by Hazel Kelly
"Don't try to infect me with your offensively dated views on gender roles."
She tutted. "That's not what I'm doing."
"What are you doing?"
"Calling to say hi to my daughter."
"Because you want to or because it's what Jesus would do?"
"Because I want to."
"Thanks, then. I appreciate that."
"How's school?"
"I have to go," I lied. "I'm late for class."
"Okay, have fun! Good chat!"
"Yeah," I said. Fucking great chat.
T W E N T Y T H R E E
- James -
Brie was right. Kissing her had changed everything. At least for me.
How she was feeling today was a total mystery, since she was gone before I got up. It was just as well, though, as it spared her having to listen to the flurry of curses I exclaimed when I stubbed my toe on the ill-placed booby trap she left outside my bedroom door. If you could call a fifty-pound boxset of Harry Potter hardbacks a booby trap.
Would it have been so hard to leave them somewhere I wouldn't trip over them? That said, she’d certainly gotten her message across. Still, I wished I understood why she wanted me to read the books. I knew she liked them, but was lack of Hogwarts knowledge a deal breaker for her? Had I put my foot in it that badly with my failed metaphor last night? And could I even enjoy the books now that I knew Hermione was going to end up with Ron?
Didn't see Ron's appeal myself.
Either way, the fact that I was carrying the first book around with me was a constant reminder that I had a secret even more delicious than discovering I was a wizard.
"Heard Maeve broke the news," Maddy said, squeezing a slice of lemon into her iced tea before shoving it to the bottom of her glass with her straw.
"What news?" I asked, leaning back in my hard metal chair. "The fact that I might be an uncle soon?"
She studied my face. "How do you feel about that?"
"I don't know. It's her body and her life, and she doesn't go out anyway, so it's not like a baby’s going to ruin her social life."
Maddy cocked her head. "I hadn't thought about that."
"Because you see her more than anyone else."
"Apart from the people she works with."
I nodded. "Right."
"Well, if anyone can raise a kid on her own, it's Maeve," Maddy said. "She's the most competent person I know."
“Same. Plus, it’s not like she's rushing into it. Apparently, you guys have been discussing it for a year."
Maddy smiled. "Are you jealous that she confided in me instead of you?"
"About sperm bank stuff? No."
Her brown eyes narrowed. "Admit it irks you a little."
"It's twisted that you get off on making me feel like the third wheel."
"I don't get off on it," she said. "It's just a nice change since I was always the third wheel when we were kids."
I scoffed. "At least you're not still bitter."
"Jerk."
"Besides, that's not even true."
"What are you talking about?” she asked. “Of course it's true."
I turned an ear towards her. "Aren't you forgetting someone?"
Her eyes drooped at the edges. "Why are you so hellbent on torturing me?"
"Because it's not too late to make amends."
"I was a kid," Maddy said. "Staying friends with her would've been kicking Mom when she was down."
"You don't know that."
"Are you for real right now?” she asked. “Do you have any idea how much it hurt Mom that you went to live with them?"
"I was trying to do what was best for everybody."
"Well, you didn't. You just made everything worse."
I clenched my jaw and took a deep breath. She couldn't mean that. And even if she did, she was wrong. "You can’t put this on me. It's not my fault you were a shitty friend."
"I wasn't a shitty friend," she said. "I just wasn't a friend at all."
My brow furrowed. "Can you even hear yourself right now?"
"It's too late."
"Too late for what? To tell Brie you don't hate her?"
Maddy recoiled. "Of course I don't hate her."
"Then you should tell her. Because she thinks you do."
Her face fell. "She thinks I hate her?"
My mind flashed back to the night before, to Brie's shiny eyes in the moonlit kitchen, asking me if I'd kissed her for cruel reasons. The suggestion sent a sharp pain through my chest all over again.
"James!"
My eyes popped wide.
"Did she tell you that?" Maddy asked.
"Not in so many words."
A disenchanted waitress arrived with our burgers and dropped them unceremoniously in front of us without asking if we needed anything else. I licked my lips and lifted my golden bun to see if she remembered that I wanted extra jalapeños. When I looked up, Maddy was staring at her food like she didn't remember ordering it.
"I don't hate her," she said. "You have to tell her that."
"I think it would mean a lot more if it came from you."
Maddy swallowed.
"If I didn't know what a good person you are, I wouldn't mention it."
"You mean what a good person she is."
"Look, it's no skin off my nose if you guys never patch things up." It was a lie, but what else could I say? I think I might be in love with her, and I want to make sure you guys are cool before I tell you that. Fuck. Why was I even pushing this? If I wanted to explore things with Brie, wasn't it better that they weren't bosom buddies anymore?
"Then why bring it up?"
"Because one of your friends is hurting, and you’re the only one who can fix it."
She dropped her head and wrung her hands in her lap. "I wouldn't even know what to say. So much time has passed."
"Sorry," I said, reaching for my burger. "You start with sorry."
She pulled at the chunky collar of her sweater before lifting her face. "Do you think I'm a terrible person?"
"Of course not," I said, eyeing my first bite. "I think you're the second-best person I know."
She smiled. "Quinn would like that joke."
"I know," I said, glad she assumed I was talking about myself. "How are things going with you guys, by the way?"
Her right brow arched. "You really want to know?"
“Not even a little.”
She laughed and grabbed a French fry from her plate. "We're fine."
"Great. Let's agree no news is good news until further notice." I took a big bite of my burger and set it down.
"Is that grass on your neck?"
I swiped a palm across my skin.
"Other side," she said. "Should I be concerned? Are you sleeping rough and not actually staying at Dad's?"
I scowled at her and swiped the other side of my neck before stretching it away from her like I was tempting a vampire. "Did I get it?"
"Yeah,” she said with a nod. “Care to explain?"
"I went to see Mom this morning. Mowed the lawn and put air in her tires."
Maddy rolled her eyes. "The golden boy's work is never done.”
"She shouldn't have to do that stuff. I don't mind."
"Maybe you should be a saint for Halloween," she teased. "You wouldn't even have to dress up."
"I'll consider it," I said, deadpan. "What are you going as? The front half of something so Quinn can kiss your ass all night?"
"Good one."
"I assume you guys are going to Alicia's Halloween party?"
"Are you?" she asked. "Won't that be weird?"
"No,” I said, shaking my head. “Not if my costume's good enough."
T W E N T Y F O U R
- Brie -
Was leaving those books in the hall like that too forward? I mean, it was for his own good.
"Brie," Professor Herstall said before I left his classroom. "Can I have a quick word?"
"I'll catch up with you later," I said t
o Danny's long face. "I have a thing with Crystal after this."
"You've always got a thing," he mumbled, as if he was finally beginning to understand that our entire relationship lived and died in the space of that one kiss. Not that I'd realized quite how much until James showed me how kissing was supposed to feel.
To be honest, I was sort of embarrassed that I'd been doing it wrong this whole time. But maybe it wasn't my fault. Maybe the connection I had with James was more unique than I imagined. Because I couldn't stop comparing what happened between us to the moment when Hermione and Ron kiss and in the Deathly Hallows. How surprising and glorious it was. How impossible to forget.
"I liked your changes," Professor Herstall said when the last student filtered out of the room.
"Yeah?"
He nodded and glanced down at the desk between us, tenting his fingers over the stack of papers he'd collected minutes earlier. "You have real promise."
"Thank you." My voice was quiet not because I didn't mean it, but because it didn't seem like a strong enough response. After all, he couldn't possibly know what it meant to hear a New York Times bestselling author say I wasn't shit, that I wasn't delusional, that my words had merit.
"I still think it could be stronger."
"Of course," I agreed too quickly before realizing he wasn't expecting my input yet.
"Particularly the chapter where Rose is alone with Jake for the first time." He came around the desk into my personal space and sat against the edge of it so we were eye to eye.
I held my ground.
"And when she discovers he's left without saying goodbye."
I nodded and fought the urge to fill his pregnant pauses with defensive rambling.
"But it's nothing we can't figure out."
We?
"I don't have time now, unfortunately," he said, his steel grey eyes searching mine. "But I’m willing to extend my office hours on Thursday if that works for you."
Gratitude lifted my expression. "That would be amazing."
"I think so, too," he said, tipping my chin.
But it felt all wrong. For him to touch my face? What made him think that was okay? I gasped for breath when he turned to walk back around his desk, my insides twisting with confusion.
"That'll give me time to go through the last two chapters," he added. "See if I can come up with a few ways to add some extra punch."
"Extra punch," I said. "Sure."
His eyes smiled like it hadn't occurred to him that he shouldn't have touched me, and I wondered if he already forgot it happened. Maybe he had a daughter or a niece my age, and I reminded him of her. Who knows? All I knew was that I wanted to run out of the room screaming almost as much as I wanted his writing advice. "What time?" I asked, my voice scratching my throat.
His eyes drifted towards the ceiling before returning to mine, his expression unconcerned, as if I'd successfully hidden my discomfort, which made me feel ashamed and relieved all at once. "Six thirty?" he asked. "Or is that too late for you? Wouldn't want you to miss happy hour on my account."
"Six thirty's fine," I said, stepping towards the door. "See you then."
"See you then," he said, redirecting his focus to packing his briefcase.
Meanwhile, I went back to telling myself that nothing weird happened, that I was being overly sensitive. He was a mentor, nothing more, and if I wanted special treatment, I'd have to suck it up and take the good with the annoying. Right? Yet as soon as my feet hit the steps outside the building, I felt a dark knot tighten in my belly, and when I looked up again, I half-expected to see a swarm of dementors on the horizon.
But it was just Crystal. Smiling. Her shiny hair pulled back in a colorful cloth headband that matched the rest of her purple and red ensemble. "Hey girl, what's up?"
"Hi," I said, my mood lightening. "You're alive."
"Sorry about blowing you off yesterday for aunt duty," she said. "I couldn't punish Becca just ’cause my cousin’s a mess. Look at this face." She whipped out her phone and showed me Mercedes's one-year-old, her round cheeks swollen with baby fat and decorated with some sort of orange puree that had grossly missed the mark.
"Cute," I said, my chest relaxing at the sight of Becca's huge brown eyes.
"I know. I'm obsessed."
"Does Mercedes ever pay you for all the last-minute babysitting you do?"
"You mean besides letting me help myself to whatever's in the fridge?"
I rolled my eyes.
"Speaking of cute," she said, turning towards Main Street. "That stepbrother of yours is even dreamier in person."
"I don't know about that."
"I do." She hooked her thumb under the strap of her backpack. "But he's a tough nut to crack."
I furrowed my brow. "What do you mean?"
"I mean I spit my very best game at him, and he didn't even ask for my number."
"You were spitting game at him, Crystal? What the hell?"
She drew back. "What?! You were there. You saw me."
"I saw you talking," I said. "I didn't know you were laying the works on him."
"Girl's gotta eat."
I squinted at her.
"And by eat, I mean—"
I raised a palm. "Spare me."
"Sorry," she said. "I know it's weird ’cause he's your stepbrother."
I kicked a pile of red and yellow leaves at the edge of the sidewalk. "That's not why it's weird."
"Why is it weird then?"
Because I want him to be my lover. "It's not. Never mind."
"Is he seeing someone else?"
My chin hinged forward like it was weighted. "Is that really the only possible explanation for a guy not biting when you cast your line out?"
She shrugged. "It's one explanation."
"I envy your confidence."
"I envy you going home to that hunk of blonde perfection every night."
My gaze wandered to the leafy trees overhead. "You're incredible."
She huffed. "Shame he didn't notice."
"I'm sure he noticed."
"Did he say anything about me?"
"You know I’d tell you if he did."
"There's someone else," she said. "I'm positive."
I adjusted my bag on my shoulder. "Could be."
"Find out for me."
"What?"
"Find out," she said. "If there's someone else."
"Why does it even matter?" I asked, stopping in front of the crosswalk and smashing the pedestrian button to my right.
"Because it would make me feel better."
I scoffed. You and me both, girl. You and me both.
T W E N T Y F I V E
- James -
I’d only been talking to my dad a few minutes when Brie rolled into the driveway, her golden hair sticking out from under her bike helmet. She was in leggings and an oversized green sweater, and she waggled her brows when she saw me before disappearing around the side of the house.
To say I was excited to see her was an understatement ’cause we really needed to talk. Or kiss again. After all, now that I’d opened Pandora’s box, I intended to make it worth my while by scouring every inch of it.
“So when will the mold be eradicated?” my dad asked. “You have to hold these cowboys to some kind of deadline or they’ll bleed you dry.”
I stretched my calf against the front step. “Two more weeks, and it’ll be good as new.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means they can start on the original renovations I asked for.”
His lips flapped with a huff.
I lifted my eyes to the glass panels bookending the front door just in time to see Brie drift past and jog upstairs. My whole body tightened at the thought of her in her bedroom, doing stuff and touching stuff and…wondering if she wished I’d join her.
“How long will that take?”
“I won’t cramp your style, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“That’s not why I’m asking,” he
said. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you like.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“Which is more than I can say for some people.”
My shoulders fell. “What’s that mean?”
“It means some people have overstayed their welcome.”
My back went rigid as I widened my stance on the front path. “What are you talking about?”
“Oh, come on. You know exactly what I’m talking about. Some people need to grow up and get their head out of the clouds.”
“Some people?” I wanted him to spell it out. Otherwise, how could I know exactly how pissed off to be?
“Brie,” he said. “She can’t live with us forever.”
My eyelids fell shut with the weight of my disappointment. He had no right. When I thought of the lives he’d ruined, the lucky hands he’d been dealt, and the charity he’d enjoyed despite having spent most of his life leeching off others, I felt sick. Was it really too big a chore to keep a roof over his wife’s daughter’s head? It wasn’t even his fucking roof.
“And she’ll never secure a loan with a résumé covered in milkshake spills.”
“Dad.”
“What?” he asked. “It’s the truth.”
“You don’t need to worry about that,” I said. “I’m sure living at home with you and Nance isn’t a dream come true for her either.”
He chuckled. “No, I suppose it’s not.”
“Pretty unchristian attitude, though,” I added, unable to keep vitriol from poisoning my tone. “If you don’t mind me saying.”
“Don’t you worry about my relationship with Christ,” he said, like I’d taken a jab at his golf game. “He knows better than anyone that I’m a work in progress.
“It’s not your relationship with Christ I worry about.”
“So how’s work?” he said, making it clear he wasn’t interested in even pretending he cared how my sisters were doing.
That’s why I felt so guilty accepting favors from him. Because for over ten years, I’d been searching for evidence that he wasn’t the selfish jerk Maeve and Maddy believed him to be. But despite my best efforts, I couldn’t find a shred of proof that he felt any remorse over abandoning his family. So while I genuinely believed he cared for me, the more I got to know him, the less that seemed to count for.
