CHAPTER VI.
The time had come for Miss Layton to leave S----, as she had only takenthe school for the summer term, and there was a male teacher engagedfor the winter. Poor Ella was greatly distressed at the thought oflosing her friend. "O Miss Layton," said she, "what shall I do when youare gone? I will have nobody to help me to be good, and nobody to loveme."
"Yes, Ella, your aunt loves you very much indeed; she told me soherself."
"Did she?" exclaimed Ella, looking up in astonishment, "I thought shedidn't like me at all. She never kisses me, nor tells me she lovesme, like mamma used to do, and she's always scolding me and tellingme what a troublesome child I am. Are you _sure_ she loves me, MissLayton?"
"Yes, Ellie, _quite_ sure, and you must try to believe it and to loveher in return. She means it all for your good when she scolds you, andyou must try to bear it patiently."
"O Miss Layton," sobbed Ella, "how _can_ I ever be good when you aregone?"
"And why should you not, Ellie, just as well as when I am here?"
"Because you're patient and kind, and you seem pleased, and praise mewhen I do right."
"Ah Ella, don't you remember the other day you told me you thought youhad been trying to please God all these weeks that you have been sogood, and I told you then that I was afraid you were only trying toplease me? And now, my dear child, do you not see that I was right?A desire to please your friends, Ella, is a good motive, but it isnot the best. You must learn to do right because it _is_ right, andpleasing in the sight of God. It is easy to deceive our friends andourselves, but we cannot deceive God. He looks at the motives--at thefeelings and desires of the heart, while we can see only the outwardconduct. Dear Ella, I wish I could see you a child of God, striving toplease him in all your ways."
"I do mean to try to be good when you're gone, Miss Layton; but I knowI can't."
"Not if you try in your own strength, Ella; but you must ask help ofGod. Ask him to give you a new heart, my child--a heart that will hatesin, because it is so displeasing to him--a heart loving holiness, andearnestly desiring to please and glorify God. And if you ask thesethings with your whole heart, and in the name and for the sake of JesusChrist, God will hear and grant your petitions, for he says, 'Ask andye shall receive; seek and ye shall find; knock and it shall be openedunto you.' And he tells us that he is more willing to give his HolySpirit to them that ask him, than parents are to give good gifts untotheir children.
"You try to please _me_, Ella, because you love me; but, O my child,how much more ought you to love your Saviour! I have shown you alittle kindness, but what is that compared with what Jesus has donefor you? Think how he left that beautiful heaven, and came down to ourlittle world, and suffered, and bled, and died, that he might save youand me. O Ella, how can we help loving him with all our hearts, andstriving to please him every moment of our lives! 'Herein is love; notthat we loved God, but that he loved us, and gave his Son to be thepropitiation for our sins.'"
In a few weeks, Mr. Crane, the new teacher, came, and school commencedagain. Mr. Crane proved to be very much such a teacher as Mr. Burton,though perhaps not quite so severe. Unfortunately, Ella was not atall disposed to like him, nor indeed anybody who took Miss Layton'splace; and he seemed to take a dislike to her from the first. SallieBarnes, too, went to school again, and seeming to dislike Ella morethan ever, was continually trying to get her into trouble. There wouldhave been constant quarrelling between them, had not Mary Young actedas peace-maker, and done her best to keep them apart. Mary tried totake Miss Layton's place to Ella, and did all she could to encourageher to industry and attention; and she often talked to her of thelove of Christ, trying to lead her to the Saviour, and telling herof the happiness she had found in his service. Still it was a veryuncomfortable winter to Ella. She did not become quite as carelessand indolent as she had formerly been, nor indulge her temper quite somuch, yet she was bad enough to be often in disgrace, both at home andat school.
The winter seemed very long, but spring did come at last, and Ellawas busy in her little garden, and again she planted flowers on hermother's grave, and went every day to water them and see how they grew.One evening, when on her way there, as usual, she met Mary Young; andthey walked on together.
"Come, Mary," said Ella, when they had reached the churchyard gate,"come in with me, and see how pretty my mother's grave looks; theflowers are all growing so nicely, and the rose-bush has some buds onit already."
They went in; but when they reached the grave, what a scene ofdesolation met their view! Some one had been there before them, andpulled up all the flowers by the roots, trampled them in the dust, andeven cut off the rose-bush close to the ground. Ella stood a momentstruck speechless with astonishment and dismay, then bursting intotears, she exclaimed, passionately:
"It was that wicked Sallie Barnes! I _know_ it was! What a mean, bad,wicked girl she is! I hate her, so I do; and I hope somebody will goand tear up all _her_ flowers, and spoil all her garden, for I _know_she did this!"
"O Ellie, Ellie! how can you say so?" said Mary. "I am very sorry foryou, very sorry indeed; but I did not think you would have been sowicked, as to say that you hate anybody."
"Well, I don't care, I ain't half so bad as she is. I wouldn't havetouched her flowers, and I'd rather she had spoilt all my garden, orkilled my pet kitten, or done anything than this."
"But you don't know that it was Sallie who did it."
"Yes, I _do_. Nobody else would want to spoil anything of mine. Justsee! every _one_ of my pretty flowers pulled up, and my poor rose-bushcut down too. Oh! I can never forgive her!"
"O Ellie, _dear_ Ellie, don't say that!" said Mary, putting her armsround her. "Have you forgotten that Jesus said, 'If ye forgive not mentheir trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses?'Dear Ellie, think how much more you have done to provoke God, thanSallie has ever done to vex and displease you, and how he has neverceased to bless you; and remember the Bible says, 'Whosoever hatethhis brother, is a murderer,' and in another place, 'If he love nothis brother, whom he hath seen, how can he love God, whom he hath notseen?' O Ellie, it frightens me to hear you talk so. Just think how_wicked_ it is to say you hate anybody and will never forgive them.What if God should say he would never forgive you?"
"O Mary, I am sorry I said such a wicked thing, but I was angry anddidn't think how very bad it was. Won't you ask God to forgive me andhelp me to like Sallie?"
"I will, Ellie, but you must ask him yourself."
"O Mary, I feel as if I was too wicked to pray; sometimes I am almostafraid to say my prayers. I wish I was as good as you."
"Don't say that, Ellie, I'm not at all good; if you could see all thesinful thoughts and feelings that come into my heart, you would notcall me good. I should often be quite in despair, but then I rememberthat 'Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to every one thatbelieveth,' and I beg God to wash away my sins in his blood, andclothe me in the robe of his righteousness. O Ellie dear, there is nolove so sweet, so satisfying, as the love of Jesus. You are alwayswanting some one to love you, why will you refuse the love of him, wholaid down his life for you? 'Greater love hath no man than this, that aman lay down his life for his friend.'"
"I am sure I would like to be a Christian, Mary, if I only knew how."
"There is nothing to hinder you, Ellie, if you really wish it. Jesusstands ready and waiting to save you, and you have nothing to do butcome to him; come _now_, just as you are, without waiting to grow anybetter. 'O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man thattrusteth in him.'"
"How do you mean, Mary? how can I go to Jesus?"
"By praying to him, Ellie; praying with your heart. If you will do so,there is no danger that you will perish, for he never yet cast out anywho came to him in the right way."
Ella sighed deeply; and sat for some time looking very thoughtful.Presently she got up from the tomb-stone, where they had been sitting,and began picking up the broken flowers, and putting them into h
erbasket.
"I shall just throw these away, and plant some more," said she. "Iguess it's not too late for them to grow. I hope Sallie will not pullthem up again; but if she does, I hope I shall not get so angry againas to say that I hate her."
Ella knelt down, as usual, that night to say her prayers before gettinginto bed, but when she came to the petition, "Forgive us our debts, aswe forgive our debtors," she stopped, for the text that Mary had quotedcame freshly into her mind, and she felt in her heart that she had notforgiven Sallie. "Then I can't say that," said she to herself, "for itwould just be asking God not to forgive me. What shall I do? I can'tsay my prayers, and I'm afraid to go to bed without saying them. Mothertold me never to do that, and besides I'm afraid I might die beforemorning."
She sat down to think about it. She tried to feel that she forgaveSallie, but she could not; the more she thought about it, the more sheseemed to dislike her. Many little things had occurred, during the lastfew months, to cause this dislike. Sallie had been continually annoyingher in every possible way, and she felt not the least doubt that it wasshe who had destroyed her flowers--the flowers which affection for hermother had prompted her to plant--and she felt as if the act was aninsult to the memory of that dearly loved mother, and therefore muchharder to forgive than any unkindness done only to herself.
"I wish the Bible didn't say, 'Love your enemies,' for it's so hard todo it. Sallie is my enemy, and it seems to me I can't like her; she'sso disagreeable, and always doing something to vex me; but then it'svery true, what Mary said--I do a great deal more to displease God,than Sallie does to vex me. How strange that he is so good to me! Butwhat shall I do about my prayers? I'll ask God to make me willing toforgive Sallie; I can do that."
She did so, and then got into bed. Still her conscience was not atrest. She tossed about for some time, but at length, overcome withweariness, forgot her troubles in the sound sleep of childhood.
But the same struggle was to be gone through again the next morning,and so it was every night and every morning for days and weeks, heranxiety and distress constantly increasing, so that it would sometimesbe long, after she had laid her head upon the pillow, before she couldclose her eyes in sleep. But she said nothing of all this to any one,for Mary Young had left town for a few weeks on a visit to a friend,and there was no one else whom she dared approach on the subject. Atlength one night, after tossing on her bed for hours, unable to bearher distress any longer, she threw herself upon her knees and earnestlybegged to be enabled to forgive Sallie. This time she prayed with herwhole heart, and she immediately felt that her prayer was answered, andthat she could forgive her enemy. Then she prayed for herself, thather own sins might be forgiven; that her hard and stony heart mightbe taken away, and a heart of flesh given to her--a heart hating sin,loving God and desiring above all things to serve and please him.
She rose from her knees feeling relieved and calm, and lying down onher bed, slept soundly till morning. Ella waked with the same feelingof calmness and peace with which she had fallen asleep, and she founda pleasure in offering up her petitions, that morning, which she hadnever known before. She found it easy now to forgive Sallie and topray for her, and very pleasant to pray for herself, and she was alsoconscious of such a desire to be kept from sin, and enabled to pleaseGod by her conduct that day, as she had never felt before; but it didnot occur to her then, nor for some weeks afterwards, that her hearthad been changed. She only knew that she felt a longing desire tobecome a child of God.
* * * * *
"I have some good news to tell you, Ellie," said Mary Young, as shecame into Miss Clinton's sitting-room one morning, where Ella wasseated busily engaged with some sewing. Mary's face was beaming withdelight, and she looked as if she could scarcely wait for Ella to askher what her news might be. But she was not kept waiting long.
"What is it, Mary? do tell me!" exclaimed Ella. "I'm sure it'ssomething good, because you look so pleased."
"Yes, indeed, it is good news. Miss Layton is coming back."
"Oh! is she?" cried Ella, dropping her work to clap her hands, "Oh, I'mso glad! I'm _so_ glad!"
"But that isn't all," said Mary. "It's a select school she's to have,and so she is to stay all the time--summer and winter."
"Oh, how nice! and I hope she'll live with us again."
"What's that you're talking about, Ella?" asked aunt Prudence, who hadjust come into the room.
"Oh, such good news, aunt Prudence. Miss Layton is coming back, and sheis going to teach a select school, and so she will stay all the time,and I was just wishing that she would come and live with us again."
"Well, child, I think you're quite likely to have your wish. I had aletter from her this morning asking if I would take her to board again,and I shall write back that I'll be very glad to have her, for she'svery pleasant company, and I don't have half the trouble with you whenshe is in the house."
The next week Miss Layton returned to S----, and became once more aninmate of Miss Clinton's family, and soon afterwards she opened herschool. It was not long before Miss Layton noticed a change in Ella.She never had any of those violent fits of passion now; she was morepatient and humble, and though she seemed to care less for praisethan formerly, she was more anxious than ever to do right; she readher Bible more--not now as a task or a duty, but because she _loved_to read it--and she was more thoughtful and quiet, and listenedattentively, and apparently with pleasure, when any conversation on thesubject of religion was introduced in her hearing.
One evening as they sat together on the porch, Miss Layton said to her,"Ellie, what is the matter with you? you have grown so thoughtful andquiet lately. What are you thinking about?"
"I was just looking up at the stars, Miss Layton, and thinking of whatyou said to me once about the great love of Jesus Christ in coming downto our little world to suffer and die for us, and I was wishing--Oh, somuch!--that he would give me a new heart, and teach me to love him as Iought."
"If you really wished it with all your heart, Ellie, it was a prayer;and a prayer that God will hear and grant, for he says, 'Ye shall seekme, and find me when ye shall search for me with all your heart.' Butdon't you love the Saviour, Ellie?"
"Oh yes, Miss Layton, I hope I do. I love to read about him, tothink about him, and to pray to him; and Oh, I want to be one of hischildren! Oh, I wish I could be a Christian!"
"Dear Ellie, I hope you are one. You love the Saviour, and want to lovehim more; you love to pray to him, to think of him, and to read andhear about him; you love the society of his people, and I have noticedfor some time that you seem to be trying to do right that you mayplease God. By your fruits we are to know you, and judging by them, Ihope that with you, Ellie, 'old things have passed away and all thingshave become new.'"
"O Miss Layton, do you think it can be that I am a Christian? my heartis so hard and full of sin. But Oh, I am _sure I do_ love Jesus, and Iwish more than anything else that God would make me good!"
And now perhaps you, my reader, are thinking that all Ella's troublesare over; that everything will now go on smoothly, and she will haveno more struggles with pride, indolence, or ill-temper. Alas! you aresadly mistaken.
The Christian's struggles are not over as soon as he turns his faceZionward; nay they are but scarcely commenced. He has but buckled onhis armour for the fight, but girded up his loins that he may run therace; for the Christian life is compared, in the Scriptures, to arace--to a warfare, and we are exhorted to so run that we may obtain,to fight the good fight of faith, to lay hold on eternal life; and weare told that "we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but againstprincipalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness ofthis world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."
Yes, the Christian's life must be one of continued warfare against sinand Satan; for as long as he remains in this fallen world, so longwill his corrupt nature, the body of sin and death, cleave to him. Yethe need not despair, for is he not told, "My grace is sufficient
forthee"--"As thy day so shall thy strength be"--"The Lord is faithful,who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able, but willwith the temptation also make a way to escape"--"Nay, in all thesethings we are more than conquerors through him that loved us?" We arenot left to fight alone. Jesus Christ is the Captain of our salvation.
Many a hard fought battle with her temper had Ella, and many bittertears of repentance did she shed when no eye but God's could see her;but though at times she was almost in despair, she still struggledon, crying to God for help, and soon those about her could see thatshe daily became more patient and gentle, more meek and humble, moreChrist-like, more full of love to Jesus. But aunt Prudence would notsee that it was religion that had changed Ella so much. She said it waspartly because Miss Layton was there to keep her in order, and partlybecause Ella was outgrowing her faults; that she was getting old enoughto feel ashamed to indulge her temper. She forgot that her own temperwas quite as bad, as when she was a little girl.
Ella Clinton; or, By Their Fruits Ye Shall Know Them Page 6
