“We’re already set up in Allegheny State Park. Gary would never think of looking for Issy there.”
Issy agreed. “Did you call today and hang up?”
“Yes.”
“Gary went nuts. He accused me of setting up a secret meeting with another man.”
“You ready?” Lilly asked, trying to light a bomb under her procrastinating friend.
Issy said, “Should I leave a note? What should I say?”
“No, if you leave a note, he’ll start looking for you. If not … leave some stuff around too. So he’ll think you are coming back. Let’s go,” Lilly said to Issy.
They finally walked to the door.
Lilly asked, “Your sleeping bag?”
“I don’t have one.”
“Henry does,” Jane offered.
Lilly was almost shaking with relief when they reached the car and loaded Issy’s bag into the trunk. Fitting three people, one of them eight months pregnant, into a Corvette turned into a challenge.
Jane said, “Drive fast. Baby doesn’t like being cramped.”
Lilly was pulling into traffic when Gary drove up on his motorcycle. Issy turned around guiltily. Gary pulled out recklessly in front of a station wagon.
“Damn, damn,” Lilly muttered. “Jane, where should we go? He’s following.”
“Can he see through the windows? They’re tinted,” Jane asked.
“I don’t know. He must see something. He’s following us.”
“Go back to my house. The men are there.”
“Gary’s strong. He’s a drummer. Henry’s nice and everything, but he isn’t …” Issy started.
“Tony is,” Lilly said.
Issy looked skeptical and then turned to watch Gary, to Jane and Lilly’s annoyance. When they arrived at Jane’s, Lilly caught Issy’s arm as Issy was straddling the gear shaft.
“Issy don’t talk to him. Go inside please. If you’re ever going to be free of him, it’s best to do it tonight.” Lilly watched Gary through the rearview mirror, waiting to see who got out of the car. Lilly held Issy’s arm. “Let Jane get out and inside first.”
Jane said, “Waddle, waddle.” She struggled to climb out of the cramped car.
Issy and Lilly got out of either side of the car simultaneously. Lilly hurried around the car and caught Issy, leading her towards the house.
“Isabel! Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” Gary sounded like an angry parent surprising an errant adolescent.
“Shh,” Lilly cautioned as they crossed the yard to the porch.
Gary caught up with them, grabbed Issy, and pushed her toward the motorcycle. “Go! Sit there! Now you.” He turned to Lilly. “The great white cunt! I should have known. Got yourself another rich boyfriend? Mind your own fucking business. Issy doesn’t want to see you, and she doesn’t want you to write to her anymore. Got that? Cunt?” Gary spoke with increasing menace.
Lilly felt the color draining from her face but spoke softly to Issy. “It’s OK, we’ll go inside.”
Gary grabbed Lilly’s arm roughly. “I told you to fuck off.” He spit at her.
The smell of bad breath and alcohol and tobacco sickened her. She felt herself fainting as she heard Tony’s voice, but she couldn’t distinguish the words before she passed out.
They all froze for a second at the sight of Lilly on the sidewalk.
Gary said defensively, “I didn’t hit her or nothing.” Then more aggressively, “That stupid cunt passes out like a light.”
Tony said harshly, “Don’t call my wife a cunt.” He pushed Gary towards his motorcycle with the fierceness only a large, incensed male can muster.
Gary stood by the motorcycle a second and then left. Tony lifted Lilly and carried her inside.
Jane stood by, “Like the last time. I don’t believe it. She fainted again.”
Issy said, “You’re big. I mean you’re big. Wow!”
Jane ran to the kitchen and returned with a wet dishtowel. “Remember Issy? Gary grabbed her and as soon as he touched her rough like that, it was like someone hit the off button. She hit the floor.”
Tony looked at Jane quizzically and then back at Lilly.
Jane caught her breath and said to Henry, “Issy’s going to borrow your sleeping bag and go camping with them, OK?”
“Sure. Is she all right?”
Issy answered, “Lilly faints. She’ll be fine.”
“Lilly faints?” Tony repeated. “I’ve known her for sixteen years, and I’ve never seen her faint before this.” He reconsidered. “Well, once, but that was under severe distress.”
Lilly touched his face. “I’m OK.” She started to sit up, paused, and then sat up more slowly.
Tony looked at her questioningly, but she slipped her hand in his as he sat next to her.
“Where’s Gary?” she asked meekly.
Jane said, “He took off, probably headed for the hills.”
“Issy will stay with us, OK? Her mom will be back tomorrow with money for Issy to get away. Gary’s unpredictable,” Lilly said shyly to Tony.
“Fine. Do you faint a lot?” He asked her.
“No.”
“Your friends seem to think so.” Tony’s voice was low.
“Oh, I fainted once before. Gary went after me. He’s so gross. His breath is so bad. When did you ever see me faint before? I didn’t faint at Brian’s funeral.”
“What?” Tony said, not following her.
“Brian … my brother. I didn’t faint at his funeral. I fainted at the big one though, for all the others.”
“I didn’t go to the big one. I only went to Brian’s.”
“So, when did you see me faint?”
“When Wayne Durling looked you up.”
“Wayne Durling? Who’s that?”
Tony looked at Lilly a long time before he spoke. “I know you repressed a lot of that, but Wayne Durling.”
Lilly looked confused, “Well, I don’t, and I don’t want to know.”
Tony saw a flicker of fear run across her face and backed down. “It’s OK, Lil. I wouldn’t want you to have a hard time, fainting on the trail.”
“Tony, please don’t say anything about anything. I never told them about things.”
Tony gave a slight nod. He noticed Jane and Issy standing in the hall listening.
Tony stood, “Well ladies, we’d better get back to camp.”
Henry returned with the sleeping bag.
Tony said to Jane, “Could you get a bus schedule, and we’ll be back tomorrow morning?”
Issy, Tony, and Lilly drove back to Allegheny mostly in silence, each engulfed in separate pockets of troubled thought.
Approaching the campsite, Tony said, “How are you surviving, Miss Boney-butt?”
Issy laughed. “You know I saw a catalog that had panties with cheeks in them. Lil, you could use them.”
“What a cute tent,” Issy said. They stood back while Tony arranged sleeping bags.
“It’s going to be a tight. It’s a two-man tent, we’ll squeeze Lilbit here.”
They settled into their sleeping bags. Lilly went to sleep immediately, confirming Tony’s feeling that the evening’s events had come close to stirring bad memories. He knew Lilly had retreated to sleep.
Issy said quietly, “Lil?”
Tony answered, “She’s sleeping.”
Issy asked, “Was Lilly ever hurt?”
Tony considered. “Everyone is hurt by something sometime in their life.”
He knew before he fell asleep that Lilly would wake screaming during the night. She did a short time later. Tony calmly unzipped his bag as Lilly, in the dark hole between nightmare and waking, fought the constraints of the sleeping bag.
“Lilly, it’s all right now. Wake up,” Tony said patiently as he undid her bag. Lilly opened her eyes and flung herself into Tony’s arms.
“Belle, you can’t let it hurt you so much.” His voice had softened to a whisper.
She cried and then attemp
ted to laugh, “Now I remember him.”
“Wayne Durling? I guess you do.”
“Don’t say his name,” Lilly pleaded.
“Lilly,” Tony said in annoyance. “You’re like a haunted house that’s afraid to be exorcised.”
Lilly hugged him and whispered, “Not now, please. Issy’s here.”
“I’ll drop it on one condition.”
“What?”
“You and I work it out … finally.”
“Oh God, Tony.”
“Belle, either we talk now, or we talk later.”
“Saint Croix suddenly looks better,” Lilly teased uneasily.
“OK. Now.”
“No, no, later. I promise. Just hold me tonight.”
“Women, all they want you for is your body,” Tony said mockingly as he zipped their bags together.
“Tony, we can’t make love tonight, Lilly whispered.
“I know that girl. You have a one-track mind.”
She settled into the arc of his body, feeling comforted and protected. Lilly was almost asleep when she felt his hand unsnapping her jeans and pushing down the zipper. Lilly turned her face to whisper an objection but met his mouth instead. Tony slipped his other hand under her and lifted her shirt. Lilly felt the front of her bra break from the pressure of his large hand in the small cup. Her body responded before she could get angry. Sex was quiet and comforting.
Issy woke first, hugging her sleeping bag against the chilly morning air. She glanced at her friend, lying so close to a big, strong man and was filled with reservations about leaving Gary. She slipped out of her sleeping bag and went looking for a bathroom.
Lilly and Tony woke together. Lilly smiled and then noticed Issy was gone.
She whispered, “I thought you were going to sleep. Next thing I knew … what got into you?”
“I suppose I admired your decision to face your ghosts.” Tony watched the reminder of her decision contort her face.
“You broke my bra.”
“It wouldn’t have held up on the trail anyway.”
Tony was starting a fire when Issy returned. “Do you like eggs?”
“Sure. What can I do to help?”
“Fill this with water from there.” He indicated a spigot a few campsites away.
He spoke about Yonkers. “Signore? That’s Italian. You’ll fit right in. Yonkers has a large Italian community.”
“I’m half Indian. American Indian. “
“Everybody’s half something,” Tony said.
“Are you originally from Yonkers?”
“No, Little Italy in Manhattan. We moved to Yonkers in nineteen sixty-six.”
“Is that when you met Lilly?”
“We met before that.… She was lost. It was a long time ago.”
“October nineteenth, sixty-three. The day the twins were born.” Lilly rejoined them.
“That’s right. Francine and Kelly.”
“Whose twins?” Issy asked.
“They are my sisters.”
“I heard you talk about funerals. Did your entire family die?”
“No. In the car accident, my father and one brother and three sisters died, but another brother died of leukemia.”
“There were five in your family, or six?” Issy asked.
“I had eleven brothers and sisters. The rest are alive and well … at least I think so. Well, at least Colleen is.” Lilly looked uncertainly at Tony.
“What about your mother?”
“I haven’t seen her in a long time, about eight years.”
Issy sat back in disapproving silence.
Lilly said, “Issy you don’t understand.”
“Your poor, widowed mother,” Issy sniffed.
“Issy, it’s not like that.”
Tony interjected, “She disowned Lilly when we married.”
“That’s awful,” Issy said. “Aren’t you going to call her?”
“No,” Lilly said.
“Imagine if she wanted to say she loved you, but died before she told you.”
“Oh, God! If my mother ever said she loved me, I’d puke. Issy forget my mother.”
“Lilly!” Issy said.
Tony said, “Let’s take a walk, then head to Jamestown to put you on a bus, Issy.”
Issy said, “I’d like to see my mother.”
“I’d like to get my keyboards and books from her basement,” Lilly added.
“Then we’ll hit Jamestown first, but afterward, Lil, we’ll walk,” Tony agreed. Lilly rubbed his back in agreement.
Mrs. Signore was drinking coffee and reading the paper when they arrived. “Isabel, dear. And Lilly.” She hugged each in turn.
“Hello, Mrs. Signore,” Lilly responded, embarrassed by the woman’s embrace.
“You’ve returned from Cambodia?”
“Yes, a month ago. This is Tony della Robbia, my … conscience,” Lilly added.
“Your conscience?”
“He’s kind of big for a conscience, huh?”
“Mom, I’m going to visit Carly,” Issy said.
“You’re leaving Gary? Thank goodness. You’ll need money. I’ll write you a check. I’ll postdate it until Monday. I have about seventy dollars here today.”
The phone rang, and Mrs. Signore answered it. “Carlotta? How are you? Yes, yes, they are here. Isabel, Lilly, and a man … Her ex-husband? She’s divorced? Was she a divorcee when she lived with you? She was always so polite. Wasn’t she the one who introduced Isabel to Gary?”
Issy smiled at Lilly. “Guess what Lil? You just became the bad guy. My mother knows all about divorcees.”
Lilly nodded. “Who doesn’t? We’re all desperate, fallen women.”
“That will teach you to call me your conscience,” Tony said quietly to Lilly.
Issy called Jane and then came back to report. “Jane said Gary drove by their home a couple of times. She is going to come over here later, and then we’ll go to Olean. I’ll catch a bus there, but not until this evening. I’ll get to New York tomorrow morning at eight.”
It was decided that Tony and Lilly would return to the campsite to walk, and Jane and Issy would pick up Lilly later to go to Olean.
The ride to Olean was full of giggles. Jane had a lot of interesting gossip about Lilly’s old classmates. Exhausting that topic, they moved on to Adam.
Jane said, “I see Adam every once in a while.”
“How is he? Is he married? I hope he has a true love?”
“No, he never mentioned anyone. I only see him every few months or so. He’s a friend of my boss. If I see him before I leave work, I’ll tell him you’re walking the Appalachian Trail. That will blow him away.”
“Be careful how you tell him I’m with my ex-husband. Adam was very sensitive about Tony. Not without cause, obviously. How much longer will you work?”
“Two weeks. I was going to work until I went into labor, but I’m getting uncomfortable.”
They made Olean in good time. Jane purchased magazines for Issy. After the bus left, Lilly and Jane headed back to Allegheny and parted there.
While waiting for Tony to return to the campsite, Lilly built a fire, but she did not light it. A few minutes later, Tony walked into the campsite with a load of wood. He saw the apprehension in Lilly’s eyes as she watched him approach. He placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
“Lil, let’s get our packs. It’s a lovely evening for a walk.”
Tony dominated the conversation with plans, dreams, and anecdotes. Lilly kept expecting the other shoe to fall, but the dreaded subject never arose. Their remaining time in Jamestown was a preview of the good times ahead on the trail.
Sunday Tony drove back toward New York while Lilly slept. He had spent the better part of the previous day deciding what tack to take to help Lilly face and overcome her nightmares. Her fear was not lost on him.
While Lilly had gone to Olean, Tony had tried to think of everything that could have happened to her. He thought of every perversion and
sadistic act possible. Tony worried that he could unwittingly push her into a dark area of self-doubt and serious psychological pain. He decided Nick would be his best advisor and shelved the subject until he felt more competent.
The last week in New York was overly filled with activity. Tony gave Lilly a list. “Lil, tomorrow you’ll have to shop for all these things and walk between stores.”
Lilly looked over the list, “It’s like a scavenger hunt. ‘Your mission should you choose to accept it … ,’” Lilly mimicked the prologue to Mission Impossible.
Lilly found all the items on the list easily, and then went to Carly’s where the apartment was tense.
“She wants to go back to Jamestown. She isn’t even giving it a chance,” Carly barked in disgust.
Issy said, “It’s so loud here, I can’t sleep. I’ve had a headache since I got here.”
Lilly no longer cared if Issy stayed or went, but sided with Carly.
“Issy, give it a chance. It’s fun here. Don’t you think the headache might be lack of sleep and tension? Get a job, today or tomorrow. Don’t take time to dread it. Why don’t you two come to Tony’s. I’ll show you around the city.”
Carly said, “That sounds great, but I have to work in two hours. Tomorrow I have off.”
Lilly said, “Great. Take Issy to the hospital with you to fill out an application. Then tomorrow, you two will have a whirlwind tour.”
Issy said, “This morning, I applied at a store and nothing.”
Lilly said, “There are hundreds of stores. Try Bronxville hospital. You have a year of nursing school. I worked there as an aide, and it was interesting. And tomorrow night, Tony has the Yankees with the guys. We could find an artsy-smartsy film.”
Lilly gave them directions to Tony’s and left the sisters to work it out. She called Eileen. The rest of the day was spent laughing with EO, while they alternately packed boxes, drove to the new house, and cleaned and unpacked.
“Eileen, you should hear Issy. It’s like she’s a wimp. If I have to argue with her, I’m afraid I’ll shake her. Imagine even thinking about going back to that bastard.”
“Shh.” Eileen pointed to Jason. “Big ears. Lilly, she’s shell-shocked. Give her time. When your life crumbled, you were unintelligible. I never met Gary, but some women are like that. ‘Punish me, tell me I’m worthless.’ I met an old boyfriend of Issy’s once when I visited you. He made a pass at me while you were in school.”
A Yonkers Kinda Girl Page 41
