“Oh, don’t tempt me.”
Her lips glided against mine. She tasted like red wine, her favorite drink of choice backstage whenever she was able to fly out to catch one of our shows.
“I fly out in the morning. I have a photoshoot in Los Angeles, then a runway show in New York.”
“You just got here a few days ago,” I complained. Since the tour had started, Sasha and I had only seen each other a handful of times, but we always found a few minutes to FaceTime each night. She’d flown to Birmingham four days before, and even though we were in the same city, I still had to run around all the time. It wasn’t fair to our relationship, but Sasha knew what it was like. I’d flown out to see her during my breaks, but she’d been working on her career just as hard as I had been on mine.
“I know. I miss you. I miss you even when you’re right here.”
I pulled her closer in my lap and rested my head on her forehead. “How about this? How about we make a quick stop at Urban, for an hour or so, then go back to the hotel and pull an all-nighter eating room service in the whirlpool?”
Her body stiffened up and a pleasant smile formed on her lips. “Don’t you have a busy day tomorrow? When will you sleep?”
“I can sleep when I’m six feet under,” I joked, mocking Michelle. “But seriously. I’d rather be tired because I got to spend time with you than fully rested any day.”
Her hands fell against my cheeks, and she bent forward to kiss me. “I’m wild about you, Mr. Griffin. Now come on, you go shower and get ready for tonight.”
We made our way to Urban and stayed an hour and thirty minutes—longer than we thought we had planned to stay, but it was worth it. Calvin had the time of his life, and it was the best feeling in the world, seeing him happy. Stacey was right there on his arm, too, the same place she’d been since eighth grade.
There was something about Sasha and me when we went out together—people noticed us. We were the life of every event; we laughed, we drank, we danced. Our mouths were always moving nonstop, chatting it up with people, and we had a way of finishing each other’s sentences. Being social with Sasha Riggs was effortless. We gelled together so well it was impossible for anyone to doubt we had been destined to meet one another over a year ago.
The ‘it’ pair, magazines called us.
The next Brad and Angelina.
America’s next royal couple.
It was a lot to live up to, but we did it with our charm. There was no one else I knew who could keep up with my words—with my voice.
By the time Sasha and I headed back to the hotel, we were both pretty drunk. Whenever she was wasted, she got the hiccups, and it was the cutest fucking thing in the world. We kissed the whole way up to our room, and when we made it inside, she kicked off her high heels, hurried over to the whirlpool, and turned it on.
“Grab the room service menu and order anything you want plus French fries. Lots of French fries.”
I moved toward the telephone to order the food and paused when I saw The Kite Runner sitting on the end table.
My chest tightened as I started flipping through the book and reading Maggie’s tabs.
“I’m gonna put bubbles in it. I don’t know if I’m supposed to, but I’m gonna,” Sasha shouted.
I didn’t reply; I just kept flipping.
“Tonight was actually a lot of fun, wasn’t it? I loved the crowd. There was a lot of…”
She kept speaking, but I stopped listening. The guilt started coming back to me as I read Maggie’s notes. I shouldn’t have felt the way I did. I shouldn’t have missed her. I shouldn’t have been pulled back to her every time I opened one of the old novels she sent.
“Did you order?” Sasha asked, walking my way. I opened the drawer on the nightstand and shoved the book in, closing it fast.
“Hm?”
“Did you order the food?”
“Oh, yeah, not yet.”
She raised a questioning eyebrow. “What’s going on? Is everything okay?”
No. “Come here,” I said, sitting on the king-sized bed. She sat down on the bed, facing me. I took her hands into mine. “Can we try something?”
“You’re scaring me…”
“Sorry, I just want to try five minutes.”
“What does that mean?”
“I want us to stare at each other for five minutes.”
She grimaced. “Why?”
“Please, Sasha? I just…I need you to try.”
She nodded. “Okay.” During the first minute, we struggled to make eye contact. During the second minute, she commented on how weird being quiet was. At minute three, she dropped my hands. “I don’t get it, Brooks. I don’t get what’s going on with you. I mean, we had such a good night, and then we get back to the hotel, and you’re all weird.”
“I know, sorry.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Is this about the book girl?”
“Who?”
She bit her bottom lip. “You know, the book girl. You think I don’t notice your hands are always either on your guitar or in a book leaving notes you never leave me? Sometimes when you’re reading, I could be naked in front of you doing the hula and you wouldn’t even notice.”
She took a deep breath. “I love you, Brooks,” she said, her eyes filled with hope and a bit of worry.
My lips parted, and as I was about to speak, no words came out. All I could think of was, “Thank you.”
Sasha shifted her body and stood up from the bed. “Wow. Okay. I’m gonna go.”
“Sasha, wait!”
“Wait? Wait for what? Brooks, I just told you I loved you for the first time, and you said thank you. Jesus! You’re such an asshole!” she hollered. “It’s really hard being third, but I did it because I thought maybe somewhere along the line you’d bump me up.”
“Third?”
“Third in your life. You’ve got your music, your book girl, and then the rest of the world, and no matter how hard the rest of the world tries to keep up with your attention, you’re never fully there.”
I was an asshole. A true asshole. “I’m sorry, Sasha.”
“We’re good together. Everyone can see it. We’re good. We make sense.”
I nodded. She wasn’t wrong. She and I made sense to the whole world. I only wished we made sense to my heart, too.
She bit her bottom lip. “We’re breaking up, aren’t we?”
“Yeah, I think we are.”
“You love her?” she whispered, a few tears falling from her eyes.
My thumbs wiped away the evidence of her sadness, but only seconds later more showed up. “I tried not to. I wanted this to work. I wanted us to work.”
She shrugged. “I deserve better, you know.”
I nodded. I knew.
“And just to be clear, I’m the one breaking up here, not the other way around. I’m dumping you. Because I’m a catch, Brooks. I deserve someone who’s smart, and funny, and charming. Someone who’s not distant when we’re in the same room. Someone who sees me and loves me wholly, fully.”
“You do. You really do.”
She wiped away her tears and stood tall, grabbing her purse before leaving. “But what I deserve most—what everyone deserves most—is someone who looks at me the same way you look at those books.”
25
Maggie
For the past few years, I’d stare out my window at Mrs. Boone’s house where she’d sit and drink her tea. Mama never did soften her stance on Mrs. Boone. When Daddy told her she was always welcome in the house, Mrs. Boone declined, saying she didn’t want to cause any more trouble. Still, we drank our tea. She’d always look up at me at noon and smile as I held a cup of tea in my hands. It was my favorite hour of the day, the thing I looked forward to the most.
Lately, she’d been missing.
The first few days, I didn’t think anything of it. Her car was gone from the driveway, and I figured perhaps she had taken a trip, even though trips weren’t something Mrs. Boone ever partoo
k in. The next week, I started to worry when she hadn’t returned.
The more days that passed, the more nervous I became. Daddy went on a search, pulling in a few others from the neighborhood, and reported her as missing to the police, but they were certain there wasn’t anything they could do to help.
It was five in the morning when Daddy woke me with the news. “There was an accident, Maggie. Mrs. Boone was in a car accident and has been rushed to Mercy Hospital. She…”
He kept talking, but I couldn’t hear him. The words went in and out of my ears. I didn’t cry. I was too shocked to cry. She was unconscious and in pretty bad shape. Daddy said she had been driving a bit wild, and an eyewitness said she had seemed confused and lost.
When he left my room, the more real it became. I had to go see her. She had no one to check on her. She had no family. I was all she had.
So I had to leave.
“Are you sure, Maggie?” Daddy asked while he stood in the front foyer with me, ready to drive me to the hospital.
I nodded.
Mama’s head tilted up, gazing at me standing in the doorway. Her narrowed eyes had an intense focus, almost as if she was waiting for me to fail. Almost as if she wanted me to fail. “She’s not going to do it,” Mama said, a sharp tone to her voice. “She’s not ready. She’s not going anywhere.”
“No,” Daddy said sternly. “She’s going.” He locked eyes with me, his stare filled with hope and compassion. “She told me she was going, and she’s going. Right, Maggie?”
I knocked on the door twice, and he smiled.
Mama shifted around in her shoes and crossed her arms. Her nerves were loud and clear while Daddy once again missed them. “That’s a lie. Watch her. Watch her run back to her bedroom. It’s okay, Maggie. You can go back upstairs. Don’t let your father pressure you.”
“Katie, knock it off,” Daddy scolded.
She grimaced and remained silent, but I could feel her stare on me.
My hands were clammy, and my heart pounded against my ribcage.
Daddy smiled up at me. “Don’t worry, Mags. You got this. You can do it,” he cheered me on.
Shh…
I stepped backward once, and he noticed, stepping toward me. He rushed to me and shook his head. “No, no, no. Maggie, you can do this. Here.” He extended one hand out toward me and used his other to knock on the door twice. “Yes? Remember? You said yes. You’re coming.”
My eyes darted to his shaky hand and when I looked back at his eyes the hope he once held was swallowed whole by confusion and worry.
“Maggie?” he whispered, extending his hand more.
I stepped backward, and hit the end table in the foyer, shaking my head back and forth.
“Come on, Maggie. We have to get going,” he said.
I knocked on the table once. No.
What was wrong with me? I was too old to be so afraid. I was too old to be broken. I saw it in Daddy’s eyes, something he spent years trying to hide from me—his exhaustion. His hairs were almost all gray, the bags beneath his eyes were deep, and his smile resembled a frown all the time. When had he stopped smiling fully? He was tired. Tired of worrying. Tired of waiting. Tired of me.
His heavy stare grew grim. “No…” He ran his fingers through his hair. “No. Don’t do this. Please.”
My throat tightened and I felt the devil’s fingers wrapping around me again. He was cutting off my air supply. He suffocated me. My fingers wrapped around my neck, and I gasped for help. Mama studied my movements and raised an eyebrow, watching my panic, seeing my shadows of the past start to emerge. She and Daddy started talking—shouting. They began shouting again. Their lips were moving in a hurried fashion, but I couldn’t comprehend what they were saying, because the devil was loud in my ear, drowning me once again. My hands slammed against my ears, and I shut my eyes tightly. Go away, go away, go away…
“Leave it alone, Eric!” Mama finally screamed, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. I couldn’t remember the last time she held me in a protective manner. “She doesn’t have to leave. Leave it alone.”
Daddy’s eyebrows dropped, and he took off his glasses, rubbing the palms of his hands against his eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pressure you. I just thought…” He released a weighted sigh. “I don’t know what I thought.” As he left, he closed the front door behind him, and I closed my eyes, hearing his footsteps grow farther and farther away.
A terrifying realization flashed before my eyes: I’d never be able to leave those four walls.
When did it happen?
When did my safe haven turn into my own personal hell?
Mrs. Boone was alone, she wasn’t waking up, and I wasn’t strong enough to go see her. I fell apart in my bedroom. That night I sat on my floor and I did the only thing I knew could make everything better.
I called him.
“Maggie?” Brooks yawned. I hadn’t thought about what time it was in Europe; it was almost eight in the evening at my house, so it had to be pretty late for him. “What’s up? What’s going on?”
My lips parted and I began crying into my hand. I cried for how lost I felt, and how the sound of his voice was so quick to remind me of home.
“Okay,” he whispered, unsure of what was happening, but positive that I needed him. “I’ll be there.”
He was back in town thirteen hours later, and he didn’t come alone; the whole band came back with him. Brooks didn’t come to my house, though, and I wasn’t certain why. I wasn’t sure what hurt more—knowing he was so close, or still feeling as if he was so far away. Rudolph, Oliver, and Calvin came straight to my room and sat with me the whole time, though. They hadn’t left my side since they’d landed in town.
“We’re a team, ya know, Maggie? And if it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t be where we are today,” Rudolph said, sitting on the edge of my bed.
“When Brooks said he was leaving, it was pretty much impossible to stop him. Plus, The Crooks are a unit. We couldn’t perform without him. Plus, plus, family first, right?” Oliver said.
“We’re always here for you, sis, even if we’re over there. I mean, I’m pretty sure management is going to disown us for a while, but I’m not too worried.” Calvin smiled and nudged me in the arm.
We sat there quietly. They didn’t even know that their silence was helping me breathe easier.
“He still loves you,” Calvin told me. “You know that, right?”
I shrugged. I’d hoped that was true for a long time, but based on his Twitter posts and the way his fans hung all over him, I wasn’t certain if love was enough. The saddest fact in the world was that you could meet a person who changed your life forever, and they weren’t the one you ended up with. The people who taught you to love weren’t always the ones who stayed.
Why isn’t he here?
Calvin read my words. “After we spoke to Dad and he told us what was happening, Brooks knew where you needed him most. When we got to the airport, he had a taxi take him directly to the hospital to be with Mrs. Boone.”
My hand covered my mouth, and in that moment I loved him more than I ever had in my life. It was amazing to me how he could make me fall more in love with him without being anywhere near me.
I love him.
Calvin nodded. “I know. If there are any two people worthy of being in love, it’s you two. I just wish life would stop getting in your way.”
I closed my eyes and lay backward on my bed with my feet hanging off the edge, and Calvin lay beside me. The twins went to the floor to lie down, and Rudolph played music on his phone. We stayed silent, letting the music take us over as we waited for Brooks to find his way home to me.
26
Brooks
I’d been sitting in the same chair, in the same room, for the past twelve hours staring at Mrs. Boone, tubes running through her, the IVs pumping fluids into her system. Her body was bruised all over, but she wasn’t broken. I couldn’t imagine what she had gone through being alone, driving,
and crashing. What thoughts had raced through her mind? What kinds of things did a person experience when going through that kind of panic? Had she thought of her loved ones? Had she forgotten all things within that moment? Had she been so lost in the moment that memories were hard to grasp?
“I’m sorry, Mr. Griffin, visiting hours are up,” a young nurse said as she stepped into the room. “And I know this might sound super inappropriate, but do you think maybe I could get a picture with you?” she asked, her voice filled with hope.
Before I could reply, another nurse, Sarah, stepped into the room. “You’re right, Paula. That is super inappropriate. I’m glad you noticed how inappropriate it was and decided to leave the room.” Without another word, an embarrassed Paula left the room.
“Sorry about that,” Sarah said. “These girls are literally going gaga over the fact that you are here. Which doesn’t make sense. I listened to your music during my break today and it’s awful.” She winked. She’d been the main nurse stopping by all day to check in on Mrs. Boone and to check in on me. She was an older woman, in her sixties, who had a tender softness to her voice that was healing all by itself—even when she insulted you. “So, I hate to be the wicked witch, but visiting hours are ending…”
“No worries, thank you. Do you think I could have one more minute?”
She nodded. “Sure, that’s fine.”
“Also, I have a question, and it might sound stupid.”
“Shoot it my way, son.”
“Can she, like, hear me?” I asked, stuffing my hands into my pockets. “I mean, if I were to speak to her, could she hear what I was saying?”
“Some say no, others say yes. Between you and me?” she said, stepping closer to me. “Sometimes we speak for ourselves, to get our feelings out into the world. It’s best to always say the words instead of holding them inside us, and if our loved ones can hear us, too…well, that’s all the better.”
The Elements Series Complete Box Set Page 69
