by Hazel Kelly
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, stepping around me. “And I don’t have to listen to this bull.”
“This conversation isn’t over,” I said, too wrecked to chase after her again.
She looked over her shoulder at me as she pulled the bedroom door open. “Wrong again, James. You’re really on a roll tonight.”
I swallowed and took a deep breath, wishing there was something in reach I could punch besides Alicia’s monogrammed pillows. But I had more important things to do.
Like make sure Brie was okay.
Because I suspected she wasn’t, and it was all my fault.
T H I R T Y S I X
- Brie -
I sat on the sinktop for a second after James fled, as if the shock of Maddy’s expression had thrown my mind and body out of sync. But as soon as I heard the hurt in Maddy’s voice, I slid off the counter and smoothed my dress down, my insides shriveling with shame.
On the way out the bathroom, I met my own eyes in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself. Who was this girl that put herself before others? And when the others were her own family? How could I have made such a big mess in such a short time?
And poor James. For thinking I was strong enough for this.
I hurried down the hall and ran straight into Quinn when I turned the corner to the living room. “Oops, sorry,” I mumbled, swerving around him without meeting his eyes. I just wanted to get my coat and leave before I caused any more trouble. God forbid I stayed one more second and let my guard down when it should be up or vice versa. Ugh.
I dug through the coats piled on the bed in the guestroom until I found mine, and when I spun around, Quinn was leaning in the door, his fake hair shooting up from his head like black flames.
“You alright?” he asked.
“Yeah, fine.”
“Come outside with me for a smoke?”
I shoved my arms into the sleeves of my peacoat. “I don’t smoke.”
“Perfect,” he said. “Me neither.”
I turned an ear towards him as I fumbled with my buttons.
“Let’s get some fresh air anyway.”
Everything in my body told me he was the last person I should be around at that moment, but I wasn’t about to stick around and explain that to him.
He stepped to one side as I passed him and followed me towards the front door.
“You’re not going to put shoes on?” I asked, dropping my eyes to his big, pale man feet.
“Shoes?” he asked, pulling the door open wider without trying to stop me from leaving. “Whatever do you mean?”
I didn’t have the energy to appreciate his commitment to character. Instead, I glanced past his animal print tunic once more at the party, and even though I didn’t expect to see James, my stomach still sank a bit when I didn’t.
“You sure you’re okay?” Quinn asked as we waited for the elevator. “Because it kind of feels like you’re leaving.”
“I am leaving.” I stared at the shiny elevator door and smoothed my hair away from my face.
“You want to tell me why?”
I gripped my purse in both hands and shook my head without looking at him, my lower lip threatening to tremble.
“Brie.”
I glanced at him for a moment but turned away as soon as the elevator dinged.
Quinn followed me on. “So how long have you guys been…”
My eyes flicked up at him.
“More than friends?”
I furrowed my brow, barely mustering the strength to feign ignorance. “What makes you ask that?”
He tilted his head, and the gesture looked ridiculously exaggerated thanks to his wig. “Come on,” he said. “Let’s not do this.”
I swallowed.
“You can talk to me.”
I thought of Maddy. Of how pissed she’d be if the doors opened now and she found me with Quinn. “I can’t, actually.”
“He didn’t say anything to me,” he continued, like I hadn’t just objected to further conversation. “If that’s what you’re wondering.”
I glanced down at his feet again, wondering if he’d really venture on to the city streets without shoes.
“But something tells me he’s going to be pissed if you leave.”
I scoffed. “I’m sure he’ll be relieved.”
“She'll come around.”
My eyes flicked up at him.
“She just can’t see it yet.”
I could feel my heart beating in my temples under my sequined headband, and I wondered if it was because Quinn made me nervous or because of the adrenaline surging through me. “See what?”
“That James doesn’t look at you the way he looks at her.”
I bit my tongue and turned my attention to the arch of numbers lighting over the doors.
“She’s too in her own head about how she treated you.”
I bit my tongue.
“But it’s obvious.”
“What is?”
“That he cares for you.” His eyes softened. “A lot.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Maybe not,” he said, his arm flexing as he folded them. “But I know James.”
“Why are you following me right now?” I asked. “Really?”
He recoiled. “Following you? I thought we were going outside together to get some fresh air.”
I rolled my eyes. “You aren’t going to convince me to stay.”
“Only because I’m not going to try.”
This was a good guy. Maddy was lucky. I barely knew him, but he seemed genuinely concerned about me. What I didn’t understand, was why?
He leaned against the wall of the elevator. “Now’s your chance, by the way.”
“My chance for what?”
“To tell me your side of the story.”
I took a deep breath.
“Whatever happened up there, I’m going to hear about it.”
Maybe he was right. After all, it’s not like Maddy wasn’t going to fill him in.
His left brow lifted like a question mark.
“She walked in on us.”
He grimaced.
“We were only kissing, but…”
Quinn glanced at the panel of buttons beside him and pulled the emergency stop, causing the elevator to jerk and then freeze, the whirring pulleys outside the walls falling silent.
“What are you doing?”
“Fresh air is overrated. I say we hide out here for…” His eyes drifted up to the ceiling like it held the answers he was searching for. “Maybe two weeks?”
I bit back a smile. It seemed inappropriate to give in to his joke, but I liked that he wasn’t making light of the situation. Because it was a big deal. A big fucking disaster to be specific.
“What do you say?”
“I think the only thing that would upset Maddy more than what she just saw would be if she caught me in here with you.”
“That may be,” he said. “But only because she doesn’t know what’s good for her.”
“And you do?”
“I like to think so.”
“What about James?” I asked.
“What about him?”
I glanced at my shoes before lifting my face again. “You know what’s good for him, too?”
“I know he’s been in a weirdly good mood lately.”
I bit the inside of my lip.
“And I suspect it’s not all the time he’s been spending with black mold.”
“How much do you know?” I asked. “About our family and…stuff?”
He considered me carefully. “Enough.”
“Enough?”
He nodded. “Enough to know James is a fucking hero.”
I pursed my lips.
“Enough to know he’d never do anything to hurt Maddy or Maeve.”
He was right. I knew he was right. But that didn’t mean James couldn’t get it wrong. “Everyone makes mistakes.”
> “Not James,” Quinn said quickly. “But don’t tell him I said that. Or the fucking hero thing.”
I narrowed my gaze.
“Sometimes I worry I’m the only person who doesn’t blow smoke up his ass.”
I pulled my phone out to call an Uber.
“What do you want me to say?”
“To who?”
“C’mon, Brie. You don’t strike me as the kind of girl that usually leaves a party without thanking the host or saying goodbye to anyone.”
“Tell ’em I had too much of that lethal punch.”
He cringed. “My bad.”
I lifted my chin towards the emergency knob, and he popped it back in with the side of his fist.
“You really don’t have to go,” he said when the elevator jolted into motion again.
“I think it’s for the best.”
“Your call,” he said. “But for what it’s worth, I’m glad I finally got to meet you.”
“Shame it probably won’t happen again.”
He laughed. “So dramatic. I can see why you guys get along.”
I knew he wasn’t talking about James, and even though it was a nice thing to say, it felt like too little too late.
“I mean it,” he said. “I like you so much I don’t even resent you for the sleepless night I’m about to have.”
“I’m sorry.” The elevator jerked on the ground floor, and I stepped towards the doors.
“Don’t be,” he said, spreading his arms wide. “I’m glad you came.”
I stepped into his hug, my lower lip quivering when he squeezed me harder than I expected.
“Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better,” he whispered.
I stepped back and stretched a hand out to hold the elevator door. “Thanks for seeing me off.”
“You sure you can take it from here?” he asked. “I’m happy to wait with you.”
“I’m good. Besides, I’ll never forgive myself if you come outside with me and step in something horrible.”
“Sorry about that punch again,” he said as the doors started to close.
“Thanks,” I said, forcing a smile. “Me too.”
T H I R T Y S E V E N
- James -
I didn’t realize how worked up I was until I yelled, “Why didn’t you stop her?!” in Quinn’s face.
He stared at me disapprovingly.
I held up a hand to let him know I didn’t really expect an answer. “Stupid question, okay. I get that.”
“Go home, James.”
“Will you…?” I pointed a thumb over my shoulder, but I didn’t need to. He knew I was talking about Maddy and nodded. “Did Brie tell you what happened?”
He nodded again.
“What did she say?”
He closed the door to the guest bedroom, which had become a makeshift coat check. “She didn’t like my punch.”
"That’s not what I meant.”
He shrugged. “Nothing you don’t already know.”
I could tell he knew everything just by looking at him. His stance was all smug confidence and mild amusement.
“Is this funny to you?”
“No,” he said. “I mean, it’s not not funny.”
I groaned.
Maddy opened the door behind him and started talking before she saw me. “There you are! I’ve been looking all over for—” Her eyes found mine a second later. “You.”
“Don’t worry,” I said, approaching the door. “I was just leaving.”
Her head whipped back to Quinn. “Did you know about this?”
“About what?” he asked, his feigned ignorance almost convincing.
Maddy clenched her jaw and stepped back so I could pass between them, her eyes still as wild as when she’d stormed out of Alicia’s bedroom. “Wait, you’re leaving?”
“Leave it,” Quinn said in a tone I’d never heard him use with her.
“Did Brie leave?” I heard Maddy ask just before I was out of earshot.
But she was Quinn’s problem now, and I should’ve let her be from the start. There was no calming her down anyway, and she wasn’t wrong about any of the conclusions she drew. Apart from the fact that I wasn’t deliberately trying to torture her.
We were only arguing for a few minutes, though, so Brie must’ve left in a hurry. Fuck. I never should’ve left her side.
I pulled my phone out and dialed her number, but it went straight to voicemail. Three times in a row. I didn’t waste my breath leaving a message because the one she left me by not answering came across loud and clear. Had I done the wrong thing by bringing her here?
I couldn’t tell. I didn’t feel guilty, but what if Maddy was right? What if I’d been acting selfishly? I sighed. Once again, I thought I was doing the right thing for my family, and all I’d done was fail them.
How was I supposed to convince Brie that Maddy didn’t hate her now? After that face she made? No doubt her disgust was with me, but Brie couldn’t know that.
God, what must she be thinking?
If only I knew.
***
The house was dark when my Uber pulled in the driveway, and there were no signs of life downstairs apart from the entryway light, which was on an automatic timer.
“Brie?” I took the stairs two at a time and reached her room in two breaths. “Brie?” I leaned my ear towards the door and knocked softly. “You in there?” When I didn’t hear anything, I turned the knob slowly and pushed the door open, my body waking to the smell of her room.
I peeked my head around the door, my eyes traveling to the lump in her bed. “Are you awake?” I asked softly, making my way towards the nightstand with the glass of water on it. She couldn’t really be sleeping, could she? “Brie?”
I sank down to my knees by the head of her bed, and sat back on my heels, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the dark. Fortunately, the moon was bright enough that even with her blinds drawn, I was eventually able to make out her face, which was laced with an unnatural tension that told me she wasn’t really asleep.
I knew because I loved how relaxed she looked when she slept, how sweet. But she didn’t look that way now. She was faking. Because she didn’t want to see me, didn’t want to talk. Didn’t want to look me in the eye.
And when I realized that, I felt a pressure in the center of my chest so intense I thought it might kill me. “Brie,” I whispered, pleading with her to open her eyes. But she stayed in character, like a pissed off Sleeping Beauty. “I’m so sorry,” I said, waiting in vain for a reaction. “This is all my fault.” I hoped the urge to concur might rouse her, but she stayed still, her dark lashes fanned across her cheeks.
“I should’ve kept my hands to myself.” I hung my head for a second before looking back at her. “Like you asked. I just…” I took a deep breath. “I’m so crazy about you.”
Her breath was even, controlled. Maybe she was asleep?
“Maybe too crazy,” I added, sinking to the ground and leaning back against her nightstand. I bent my knees and hung my elbows on them, staying like that for several minutes before I spoke again. “I’d never hurt you on purpose,” I whispered into the dark, emotion clogging my throat. “I hope you know that. I think you’re the kindest, funniest, most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”
A memory popped into my head, making my chest swell with warmth. “Maddy asked how long I’ve felt this way.” I looked down at the carpet between my black dress socks. “I told her high school, but I don’t think that’s right. I think I knew even earlier.”
I dropped my head back, resting it on the edge of the wooden nightstand, my eyes tracing the shadows on the ceiling as they swayed with the tree outside the window. “I think I knew I loved you in seventh grade.”
My mind drifted back to the schoolyard. “We had the same recess, and you used to read the whole time. I remember being fascinated that people could be screaming and running all around you, and you’d act like couldn’t even hear them over your book.�
� I smiled. “There was one day you didn’t look up at all, but you couldn’t get comfortable either. I could tell because you kept shifting at the picnic table. Hunching over it, lying on your back, folding your legs every which way. But all the while you kept turning pages like nothing else mattered.”
I took a deep breath and tried to remember what she’d been reading that day, what she’d been wearing, but all the details were blurry apart from the entranced expression on her face. “I’d never wanted to be inside someone else’s head so bad. But I envied you, too.” I glanced at her, finding her softly furrowed brow even more upsetting now that I believed she was truly asleep, so I looked away again. “I envied you because I feared I would never love anything as much as you love books.” My eyes watered and the inside of my nose burned. “But I do.” I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, trying not to get upset. “I do love something that much.”
I rubbed my eyes with my thumb and forefinger before dragging my hand down my face, squeezing the bottom half of it for a moment before dropping my hand again. “I just couldn’t see it then.”
She made a sleepy noise and rolled over, the covers ruffling as she nestled in to face the other side of the room.
I took that as my cue to leave.
T H I R T Y E I G H T
- Brie -
I woke with a fierce hangover. Not from booze, but from drama. What the hell had I been thinking?
I shouldn’t want anything to do with this family. They were certifiable. I should’ve realized Maddy’s rejection all those years ago was a big fat blessing in disguise. And when James moved in, I should’ve kept my walls up and avoided him at all costs. Then I wouldn’t be in this mess.
But junior high? Was he for real? Could he really have had a thing for me that far back? Or was he just trying to rationalize putting our family through more shit?
I thought about the hurt in Maddy’s eyes the night before. God, if looks could kill.
I wanted to be mad at James for going after her, wanted to believe that moment was proof I could never be a priority for him. But I didn’t feel that way at all. If anything, I thought he did the right thing. Or at least, the thing I hoped he would do.
