‘You could have just said that. Now I’m worrying about jowls and cataracts.’
‘Forget about that. Anyway, new topic, Harry and I are meeting Ethan and Lexi later to build a snowman. Would you like to come?’
‘Will I be at risk of ruining Ethan’s happiness if I do?’
‘There’s no need for sarcasm, missy.’
‘Sorry, I couldn’t help that one. I really don’t think he’d want me to be there. Anyway, the answer is no. I’m happy to let Ethan get on with his life with Kimberley, and I’m heading back to Boston anyway.’ That’s a lie, because my bus is booked for tomorrow, but I plan to sit tight in my hotel room until then.
‘That’s a shame. There’s a little girl who I just know would love to see you.’
My chest pangs. ‘I miss her so much.’
‘At least you’re not on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean now. You’ll see her soon enough.’
‘I suppose. Anyway, enough of all of that. Tell me about you and Harry. What have you been up to these past few months?’
Barney and I chat for a good hour. He tells me all about their huge Halloween party and how he’s lost ten pounds by following the juice cleanse.
‘Oh, dear lord, is that the time?’ he says suddenly.
‘You’d better go. Snow-folk don’t build themselves.’
He clasps his hands together. ‘Are you sure you can’t come?’
‘Sorry, not this time. Maybe you and Harry could come to Boston to visit soon? I know it’s a bit difficult now the ferry has stopped running for winter.’
‘We can look at flights.’
‘Super,’ I say.
After Barney leaves, I flop on the bed. I don’t feel like I expected to feel. I’m not sure if it’s the change in weather, the fact I’ve been away for so long, or the fact that Ethan has moved on before we even managed to start anything. Really, it was silly to come back to Provincetown expecting everything to be the same. I expected to be, dare I say it, embraced a bit more. Now I feel a little bit ridiculous. Why would they? Anyway, I’m here to focus on my career and that’s a huge, positive step for me. Things are exciting enough.
By mid-afternoon, I’m going stir-crazy. The last thing I want to do is go outside and risk bumping into anyone so I pace the room. When that gets dull, I go out on the balcony and then when that isn’t enough, I wander downstairs to the reception. The place is deserted. Even the receptionist has gone off somewhere and it’s a little unsettling to be so alone in a hotel. Horror story plot lines start to manifest in my mind as I glance around in search of life. I start off imagining that someone is watching me and within minutes, it progresses into full-on Shining-infused terror. That’s it. I have to get outside.
I take the lift up to my room, grab my coat and decide to brave a little walk to blow the cobwebs away. Stepping outside is like being slapped in the face with an ice lolly, but I brace myself, put my head down and march on anyway. The sun is out and the sky is a cloudless blue, which was quite deceptive through the glass of the hotel room. Everywhere is dead. Commercial Street is closed, and there are just a few people sitting in the only open bar I’ve seen. I turn towards the pier and carry on walking.
‘Sam!’ a small voice screeches. And where I’d expect my stomach to twist, the feeling is more akin to being speared. I turn around to see Lexi running towards me before she collides into me. ‘Sam, you’re back.’ She squeezes me so tightly tears press my eyes. I wasn’t sure she’d remember me actually; we only met a few times, and she’s so young.
‘Lexi, it’s great to see you,’ I say. Realising that six-year-old children usually come with a parent, I scan the street behind her as my heart rate starts to pick up. ‘Lexi, is your daddy here?’
‘No, it’s—’
‘Lexi! There you are.’
Lexi freezes as a woman comes running over. ‘Oops,’ she whispers.
As the woman nears, I recognise Kimberley’s dark hair. My heart sinks. ‘You had me worried, young lady.’ She takes Lexi by the hand.
‘I just wanted to see Sam,’ Lexi whines.
Kimberley looks at me and furrows her brow. ‘Have we met?’
‘I think we did briefly, back in summer,’ I say.
‘Oh, you’re the English lady. I thought I recognised you.’ She smiles but there is no real warmth behind it.
The English lady? ‘That’s me.’
‘Well, it’s lovely to meet you properly. Barney and Harry have mentioned you a few times.’
I smile tightly and indulge her as she holds out her hand to shake.
‘Well, little miss, if we’re going to finish our snowman before dark, we’d better hurry.’ Kimberley readies herself to leave.
‘But wait! Sam could come help us,’ Lexi says. Kimberley flashes me a look that might as well have said ‘Not even if my life depended on it’.
‘Thank you, Lexi, but I can’t today.’
‘Why not?’ She looks up at me, and I’m not sure whether she means to or not, but she looks so cute it’s hard to maintain my resolve.
‘I have to go back to Boston.’
Her face falls.
‘Lexi, we need to go,’ Kimberley insists.
‘Will I see you again?’ Lexi asks, ignoring Kimberley.
I crouch down so I can look her in the eye and take both of her hands in mine. Kimberley clears her throat loudly, but I ignore it. ‘Of course you will. When I went back to England, I missed you so much. This is just a quick visit but I’m going to be living in Boston now, so it will be much easier to come and visit. Especially in the summer.’
‘Good. I really like you, Sam,’ she says. Her matter-of-fact tone doesn’t fail to surprise me.
‘And I really like you too.’
‘Lexi.’ Kimberley speaks abruptly and I raise my eyebrows with surprise. She must have noticed because she softens her tone. ‘We need to finish before it gets dark. We can always just use the carrots I brought along for the nose, then we wouldn’t have to go home.’
‘Kim, our noses are made from the same stuff as the rest of our face, so why would a snowman have a carrot nose?’
‘Okay, then we’ll walk all the way home for a popsicle,’ Kimberley says unable to keep her impatience at bay. ‘But you do realise that none of the popsicles we have are the same colour as snow, so the nose will still be different to the face.’
‘Your nose is red, but your face isn’t. I’ll use a red one,’ Lexi states. At this point, I’m trying my best to stifle a grin.
Kim sighs. ‘Fine, but there’s no su … Do you know what? Let’s just go get the popsicle and get back to your dad and the others.’ She takes Lexi’s hand. ‘Bye, Sam.’
‘Nice to properly meet you,’ I say without conviction.
Running into Lexi feels like I’ve been whacked in the abdomen with a bag of spuds. I was just coming to terms with Ethan’s relationship and how happy he is, but the vibes I got from Kimberley weren’t great. I’m sure she was just tired and cold. She’s probably very nice.
I head back to the hotel and soak in the bath until the water no longer feels warm. As I’m wrapping myself in my towelling dressing gown, there’s a knock at the door. My heart thumps in my chest. It’s probably Barney coming to catch me out, but at least I have a good explanation.
I swing the door open and freeze on the spot.
‘Sam.’
I swallow hard.
‘Ethan. What are you doing here?’
Chapter 45
My hands tremble at the shock of seeing him.
‘Lexi told me she bumped into you.’
‘Did she tell you I was leaving?’
‘Yup. So did Barney. Only there are no buses running today. You know these things when you rent out cars for a living.’ He takes in my dressing gown and wet hair. ‘Can I come in?’
I stand aside to let him pass. When I turn around, I find him looking at me.
His head is tilted to the side and the look in his eyes is so intens
e, it envelops me.
‘Sam, seeing you last night threw me.’ He rubs his hands over his face.
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t think my coming here would be a big deal.’
‘It isn’t.’ He shakes his head. ‘Wait, no, it is. It’s great to see you.’
What is he saying? ‘Why has everyone gone completely weird all of a sudden? Is it the snow?’
‘It’s you.’ He takes a step closer, the way he looks at me sends a shiver down my spine.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say again. ‘I’m leaving for Boston tomorrow, and we don’t need to cross paths again.’
He takes my hands and wraps them in his. ‘I don’t want you to leave again.’
His words shimmy across my skin leaving goose pimples in their wake. I think I know what he’s saying but I have to be sure. He’s with someone else after all.
‘But, Barney said … Ethan, what’s going on?’
‘Forget what Barney said. When you left, I tried to move on, and for the past few weeks I’ve been happy. I thought my life was going in the right direction … but seeing you last night blindsided me.’
‘Ethan, I didn’t know. In England, all I could think about was you.’ The words sound foreign on my lips. It’s been over eighteen years since I said anything like that to anyone new.
He intertwines our fingers, and I relish the warm tingly feeling as he presses his forehead to mine. ‘You should have put that in your letter.’
‘When Kev died, people used to say to me “it will get easier” and I’d “move on”. But the truth is, I didn’t notice things get easier. To cope with the grief, I’d resigned myself to staying true to our marriage vows, it helped me get through the initial pain but then I became so absorbed in it, I shut people out and didn’t allow myself to move on. I didn’t notice things had gotten easier. When I went home, I visited his grave and it gave me closure. The timing was bad but what the heck.’ I smile unconvincingly.
I have to stop this, only this time I’m not the reason why. He’s with someone else. ‘It just wasn’t not meant to be,’ I say.
Instead of backing away, Ethan puts his hand on my cheek and leans forward and presses his lips against mine. The rush I get is addictive, impossible to tear myself away from. Soon, our mouths find their rhythm, and the familiar comfort that comes with it.
Then Ethan pulls away and his big zaffre-blue eyes meet mine. ‘Why now? Why didn’t you come back sooner?’
‘I had to sort things out. Otherwise I could never have moved on, not properly.’
He places his hand under my chin and strokes my cheek with his thumb. ‘Did you come back for me?’
‘No!’
Not that I’m going to admit now.
Instead of the relief I expect to see on his face, he rubs the back of his neck with his hand, and I see something more akin to disappointment.
‘Ethan, look, I really like you, and perhaps I did come here hoping we could pick up where we left off. But I also came back for the job, and the place, and to see Harry and Barney. Don’t think that my being here has to make things awkward between us. I know that I messed up and you’re with Kimberley now, I don’t want to jeopardise that. Apart from the kissing, just now.’ I glance up at him shyly.
‘The kissing was good.’ He flashes a wicked grin that tingles through my chest.
‘But wrong,’ I say, glaring at him.
‘Kimberley and I are not that serious,’ he says.
‘It doesn’t matter. I don’t want to ruin what could be there. You should give your relationship a chance. She seems nice.’ Impatient, but nice.
‘But—’ His phone starts to ring. ‘It’s Kim. Listen, do not leave town. I’ve got to go, but we’re not done talking.’
They’re close enough that he calls her ‘Kim’, close enough that he can’t ignore her call and close enough he leaves her alone with Lexi.
‘Goodbye, Ethan.’
Chapter 46
The next day I drag my bags through what’s left of the snow to the Chamber of Commerce, where my bus will come in. Hopefully. Ethan never came back last night. I imagine that once he saw Kimberley, he fell back into routine and felt guilty about our kiss. He’ll have been trying hard to push me out of his mind no doubt. I’ll be glad to get back to Boston and put this whole sorry trip behind me.
I can see the coach coming. A few more people with wheelie suitcases form a line behind me. When the doors of the bus open, I’m first to climb into its warmth. I get comfortable in my seat and take out a true crime book, which is probably what caused my irrational fear and, in turn, all the trouble yesterday. I wouldn’t have felt the need to leave the hotel if I’d been reading a good old Sophie Kinsella book. The driver closes the doors and then the engine rumbles to life. I feel relieved to be leaving.
All of a sudden, the coach stops, and the doors open again.
‘Can’t people just be on time?’ I hear a lady near the back grumble. I can’t say I disagree, but I’m happy enough reading my book. It’s a long trip and a few moments delay is hardly going to matter.
‘Is this seat taken?’
Of all the empty seats on the bus. I snatch my bag off the spare seat with irritation but then the voice registers. ‘Ethan?’
He slides into the seat next to me. ‘Hi.’
‘What are you doing here?’
‘I have to be in Boston tomorrow to catch a bus,’ he says casually. ‘Thought we could ride together.’
‘O-kay.’ I draw out the word. ‘How come you never mentioned this last night?’
‘It’s a last-minute thing.’
I eye him suspiciously but don’t say anything.
He rummages in his rucksack. ‘I’ve brought chips.’
The thought of a bag of chips doused in salt and vinegar rouses me, mmm. I’m slightly disappointed when he produces a sharing sized bag of crisps. Silly me.
‘Anyway, four hours is a long time to be stuck on a bus,’ he says.
It depends how the conversation goes. ‘I know.’
‘After I left you last night, I went to see Kimberley.’
‘Oh?’
‘She’s a really wonderful person – kind, attentive, great with Lexi …’
I don’t believe this. Is he really here to tell me how wonderful Kimberley is? Is he just trying to justify his choice? The thought is nauseating.
‘That’s great, Ethan. I’m pleased you’ve found one another but you don’t have to explain.’
‘Sam.’ He leans forward, forcing me to look at him.
‘What?’
‘I’m trying to tell you something here.’ He takes hold of my hand, and the familiar zings of electricity snap between us. My eyes meet his. ‘She’s great, and I felt really bad telling her that I had feelings for someone else.’
My hearts leaps. I almost ask who, but I’m not that stupid. Instead, I swallow my words.
‘Sam, it took meeting you to make me want to have a woman in my life again. Kimberley told me that she’d wanted to date me for ages but I’d ignored her. It took you to change that. You made me want to be with someone again. Only someone isn’t enough. I want you.’
Dancing butterflies multiply and fill my insides. ‘What are you saying, Ethan?’
‘I’m saying I want us to give things a go. I want to make us work.’
I’d not noticed how long his hair had got. It’s wavy and flops down past his ears. It suits him. ‘Ethan, I want it too.’ Tears start to form as I smile. ‘I want to take a risk with you.’
Ethan squeezes my leg and leans in to murmur, ‘I’m here for you. Always.’
I kiss him on the lips. How did I get so lucky? Again. Ethan pulls me closer and kisses me harder, his hand sliding higher up my leg. My lower abdomen stirs with something unfamiliar and I start to feel very hot. Then the coach comes to an abrupt stop.
‘Hyannis,’ Ethan says. ‘We have to change here for Boston.’
‘Well.’ The word comes out all breathy. ‘The driver sh
ould have made a timely announcement.’
Once we’ve taken our belongings off the coach and we’re waiting for the next one, I remember Ethan said he had to catch a bus tomorrow and can’t help but feel a little deflated we can’t spend more time together.
‘What bus do you need to catch in Boston?’
‘Oh.’ He looks sheepishly at his feet. ‘It’s the mid-morning bus back to Provincetown. Can’t miss that.’
For a moment I’m puzzled. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I booked this bus so I could have a chance to talk to you. If I’d have known how easy it would be to win you over, I could have just booked the bus to Hyannis.’ Mischief plays on his mouth.
‘If you’re needing a place to stay in Boston, I suggest that you’re nicer to me.’
***
It’s late when we finally reach my apartment. We spent the whole coach journey talking, and nothing feels more right than taking him back to my apartment. I glance at his overnight bag. ‘Where were you planning on staying?’
‘I had no idea. But I couldn’t let you walk away again.’
‘Come here.’ I pull him in to me and kiss him. As I run my hands down his defined, firm torso I find myself wanting more. Bravely, I slip my hands under his sweatshirt and help him wriggle out of it. Then I kiss his warm chest, breathing in the familiar citrusy scent of him through the fine sprinkling of hair as I do. The feeling of his hands running down my back and cupping my bottom is heavenly. He picks me up and I wrap my legs tightly around his waist.
‘Go into the bedroom,’ I whisper, pulling his earlobe gently with my teeth.
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes, I’m ready.’
***
When the golden morning sun streams through my window the next day, I snuggle into Ethan.
‘Morning,’ he whispers into my hair.
‘Morning,’ I say back, stroking his chest. For a while, we both doze off again.
‘Ethan?’ I ask later.
‘Mm?’ he says sleepily, a sign of a good night, if you ask me.
‘How will this work?’
He turns onto his side to face me. ‘I know you need to be in Boston. We can work it out. We saw each other plenty through the summer. We can both travel back and forth. If we want it to work, then it will.’
A Summer to Remember Page 25
