by Noelle Adams
THE DAY PASSED QUICKLY. Madeline got her work done in the morning, even more quickly than she’d been hoping, so she went grocery shopping and then stopped by to help out at the flower shop for a couple of hours.
She relaxed in the afternoon, reading and doing some laundry. At six, she finally forced herself to get off her couch and got in the shower, figuring she should probably clean up a bit before she showed herself in public.
She showered and shaved her legs and even washed her hair. Then she put on a pretty casual skirt and a top that made the most of her boobs. The outfit was perfectly appropriate for most occasions. She wasn’t particularly dressed up. She wasn’t sure why she’d made such an effort with her appearance. Sure, Ken would be there tonight, but they wouldn’t be there together.
They wouldn’t be on a date.
She finished the outfit off with her favorite high boots and was pleased with her appearance. She looked soft and curvy and as pretty as it was possible for her to look.
The party was at Anna’s, so all she had to do was walk half a block and across the street. It wasn’t yet dark out, and people were already spilling out from the diner and onto the downtown sidewalk. Bill was much loved. There would be a big turnout tonight. Madeline made her way over, greeting a few people she knew who were chatting outside and drinking beers.
The first thing she saw upon entering was Ken on the far side of the restaurant, leaning against a wall and talking to his ex-wife.
For just a moment she was jealous. Jealous that Katie had a history with Ken that she would never share. They had family. Children. Not just a no-strings-attached rebound. And for a few seconds, she hated that fact.
She managed to brush it away almost immediately since it was an unworthy and immature way of thinking and she didn’t like to indulge that side of herself.
His eyes moved to her face as she walked in, and their gazes met for just a little too long. It was weird and intense and unexpected. Then she smiled, flushed, and managed to look away.
She couldn’t look at him too much like that while she was there, or someone would definitely notice.
Skye was there with the rest of her large family, and Ria and Belinda were sitting in a booth with Fitz standing nearby, obviously doing his best to get on Belinda’s nerves.
Since Skye looked busy, Madeline went over to sit next to Ria.
She had a good time for about an hour, eating and chatting with her friends. Then she got up to go to the bathroom and almost tripped on a pair of little feet as she was returning.
Catching herself, she looked down and saw that Heather Harley—Ken’s older daughter—was sitting on the floor by herself away from the crowds and reading.
“Oops,” Madeline said with a smile since the girl was doing what she might have done herself. “Sorry about that. Did I hurt you?”
“No,” Heather said with a sober expression. “But you made me lose my place.”
“I’m sorry. What are you reading?”
Heather was a cute girl with long brown braids and blue eyes just like Ken’s. She had a few freckles on her nose. She lifted the book she was reading.
Madeline frowned. “I’ve never read that one. What is it about?”
Heather eyed her suspiciously for a moment until she evidently reassured herself that Madeline really wanted to know. Then she explained that the book was about a girl in colonial times. She’d gotten it on her trip to Williamsburg a couple of weeks ago.
Madeline was happy to talk about books to anyone at any time, so she lowered herself to the floor beside the girl and asked a bunch of questions.
After a few minutes, Jessie came over to join them. She was a wild child—racing with the little boys and often the loudest one in a room. But she wanted to know what Heather and Madeline were talking about. Not caring about the book, Jessie instead interrogated Madeline about where she lived, who her best friends were, and why she wasn’t dating Josh anymore.
Madeline fielded the questions easily, laughing at the pure shamelessness of the girl. It didn’t take long until it was quite clear to her that she liked both of these girls a lot, and it had nothing to do with the fact that they were Ken’s daughters. She wasn’t sure what to make of that fact, but she tried not to let it worry her.
She was allowed to like little girls in town. It didn’t mean they were special to her.
And it definitely didn’t mean that Ken was special to her.
Because he couldn’t be. Not unless she was ready for everything to get hard and stressful and complicated again.
KEN HAD STAYED IN THE same place for most of the evening, chatting with everyone who stopped by to say hello to him. He tried to enjoy the company. The food and drink. The festive mood. But he was distracted by thoughts of Madeline.
He couldn’t stop looking at her, wondering what she was thinking, wishing she would come over and say a few words to him.
That wouldn’t be inappropriate, would it? It wasn’t like the entire world would immediately know what was going on between them if she happened to say hi.
He’d been champing at the bit more and more every day, wanting to get closer to Madeline but knowing he’d destroy everything the moment he tried.
It wasn’t a great way to live, but it was better than living without her.
But the worst thing was when Madeline had come out of the bathroom and started talking to Heather about fifteen minutes ago. The girl was shy. Not particularly open with people she didn’t know. But Madeline had no problem getting her to open up. The two were having a good talk about something—probably the book Heather was reading—and then Jessie had gone over to join in.
Ken’s heart ached in his chest as he watched her talk to his daughters. The girls liked her. That much was clear. And it really seemed like Madeline might like them. She wasn’t faking. Ken was a pretty good judge of people, and he knew Madeline really well by now. He was sure he’d be able to tell if she was just being polite or making up to them as a strategy. She was smiling authentically, her gray eyes warm and invested.
He wanted her to like his daughters.
He wanted her to love them.
He wanted her to love him too.
The knowledge hit him like a truck, nearly knocking him off his feet. He’d known his feelings were too caught up in her. He’d known from the beginning that he wanted more than she was willing to offer. He’d known for a while now that he was in too deep.
But he’d never let himself acknowledge exactly what had happened.
He’d fallen in love with her.
When all she’d ever wanted from him was rebound sex.
“You okay?” a soft voice came from behind him.
Caught off guard, he jerked dramatically and turned to see Katie leaning against the wall beside him. She was an attractive woman with brown hair, brown eyes, and freckles.
“Yeah,” he said, controlling his thoughts quickly. “Fine. Why?”
“Because you’re pining a little too much, and I’m pretty sure you don’t want anyone else to see that.”
Ken blinked. “What?”
“Pining.” Katie nodded toward where Madeline was still talking to their daughters. “You were pining.”
“I wasn’t—” He broke off the lie when she gave him an impatient look. With a flare of fear, he looked around as if he might be able to tell who else had seen what he’d just unconsciously revealed. “Is it that obvious?”
“No. Not at all. In fact, I wouldn’t have been able to tell unless I’d already had a clue.” At Ken’s unspoken question, she added, “Mrs. McCracken mentioned you’ve had a nightly visitor for a while now.”
“Shit,” he muttered, hating that he was flushing but unable to stop himself. “Does everyone know now?”
“I don’t think so. She likes you, and I guess she knows you want to keep it secret. She told me she didn’t want to gossip, but you know her. She couldn’t help herself from telling someone. And I was the someone. I don’t think she’s going to spread it
around.”
“Good.” He let out a breath, his crisis instinct relaxing slightly. “We’re not telling people. It’s not... serious.”
He hated the sound of the words. Hated that he needed to say them.
Hated that they were true.
“It sure looks like it’s serious to you. I’ve never seen you looking so totally whipped as you were looking just now.” Katie’s tone was light. Almost teasing.
“I wasn’t supposed to be looking like that,” he admitted. “And I hope to God no one else noticed.”
“Then you better get better control over yourself because you’re looking like she’s the only sun in your sky.”
He bit back a groan. What the hell was he supposed to do here? He felt hopelessly and endless trapped.
“Why not make it serious?” Katie asked in a more sober tone. “I mean, it’s obviously what you want, so why not make it serious?”
“It’s not what she wants.”
“You know that for sure?”
He nodded, unable to look his ex-wife in the eye as he made the admission.
“Well, that sucks. But listen to me for a minute, Ken.”
He turned to face her, having no idea what she was about to say.
“Look, I know it’s not my business, and it’s probably kind of weird for me to give you advice like this. But I was married to you for a long time. And you spent a lot of that time trying to do what you thought I wanted instead of being honest about what you wanted. And that wasn’t good for us. It didn’t make you happy, and it didn’t make me happy either. It’s not an equal relationship if you’re always trying to hold things together you think are about to break. If you’re trying to control everything instead of having faith in the other person. You need to trust that the relationship is strong enough to hold up to who you really are and what you really want. And if it’s not, then it’s not the right relationship for you.”
Ken was shaken. He couldn’t speak immediately. His throat burned, and he couldn’t take a full breath. It wasn’t from instinctive defensiveness, although he did feel a little bit of that. Mostly, it was because he knew Katie was right.
He’d known it all along and been too afraid to admit it.
Because the moment he admitted who he really was and what he really wanted, he would lose what he had with Madeline.
But it wasn’t fair to either of them to go along with something he didn’t really want just because he was afraid of what would happen when he revealed the truth.
He deserved the kind of relationship he wanted—a real one, one that could last—even if it meant he could never have it with Madeline.
It was a hard truth to process. It took time. Katie waited, scanning his face and at one point reaching out to squeeze his arm in support.
“I know it’s not my business,” she said at last, when he was capable of taking a real breath.
“No, no, it’s fine. I... appreciate you saying that.”
She leaned over to press a chaste kiss on his cheek. “You deserve every good thing, Ken. You’re the strongest, most generous man I’ve ever known. And I know you’re strong enough to ask for everything, if that’s what you want. If she has any sense at all, she’ll want everything from you too.”
She didn’t wait around for him to answer. He wouldn’t have been able to say anything anyway. She walked off to rejoin the man she’d been dating for a few months now.
And Ken was left alone against the wall, looking at the woman he loved, laughing with his daughters.
Katie was right. He had to say something. He had to ask for what he wanted.
Even if it meant he’d lose everything.
THAT EVENING, MADELINE showed up at Ken’s house at just after ten in the evening, feeling more fluttery than ever and also very nervous. She didn’t even know why.
She’d talked to Heather and Jessie for about a half hour. They seemed to like her and both had a lot to say. Then she’d returned to her friends and hung out with them for the rest of the time. Ken stopped by their table once and chatted for a few minutes. He’d looked at her a lot but had mostly talked to Jacob.
And that was fine. That was how she wanted it.
Things didn’t feel quite right between them anymore, and she knew enough to realize the weird feelings were signs that something was wrong. Something couldn’t continue the way it had been up until this point.
But the thing she wanted to happen was also the thing that terrified her, and that couldn’t be right either.
She had no idea what she should do.
Ken was waiting for her when she got there. It smelled like he’d taken another shower. He looked clean and handsome and sexy as hell in the clothes he’d been wearing earlier—tan pants and a plaid button-up shirt, now only halfway tucked in.
She greeted a slobbery, affectionate Marlowe and then blinked in surprise when she saw that candles were lit in the dining table and there was a vase of gerbera daisies. “They’re beautiful!” she said, her heart jumping and then continuing to bounce in her chest.
“Ria said they were your favorites.” Ken looked as relaxed as always, but there was an edge to his expression that was different. That was almost—almost—nervous. She’d never seen him like that before.
“I love them,” she admitted, staring down at the flowers since they were safer than looking at Ken at the moment. “They’re gorgeous.”
“Good.” He came over to stand beside her, pushing Marlowe back down to the floor when he got too excited over the tension in the air. “You want some wine?”
“You got wine?” She couldn’t help but look at him now, needing to see his expression so she’d know how to take this.
“Uh, yeah. I thought it might be nice. But it’s fine if you don’t want—”
“I do. Wine would be great.” Her stomach was so twisty that she wasn’t actually in the mood for food or drink, but alcohol might help to ease her nerves, so she thought it was worth a try.
Ken had a bottle of a cabernet ready. Not a cheap bottle either. He poured them both glasses, and they took them to the living room to drink. There were a couple more candles lit on the coffee table.
They sat in silence for a minute with Marlowe as the only distraction. Finally Madeline couldn’t stand the flood of mental questions so she asked, “Is something... going on?”
“No. No. Not really.” Ken still looked relaxed. Sexy. Exactly like himself. But there was still that tension underlying the lines of his broad shoulders and square jaw that spoke to more than he was revealing.
“Then what... what is all this about?” Her eyes were wide. Her voice wobbled slightly.
He opened his mouth and then closed it again.
“Is something wrong, Ken? Because you’re making me nervous. You’re... you’re tense, and that’s not like you at all.”
He blew out a breath, lowering his eyes to Marlowe at his feet before slanting her a quick look. “Sorry. I was trying to be cool about it. Smooth. Failed pretty miserably, didn’t I?”
“Cool about what? Please tell me what’s going on. Because I’m getting scared.”
“I know you are. I was trying for that not to happen. But I’m not any good at this.”
“Good at what?”
“At... at the truth.”
This wasn’t at all what she was expecting, and it slammed into her. “The truth? Have you not told me the truth about something?”
“No, no. Not like that. Not in a bad way. I haven’t lied to you. About anything. I just haven’t... told you everything.”
“What do you need to tell me?” She’d been thinking with the wine and flowers and candles that maybe he was going to do something romantic. It made her nervous, but she also wanted it—really wanted it. She hadn’t realized how much until she’d walked into the house just now.
But this wasn’t what she’d expected. She wasn’t prepared. She didn’t know what was happening, so she wasn’t sure she could handle it.
He opened
his mouth. Nothing came out.
“Ken?” she prompted. He was so still—so unlike his normal self—that she reached out to touch his chest gently. It felt like he needed support. “You can tell me. I can’t promise that I’m ready for it, but I’ll do my best.”
He nodded. Looked at a spot over her shoulder. “It’s about... it’s about us.”
“Us?”
“Yeah. I haven’t been entirely honest about it.”
“About what?”
“About what I want. This...” He waved between them. “This isn’t exactly what I want.”
“It’s not?” She could barely recognize her own voice, but the pain in her chest threatened to slice her apart. “You don’t want... me?”
“It’s not that.” His features twisted dramatically. His voice was hoarse. “It’s not that. It’s that I want... more.”
“More than me?”
“More from you.”
“Oh.” The slice of pain lessened slightly. “O...kay.”
“I know you said you didn’t want that. I know you meant that. And I tried... At first I thought I’d be okay with just... just sex. Nothing more. But I’m not. It’s not what I want. I want... everything.”
“Everything?” She felt like a parrot, unable to do anything but repeat word by word.
“Yes. I guess you were right about me from the beginning. I’m not a rebound-sex kind of guy. I’m a marriage and family and lifetime commitment kind of guy.”
Her whole body went cold with fear—the feeling drowning at the shivers of excitement his words were also evoking. “You want to... marry...”
“No!” he burst out. “Oh God, what am I saying? I told you I’m terrible at this. I didn’t mean that. I just meant I’m not really built for this.”
“So... so what do you want?” She was so confused. So upset. She was suddenly on the verge of tears.
“I want things to change. Do you think... do you think you could want that too?”
She cared about him so much, and she could see a desperate kind of urgency to his eyes, even though his expression was mostly composed now. She wanted so much to make him happy, but she was also so terrified that her stomach churned. She felt sick. Had to breathe slowly before she said, “I like how things are between us. I like... who I am right now. With you. I’m so sorry, Ken, but I don’t know if I’m ready to be anyone’s girlfriend.”
