by David Connor
"Maybe." Lightning was coming. "Damn it! Why now?" Frank thought. "I must go," he said. "Gotta split." Frank knew he couldn't be around Renny when the storm started. "Thanks again for getting me out… I guess." He turned to flee, but Renny grabbed the back of his rust colored cardigan.
"Wait."
"For what?" Frank twisted away.
"I… I'm… Fuck, man! Why do I even have to care about you at all?"
"I didn't think you did," Frank said. "How would I?"
"Because." Renny grabbed Frank again, by his cable knit sleeve. He yanked him so close Frank could feel the brush of Renny's hair against his forehead as the stiff breeze that warned of rain and lightning tossed it all about. "You damned fool!"
"Let me go," Frank pleaded. "It's not safe."
"I don't care. I don't care who sees me, not anymore." Renny pulled him closer. His breath reeked of whiskey and Hershey bars. It was Halloween, after all. Their lips touched, and they kissed in a way Frank had only ever seen in romantic movies. It ended with a loud smacking sound. And as Frank stood there amazed—shocked, actually—Renny kissed him again! There was a definite jolt. Frank tingled. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up. He thought from the kiss, but then he heard the rumble of thunder in the distance.
"Renny. Let me go. I insist."
"You insist." Renny seemed to be taking it as some sort of would be lovers' tug of war, like Frank had been too, before real danger loomed. "Who said you're the boss?" There was something frisky in his tone, there with his arms wrapped around Frank's middle. The thickening bulge in his jeans pressed against Frank's, with enough fabric between them to make it safe—so far. "Come to the Halloween festival with me. Let's tell the world we're in love."
Frank's heart nearly stopped. "Renny… that's craziness. You're drunk, and being silly."
Renny laughed. "Made you believe it for a moment though, ya flake. We can still kiss, though. And ya know what, I'm drunk a lot. To remember you. To forget you. It works for a while, but when the buzz wears off, I want you again."
The man Renny had become by the fall of '64 was also sad, as sad as he was charming and silly. "It's too late," Frank solemnly told him. "We can't be in love, Renny. We can't be together. The time has come and gone for any of that to be possible." Frank shoved him. "Where were you even six months ago? Any time before the lightning? Where?"
"Probably blitzed, Frankie." Then Renny kissed him again, and started to fumble with the metal button on Frank's pants. That time, the power that surged through them both was nothing short of violent. The sky flashed blue, and each flew back, away from the other, onto the ground. The immediate crack shattered the silence and seemed to shake the entire world.
"Renny!" Frank was dazed, but Renny was flat out cold. "Renny!"
He didn't answer. He didn't move.
"Damn it." Frank put a hand near Renny's chest, on his shirt, trying to feel it move up and down. It didn't. "Oh my God! I killed you." He put his ear to Renny's nose and mouth. "Breathe, Renny. Please." But Frank felt nothing. He heard nothing. Laying his head against Renny's ribs, his worst fears were confirmed. Renny's heart was not beating.
Frank started pumping Renny's chest. He shuddered, from panic and also because another bolt of lightning was about to come out of the sky. When it did, Frank's hands were still upon Renny's body. Though that is what saved him, it also ruined everything.
Renny jerked and sputtered. He grabbed his chest. He was alive! He was alive!
"What the fuck, freak!" He was stupefied barely a moment before he started cursing. But he was breathing, moving, and talking, as if nothing had happened at all—except the obvious mood swing brought on by what had. "What did you do to me, you fucking faggot freak?"
"I… I didn't mean it, Renny. I warned you. I tried. I didn't do it on purpose."
"You weird, crazy fucker!" Renny scrambled back on his buttocks. He touched his face. "Ow!" He lifted his shirt. His chest looked as if he had been beaten. It was bright red and inflamed. "Stay away from me!"
Frank stood back. He couldn't believe the marks on Renny's chest, even considering the severity of what had happened were all from him. Several cars passing in succession up the street mere feet away lent enough light to show bruising that shouldn't have developed so quickly, unless because of the odd circumstances, it came about faster. "Renny…"
"Shut up."
Frank steeled himself for more of the verbal lashing.
"It's Hellier… He's a creep… like from some damned movie. He does things to dead people and fucks up live ones. What the hell did he turn you into?"
"No."
"He made you a spook!"
"Grow up, Renny!" Frank shoved his hands in his pocket so he wouldn't be tempted to punch him. Part of what Renny said was accurate—Frank knew he was an anomaly—but none of it was Vaughn's doing.
"You proved it's all true, freaky faggot! Get away!"
Frank moved back. He knew that he must, as another shiver signaled another lightning strike to come. "It wasn't Vaughn who changed me. It could just as easily have happened to you—to anyone."
Renny shook his head. "Fuck you! Fuck you, freak! I could have loved you," he said. "I did love you. Maybe I still do." He wiped his face with his shirt, once again showing contusions on his torso. "Don't look at me."
"I can't help it. Did I…? God! I love you too. Tell me I didn't hurt you."
Renny huffed. "Why should I tell you anything?" But then he did. "He tried to beat the sissy out of me. That's what he called it."
"Who?"
"We could get out of here and be together. We could have got away from my father as soon as I was old enough, but you left without me."
"Did he do that to your chest? Is some of it old? Surely he doesn't still… at our age…?"
"Shut up."
"How much of it happened just now? From me?"
"None of your business. Why'd you have to go away?" Renny's words and emotions were all over the place.
"I didn't, Renny. I went to college," Frank told him. "But I came back all the time."
"Fucking college." Renny paced so close to the pit, Frank was afraid he would fall in next. "If you weren't—"
"If you… if you weren't so frigging afraid, you mean." Frank could hardly believe he had the nerve to say what he'd always felt in his heart. "I wasn't that hard to find, Renny! You were afraid all your damned life! If you had told me any of this before, or any of the years between then and now, maybe everything—everything—would be different. Don't blame me! We may have had to hide from most people, but some would have been happy for us. Vaughn would have. He'd have loved you because I did. Maybe I wouldn't have been in those woods all alone if once—one time—in over ten years you'd have been secure enough to confess your feelings. I could have gotten you away from your father. Vaughn could have helped with that too."
Frank was surprised Renny stood there and listened.
"I guess I can't blame you for never saying anything when we were teenagers. That's when I knew. That's when you did, I bet. The way you fell asleep on my shoulder. Almost right after, that was the end. I'd have forgiven you for the way you acted when we were boys, if only I'd known the reason why before now. Now… now is terrible, Renny, because now is too late."
Renny roughly rubbed at some tears. "Fuck you, Frank!" he said so quietly. "You're a monster! And I'm gonna tell everyone I know." Renny took off at a stagger and then ran as fast as it seemed he could go.
*~*~*
Frank wondered if Renny ever had—told everyone—told anyone. By the end of the two minute recollection, he felt even worse for Melissa, buried not far away. The two men she cared about only wanted each other.
Frank took off his shirt and wrapped its sleeve around his wrist like Renny had done with his jacket. He offered it to Liam to help him with the last big step from rung to ground. There was something in Liam's eyes. Frank wondered if the accident had brought the same memories of Halloween past back to him.
"I'm sorry, Fank."
"For what, Liam?" Something odd happened then. When Frank looked at Liam, he didn't see Renny. Though he now had confirmation that part of Liam was Renny, part of him was not. Suddenly, perhaps because of the closure brought forth by reliving the finality of their actual goodbye, Frank was ready to let his past with Renny go. "Let's get out of here." He was ready to start the future with Liam.
But Liam went to hug him.
"No, Liam. Still… no."
"Let him try," Vaughn said.
"A lot has changed. The situation hasn't. Haven't you ever seen the consequences when someone like me touches someone not like me, Vaughn? I have to believe you have."
"Ivan," Vaughn said quietly.
"Oh."
"He was everything to me at one time. More than friends."
"Oh?"
"Control the look of shock… the two of you. If one loves the heart and soul of a being, the body is a second thought."
L-i-a-m… Lawrence, Ivan, Arthur, Melissa… "Is there a part of Ivan… still with us?"
"We should go, dear Franklin. We have a burial."
Frank got down on his knees for the ladder "You and Ivan…" He lay down flat, his upper torso in the dirt, his belly feeling the cold of the earth through his undershirt. "Then you should know what it is I'm feeling. Take the ladder from me, Liam. Please. Vaughn is not well."
Liam took the ladder, but threw it right down. Then he threw himself—right into Frank, the moment he stood.
"Whoa!" Frank instinctively caught him. They fell back, Liam on top. When Frank buried his wet face into Liam's sweaty neck, both gasped in unison, and Liam leaned in for a kiss. Their lips barely touched, but Frank felt it—something bad. Liam's eyes rolled back in his head. He collapsed, his forehead cracking against Frank's, and then he went dead still.
Frank struggled to get out from under him. "Damn it!" He wrestled from beneath Liam's lifeless limbs and immobile weight. "Vaughn! Check him!" Frank rolled away, staring down helplessly, ready to jump into the grave himself and let God take him if he hurt Liam—or worse.
Vaughn reached for Liam's chest. "He's breathing. He is simply out. I think maybe adrenaline has an effect."
"Now you tell me. There'd certainly be no rise in that during sex." Frank shook his head. "Damn it. This is why. These are the things we cannot predict."
Liam came around. He opened his eyes. "I am o… kay."
Frank raised his palms. "What if you weren't?"
"We never t-tried. Now we know."
"It was a test that could have had fatal results." Maybe Liam didn't have Renny's memories from last October after all. Surely the terror of that would have prevented such a foolish reenactment. "I would never have forgiven myself. I must either leave you or die, so you can live life in a normal way. We have that chance. Vaughn can give it to us."
"N-normal might be out of the q-question for us." Liam offered half a smile. "Remember? But a life together is not."
"This is serious, Liam."
"I know… and f-frightening."
"We can't go on like we have been. Vaughn, I am pleading with you. Your capabilities now revealed, I believe you can cure me. You've said so yourself."
"Even at your best…" Vaughn shook his head and sighed. "Moondoggie reciting Beowulf. I've researched the reference now. It fits."
"I l-like it," Liam said.
"Don't try to distract me, you two. Vaughn, you admitted—"
"No such thing. I won't do it again."
Liam stood, a bit wobbly, yet strong enough to help Vaughn to his feet. He did not join the argument, but rather just looked to whoever was speaking.
"You can stop my heart and then restart it. I'll be cured."
"Were it only that simple."
"It certainly sounds like it is."
Vaughn slowly moved toward the pickup and sat again on its open tailgate, sweaty and breathless. "Others have had success. I have failed. My arrogance… I loved him, Franklin. I adored my Ivan as I do you. I will not risk it."
"You start with what the successful ones recorded." Frank swiped at his face with his dirty shirt. "Surely all scientists write every detail of every experiment, every discovery. You have volumes yourself. Those leather-bound books you claim are records and financial information. I should have known. I've never seen you write a check in a ledger. I'll study every one and find a way to do it myself."
"I'll burn them first."
"Then you try. Someone survived it. I trust you. I'll be alive. The rest we can get back over time."
"Like I d-did," Liam said.
"Like Liam did."
"I apprenticed at the side of one who has done well by it. A young man afflicted all his life put a bullet through his chest. We discovered him right away. We placed him on ice, then on the machines. His brain was alive. He needed a heart. When one became available, I gave it to him. It was a long process. Back in Europe this transpired, where things, as I have stated, are a little ahead of what they are here in America. Sometimes in secret, but definitely more advanced."
"You took it? A human heart? From someone who died?"
"Eventually. I had to wait for the right match. That is when I started saving them."
"Saving? You collected organs? You do so still?"
"When someone young dies untimely, I may." Vaughn lowered his gaze. Frank figured he'd have lit a cigarette were he not so shaken. "Not often. What good is a heart, a liver, lungs, or a kidney rotting in the ground? I have collaborators in a couple of hospitals. The deceased's loved ones never know. No one is harmed. People have been saved. It is a far different endeavor here than back home. It is dangerous here. Many involved are quite brutal."
"Is it… Is the mortuary involved?" Frank ran his hand over his dampened hair, streaking his forehead with mud. "Are people… in danger?" He looked at Liam.
"No. And I have been careful not to implicate you in any way. I sell them, mostly. I only did what I did as a gift to you. Liam is an extraordinary wonder, Franklin. It was fate. That the two who perished both matched… Miracles do not come along often, take it from me. Mine was a long time coming."
"And this is how your vast wealth was accumulated, through your European connections. The funeral business in a small town is hardly that lucrative." The more Frank tried to clean his face, the dirtier it became.
"Are you judging me now?"
"I need you. I owe any chance at happiness I have to you. I am not." Frank turned to Liam. "Vaughn is going to fix me. Maybe I will have to go over there for a while, but I'll be better when I come back."
Liam shook his head. It all had to be quite overwhelming. "By k-killing you?"
"Better me than you. I used it to bring back Renny, which made it possible for you to be here. I'm glad I had it." Frank raised his palms to the sky. "But I need it to be gone. My demise will be temporary. An hour, a day, a week?"
"I won't do it," Vaughn said. "Even were the means perfected, I am an old man. My skills are lacking."
"I doubt that. You're a genius." All scientists had egos, Frank knew. He decided to play on Vaughn's. "What you can do… What you have… You called my Liam a miracle. Yes. A miracle you had a hand in."
"A long time ago."
"Five months! Six or seven at most since it all began. Has so much changed?"
"You know the answer. I have already told you. I notice small failings every day. I am not well."
"You will help me." Frank was adamant. "You must."
"In any way but that."
"There is a simpler way, though. What if you had just given Ivan a new heart? Did you try that?"
"Simpler?" Vaughn chuckled at the absurdity in Frank's choice of words. "No."
"What about that, then? I can wait. If there's light at the end of the tunnel, I can. We'll start keeping an eye out for one immediately. Call every connection you have."
"No, Fank." Liam spoke up then. "I o-verheard b-before h-how it works. With a new heart�
� some… one else's… you m-may not love me anymore."
Chapter Eleven
"I could never stop loving you, Liam," Frank said.
"Vaughn s-said my heart l-oved you b-before I did."
So Liam had heard almost everything. "Do you believe that?" Frank asked him.
"I think I would l-love you no m-matter what."
"And I you, Liam. This is why I'm thinking to such extremes." Frank turned to Vaughn. "I may not talk you into it today, but I know I can." He picked up his shirt. "Are we all set here, for the time being? I think it would be a good idea if I went home and cleaned up. I am hardly presentable for a burial."
"Nor am I," Vaughn said.
"Take the truck, Vaughn. We'll walk." Frank took one shirtsleeve and reeled it in until he grasped it near the shoulder. "Hold my hand," he said to Liam. "And let's go home for showers."
Liam took his end of the shirt. He wrapped it like Frank had, until the distance between them seemed almost cozy.
"Pretty soon, we can do this for real," Frank promised. "It'll all be worth it. You'll see."
They entered the woods in silence, past the cemetery, behind the mortuary. The length of shirt between them got smaller and smaller, until Frank let go of his, for safety. "We are so weak-willed, it seems." He smiled. "You know what we should do? What you should do? The Harvest Fair is tomorrow night—Halloween. I think you should go."
"W-we should go."
"I'm not sure about me. There will be a lot of lights and appliances… popcorn machines, cotton candy, games, and rides. I used to love it when I was younger, even by myself, though I haven't been in years. And I'm not sure I can be close to any of that sort of stuff now."
"Then I w-will st-stay home."
"No. You can go with your mother and father—with Vaughn and Marion. Vaughn sponsors the event every year with other merchants."
Liam still looked unhappy.
"Okay. I'll tell you what. If I stay on the side grass and not in the main square, we can go together."
A smile finally came.
"You can take a ride, then come tell me about it, eat a corndog, then bring one to me."
