the swing, I settled the binder in my lap and continued to flip through the pages, each one inciting a different landslide of emotions. And surprisingly enough, not all of them were sad. There were stories about Nora’s and my shenanigans and normal everyday stuff about trying heels and the big stuff like when I bought my first car.
There were jokes.
There was longing.
There was love.
Some of the letters I remembered like I’d written them only yesterday. Others, I had no recollection of at all. But each one had a highlighted line describing something I’d wanted.
I want you to come home.
I want you back.
Who the hell wants celery in their chicken soup? Not me!
I want you to know that I should hate you for everything you’re doing to us. But I can’t.
You should have seen Nora’s face when I brought home that ceramic rooster. She might never speak to me again, but I wanted that damn thing more than anything in the world…except maybe you.
How long can you want somebody before you have to let go? It’s been ten years and I still can’t figure it out.
Page after page.
Want after want.
He’d highlighted them all.
My heart sank when I got to the letter I’d written the day Nora had told me he’d be coming home. Twelve long years and in my last letter, I was still begging him to let me back in.
I want us to be a family again, Ramsey. Please.
Tears dripped from my chin as I turned to the last page. This one was in his handwriting, and it hit so deep, stealing the air from my lungs, I wasn’t sure I’d ever breathe again.
Things Ramsey wants.
And in big bold letters, with nothing else on the page, it read:
To be with Thea.
I slapped a hand over my mouth and read it over and over again.
To be with Thea.
To be with Thea.
To be with—
“Right after my twelfth birthday, you told me that we were best friends, and even if I had a third nipple, I was required by best friend law to tell you about it.”
Dropping the binder to the ground, I jumped at least ten feet in the air. Okay, slight exaggeration, but he’d scared the hell out of me.
“Dammit, Ramsey!” I yelled, craning my head back and finding him sitting on his usual branch in our tree.
And then all the fear and anger vanished when I realized Ramsey was sitting on his usual branch in our tree.
For some, it would have been a creepy man spying on an innocent woman. And yeah, it was kind of still that to me too. But mainly, it was too many years of dreams coming true. In clean sneakers and a fitted T-shirt that hugged his toned biceps, he was a far cry from the shaggy-haired boy I’d once known. But his eyes—those brown eyes that owned my soul—were exactly the same.
“I fucked up, Sparrow. I may not have broken the real law, but I committed some pretty heinous best friend crimes.”
I sniffled. “Best friend law is the real law.”
“I’m learning this. Oh, shit!” he exclaimed as the branch he was holding on to suddenly cracked.
“Jesus, Ramsey, be careful.”
He blew out a hard breath. “Do you have any idea how hard it was to get up here? I’m old, Thea. I have no clue how I used to scale this thing every day. I’ve died almost eight times waiting on you to get here.”
I shook my head and lifted the binder up in his direction. “You told me you didn’t read these?”
He half shrugged. “I didn’t.”
“But you kept them?”
“As many as I was allowed. It was like a safety net for me, knowing they were there. I used to hold them a lot, flipping them between my fingers. It was crazy. Between the post office and the prison mail system, there were probably a dozen people who had handled those letters after you. But to me, the only thing that mattered was you’d touched them first. Having them was as much torture as it was reassurance. I never allowed myself to open them or read them.” He smiled. “Until this week. I figured if I was ever going to get you back, I needed to get to know you a little better.”
My stomach dipped. “You’re trying to get me back?”
“Well, first, I tried to build that time machine, but that didn’t work.” His smile stretched, and his eyes twinkled. “Yeah, I’m trying to get you back.”
God, how I’d waited to hear those words from him. Though they weren’t exactly accurate.
“You can’t get me back.”
His smile fell. “Thea, please.”
“I never really went anywhere.”
His shoulders curled forward with defeat, and he hooked his arm around the tree for balance when the wind picked up. “I’m not sure that makes me feel better or worse.”
“Worse. It should definitely make you feel worse. But it is what it is. You really messed up, Ramsey. You broke my heart every day for twelve years.”
“I know. I know. But I swear to God I thought I was doing the right thing. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy. And as I sat in jail in a set of cuffs and shackles, waiting to be transported to the prison, I knew the only thing I’d ever be able to give you was misery. I was terrified you were going to waste your life waiting for me. And guess what? I was right.”
I shook my head. My father had been so right about him having more heart than brains. “You were wrong, Ramsey. Yes, I waited on you. But I didn’t waste a single minute. I started my business so that we could afford the life we’d always dreamed of. I traveled to countries you’d never be able to visit. I built a relationship with my father again. I found a sister, who I am currently not speaking to and possibly won’t for the next twelve years—or at the very least, twelve days. But we had some really great years. I discovered that I like going to the movies alone because I don’t have to share the popcorn. I realize that I don’t have to feel uncomfortable in heels and skirts. I made friends with women I used to make fun of. And yes, you are right—through it all, I was in love with a stupid, stupid boy. But I did not waste my life while I was doing it.”
“Thea,” he breathed, the apology crinkling his forehead.
I used the binder to shield the sun from my eyes and stared up at him. “Are we going to do this, Ramsey? I mean, really fucking do this? No more of your panic attacks where you tell me I deserve better or that you can’t do this? I m
ean, life starts today, right now. I’ve spent twelve years choosing you. But dammit, this time, you have to choose me.”
He shoved out of that tree so fast I didn’t have the chance to move out of the way. Just like the day we’d met, he landed hard and bounced toward me.
Thankfully, when he crashed into me, he spun us so he hit the ground first, leaving my leg blissfully intact.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I choose you. I choose you, Thea. I choose us. I promise. I have absolutely nothing to offer you but headaches and stress, but if you keep me, I swear I’ll spend the rest of my life providing you with love and Tylenol.”
I smiled, his warmth blanketing me in a cocoon of security, the rest of the world fading away. Brushing his perfectly styled hair off his forehead, I mumbled, “Jeez, look who’s desperate now.”
He barked a laugh, but it did nothing to dissipate his panic. “Me. I am absolutely the desperate one. When I read through those letters, I felt so lost, remembering how amazing we were together. I want our life back too.”
Lifting my head, I brushed my lips across his. “Sometimes you have to let go of the life you planned in order to live the one you’re given. Things are going to be different, Ramsey. But different doesn’t have to be bad. We have a lot of stuff to work out. A lot of hurt to work through. But if you’re willing to take it slow and be patient while we do it together, I’m never going to tell you no.”
He dipped and pressed his closed mouth to mine as he inhaled reverently. “I’ll do whatever it takes, Sparrow.”
“Then you should probably start by giving me a proper kiss, because when I get up from here, I’m going to yell at you a lot for almost breaking my leg again. Then I’m going to yell at you a lot for going to prison. And then I’m going to yell at you a lot for lying to me. But then, after I’m all yelled out, I might let you see my boobs again.”
A Ramsey Stewart special appeared and it felt like he was fanning the fire in my soul that had only ever burned for him.
