by T. L Smith
“She will be now. I have steam I need to work off.” He takes the steps two at a time and disappears, leaving me standing in the foyer with my hands clenched as I look around for my things. Luckily for me, I never moved out of my house. What a mistake that would have been if I had.
But worse, what a mistake Marcus was.
While rushing around and grabbing my things, I hear a ding. Looking over to the countertop, I see his cell light up. For some reason he doesn’t have it locked, so I slide it open and up pops a girl’s name.
I gag, then throw his phone at the floor, hard enough that it shatters.
Fuck him and his cheating ass.
Picking up my bags, I walk to the door and step through, pushing it hard behind me so it slams. Again, fuck him and whatever he thinks.
My car is parked out the front where I left it when I arrived to break this nightmare off. I knew I’d have to make a quick getaway.
I need to get away from him.
He’s poison.
Toxic.
A virus that has inserted itself in my system and won’t leave, sucking me dry.
Now is my chance to extract that poison.
I have to for my own health.
For my own good.
Marcus Stone is not good for me, that much is obvious.
Throwing my bags in the car, I look back at his house, and when I look up, I see him standing on his balcony staring down at me. Marcus’ hands are on the railing, his eyes locked onto mine.
“Fuck you,” I say under my breath, as I walk around and get into my little red car.
The car creaks, and I wonder if it can hear my own heart doing the same.
The tears don’t come, not until I’m almost home.
I feel everything. Everything.
And I want the pain to go away, but I won’t allow it to.
I love a man who can’t love me back. Marcus never made me believe that he could love me. I knew this, but it didn’t stop me from falling in love with him anyway.
And fall I did.
My sister’s sitting on my front steps when I arrive back at my house. Kat stands when she sees me, and I walk to her falling into her arms.
“You did it?”
I don’t need to reply, she already knows. I manage to nod in her arms, and she squeezes me tighter. “Breaking your heart is the worst pain of all.”
“He never loved me,” I say, wiping my tears as I look up at her. “I knew it, but I stayed anyway. Hoping maybe it was possible.”
“Yes. But, did you love yourself with him?”
That’s the tricky part isn’t it? Did I?
I was breaking when I met him, and I broke even more each day thereafter. Marcus didn’t get the best of me, he got the broken part of me, and I did nothing to repair that.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Rochelle
Marcus makes no attempt to see me. None at all. I didn’t really expect him to, but as the weeks pass and I don’t hear from him, I wonder if he even thinks of me, or if it’s just my broken heart hoping maybe he does.
My soul’s crushed, just as much as my heart was when I left his house.
I return to work and life goes back to where it was. Before my grandparents’ death. Before meeting him.
I start to smile again, which is nice. It takes time, but eventually it comes, even though it’s painfully slow. When I think of those whom I loved and lost, I don’t break down at the drop of a hat anymore. Now, I smile and try to remember the good, and not get hung up with the bad. The bad is not a good place for me to dwell in.
Kat asked to move in with me. Her lease was up on her place, and she had been over at my house every day with Annabelle anyway. I was more than happy for her to move in. The company’s nice.
Kat started dating.
I don’t.
I won’t.
Annabelle is my companion when Kat goes out, and thank God for my beautiful, toothy niece. She makes me smile on days when I’m not sure I can, or perhaps the truth is I don’t want to.
“You need to date,” Kat says, smiling as she slides on a red dress. “Get dressed, you’re coming with me.”
“Nope. No way,” I reply while shaking my head and sitting my ass on the couch.
“Oh yes you are. Now get up.”
“I don’t want to do that speed date thing you do.”
“This isn’t that. I’m going out with a few friends to a club. You. Are. Coming.”
“Nope,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest.
“You haven’t heard from Marcus since you broke up. It’s been almost two months, Roch. Get dressed, it’s time for another man to play with that heart of yours.”
“I like not having my heart fucked around with, and I don’t want that anymore if I can help it. Thank you very much.”
Kat waves at me. “Please, you loved it.” She throws a dress from her closet at me. “You can be pretty in red, too. Now get it on, it’s a red party.”
“Isn’t it meant to be a white party?”
“No. Now slide it on and put your hair up. I have to leave soon, and the Uber is on its way.”
“I don’t want to go.”
“If you come, I will clean for a month.”
I jump at her words and start stripping, sliding on the dress, and heading off to change panties before I throw my hair up. When I walk out, she’s wearing heels, and she dangles a pair off her fingers for me. “I knew that would work. You hate housework. Now, come on.”
Of course, it would work, and she knows it. Honestly, I hate cleaning, cooking, you name it. Hate it. My goal in life is to live where I never have to cook again, I detest it that much.
Now that would be living.
“How long are we expected to stay out?” I ask as we both slide into the Uber.
“Don’t even start the night off with that attitude,” Kat answers with an eye roll.
“What?”
She points her finger in my face. “I know what you’re doing, and don’t. Relax, try to have fun. Have a few drinks and mingle. Mum has Annabelle and I need this.”
“Are you meeting anyone?”
“No, but I hope to.”
Kat’s in a phase lately where she likes to go out. She never used to. Hardly went out before Annabelle, and now that Annabelle’s over a year old she’s started to go out more. If I don’t watch Annabelle, our mother does. And it’s not like Kat goes out often, just more times than we are used to from her. This is her second time this month, and I like to see her happy. It’s as if she’s discovering life again, and she’s living it.
We come to a stop outside a club that is not in our area. I haven’t been here before, as I prefer to stay local.
Getting out, there’s a queue around the corner. Damn, I really don’t want to wait in a line. Kat clamps her hand around mine and pulls me to the front of the queue. The bouncer smiles at Kat and instantly lets her in.
“When did you become miss popular?” I ask as we make our way down steps into a busy area full of people.
“One of the guys from my speed date owns this place. It’s pretty cool, hey?” I can only nod at her words. “Okay, let’s drink.” Kat walks to the bar, buys two drinks, and turns around. “So, I know for a fact those guys over there…” she points to an area in the corner where a few guys are seated, “… are single. Any of them tickle your fancy?”
I look, even though I know I won’t say yes. One guy with blond hair, the type I would usually go for, before him that is, takes my eye.
“That’s Matt, by the way.”
“I’m not interested.”
“You want to turn into a lonely old cat lady?” she asks with an eyebrow cocked.
“No, I want to move on, but only when I’m ready.”
Kat turns away with her drink in her hand. Then her hand grabs mine and she squeezes.
I turn in her direction.
Then I see them.
Both of them.
They’re walking to
the booth area where all the guys are seated. Marcus stands behind his brother, Blaze. Marcus is just a fraction taller and just as big, but he doesn’t look interested. Blaze, on the other hand, looks angry. A few guys straighten when they see them approaching, and they start talking, but my eyes don’t leave him. Marcus is dressed in black jeans and a white shirt, and his hair is brushed backward, so his curls are not as strong or evident as they usually are.
Damn! I love those curls.
“I need to go,” I say to Kat.
“Yes, okay, then. Sorry, I didn’t know they would be here.”
I don’t reply to Kat, simply turn and start for the door. It’s busier now, and it is hard to push through the people to get back to the front.
Suddenly, I’m pulled back, and I’m about ready to let go at Kat when I turn and see Marcus with his hand on me. “Pretty girl.”
Something rushes toward my chest from the sound of that voice, suffocating me. Pulling my arm out of his grasp, he looks at me, shocked. “Why are you here?”
I scrunch my face at his words and turn to see Blaze talking with Kat, who’s next to me. I can’t hear what they’re saying, but she’s smiling. And Marcus, well, he looks serious.
“I was just leaving.”
“You look good, pretty girl.”
I laugh. Uncontrollable, crazy laughter, and wipe at the tears that burn in the back of my eyes.
“You are fucked, you know that? Fucked.”
“Why did you leave, pretty girl?”
I step closer to him. “I chose to leave because loving you was making me become less and less like me.”
Marcus looks at me like he can’t believe the words that have left my mouth. I turn to Kat and see she’s up on her tippy toes as she whispers to Blaze. Blaze’s eyes go wide, and I reach for her. “We are leaving.”
“Okay.”
Pushing past Marcus, I walk out with Kat behind me and wave a cab down.
“We’re really leaving?” Kat asks.
“Yes.” Then I stop. “Do you want to stay?”
“No. Well, yes. But no.”
Opening the cab door, I slide in, and just when I think she’s going to follow, a pair of black jeans climbs in, and Marcus is sitting next to me, shutting the door with Kat standing next to Blaze.
“Get out.”
“Where to?” the cab driver asks.
Marcus rattles off my address and the cab starts moving. When I look out the back window, Kat gives me a wave, smiling.
Fuck.
“You need to get out.”
“No. It seems we need to talk.”
“I don’t want to talk to you.” I pull my legs away from Marcus and make sure none of my body is touching him.
“You do. And I want to talk to you.”
“You don’t talk. So please don’t act like you want to.”
“I will, for you.”
My head turns sharply to look at him, his hazel eyes already firmly on me.
“Lies,” I spit at him.
“No. We need to talk.”
“Then talk,” I say, placing my hands in my lap with an eyebrow raised while waiting. The cab driver probably thinks we’re crazy, but I don’t care.
“I’ve missed you,” he says, his face serious.
“Okay,” is all that seems to leave my mouth at his words.
“Have you not missed me?” he asks. I watch as his hand moves closer to me.
I pull my leg away and narrow my eyes at him. “I don’t give you permission to touch me. Do not touch me,” I say as we come to a stop out the front of my house. I slide out and hear Marcus pay the cab driver before he also gets out. I don’t want to invite him inside, so I stay on my stairs as he walks across to me. His eyes drink me in, and he stops just shy of me.
“I need permission to touch you now?” he asks.
I nod my head. “Yes. You lost that right when you stuck your cock in a blonde bitch’s pussy,” I say back to him.
His head shakes and he steps closer. “I did no such thing.”
“I saw you with her. You didn’t deny it, and then I saw the messages.”
“Oh yes, thanks for smashing my phone,” he says with his eyes narrowed.
“You’re welcome,” I reply, crossing my arms over my chest.
“I see you,” he says, reaching for a piece of my hair. “You aren’t so numb anymore.”
I brush his hand away. “No thanks to you.”
“I didn’t make you numb, pretty girl. I didn’t push you through it either, though.”
Marcus is right, he was content with how we were.
So was I. Until I wasn’t.
“You need to go,” I say, taking a large step back.
“No. I didn’t sleep with her. I haven’t slept with anyone since I met you.” Marcus steps closer, not caring that I’m trying to put distance between us.
“You lie.”
Marcus shakes his head. “No. No, I’m not. No more kisses and lies, it’s the truth.”
“We c-could never work, we’re t-two complete opposites,” I say to him, my voice breaking.
I want him.
I want him so badly because my heart loves him.
I love this man.
“Opposites last. We will never get bored of each other.”
“We don’t want the same things,” I say.
“I’ll do anything you want as long as it involves you.”
“What about kids?” I ask.
Marcus’ face hardens, and he stops.
“What about kids?” I ask him again.
“I can’t have kids.”
“Why? Why can’t you have kids?” I ask. He’s told me this once before, but he never explained why.
“I have to go.” Marcus steps back.
“This is why. This is why we will never work.”
He pauses, and before he can turn or say another word, I spin around, unlock my door and walk inside my house, slamming the door behind me. Sliding down the door, I listen for his footsteps. He comes up the stairs and stops at my door, I wait for him to knock but it doesn’t happen. A few breaths later his feet retreat, and I’m left on my floor wondering why my heart beats so fast for a man who can never love me the way I want to be loved.
It’s really unfair.
Chapter Thirty
Rochelle
Having Marcus come back into my life when I was healing hasn’t done me any good, it’s fucked me over yet again.
I still love him.
I still want him.
Despite his damn words.
And, is what he told me true? It can’t be. I saw them together, and then the messages. He didn’t deny it when I asked, he told me he was going to fuck her. So why lie if it’s not true? It makes no sense. None at all.
“Blaze was angry that Marcus left with you,” Kat says, sitting next to me the following day. She came home very late, smelling like smoke and alcohol.
“You friends with Blaze now?” I ask.
She harrumphs. “If you mean, do I want to sleep with him, then the answer is yes.” She smirks. “But no, we haven’t.”
“You sound awfully sad about that fact,” I say, shaking my head.
“I don’t want to marry the man, I just want to sleep with him,” she says while standing. “Anyway, it’s you we should be talking about. Marcus left with you.”
“Not by my choice.”
“Do you want him?”
I shake my head. “Why are you asking me this?”
“It’s a simple question. Do you want him?”
“Yes. Yes, of course I want him, but I will not be one of those stupid girls who goes back to her cheating-ass boyfriend.”
“Fair enough.” She shrugs. “Though Blaze did say he would never have fucked around on you.” Then Kat walks off, leaving me hanging on her words.
Heading to my room, I get dressed, then drive out to see Blaze at the clubhouse. Because I know on the weekend that’s where he will be, and so will sh
e. Surprisingly, I am let in without anyone stopping me.
I spot blonde bitch straight away. She’s dressed today—still slutty—sitting at a table with everyone else as they eat.
“Oh God, not you again. Thought we got rid of you.”
“Tell me, are you always such a cunt?”
Snickers are heard around the table as her eyes narrow in on me. “Do you want me to hit you, bitch?”
“You tried that already. Pretty sure I won.” I give her a wide smirk.
“Rochelle,” Blaze growls from the end of the table. “You come in here and threaten my people? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
I ignore him completely and look at blonde bitch. “Did you really fuck him? Or, were you being a messy bitch?”
“Misha,” Blaze says.
Oh, so that’s her name.
“I may have.” The bitch flicks her hair, and it does nothing but irritate the fuck out of me.
“You may have? Or you did?”
“Misha,” Blaze says again, becoming annoyed.
I hear footsteps behind me, and a hand touches my hip. I know who it is without turning.
“Misha,” Marcus says behind me.
Misha’s eyes narrow in on me. “No, I didn’t sleep with him. Not that I didn’t try, though.” Blonde bitch winks at Marcus.
“Pack your shit, Misha, and leave,” Blaze says.
Misha’s head whips around to Blaze. “You can’t be serious… over her?” She points to me.
“Over you being a bitch. Now pack your shit.”
“No,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest.
“I could make you leave. You covered in a black bag might look good on you,” Marcus says.
Blonde bitch’s eyes grow worried, and she stands, letting the chair fall back on the floor and shouldering me as she walks past. Turning to leave, I don’t even bother saying goodbye to anyone. I walk quickly, and as I go to get into my car, before I can open the door, Marcus reaches for me and turns me around to face him.
“Was there anyone else?” I ask.
“No, only you.”
“What was the message about then? Remember, I read it on your phone.”
