I opened wide, and he dropped a piece of food into my mouth. My lips relaxed around it. Mmm…chocolate.
I loved chocolate as much as any wise person.
“A look of pleasure, perfect. Up next…”
My face wrinkled up with the next food—Sour Patch Kids.
He couldn’t stop laughing. “Oh my God, I wish you could see your scrunched up nose right now.”
The next items included grapes, spaghetti sauce, lemon slices, and cheese—which I was certain was old.
When I took my blindfold off, I couldn’t have been more excited, because it was my turn to torture him. I tied it around his eyes, and he smirked, biting his bottom lip. “Kinky.”
I rolled my eyes. First, I placed cold mashed potatoes into his mouth, and he liked it more than he should’ve. Next came spaghetti sauce with hot sauce—he didn’t love that one—bananas, and more. Lastly I took a piece of chocolate, rolled it in ketchup, and squeezed some lemon juice on top of it. He instantly tried to spit it out, but I covered his mouth with my hand, snickering as he wiggled his body around, trying to swallow it.
“That’s just evil, Maggie. Evil.” He laughed, wiping his hands against his mouth. I leaned in and kissed him, and he took my bottom lip between his teeth and gently bit it.
Mmm…I like that.
Before we could kiss again, Calvin, Rudolph, and Oliver came bursting through the bedroom door.
“Holy shit!” Calvin screamed.
I cocked an eyebrow, and Brooks appeared as confused as me.
“Oh my God, oh my God!” Rudolph said, walking in circles, his hands shaking nonstop. He was hyperventilating, but that wasn’t uncommon for Rudolph. It didn’t take much for him to get worked up in a frenzy.
What freaked me out the most was watching Oliver jump up and down. Oliver wasn’t one to jump up and down: he was much more into sitting down than anything else. I’d never seen him so excited.
“What? What is it?” Brooks exclaimed, bewildered.
Calvin paused. “Are you…wearing a blindfold?”
The twins whistled in unison. “Kinky.”
Brooks tossed off the blindfold. “Never mind that. What’s going on?”
The three boys stayed quiet for a moment before returning to their previous levels of excitement.
Calvin ran over to Brooks, placed his hands on his shoulders, and started shaking his body. “Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy…!” Calvin shoved his cell phone into Brooks’ hand.
Brooks’ eyes narrowed as he read the words. I raced behind him so I could read along. Each word hit me harder in my gut. “SHIT!” Brooks hollered, his hands shaking.
I took the phone from him to reread it.
“How is that even possible?”
“They saw our cover of their song on YouTube, then checked out our originals, then tweeted about us!”
“It was retweeted over forty thousand times in the past two hours,” Rudolph shouted, his nose redder than normal from his excitement.
“More than fifty thousand times, you noob,” Oliver corrected.
I tapped Brooks on the shoulder and handed the phone back to him, pointing. Oh. My. God.
“One hundred and sixty thousand retweets!” Brooks said.
All at once the boys screamed, their throats probably burning. “AH!”
“I didn’t even know you put us on YouTube, Cal!” Brooks shouted; shouting was the only thing any of them could do. The guys were so anti-mainstream because they always said they were indie and cool, until mainstream knocked on their door and they lost their minds.
“I didn’t!”
“Was it you, Rudolph? Oli?” Brooks asked.
“No,” the twins said in unison.
“Then who…” He slowly turned my way, and I gave him a small smile. The guys all turned at the same time and stared at me with knowing eyes. “You did it? The videos you recorded of us?”
I nodded slowly and within seconds, everyone’s arms were wrapped tightly around me, jumping up and down.
“You’re so fucking amazing, Maggie!” Oliver said, giving me a noogie.
“Holy crap, Mags, you have no clue how much you’ve just changed our lives,” Calvin said.
“Dude!” Oliver started waving his arms at Calvin. “Read them the direct message.”
“There’s a direct message?” Brooks asked.
“Oh.” Calvin nodded ecstatically, scrolling through his phone. “There’s a direct message.” He cleared his throat and the twins cleared theirs, too, having it fully memorized.
“Dear Calvin, I’m Mark, the manager of The Present Yesterdays. We came across your videos a few days ago and haven’t stopped watching. Your sound is clean, crisp, and something the industry is missing. If you’re interested, I’d love to set up a meeting with you guys to chat about your future plans in music. Peace!” The three quoted it in perfect unison, and my heart pretty much jumped from my chest.
The Present Yesterdays was the greatest pop-rock band of our time. The guys had introduced me to their music, and I’d been in love with them before the world even knew they existed. How was any of this possible?
Brooks turned to his bandmates with the widest eyes, and I saw it take over them, too—the realization that dreams really did come true, even for boys who rehearsed in garages in small-town Wisconsin. The wave of emotion took over us all as we began to jump around the room and celebrate.
I’d never been so happy to see others’ dreams start to come to life. “This is all because of you, Magnet,” Brooks said, pulling me into his chest. “It’s because you used your voice for us to be heard.”
He reminded me that night that I had a voice, even though no words ever left my mouth.
I still had a voice.
The next evening my hour-long bath lasted longer than normal. I had the same type of routine as before: I’d read, I’d wash up, and then I’d slide under the water and remember what had happened in those woods, reminding myself that it wasn’t my fault. My mind was still so good at holding onto those images, but recently the visions were being blurred by more current memories.
Whenever I tried to envision the devil’s face, I’d see Cheryl laughing with a book in her hand. Whenever I was running in the woods, I’d see myself running into Brooks’ arms. Whenever I’d trip, I’d see Mrs. Boone scolding me.
They weren’t gone, the bad memories. I knew my mind still held the image of the devil, but I was becoming better at keeping him locked inside the closet. I wasn’t certain if that was thanks to Brooks, Cheryl, or time, but either way, I was thankful.
After I’d remember, I’d come up for air, take a deep breath, and go back under to dream.
I’d dream of a future. I’d dream of me exploring the world, climbing mountains, seeing Italy, trying snails in France. Watching Brooks and my brother perform live in a huge arena. Having a family. Discovering what it means to be alive. The water cleansed me of the darkness that was trying so hard to hold on to me. I was slowly becoming renewed. I was beginning my life for the first time…
“Maggie—I got you some fresh… Oh my gosh!” Mama screeched, running into the bathroom and pulling me up from beneath the water. Her rapid movement forced me to open my mouth, making me inhale water. I started coughing, my throat burning as I spit up. What was happening? Mama’s hands were shaking and she started screaming, holding me in her arms. My ears were filled with water and I tried to shake it out as she hollered for Daddy.
“Eric! Eric!” she cried, her voice more panicked than it needed to be. What was she doing? Why was she freaking out? Did she think…
Oh my God, no.
No, Mama. I wasn’t trying to drown. I wasn’t trying to drown myself. Tears flooded my eyes as I saw the panic she was experiencing. She pulled me from the tub, wrapping me in towels. As she cried, still screaming Daddy’s name, he came running into the bathroom.
The water in my ears made it hard to listen. I tried to stand, but Mama was holding me so tight.
&nb
sp; So tight.
“She tried to drown herself, Eric!” Mama said. Daddy’s eyes grew heavy and he asked her to repeat herself. “I told you. I told you this was all too much for her.”
I shook my head. No, Daddy. My hands were ghostly pale. I wouldn’t do that. I wouldn’t kill myself. I’m happy. Remember? I’m happy.
I needed paper. I needed to write to them. I needed to let them know.
I wasn’t trying to kill myself. They were both crying now, and Daddy could hardly breathe as his stare met mine. He looked away from me. He needed to know Mama was wrong. She’d made a mistake. She didn’t know all the facts. She had pulled me up for air, not knowing I could breathe best beneath the water.
They were fighting again.
Cheryl and I sat at the top of the steps, once again watching. My hair was still soaked from my bath, and Cheryl brushed it as we listened.
“You still don’t believe me?” Mama cried, stunned.
“You’re overreacting,” Daddy said to Mama. “She said she wasn’t trying to—”
“She didn’t say anything, Eric. She doesn’t talk, but her actions were loud and clear tonight.”
“She was taking a dip under the water when you crashed in! She was holding her breath! Jesus, Katie! This is Loren talking, not you.”
“Don’t put this on her. Don’t put this on my friend. I know what I saw. Your daughter was drowning herself.”
“My daughter?” Daddy huffed, blowing out a low whistle. “Wow.”
I felt it too, Daddy—the punch to the gut.
“You know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t think I do. Lately I have a hard time understanding anything you say.”
Mama rolled her eyes and walked off, coming back with a glass of wine. “She’s sick.”
“She’s getting better.”
“She’s getting worse, and I know it has to do with Brooks. I know it does…”
I studied Mama.
I studied every single movement she made. Daddy didn’t see it, because he only heard her paranoid chorus, and he was too busy spitting out his angered verses. He didn’t see her fidgeting fingers, her trembling legs, and the tiny twitch in her bottom lip. She was scared. Horrified. The level of fear in her body was more than a reaction from that afternoon. The fear in her movements had been in place for years, it seemed.
But what was she so afraid of?
Daddy tossed his hands on the back of his neck. “We’re running on a hamster wheel, here, Katie. What is it that you have against Brooks and Maggie being together? Because you didn’t seem to have an issue until the fantastic four came to visit. I swear, you talk so much crap about Maggie not talking, you can’t even find a voice of your own. You run off to your friends for their bullshit opinions on our family, and then you drink a bottle of wine each night. Tell me, Katie: who’s the one who needs help?”
Mama’s eyes widened, shocked by his words. Daddy seemed just as flabbergasted by his own sounds. She stormed toward their bedroom, and Daddy called after her to apologize, but she was already charging back toward him with pillows and blankets.
“You can stay out here until I get the help I need,” she snapped. “And by the way, when she ends up in the same shape as Jessica, know that you did it. Know that you caused it to happen.”
Who’s Jessica?
She left and didn’t return. Daddy stormed out of the front door. Why did everything feel like it was falling apart when for the first time in my life I felt as if I was finally falling back together?
“I know I used to never be home at night but…did they always fight like this?” Cheryl whispered. I shook my head. She kept brushing my hair. “It’s almost like they’re strangers.”
That was heartbreaking.
“Maggie?” Cheryl whispered, her voice cracking. “Did you, though? Did you try to…”
I flipped around so I was facing her, took the hairbrush from her hands, and placed both of her palms against my cheeks. I started shaking my head back and forth, staring her dead in the eye. No. No. No. No.
She left out a breath. “I believe you. Mom would, too, if she actually took the time to look you in the eyes.”
I couldn’t stop the thoughts of how my parents were falling apart all because of me. I wasn’t sure what to do. Did I leave Brooks to make them whole again? Did I stay for my own selfish happiness? What was I supposed to do? What were the right choices? How could I fix it all?
I didn’t mean to make my parents fight. It was an accident. I swear it was an accident…
I blinked once, and I saw him.
The devil—he’d come back to visit.
No…
I tried to blink him away. I was getting better. I was becoming whole.
“Shh,” he whispered. My eyes were wide with fear. “Please, don’t yell. It was an accident.” He moved his lips to my forehead and pressed his mouth against my skin. “Shh,” he said again. His lips traveled to my earlobe and I felt his lips touching me before he hissed one last time. “Shh…”
He was there in my mind. I could feel his presence.
Shh… Shh… Shh…
19
Brooks
Maggie told me she hadn’t been feeling well the past few days and refused to see me. I tried my best to talk her into having me visit, but whenever I showed up, her mom sent me away, saying she needed more time to heal.
After band practice one afternoon, I didn’t give her much of a choice.
“You’re not really sick, are you?” I asked, catching her walking out of the bathroom before she got back to her room. Her eyes widened as she stared my way, and I saw a tinge of panic. “Are you mad at me?” I swallowed hard, growing nervous. Had I done something wrong? “Is it because I told you I loved you? Was it too soon? Did I freak you out? I’m sorry, I just…”
She shook her head back and forth and rushed over to me, taking my hands into hers. She squeezed once. No.
“Then what is it?”
She looked up into my eyes and hers started watering over. She began to sob, and I didn’t know what else to do, so I held her. I held her close to my chest, and she fell apart in my arms as I collected all of her pieces.
“Music?” I asked her.
She nodded, and we walked to her bedroom, closing the door behind us. She started calming down as we listened to the music playing. We lay on the bed, and it wasn’t long after she fell asleep in my arms that her nightmares began. When she woke, she was so close to me, yet felt a million miles away.
“Maggie, you can talk to me,” I swore, pacing her room as she awakened from a dream that had pushed her to sobbing tears. She sat up in a ball on her bed, rocking back and forth, not looking my way.
When I moved closer to her, she flinched, almost as if she feared my touch, almost as if she thought I’d hurt her. “Maggie,” I begged, my voice and heart cracking. “What’s going on?”
She didn’t say anything.
“We can do five minutes,” I said, bending down in front of her. “Magnet, we can do five minutes. Focus, all right? You can come back to me. It’s okay.”
She kept swallowing hard with her hands clenched to her neck. Her eyes were wild, and I knew she was too far gone to hear me.
“Mr. Riley!” I shouted through the house. “Mr. Riley!” I shouted again, running through the house. When he came out of his bedroom, he looked at me with his eyes wide and full of concern.
“What is it?” he asked.
“Maggie. She’s in her bedroom. I don’t know what’s happening. She’s just…”
He didn’t wait for me to reply. He launched up the stairs to where his daughter was having a meltdown. Mrs. Riley was there, too, a few seconds later.
“Mags,” he said, his approach slow and cautious. “You’re okay,” Mr. Riley assured her. The closer he grew, the more she tensed up, but he didn’t stop moving in on her. He held his hands up, showing he wouldn’t hurt her, and when he was close enough, he wrapped her in his arms and held
her against his chest. She clung to his t-shirt and pulled him close, sobbing into his arms.
What happened to you?
My mind was racing as I watched her fall apart against her father. My gut was in knots, hating the fact that I wasn’t able to protect her. Why couldn’t I fix her? Why couldn’t I take her pain and make it my own? He carried her downstairs, and I followed.
Calvin and Stacey walked into the front door laughing together, their arms wrapped tight around each other. When they saw the commotion, their laughter came to a halt.
“What’s going on?” Calvin asked.
Mr. Riley didn’t respond. He just carried Maggie to his bedroom. Mrs. Riley followed closely behind him.
I couldn’t move. I couldn’t stop shaking.
Calvin walked over to me, placing a hand on my shoulder. His eyes were narrowed and confused. “Brooks? What’s happening?”
“I don’t know,” I said. My throat was dry and my chest was on fire. “She woke up and…freaked out. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t stop her from…” My eyes watered over, and I pressed the palms of my hands against my face. I couldn’t talk anymore. Calvin didn’t push me to say anything. He and Stacey simply walked over to me, wrapped their arms around my body, and held me up.
I hated the comfort they were giving me, though, because Maggie needed it more.
She needed someone to fall into her memories and erase the dark waters she swam in each day.
I sat on the staircase, waiting for Maggie’s parents to come out of their room. Cheryl, Calvin, and Stacey joined me.
We didn’t say a word. I kept flipping through my iPod, searching for some kind of music that could make her feel better. Music always made her smile.
When the bedroom door opened, we all shot up. Mr. and Mrs. Riley frowned our way.
“She’s sleeping again,” Mr. Riley said.
“Can I see her?” I asked. I held up my iPod toward Mr. Riley. “I just think some music might help. It always helps her.”
The Elements Series Complete Box Set Page 65
