“I’m busy.”
“So, am I, but don’t I always make time for you?” Becky was a block over. I could be at her front door in ten minutes. “You make all my stresses disappear.”
“A booty call? Is that all I am to you?”
Yeah. Becky belonged to the Brotherhood. Her pussy could be claimed by any one of us. “No, you are the one woman in my life that understands me.”
Lying was a way of life for me. To my parents, to my brothers, to this girl, to ease their minds or keep them in the dark. Whatever was safest for me.
This was a new age. Thanks to social media there was an awareness, and right or wrong was decided by the masses. For people like me the internet was not my friend. One wrong move, and my face would spread across the web and my family’s business would suffer. My brothers would be marked as racist. That was a really broad term. It’s not like we didn’t like the colored people, it was just better if they didn’t occupy U.S. soil. The damn animals came from somewhere, and I would happily send them back to their lands of origin.
“The key is where it always is.” Becky’s voice broke through my thoughts.
I ended the call, passing a bucket filled with limp roses outside of a convenience store. I hesitated and kept moving. Becky and I didn’t have that kind of relationship. She was a good fit and a proud sister to the brotherhood, meant to propagate the white race. Becky truly believed in the cause and supported it. I could take her out for a burger another day. I hiked faster, the idea of sinking into her undiluted sweetness giving me the energy boost I needed, anticipation sending jolts of awareness to my crotch. I turned down the sidewalk of her street—I thought of her deep blue eyes holding mine as I thrust into her. Slowly, those pretty irises morphed into light brown ones surrounded by dark, long, thick lashes. I shook my head.
What the hell?
Why was a nigger invading my thoughts?
I trotted up the stoop steps and into the converted apartment building, stopping at Becky’s door. I flipped over the corner of the mat and retrieved the key, straightening to slide it in the lock. I opened the door to a cool, shadowed interior. I knew my way around the place, moving straight for the bedroom.
Becky knew what I wanted and was already naked and in bed. “You got here fast.”
I needed to erase the image of the Blackie stuck in my memory. I lunged for Becky, wrapping my fingers around her ankle and dragging her to the edge of the mattress. “I’m a little annoyed.”
She spread her thighs. “I’ll take care of you.” A smirk lifted one side of her mouth.
I unzipped my jeans and yanked them and my underwear down. Kicking them off, I dropped down on to the bed and stroked my dick. “Suck me off.” Seeing Becky’s pretty blonde strands brushing my skin as she gave me head should be enough to make me forget.
3
Harper
“Hey baby, see you later tonight?”
The arms wrapping around my waist as I walked out of the lecture hall, and the sound of his voice were very familiar. He caught me unaware because all through class, I kept glancing at my phone and the picture I’d snuck of the man on the train. Still wondering about it.
Him.
This wasn’t really like me to be so obsessive over cute guys—shoes yes, guys no, especially since I had one of my own.
I turned into Justin’s embrace and smiled. His hazel eyes, cut features and olive complexion, highlighting his Greek heritage, still turned me on as it did from the first time I’d met him a year ago when I interned for the brokerage firm where he worked. At twenty-six, he was a few years older than I. As a favor to me, he’d agreed to be a guest lecturer for another class down the hall. I should have remembered he was going to be here today and called him for a lift to class. But the morning had been hectic dealing with my car and my first T ride.
“Hey, you with me?” Justin asked.
The slight squeeze at my waist had me refocusing on Justin. “Yeah, just thinking about the class. How was your lecture?”
“Great. It was a lot of fun being on the other side of a lecture hall for a change. And, my boss loved me being a guest lecturer. I even got invited back. I might be able to turn this into a regular thing.”
“That’s great.” Justin was all about upward mobility, and he was fast rising in his firm. “Keep this up and you’ll be a director soon.”
“For sure.”
Especially since he started handling some of my dad’s accounts a few months ago, growing his portfolio. If Justin kept it up he could make it happen by the end of the year.
“So, will I see you later tonight?” he asked.
“Sure, sounds good. But, you’re going to have to pick me up.”
“No problem. I’d say let’s grab a bite now, but I have a meeting to get to in Quincy and with traffic, I’ll already be a bit late.”
“Shoot, I was going to ask you to give me a ride home.”
“Why? Where’s your car?”
“In the shop. They have to order some part for it. I got a text, it won’t be ready for another day or two.” All the more reason why it was just time to get me a new car, I had no time to deal with cars breaking down. I’ll be having a chat with my father when he gets back from his vacation.
“Damn, sorry babe. But, I can give you a ride to class tomorrow.”
He pulled me up against his body. I could feel the hardness of his thighs, and I grinned. He worked out almost every day during the week, and it showed.
“I don’t mind, especially since we can have breakfast first,” he said then kissed the side of my ear.
“Thanks, but I’m good. I won’t need a ride. I’ll Uber or something. I know it’s out of your way.”
“You sure?”
I nodded. Not exactly sure why I was turning down his ride, in a comfy, cushy car for smelly bumpy public transportation. But it had something to do with a set of ice blue eyes and tats.
We both turned to walk out of the building, but he held my hand. “How’d you get to school this morning, anyway?”
“The T.”
He chuckled. “You on the T? That must have been culture shock.”
I wasn’t sure why I was irked by his laughter and statement, even though I’d felt the same way when I spoke to my dad, and he told me to take the train, like it was a joke. “I’m not like that!” I protested, even knowing it to be true. In my twenty-one years, I’d never even taken a public school bus. The private school I went to until I graduated high school had its own fleet of private blue buses with great shocks, soft leather seats and air conditioning. And, I only took those for field trips.
Justin just laughed some more at my denial and kissed me quickly. “I’ll see you tonight. Seven.”
I stood there for a moment watching him saunter away, unable to stop myself from comparing him to someone else. Both men seemed tall, but wore similar builds very differently. Justin was sharp, urbane. His silk suit cost more than most people’s rent and his shoes were made of the finest Italian leather. His car was the latest BMW model. His firm leased them for him, and they turned them over at the end of a year, only to get a newer one. I don’t know why he was laughing at me? Wasn’t like he ever took the T either.
Still, Justin fit in my world and me in his. Whereas the man on the subway seemed anything but civilized. He appeared rough around the edges; there was a hardness to him, and it wasn’t just the ink I could see on his hands and neck. He didn’t quite fit in my higher educated, high socio economic universe. His bank account shouldn’t matter, even if it did, but I sensed more to him underneath it all.
Weird.
I pulled out my phone to call an Uber, but instead, pulled up the picture again. I stared at those eyes. Cold, pale blue eyes stared back at me. But, there were shadows buried deep within them. I didn’t know him well enough to even try to determine what his thoughts were. But I wanted to.
“Who are you? Why should I even care?” I spoke the words in a whisper.
What
I think I see is probably just a trick of the light in the shot. Yet, I pocketed my phone and found myself heading toward the T station.
Unfortunately, the trains were very crowded. All those college students from campus heading home or to jobs. I wasn’t able to get a seat this time and forgot about trying to see if he was on the train—too many bodies. I’m only five-four so I had to hang onto a pole to stay upright. Then others kept pressing around me trying to do the same thing. At least with every lurching motion, I didn’t have to worry about falling because those same bodies kept me upright.
Oh my God! Would this hellish ride ever come to an end? It came time for me to get off and transfer; thank God it wasn’t too long of a ride. I decided I’d Uber the rest of the way home. I got out of the station and did that. But, I found myself scanning the platform, the train as it went by, even the street for a specific tattooed figure.
I’d just settled back in the Uber when I got a text.
‘Well did you talk to him?’
I rolled my eyes after reading Serena’s text.
‘No, of course not. I have a boyfriend. Remember?’
‘Boring. Besides, there’s no ring on your finger.’
‘I’m still in a relationship.’
Yet why did I keep thinking about another guy?
‘Where were you anyway?’
‘My car’s in the shop. Can you believe, I had to take the subway.’
‘Good for you! How was it?’
‘Well, you saw the view.’
‘Nice view. You taking the T again tomorrow?’
‘Yeah, car’s going to be in the shop for a couple of days.’
‘Oh, say hello to Mr. Brooding and Sexy for me.’
I got home to my condo and headed straight for my shower. My clothes took on the accumulation of everyone else’s day sweat. I need to get it off me first and then work on my research paper. I had a one bedroom condo with a den or study; it’s where my desk and text books were. After my shower, I changed to yoga pants and a tank, then got down to work on my paper. I wanted to complete it tomorrow. I’d finish it tonight, but I had a date with Justin in a couple of hours.
I got a good chunk of my work done and sat back, glancing around my place. It was in one of the newer buildings and Daddy paid a mint for it. But, it was also an investment. It was all my idea; I found the place. I used to drive past the construction site on my way to Serena’s. I did some checking and presented him with the idea and stats of the neighborhood and projections for what else was going in there. Daddy was more than happy to scoop the condo up. I’d had it for a year now, and it was already worth twenty thousand dollars more than what we paid for it. Daddy made me cough up some of the funds too. I loved my condo; it was all in my name, and I decorated it myself. A far cry, I was sure from most college grads or undergrads, the floors were all wide planked dark gray wood. The kitchen, which I didn’t use very often, was all shades of gray and white with state of the art appliances. The living room and bedroom carried the same shading of light gray, but where as the living room had more color to it with cobalt blues and browns, my bedroom was a soft lilac.
The only room that looked like a student lived there was the den with all the textbooks. But my place suited me. I wondered what kind of place tattoo guy lived in? I really need to stop that.
As I stood in front of the mirror, putting on the two carat diamond earrings I’d gotten for my eighteenth birthday and the matching five carat tennis bracelet, I realized I wasn’t all that excited about this date. I knew Justin and I would go to one of his favorite restaurants and have a great dinner. He had fabulous taste, always aware of the latest trendiest places. We’d talk about his job and the firms that have been courting me for an internship that would lead to a job offer. Then we’d come home, mine or his; since I had class tomorrow, probably mine, and fuck. We did that two nights ago, and we’ll do it again tonight, and I was sure again over the weekend. Maybe even get out of the city to some quaint bed and breakfast in upstate New York or even the Hamptons. It had become routine. Most people would give a toe for this life, yet, I was—unsettled.
My doorbell rang. I forced a smile on my face. “Get over yourself,” I told my reflection and went to answer the door.
4
Dachs
She was there. Sandwiched between T riders, the look on her face, the disgust. Who was she to have any feelings at all? The simple fact that she could roam free without restriction angered me. If you aren’t pure blooded you should be kept to your own area with your people. It wasn’t my first time seeing niggers on the T. I cocked my head to the side to stare at her. She wasn’t any different than the other things that disgraced the city, still her presence rankled.
Slowly, I worked my way closer. Anger roiled in my belly. Not just for her being there but for the men, only the men surrounding her. The train lurched to a stop, and I had to grab the pole to keep from falling into the person beside me. The older white lady put her hand up to keep me in place. I smiled down at the woman with varying shades of gray hair twisted up into a bun.
She smiled and the kindness in it reached her eyes. I pushed back against the masses bearing down on me to give her room. She patted my bicep and mouthed the words thank you as she squeezed past me and through the open doors. On the platform I spied that girl. She’d exited the car and looked lost. I took a step forward and caught myself as the doors slid shut. What the hell was I thinking? She was a nigger, that couldn’t be denied, even given her bright skin tone. If she was any lighter she could pass for white. Not good, an unsuspecting man could end up with tainted children. She was a walking, breathing, lie. Yet, in that moment, I thought of her as human. No, before that, when she was surrounded by all the male commuters. Seems her attraction was universal. Didn’t the bible talk about shit like this. What was her name? She brought down biblical icons. Bathsheba, another black bitch breaking down a race of exceptional men. For a moment, I fell into that trap and was willing to stand behind her and keep the men at bay. I pressed my lips together.
However, she got around, whatever was going on with her was not my problem. I shouldn’t have any feelings one way or another about that black thing. Focus on my brothers, only my brethren. Find another woman, maybe someone other than Becky, a woman fresh to the cause. That would set me straight again. A female that held onto my beliefs and supported our movement. That might take some time. The image of that niggeress popped into my mind. I resisted the urge to slam my head into the steel pole to get her out of my head.
What the fuck?
For the time being, it was best if I buried myself in the brotherhood and helped the cause, find a way to further promote Prof’s ideology. My thoughts kept repeating in my mind. She, that black girl, didn’t belong on the train. That was obvious, just from the looks of her. Maybe I should help her go back to where she came from? I snorted. Long and loud. Riders around me glanced up. Why the hell did my mind keep going back to some black bitch?
A few stops ahead of mine, I dug out my cell and stabbed the keypad, taking my aggravation out on the device. Bruno didn’t pick up, but intermittent beeps interrupted the call. I tapped the top of the screen.
“The shop is busy.” My mom, Alivia, didn’t bother with greetings.
Nothing new, our relationship had become strained over the years because of our different views on how we see the world. We acted more like combatants toward each other than mother and son. Mom embraced everyone, white, black, yellow or red, and good or bad she gave anyone she came across the same chance. If they needed a meal she fed them. If they needed a few bucks, she would pull some from her apron pocket. Alivia was part of the problem. Still, she was my mother. When I was small and troubled, she often dug a cotton handkerchief from that same apron to wipe my tears. Even now, when we couldn’t find any common ground, if I closed my eyes I could still smell the fresh doughy scent that always seemed to surround her. I just had to make her see reason.
“So am I.” I underst
ood where this was going, but I had plans, and they didn’t include returning to the pierogi shop my parents owned.
“You need to come back. Now.” Alivia’s voice was strained, her accent thickened.
“I’m meeting—friends. I won’t be back tonight.” I could try and talk some sense into her and Dad another day.
“Son.”
The soft way she uttered our connection made me bristle. Had my mother cared more, she would have respected my feelings. I didn’t bother to hide how I felt about other races. If she saw things my way our lives would be so much better.
“Mother,” I countered, with all the indifference I felt coming across in my tone.
“Come home.” They lived above the shop in a stuffy two bedroom apartment.
“I have things to do.” I did. Nothing like causing a little mayhem late at night. Someone should pay for the little monkey invading my thoughts.
“If you learn how to run the business, you’ll have a trade. Something to rely on if—”
“How many times do I have to tell you I don’t want the fucking place?” I yelled. I sucked in a deep breath and exhaled.
More curious glances were cast my way, people averting their eyes and ducking their heads when I met their gaze. They eased away, giving me space, not that they could go far on the crowded train. I reeled in my temper. Regardless of our differences, I had never doubted her love for me. Beeps interrupted the line again.
“We’ll talk later.” I ended the call with Alivia. In my mind, she was my mother, and she wasn’t. Although she gave birth to me, eventually I would have to break ties with her. Living with my parents wasn’t comfortable. It was cheap, but I could always couch surf at a couple of brother’s places until I worked out a way to get my own apartment. It was becoming clear my mother wouldn’t change—which meant my dad wouldn’t either. To avoid the pain of trying to make them see my view, it was better not to have a connection with them at all.
Defiant Page 2
