I need this time with her.
I need a damn hug.
“I love you, Mom,” I whisper in her ear. “Sorry I’m going away again so soon but I couldn’t pass this up for all of us.”
She sniffles a little and I try to remind myself they’re good sniffles. Because they are.
“Love you, too, Sy. I missed you so much.”
“I missed you, too.”
I worried about them so freaking much while I was gone. Especially Helleia. Mom is tough, and I know she’d received tactical training for one of her jobs before she and Dad got married.
But Hells? I was always secretly terrified every message from home would bring word that she’d been attacked, or raped, or got pregnant, or…something.
I worried what would happen without me there to protect them.
I…worried.
With the contract, I don’t have to worry as much now.
We end our hug as we hear the sink run and the bathroom door is flung open. Hells streaks out at nearly the speed of light and I have to catch her as she flings herself at me and damn near knocks me on my ass.
But she’s my baby sister, five years younger than me, and I hold her as she sits there in my arms, her arms wrapped around my neck and her legs wrapped around my waist, as she clings to me and cries against my shoulder.
Guilt tries to waddle in again and I shove it out. I kiss the top of her head, the way I always did. “Love you, Hellion.”
She lets out a sniffly laugh. “Love you, too, Slime-mon.”
Finally, she sets her feet on the floor and stands on her own, so I get to look down into her face. She and I both got Dad’s green eyes and brown hair, and at five-six she’s nine inches shorter than my six-three.
Her smile fades. “What if we give them back the money and vouchers? Would they let you cancel the contract?”
“Helleia!” Mom scolds.
I ignore that and brush Helleia’s hair back from her face, tuck it behind her ears. “Doesn’t work like that, kiddo. Unbreakable contract.”
“All contracts are breakable.”
“Not this one. Honestly? I’m going to love this job compared to the military. And I’ll be able to come home for visits, unlike the military.”
She pokes me in the shoulder. “I’m going to get a law degree and get you out of that contract.”
“By the time you get your law degree, the contract will have expired, squirt.” I boop her nose with my finger. “I’m serious—I’m looking at this job like a paid vacation. You have no idea. Even better, I get an education in the process that I can use later, if I want to. An education that won’t cost me a dime and will still leave me with my secondary education voucher to use.”
“Why is it paying so much, though?” Mom asks. “Is it dangerous, being an experimental program?”
“No. Not at all. Research, not anything dangerous. Boring and tedious stuff. And it’s paying a lot because the Pfahrn’s family is in government and I guess makes a lot of money.”
“Ah.”
I want to distract her. “So what are you going to get your degree in?” I ask.
Mom smiles and shrugs. “I’m still trying to decide what school. There are three here in town. It’ll depend on what degrees they offer.”
“You can go out of town, if you want.”
“I don’t want to,” she says. “I want to live here. I like this town. It’s where I raised you guys. It means a lot to me. My friends are all here. Besides, me living in a dorm somewhere else is just a waste of money. Plus that wouldn’t be my home,” she quickly adds when she can already tell I’m winding up to argue with her.
Mom knows me pretty dang well, that’s for sure.
I pull her in for another hug. “Five years or sooner, if the contract ends before then, and I’ll be home for good.”
“Thank god,” Helleia says. She adds her own embrace to our hug, her arms wrapped around both of us. “I meant it, though—I’m going to become a lawyer. I decided if they’re paying for it, then excellent. I can do what I really wanted to do anyway and make damn good money at it.”
“Excellent.” I close my eyes and inhale. She’s still using that shampoo she loved, smells like some sort of fruit, or that’s what it’s supposed to smell like. I guess it does, I don’t know.
My baby sister. I remember holding her in my lap to keep her quiet while Mom sat and talked with the attorney who helped with the insurance stuff after Dad died.
The stunned shock and grief Mom tried her damnedest to hide from us so we didn’t panic. All while she did her best to console us.
How I woke up most nights in the weeks and months immediately after the accident to the sounds of her crying into Dad’s pillow. How if she caught me listening, she’d immediately yank a mask into place, a smile, to try to not worry me.
She was so fucking strong.
“What’s our plan for today?” I ask as we finally end the hug. I could stand here all day just hugging them.
“Do you need a nap?” Mom asks.
I do, but I won’t tell her that. “I’m fine. It’s better if I’m really tired for tonight, anyway, so I adapt faster to the schedule here.” That is the truth, too.
In the military, each ship is on a day of the same length, but might be anywhere in their daily schedule. But each ship usually has three shifts if not under active battle conditions or a red alert, so it doesn’t matter if several ships are working together, because there’s schedule overlap.
Besides, they practically break us in basic training with sleep depravation, and it doesn’t get any better from that point on. You adapt or die.
Lucky for me, I’m fairly adaptable in many ways. It kept my fricking ass alive this long.
“Is there anything you want to do?” Helleia asks.
I smile. “I’d love some fresh-baked bread.”
* * * *
We have omelets for breakfast. Immediately after, Mom and Hells walk me through making a couple of loaves of bread because I’m rusty at it. The loaves will be baked and cooled and ready to eat by lunchtime.
As the delicious aroma fills our apartment, lots of good memories return and begin to edge out the darkest of times from the last five years.
Fresh bread.
I can’t fricking wait.
This is what I want my visit to be all about, the simple pleasures.
I think about Mohrn stuck in a prison for five years and how I regret I can’t bake bread with her.
My mother often made fresh bread when we were growing up. It was one of the things we could do together as a family that didn’t cost us a fuckton of money. Mom would tell us stories about her parents, about her and Dad, about Dad’s family. Helleia and I both grew to love the ritual. Wheat is a huge crop on Axind 5, so it was inexpensive to buy flour.
Maybe while I’m on Pfahrn I can learn how to cook some of Mohrn’s favorite foods and bring her care packages during my visits. One of the things I have on my tablet, which I brought with me, is paperwork from the prison, detailing their rules and requirements for visitors. Because Mohrn’s not a violent felon, I’ll be able to bring certain things to her once her initial probation period is over and she’s integrated into the general prison population.
Before anything can start in that process, though, I guess I’m getting married. What I’ll have with Mohrn is a contract union, but the prison only allows spouses to engage in conjugal visits, no matter how contractual they are. I guess the specifics of that are detailed in my information packet.
Yes, I know, the one I reeeeally should get around to reading all the way through and paying attention to.
But in this case, the contract for what we have isn’t enough. We also need an additional mating contract, per Pfahrn laws. There will be a short civil ceremony on Pfahrn before Mohrn and I…well, get acquainted.
Not telling Mom and Helleia any of that, either.
On Pfahrn, instead of a divorce when there’s a contracted period of time sp
ecified, like ours, the end of it is called yundohn, or “closure.” Which is kind of cool, when you think about it. But other than the contract’s specifications regarding personal property or real estate, or other obligations, I’ll be considered a “real” spouse. In this case I’m Mohrn-mohr and she’ll be Simon-mohr. That roughly translates to mate in Standard. It’s always a mutual thing, there is no quibbling about who takes whose name or keeps their own.
Unlike humans, Pfahrn don’t use family names casually. For official business, or if they’re a government official, sure. But I will generally be introduced as Simon, Mohrn-mohr. Mohrn won’t become Mohrn Quigley, she’ll be Mohrn, Simon-mohr. Since they don’t use gendered pronouns, they don’t have words for wife and husband, they just use “spouse.” I’m not sure how they keep it straight, but I guess that naming convention helps. Either that, or maybe their society is totally cool with marriages regardless of whether or not they’re the same or opposite gender.
There is still a lot of damn stuff I need to learn, but I’ll have a lot of time to do it while I’m waiting around. I figure in the beginning I’ll spend a great deal of time in my room at Mohrn’s family’s place, or up on H’looder’s ship, if necessary, and study. I’m great at research once I mentally kick it into gear. I’ll avoid going out, or having interactions with anyone I don’t absolutely have to, until I’m fully up to speed on their culture and customs. That’ll help prevent me from making any boneheaded errors. I’m not an egotistical grunt who needs to have a dick-measuring contest every time he turns around.
I’m just a guy. A guy trying to get by and support his family.
A guy trying to keep a promise to his dead father.
That means I shouldn’t have any trouble figuring all this shit out. If worst comes to worst, I guess I’ll be spending a lot of time in space on H’looder’s ship.
Chapter Ten
“What are you studying so hard?” Helleia asks.
It’s day four of my time at home, and both she and Mom gave notice to their jobs once I’d told Mom the news.
That means we’ve had uninterrupted time to spend together as a family.
Right now, it’s nearly eleven o’clock at night local time. My body has adjusted to the schedule and I’m stretched out on our sofa and reading info on my tablet about the prison. Mom has already gone to bed. Helleia and I were watching the tail-end of a newscast.
“Stuff for my job, Hells,” I say, happy I don’t have to lie. I set the tablet aside after locking it. Not that they’re nosy, but them not accidentally seeing stuff I don’t want them to see will make my life easier and keep them happier, in the long run.
“Can’t they let you enjoy your vacation?” she asks.
I have been enjoying it—we’ve gone to several parks and zoos, went shopping for groceries and enjoyed not having to watch what we spent, and I even got to meet up with a couple of friends from primary school for drinks and dinner last night.
And I haven’t missed pooping. Hasn’t killed me yet, so I guess H’looder wasn’t wrong.
Yay.
“I don’t want to start my new job behind in my training,” I truthfully say. “We’re just sitting here and chilling.”
“You swear to me there’s nothing illegal about this job.”
I hope I’m not blushing. “Nothing illegal about it.”
“Then why won’t you tell us more about it?”
“Sis, I told you—confidentiality clause.” Again, that’s true. “You don’t want me to get into trouble, do you?”
“I won’t tell anyone. Not even Mom.”
I give her “the look.”
Her turn to blush. “Okay, maybe I would tell Mom, but you know she’d never tell anyone.”
I smile. “Helleia, I love you. I’m your big brother, and I’d do anything for you.” She has noooo idea. “But there’s shit I went through in the military I can’t even talk about because it’s classified. You’ve just got to trust me on this.”
She moves over on the sofa, cuddling against me, her head in my lap like she used to do when she was younger. She looks up into my eyes. “I missed you so much, Sy.”
“You doing okay? No guys I need to go kill or anything?”
“I’m okay. No killing required. That self-defense class I took three years ago was great. Haven’t really needed it, but in a couple of cases I think the stuff I learned helped me not to need it. If that makes sense?”
“Yeah, totally. Predators want easy targets. You aren’t an easy target.” I lightly rub her scalp the way I always used to. “You decide what school you’re going to yet?”
“There’s a great law school over in Perth Forte. It’s only six hours away. I could come home a couple of times a month on their express shuttle. But I can get certified for entry-level coalition law there, which would make me eligible to take the next level of classes on Treystand. That’s only one day away by jump. By the time I’m ready to move to that school, Mom should be done with whatever degree she decides to go for, and she can come with me and live there. And you’ll be done with your job by then and be back with us.”
She’s got this all planned out. Like I said, she’s a go-getter, has a level of drive I never had. “I think that’s a great starting point. But no plan survives contact with opposing forces.” I smile. “Combat Strategy 101. Took it in basic.”
She reaches up and boops my nose. “How bad did it get?” she softly asks.
I sigh. I don’t want to tell her even the stuff I can, but in this way, I really don’t want to lie to her, either. “Sometimes, it got really bad. That’s another reason I picked this job—literally it’s safe. The most dangerous part of it is travelling to and from Pfahrn, and that’s just the normal level of risk anyone takes.”
“Really?”
“Really.” I smile. “And I’ll be able to make a shit-ton of money anywhere I want, if I’m a certified ether-jump engineer or tech. Meaning no matter where we’re living, I can take care of us.”
“Thank you, Sy. I know I was a pretty shitty tween sometimes, but I’ve really missed you. I wish you could stay longer.”
“I missed you, too. I wasn’t expecting to fall into this job. I was going to take a month or so looking, but I couldn’t pass up this opportunity.”
“I get it. I don’t think I really did get it until my last year of primary. I worked part-time down at the grocery store after school. Then I started really understanding why you were always exhausted and never had time to spend with me.”
“Not easy, is it?”
“No.”
“That’s why I want to do this. So at most, five more years of me being gone. After that, we’re set.”
“What’s it like going to other planets?”
“Not nearly as fun as I thought it’d be. I mean, sure, we had leave a few times on safe planets. But most of the ones we were sent to were for missions, and I don’t mean humanitarian missions. I mean, sometimes, yeah, we did that, too. But most of the time when we were dropped somewhere, it wasn’t for fun, and we stood a serious risk of death.”
“You haven’t even been able to date or anything,” she notes.
I’m once again hoping my face doesn’t heat. “I’ve been too busy. Not a concern.”
“Maybe you’ll meet someone while you’re working.” While I’m mentally stumbling for an answer, she yawns and sits up. “I need to go to bed.” She leans in and kisses my cheek and hugs me. “Love you.”
I hug her back, long and hard, and kiss the top of her head. “Love you, too, sis.”
Once she’s in her room, I turn off the vid, grab my tablet, and head to my room.
It’s really weird being here again. I have a few things I’m going to take with me, because I not only have room for them in my stateroom on H’looder’s ship, but I’ll have room for them in my temporary digs on Pfahrn. Stuff like some civvie clothes that still fit me—although after going through what I have left here, I realize some stuff doesn’t fit me an
ymore. I’m broader across the shoulders than I used to be from all the lifting and carrying I did. I already got rid of anything that didn’t fit, donating it to a thrift store yesterday.
One of the things coming with me is Toz, a stuffed bear Dad gave me when I was little. Not something I could have taken with me into the military. But it can go with me now. I can’t count how many times I fell asleep crying and holding him after we lost Dad. We’d been out running errands one day, and Mom was still pregnant with Helleia. I saw it and apparently fell in love with it, and Dad bought it for me.
I sit on what feels like a ridiculously small bed now and pull Toz into my arms. He feels even smaller than he used to. But there is a lot of love and pain and memories woven through his brown fake fur and stuffing. Nothing I want to forget, either.
For now, what I want to do is go soak in the tub, sink into water as hot as I can stand it, and relax. That’s a huge thing I missed while in the military. Water showers weren’t the norm. We had sonic showers. You could always wipe down with a hot, wet washcloth in the sonic showers, but unless we were docked somewhere they transported water up to, that was limited.
Tub baths?
Forget it.
I sink into the steaming water and get as deep as I can in it, closing my eyes as I sigh.
I’m not a complicated guy.
I’m not a guy who wants to get the fanciest shit—not that I could even afford it before.
I just want to be…happy. And for most of my life, I’ve lived with the shadow of my father’s death draped over our lives. It impacted us emotionally and financially. Mom had to deal with grief, and raising two kids alone, and finances.
Life never felt easy. Ever.
I’m hoping by making this sacrifice now that it means life will get easier for all three of us. I’m young. I’ve got my entire life ahead of me.
The last thing I want to do is look back on my life and regret I didn’t take this chance to make a massively positive impact for my family.
I reach down, grab my cock, and squeeze. H’looder told me to feel free to masturbate, because it’ll allow the bionanotech a chance to start adapting to my physiology even sooner. I hadn’t really felt like doing it since arriving, but I do now.
Jailmates Page 8
