LILLIAN, I’M SORRY I HIT YOU IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS. PLEASE FORGIVE ME. MOM
Lilly considered the letter. If she continued to act offended, she might get a later curfew. But she thought of how proud her mother was and how hard it had been for her to admit any breech of perfection. She’d decide in the morning. She lay in bed thinking of her time on the beach with Tony. She could close her eyes and still feel him kissing her breasts and running his finger down her belly. She drifted to sleep.
The twins woke her the next morning when they came up to get the scoop on the prom.
“Go away squirts.” Lilly hid under her blanket.
Francine said, “My wrist still smells of shallykar.”
Lilly smiled, remembering perfuming Francine and Kelly when they “helped” her with her gown. They heard her mother call, “Francine, Kelly. Come down here. Let your sisters sleep.”
Lilly followed them down. Her mother was making a Boston crème pie, her favorite. Lilly walked up beside her and hugged her. Mrs. O’Dwyer hugged her back. Lilly started telling them about the prom, and Ann and Colleen came down and joined the conversation.
Mrs. O’Dwyer had an easy repartee with her older daughters, and Lilly felt herself fade into the background. It seemed she could only stay in the limelight as a bad example.
That night, they took the subway from Woodlawn to the Fillmore East. Mike had gotten tickets to a Grateful Dead concert. Lilly was surprised at how small and dingy the famous rock and roll hall was and how criminal the people milling outside seemed.
They took the nearly deserted subway back, and then got Tony’s car. Lilly had expected that they would drop off Mike and Colleen and go finish what they had started the night before. Instead, things slid back to passionate kisses at the doorway. Lilly was confused but didn’t push it.
What she didn’t know was that Tony had a problem. He had become aware for certain the Sunday after the prom when he woke and couldn’t pee. When he finally managed to go, it burned so much he cried out. He thought, ruefully, of what would have happened if they hadn’t been interrupted on the beach. He would have had to tell Lilly he had replaced her virginity with a VD.
Mike came over in the afternoon, and Tony and Mike spoke secretly in his room. Mike had the same problem. They figured it must have been a girl named Marsha they had passed back and forth. The next evening, they went to a clinic on the other side of Yonkers. They thought the cure was going to be drastic and painful and were pleasantly surprised to be given bottles of pills. They joked about killer penicillin afterward. For two days everything that touched Tony hurt. He avoided Lilly because he didn’t want to hug her or have her jump on his lap. He also didn’t want to look into her eyes.
Randy had managed to get bookings for Cuando to play bars for two weekends and at a few graduation parties. Tony had planned to go to some graduation parties, but he always ended up wherever Lilly was playing. June seemed to be one big party, until the O’Dwyers went to East Hampton. Then the party moved to the Carruthers.
******************
13. June 1970
Hillary’s parents were back in Saudi Arabia. Jay objected to living in their house in the Hamptons, but Hillary wore him down by saying, “I have a dark room in the basement. I really need it to develop all the pictures. Besides, the whole band can stay here. That way you can use all your money for equipment.”
Jay had wanted to encourage Hillary’s hobby with photography, hoping she would use it for a job. Hillary wanted Mrs. Rutlin to remain in Bronxville. The housekeeper only had to hear that the whole band, except Lilly, would be staying there to stay away.
Sam, the drummer, was happy anywhere he could get free rent. The bass player was another story. The close confinement of José and Hillary had brought them to each other’s throats. He and Lilly had a cold relationship in Yonkers that went sour. He resorted to base physical comments while Lilly replied with caustic sarcasm. Lilly knew he would not be uttering demeaning sexual slurs if Tony were around. She dubbed him “the gutless wonder.” Randy intervened whenever things got to a critical point.
Randy was the wheeler-dealer of the group. He finagled bookings at “in” bars by leaving the impression that Cuando had played big bars in Westchester. He also arranged Lilly’s proof of age and said that double proof would be no problem. Randy presented her with a driver’s license and a Westchester County photo ID, which had her birthday as June 16, 1952, making her eighteen.
Tony quipped, “Where’s the passport?”
Randy answered straight-faced, “Do you think she’ll need one?”
Randy was also the most active playboy. He could pick out a girl in the audience, make eye contact and sing to her, and then take her home.
The band agreed that all the money made playing would be used to purchase equipment. Lilly went back to Shop All. This time, since she was almost sixteen, she could work at the deli. Randy and Jay worked there as stock boys. Sam got a job with a landscaping service, and José pumped gas.
Mrs. O’Dwyer planned a trip to Ireland in midsummer. She wanted the children to see their ancestral home. They would be gone for three weeks, during which she’d lend her house to her late husband’s brother. Sean was not her favorite person, but she had to admit, grudgingly, he had done right by them. Sean handled her investments. The Xerox profits alone yielded enough to raise the children. Mrs. O’Dwyer said she wouldn’t insist Lilly go to Ireland since she was working and in the band. Patrick and Daniel were also excluded from the trip. They would remain in Yonkers all summer, taking courses and working. Mrs. O’Dwyer arranged for Lilly to remain with her Uncle Sean and Aunt Vera for the duration.
Tony and Lilly had dramatic farewells in June, and for the first two weeks of the summer, he didn’t visit. Lilly decided he was up to his old tricks and wanted to cut his heart out. She seethed silently. Tony was avoiding Lilly. He knew, after the cure, that the next time he was alone with Lilly they would cross the line. He wasn’t sure Lilly was ready. He wasn’t sure he was ready.
Hillary and Lilly spent days off at the beach. Marsha, one of Randy’s pickups, tagged along. Marsha chattered as the friends sunned. She asked Hillary where she was from.
Hillary replied, “Bronxville.”
Marsha said, “I’m from Mount Vernon. Did you go to Bronxville High?”
“No. I attended private schools.”
“A preppie. I should have guessed from your house. I just graduated. I’m going to Oswego State next year. How about you?” Marsha said to Lilly.
“Greeley in Yonkers.”
Marsha sat up. “I knew a couple of guys from Greeley. They just graduated. Brother rats.”
Marsha launched into a tale about her true love ex-boyfriend. She had slept with him, but he had dumped her anyway. Soon after, she met the first rat.
“He was so nice, a big guy, Italian, with an easy way of talking and the cutest crooked nose.”
Lilly felt her stomach turn.
Marsha went on, “His name was Tony. He knocked my socks off. This guy could give lessons. Anyway as fast as he came, he was gone. Then I met this sweet gentle guy named Mike. This guy dripped with understanding; then he was gone. I felt like a fool when I realized they both went to Greeley. Then I went shopping one day up at the stores on Central Avenue and stopped for gas. They were both at the station talking. I walked up to them and made a fool of myself. Tony said ‘Now, Marsha, you know you had a good time.’ I said something stupid about love, and he said ‘Love? You don’t even know my last name.’”
Lilly was mortified. She had never told anyone that Tony strayed. She ventured a side-glance at Hillary and saw Hillary purposely looking away. Hillary knew.
Marsha was saying, “I got the last word though, ’cause my old boyfriend came to me all apologetic; he had given me gonorrhea. I must have given it to them.”
Lilly stood, shook her towel, and said, “See ya.”
Hillary stood. “Lilly, don’t go.”
Lill
y felt too sad to cry, so she said easily, “I’ve got to go. Please Hillary don’t …” and walked away.
That Sunday evening they were invited to participate in a second Battle of the Bands. The response to the first had been so great that the winners of Northern Jersey and Nassau County were invited to compete for a super prize of seven hundred fifty dollars. The competition was also held in Yonkers at Untermeyer Park. Lilly rode in with Hillary. They had five hours between arriving in Yonkers and playing. Hillary asked if Lilly were going to see Tony.
“See him? I’m going to neuter him.”
Hillary dropped Lilly at her house. “Be ready at six-thirty.”
Lilly headed straight to Tony’s, still carrying her satchel. Mrs. Della Robbia told her Tony was at the park.
She headed there immediately, because she didn’t want to lose steam. She saw Tony’s car parked on the street. When she walked into the park, she saw Tony, Frank, and Mike with some girls. She turned, walked back to Tony’s car, dug in her satchel, and found a bank deposit envelope. She ripped it open and wrote. “I have to see you, if you can tear yourself away. I’ll be here ’til six. L O’D.” She left the note on his shift stick.
She went back to her house and played Janis Joplin records to keep up her angry, woman-done-wrong mood. Her brothers were not home. She was glad because she wasn’t in the mood for social amenities. She knew Patrick would have understood and given her advice if she could have talked to him on a peer level, but that didn’t seem possible because they were cast in big-brother, little-sister roles.
She didn’t doubt Tony loved her. The time they had spent before the separation and the phone calls since the reconciliation in which they could talk about anything and everything had convinced her of that. He had sent her flowers on her birthday. But she also knew he was avoiding her. She thought of the torch films in which love destroys the woman and leaves the man unscathed. She’d be damned if she let anyone, even Tony, play her heart.
The door chimes rang, and she could see Tony’s outline through the stained glass window in the oak door. She braced herself, then crossed the room like a leopard about to pounce.
“Hello, Anthony. How good of you to come. I hope you didn’t leave your tart high and dry.”
“Lilly, let’s talk.”
He caught her hands and brought them to his mouth to kiss. She dug her nails into his hands.
“Lilly, be nice.”
“Nice? To you? I’ll be nice to some guy who wants to be nice to me,” Lilly spit out.
Tony said imploringly, “Lilly, you don’t know what you saw. Nothing! That girl was nothing. I never touched her.”
“How unique! You’ve schtupped every other girl in the New York Metro area.”
He didn’t answer. He wasn’t prepared for this. He didn’t want to admit to anything she may not know.
Lilly caught her breath hard. “Maybe that’s what I should do. Go off with one of the guys at the bars we play. Two can do this.”
“Lilly don’t be ridiculous! I don’t know what you know, but there is no one.”
“No one?” She screeched. “Do you want them by hair color or body build, or alphabetical order? How do you categorize them? By specialty? You don’t know what it’s like! So many times you’d be kissing me and almost pushing me in the door. I knew you were anxious to get your rocks off.”
She turned away from him. She could feel hot tears sliding down her cheeks.
Tony spoke in a husky voice, “Lil, don’t do anything foolish. I love you. You aren’t ready. I don’t want to hurt …”
“Hurt me?” she squeaked, and then calmed herself a little. “You don’t think it hurts to know you’d rather be with anyone but me?”
“No. No, that’s not it.”
He moved to her and put his hands on her shoulder.
“Get away from me. Don’t touch me. This is it! I’m never going to see sympathy in my friends’ eyes again. I’m never going to see you again.”
She ran across the parlor and started up the circular stairs. She sat halfway up.
Tony followed her up the stairs, half leaned, half knelt along them, and took her hand.
“Lilly you can’t leave me. Lilly I’ll never touch anyone else again. I didn’t know. Lilly, talk to me.”
Lilly had her face buried in the carved oak that was inlaid halfway up the wall along the stairs. He sensed her lack of resistance and climbed the stairs. He sat on the stair next to her, pulled her into his arms, and kissed her head.
“Lilly, I love you. You can’t leave,” he whispered. She murmured something.
He asked, “What?”
She looked up at him, “I might as well try not to breath.”
They kissed with increasing fervency and then led each other upstairs.
**** ********
Patrick answered the door. “Hi.”
He couldn’t place them right away.
“Is Lilly ready?” Jay asked.
“Lilly? Isn’t she in East Hampton?”
“No, we’re in town for the Battle of the Bands at Untermeyer. Isn’t she here?”
“Maybe. I just got home. ” Patrick said. “You’re in that Battle of the Bands?”
Hillary said, “I’ll go up. Maybe she’s nervous about what to wear.”
“OK,” Patrick agreed. He turned back to Jay to get the story on the band.
Hillary ran up to Lilly’s room. “Lilly, wake up,” she said and looked around suspiciously.
Lilly jumped up. “What time is it? Jeez I must have fallen asleep. I was tired.”
“Sure, Lil.”
Hillary saw the blood stain on the sheets. Lilly was rummaging through drawers.
“Did you really give it to him?” Her mocking tone brought Lilly to attention. “He left you a note.”
Lilly took the note from the pillow. LO’D you are not a virgin anymore, some difference, yes?
Lilly sat down a second. “Hillary, don’t tell anyone please.”
“Sure. Did you tell him what Marsha said?” Hillary asked. It was the first time the friends had discussed it.
“Not by name. But we settled the problem,” Lilly said ruefully.
“Obviously. Lilly, can I give you some advice?”
“What?” Lilly asked as she finished assembling her outfit on the dresser top.
“Don’t wear a tampon.”
“What…?” Lilly look at Hillary as though she were nuts, then saw the blood. “Oh God.”
“It’s normal. That’s all,” Hillary said reassuringly.
“Hillary is it always so uncomfortable?”
“No. At first I thought it was dumb and it kind of hurt, but it is addicting and it gets so good.” Hillary smiled.
Lilly hugged her and dressed. “Will I be able to wear tampons tomorrow? I’ll have my period.”
“Sure, Sex isn’t fatal you know.” Hillary laughed. “Is Tony coming tonight? I mean, the park.”
“I never told him. C’mon, I’ll call him.”
They ran downstairs and called, but Mrs. della Robbia hung up on her.
“Jay, could you call Tony and tell him about the gig. His mother doesn’t believe in girls calling boys, and she hung up on me.”
Mrs. della Robbia wanted Frank and Tony to settle down with nice Italian girls. That was the first strike against Lilly. Lilly was in a rock and roll band and introduced Tony to unseemly characters. That was the second strike. Lilly was a hippie, and Tito and Frank adored her. That was the third strike.
Frank had taken Mike and the three girls from the park back to the della Robbias where Isabel, noticing the extra girl, who looked Italian, had invited them in for salads.
Tony had returned home after leaving Lilly. He heard the phone and thought it was her. He came out of his room, where he was avoiding his mother’s little party for Mike, Frank, and the girls. He answered the phone when Jay called and told him about the Battle of the Bands. Patrick had decided to go and needed a ride. Lilly was thrilled
that one of her siblings would finally come to hear her. She had always had the feeling that her family was just humoring her about her music.
Jay and Lilly had to get over to the park to set up. Hillary and Patrick walked down to Tony’s.
Mrs. della Robbia answered the door. “You’re Lilly’s friend? Didn’t you get married? This isn’t your husband.”
“No, Mrs. della Robbia, this is Patrick O’Dwyer, Lilly’s brother,” Hillary said matter-of-factly.
“I’m not surprised.” Isabel purposefully misunderstood.
“Night, Ma,” Tony called as he led them out. In the hall he added, “Don’t say it. She’s my mother. We all have them.”
“You should be glad Lilly’s not here. She would have had some smart ass remark.”
“I know. Ma loves Lilly,” Tony laughed.
Patrick, who was going into his senior year at Columbia, talked to Tony about Brighton. “They have a housing crunch there too. I have a friend who shares a house in Mount Vernon with guys from Brighton. Do you start school before Labor day?”
“Yeah, we start at the end of August. How many guys live there? What do they pay?”
“They’re nine guys. My friend pays sixty a month, but he shares a room. Are you going to live on campus?”
“I’m staying home for now, but not for long.”
Lilly felt bad on the way to the park. Earlier that day on the way to Yonkers, she had had stomach pains and had attributed it to the dread of an encounter with Tony. Now, she thought it was a combination of expecting her period and being nervous about the night. She wanted to dwell on the events of the afternoon, but the importance of the competition precluded any mooning.
Randy and José were already there, setting up the speakers and mikes. Sam was setting up the drums so meticulously Lilly suspected he was tripping. Randy asked if Tony was coming as they unloaded the piano and guitar from Jay’s van.
“Sure. Hillary is with him and my brother Patrick, too.”
A Yonkers Kinda Girl Page 10
