Defiant

by Ursula Sinclair

  A snort escaped past my lips before I could call it back. Encouraging her nonsense wasn’t something I wanted to do. This Harper kid needed to understand how things worked in the real world. “You should be. I’m no fairytale villain. I’m the real thing and you’re not ready for me.”

  “You’re an obnoxious and hateful asshole.”

  “Yet, you keep following me.”

  She crossed her arms under her breasts. “I’ve never been one to look the other way. You need to know you’re wrong. And I’m not afraid to tell you that to your face.”

  Her obnoxiousness was...interesting and exhausting. Almost like she wanted to fight. “What’s right or wrong is objective. History is written by whoever is in charge.” Since joining the National Movement for the Advancement of White People in my junior year of high school, I’d heard it all. “What I want is for you to stop trying to force your ideals on me. I have nothing to say to you, and if you didn’t follow me, my ideals would not have been spouted at you. You are immature and entitled. I don’t like you. This fact goes beyond the color of your skin—a trait most of you monkeys seem to share.” I was tired. Yeah that was it. I am exhausted, and she wasn’t worth the energy I needed to work up to beat some sense into her head.

  The arguments boiled down to a simple matter: with all the privileges given to minorities, white people could no longer compete. Jobs, basic housing, education, we were losing ground on all fronts because those people weren’t happy with their lives and to them nothing was ever fair. The girl in front of me proved it. I gave her every opportunity to walk away, and still, she wasn’t satisfied. Maybe if I had let Bruno have his way with her, she would have a better understanding of what it means to stay the fuck out of my way.

  “People are people. There is no fundamental difference between them; history and biology proves that. Your ancestors were right next to mine swinging from trees. And, you are a jerk!”

  Why was she still talking? I gazed at her through narrowed eyes. A better question was why did she sound hurt? Her little temper tantrum shouldn’t bother me. It was obvious we came from two very different places—worlds that should have never collided. Did she even realize she had such an earnest look on her face? Locks of her hair danced around her head with every movement she made.

  Were they soft?

  A hint of red flushed her cheeks. The urge to touch her face slammed through me. I needed to leave, but I wanted to stay. This woman was sin and everything the brotherhood was against. I should find her very being an offense…but she isn’t, not really. What did the Prof call it?

  Jungle fever.

  The urge to taste the forbidden. Like that damn apple Eve talked Adam into biting. This woman was like a virus. Hell, I could very well already be infected.

  “Save the tantrum for your parents. Why are you following me?” I didn’t want to hear the bullshit reasons she was using. There was more to her story. I sighed. For reasons I wasn’t sure I wanted to explore, her answers, I needed to hear them.

  Harper seemed to hesitate before replying. “I told you.”

  I shook my head. “There is always more to a story.” I learned a long time ago there are always three truths: Their side, my side and what is actually happening.

  “Why?” Her words were a whisper. “Why do you have a problem with other races?”

  This was a question my mom had asked me a hundred—no, a thousand times. The answer had been drummed into my head since joining the movement. “If God wanted us to mix, he wouldn’t have separated us to begin with.” It was the proven truth. The Prof, the founder of the NMAWP, had shown scientific documentation any time anyone asked him to prove the point.

  She frowned. “How stupid can you be?”

  When faced with the truth, people were all the same. Disappointment at Harper’s response fluttered along my nerves. She didn’t want to understand me. They always had the same answer. Instead of disputing what I said with evidence, I was mocked. Like Prof said, probably because there was no rebuttal. Really, it was time to go. Still, I stayed. “That’s the best answer you can come up with? Questioning my intelligence.”

  Her eyes widened briefly before her mask of indignation returned. “Yes, when dumb actions are combined with idiotic statements.”

  I cocked my head to the side. This wasn’t even a decent conversation. It was an attack. My fascination for her tapered down quickly. God, but she needed to stay in her bubble. The real world might be too much for her. “I haven’t followed you or encouraged you to come and find me. I have no interest in a woman that isn’t white.”

  Other than the occasional fuck with Becky, I was busy. I hadn’t bothered to find a replacement for my friend. Women were complicated, and I had shit to do.

  Between work, tech classes and rallies, taking the train was the only time I had a few moments to myself, and now, even that was invaded. My stop was announced over the speaker. I was leaving a stupidly innocent girl among wolves, and it somehow felt wrong leaving her to travel alone.

  There is something seriously wrong with me.

  I didn’t ask her to find me.

  Get her home. You will be done with her then. Make it clear that she needs to stay away from me.

  The train rolled to a stop and the doors slid open.

  She’d been alright so far, walk away.

  My cell rumbled in my pocket. I pulled it free. “Yeah.” My gaze never left her.

  “Prof wants us to meet. You need to come,” Bruno grunted.

  “I’ll be there in a bit.” I ended the call and rose. Without saying a word, I slipped through the exit. I wasn’t comfortable leaving her by herself. In a split second, I made an unconscious decision. Before it dawned on me, I was moving away from the exit. I sprinted down the next car over and squeezed through the door as they closed.

  Why was I lying?

  If Bruno suspected it had anything to do with the black girl he’d run into yesterday, his interest would be reignited. That was dangerous. Not just for her but for everyone. My best friend’s hair trigger temper had gotten him into problems before. My cell buzzed in my fist. I answered without speaking.

  “Damn. I wasn’t finished talking. I told you, Brother, quit that job. What do you need it for? We could run a few errands and make what we need. Dedicate all our time to the brotherhood like the soldiers we should be.”

  I grabbed a seat in the front and gazed through the glass. “Hmm.” This wasn’t the first time Bruno urged me to cut all ties with the world and just follow the movement. That didn’t exactly feel right either. I wanted options. Furthering the movement required education and money. I couldn’t get one without the other. I ignored Bruno’s comment. “It will take me about an hour to get there. You woke me up, and I just missed my stop. I’ll get off at the next stop and Uber.”

  “Ooo, do that. I hope you get a fun driver, someone other than white. I found my bat, that one I brought with me from Jersey, and cleaned it up. I need to baptize it here in Boston.”

  “You’re a freak.” I chuckled. “I don’t think you will get that lucky.” I wasn’t in the mood to fight. I would make sure my driver was white before I got in the car. It would save me any headaches later on. “I’ll see you later.” I ended the call. My gaze drifted to the next car. Follow the black girl home, and then get to my meeting, sounded too stalker like, so maybe just make sure she doesn’t get harassed on the train. It is a sound plan. I scooted down in the seat. Why the hell was I pretending to be a good man?

  9

  Harper

  I watched Dachs get off the train and sighed. I couldn’t really understand my emotions. I was angry, sad, and yet, exhilarated. I loved arguing with him. If I didn’t love numbers I’d have probably gone into law. I enjoyed a good argument. Still, what the hell was wrong with me following that man and confronting him like that? Yet, for all his talk of danger, while I have no doubt his friends might be, I wasn’t so sure about him. He was different, but the crap he sprouted had to go. I sh
ould probably do as he says and just leave him the hell alone, stay in my lane and let him stay in his. There was a tightness in my chest at that thought, but I did what I had to and regretted nothing.

  I got off at the next stop, not sure where it was really and had zero interest in catching another train to take me home. Instead, I took the stairs to the upper level.

  I saw a couple of cabs but other people grabbed them. Didn’t matter, I took out my phone and called an Uber. It was only a few minutes away, so I didn’t have to wait long. I moved to the edge of the sidewalk and waited. I zipped my jacket up, it was getting colder, and glanced around. Definitely, not the kind of neighborhood I wanted to be in at night or anytime of day for very long. Thankfully, the Uber pulled up just as I noticed a pair of guys with bandannas on their heads eyeing me. I opened the car door and got inside, breathing a sigh of relief. I glanced over my shoulder at the men and was very glad I wasn’t standing out there for very long. Funny the way those men gave off dangerous vibes the way they eyed me like I was prey, whereas I never felt like that with Dachs. Could he be dangerous? He claimed he was, and I believed him; while my feelings toward him were conflicting, I never feared him.

  I’d spent the day catching up on my work, and the night was mine. I took a taxi and met Serena and Steven for drinks near Serena’s townhouse she shared with Steven. I walked into the bar, and it was live band night. I’d forgotten the place was loud, but it was just what I needed to not be in my head any more than I already was.

  “Hey, bitch,” Serena said as I approached the table. She stood up and embraced me.

  “Back at ya. Looking good.” And she was. While I was on the shorter side, Serena was tall—well taller than my 5’4” frame by three inches in her bare feet. Tonight, we were both wearing heels, and she was still taller. The red jumper she wore hugged her in all the right places.

  “Hey, beautiful,” Steve said, standing up and kissing me on the cheek.

  “Hey, beautiful, yourself,” I smiled. If the man wasn’t gay, I’d have already been all over him but this was even better. He was my best friend; they both were.

  Steve flagged the waiter over and ordered my favorite martini—chocolate of course. “Thanks, just what I needed.”

  “What’s up?” Steve asked. “Rough day?.”

  I hesitated, but I had to tell them. Serena had already told Steve about my earlier run in with Dachs. I told them about my most recent one.

  “Wow!” Steve said. “Gurl, this guy must be hot if you’re chasing him and putting up with that bullshit.”

  I pulled out my phone and showed him some pictures. Steven’s mouth dropped open. He didn’t say a thing, just took the phone away from me and scrolled through it.

  “I think that’s the first time he’s ever been speechless,” Serena said, laughing.

  Steve handed me back my phone. “Okay, okay I get the attraction; he’s got that whole ‘magnetism’ thing going.” He shivered. “I might have followed him myself. But hon, it’s not worth the headache. This dude got looks but no brains.”

  I shook my head. “That’s just it, other than the crap he sprouts, I’m not so sure he’s stupid. There’s intelligence in those eyes.”

  “I’ll give you that; those eyes are made to dream about, and I bet they’re even more intense up close and personal, but you still need to be careful around him.”

  “Steve’s right,” Serena agreed.

  I’m glad I didn’t quite tell them everything—like, the fact he threatened me, but I didn’t take it seriously. Besides, I threatened him too. No, I never once thought he’d harm me. But, were they right? Maybe I needed to be careful with him, definitely around his friends, but with him, I didn’t know?

  Our drinks came, and after the waiter left, I took a big sip. The alcohol hit my bloodstream and had me feeling much better. “I don’t think either of you have anything to worry about. I doubt I’ll see him again. I suspect he’ll make it a point to avoid me.”

  “Then, that’s good,” Serena replied.

  “Yeah,” Steve agreed.

  Yet, I knew if I saw him first, I wouldn’t be able to resist talking to him. Let him walk away, if he could. It seemed I didn’t want to.

  Monday I was back on the T. I still wasn’t used to the stench, but I was better prepared for it. I had a Hermes scarf wrapped around my neck, and I’d dabbed a bit of my favorite perfume on it, Joy.

  Every now and then, I’d lower my nose in an attempt to avoid any unpleasant odors. It worked about half the time. But, I could do nothing about my other senses. I just hoped I didn’t become half deaf from all the noise from the machines and the masses of humanity.

  I got the first train car; it was crowded but I didn’t see him. I kept moving to the second one which had a few empty seats. I thought about heading for the third one, but it seemed crowded, and I really didn’t feel like standing. I sat down in the first available seat, so I was facing the front of the train. I saw a guy walking up the aisle eyeing me, so I made sure and moved over to the aisle seat and plunked my backpack down in the seat next to the window. For good measure I put my feet up against the seat next to me. Could I make it any more obvious that he was NOT going to sit there next to me.

  He kept walking, and once he passed, I put my feet down.

  The train pulled off, and I turned to pull my phone out of the front pocket of my bag.

  “Move.”

  I glanced up to tell the asshole to keep moving, when I realized it wasn’t the asshole I’d been expecting. Yet, I picked up my bag and did exactly that. Taking the inside seat and giving him the end. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of him and his proximity. I wanted to smile in triumph.

  “Wow! Not even a please? Did your mother not teach you manners either?”

  “I respect those that respect me.”

  “I see it didn’t work so well.”

  He shrugged, settling into the seat.

  “Why are you sitting next to me? I thought you told me to leave you alone, yet, here you are.” Whatever the hell was going on, I wasn’t the only one feeling it. In many ways he was right; we are both very different. But, it’s those differences that makes us interesting. I didn’t think he could forget me either, like I couldn’t forget him. I knew it probably irritated him to no end. I challenged him, as he challenged me. Time would tell if that would be a good thing or bad. But, I wanted to hear what he had to say.

  10

  Dachs

  She was staring at me.

  This was the last time little Harper and I would meet. A long sigh blew through my lips. It was safer for both of us that way. I turned off my cell and shoved it into my pocket. “How long are we going to play this game?” How else could I get it through her head; she couldn’t look for me.

  I’d looked up and saw her sitting, claiming seats. She was bold considering she was a T newbie. The stranger that stared at her would circle back if there were no free seats in the next car. Just like last time, the unease of seeing her alone roared through me.

  Only a couple days ago, I watched as she exited the train and caught an Uber to who knew where. I figured it was the last time I would see her. Despite her color, grudgingly I had to admit her tenacity was impressive.

  “I wasn’t—I didn’t look for you?” she snapped.

  “You don’t look like the type. Maybe I’m wrong. You seem honest, at least to your truth. I’m a little disappointed.” To add emphasis to my words, I rose and leaned into her space. Caging her with my arms and getting into her face. We were so close I could count the freckles peppering the bridge of her nose. Her sweet scent wafted to my nose. I was reminded of fresh flowers. The urge to close my eyes, and soak it in, was overwhelming. I pressed my lips together in a refusal to give in. This back and forth between us needed to stop before someone got hurt. “I am not a good man,” I grumbled more to remind myself than the woman—no—the thing in front of me was off limits. The train stopped and riders moved around exiting the cab.


  “Transit Authorities are patrolling the cars.” The baritone rumble came from my side. I glanced up and met the cold, brown eyes of Gage Clarke as he stared down at me; his face an unreadable mask of indifference.

  I straightened and returned his gaze. A few years older, and originally from the Boston area as the city became more integrated, his family chose to leave and start a new branch of NMAWP in a small town in upstate New York. As second in command of that chapter, every couple of months he ran errands for the Prof. Rumors swirled around the group that they were true family, the Prof’s nephew, but it wasn’t something anyone discussed openly.

  Gage was a big bastard, with a short temper and a long reach—tall, broad shouldered and muscular. His fists were the size of small plates, and there was one occasion during a jump in, I witnessed him fracture a man’s jaw with one punch. He had nondescript features, with dark hair and eyes. If not for his size, he could easily mix into a crowd and get lost among the people. Never uttering more than a few words, it was hard to tell what he may be thinking. He was not an enemy I wanted to have. Just how much had he heard? “You’re back?” Talking with Gage was like playing verbal chess.

  Gage pushed past me and claimed the seat across from mine.

  I peered over at him. The asshole wasn’t giving anything away. I shifted around, dropped into the seat beside him and stared ahead at the woman that unknowingly might have just signed my death warrant. To look at Gage for any length of time would be like admitting some sort of guilt.

  Harper’s gazed darted between me and Gage. Her lips were pressed together in a firm line, and for a brief moment, her nose flared. Tension grew around us, blanketing me in a cocoon of hyper awareness. The obnoxious woman couldn’t be here. She was a distraction, and her mouth would get us killed, if Gage wasn’t already planning our deaths. I eased forward and twisted to watch Gage, while I partially blocked his view of her.