by Stasia Black
Vanessa swallowed and gave him a single nod of acknowledgment. “How long ago?”
“Eight years.”
Ross could see the emotion building in Logan. It was the sign to step back. But Vanessa pressed on and maybe she was right to do it. They’d have to talk about it eventually, right? Wasn’t that how marriages worked? You had to talk about things?
“And you only just took off your ring?” Vanessa asked.
Logan frowned.
“You still love her,” she said matter-of-factly.
Ross held his breath. The subject of Logan’s first wife was common knowledge around town, but very few people dared broach the subject. This felt like dangerous ground to Ross. Everything in him cautioned to step back, keep quiet, change the subject. Abort, abort, abort!
“Jenny—” Logan said, and Ross heard the tremble in his voice. God, he was going to go there. He was going to talk…right there…in front of strangers. Ghost never talked.
“She was my life. She was everything I ever wanted. None of you can understand that.” Logan glanced wildly across their faces. “None of you understand what it means to have your heart ripped from your chest and then to be forced to march around this earth without any life left inside of you.”
Ross glanced at Vanessa. She seemed to be holding back more tears. What would she say? What on earth would be the right thing in this moment?
“She sounds amazing,” Vanessa said as her eyes got thick with moisture. “I would have liked to have known her.”
Logan stared at the floor unable to say anything more. Ross let out a breath. She’d done good, he thought.
“I admire your devotion to her,” Vanessa said.
Logan’s head jerked up, and his eyes blazed with fury. Oh, no…
“Will you teach me what that feels like?” she asked.
“Child…” His stare sucked all the oxygen out of the room.
“I’ve never seen that kind of love for myself. My father abandoned us when I was a little girl. I’ve been living alone since my mother passed. No one to even share a meal with. No one to care about me… And maybe it’s not the same, but I know loss, too.”
Ross was conscious of everyone shifting uncomfortably. They’d all lost at least someone since the Fall. He didn’t know anyone who hadn’t.
“I don’t expect you to feel the same way about me as you did about her,” Vanessa pressed on, “but even a hint of what that feels like would be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever had.”
“Child, stop,” Logan said, his voice warning her not to take this any further.
Ross reached out tentatively and touched Vanessa’s shoulder hoping to make her stop. She didn’t.
“I’m not a child. I’m a woman. A woman who needs you. All of you and whatever you’re able to offer. I know I’m not much but…”
“Damn, woman,” Riordan said, getting out of his chair. “You’re plenty. At least you’re not boring. You’re the most interesting thing to hit this town in years.”
“Listen to him,” Ross said. Vanessa turned her face toward Ross, and he drew the back of his hand gently down her cheek. “You’re more than plenty.”
“And you’re badass,” Camden added with a smirk. “Don’t forget badass.”
“Plus scary beautiful,” Michael added, coming forward.
Logan hung back, and they all turned to look his way. The man’s face was twisted in pain, and his fists were balled at his sides.
“What do you say, Logan?” Vanessa pleaded. “Can we all be a family? Please?”
Chapter Eight
VANESSA
“No!” Logan roared, jerking back. “I can’t. I’ll give you whatever protection you need, but I won’t get married.”
“You can’t? Or you won’t?” Vanessa asked. She thought she’d been on a roll. She’d thought she had made some headway, breaking past Logan’s armor of grief and survivor’s guilt.
She was wrong. And in her head, the bubble popped. She wasn’t going to get her happily ever after, after all. At least not with this beautiful man. Why was she so surprised?
Before Logan could answer her questions, the doors to the conference room swung open. They hit the wall with a bang, and the Commander stood there looking grim. “Enough talk. Where do we stand? Is the new Clan Washington ready to make it official?”
“Washington?” Vanessa asked, as the Commander and Sophia re-entered the room.
“My last name,” Logan growled, his voice sounding tight. “I’m the highest ranking.”
“Vanessa Washington?” Vanessa said, testing it out.
“I said, ’No!’” Logan bellowed. He got to his feet and tossed his metal chair across the room.
“Jesus!” Cam blurted out. “Easy, man.”
Logan stalked across the room and out the door. Vanessa watched him go, not understanding where she’d gone wrong. Still…there was time to salvage something. She squared her shoulders and cleared her throat, turning to face the four remaining men.
The Commander had the same idea. “What about the rest of you?” he asked. “Ready to make it official?”
“I’m in,” Cam and Riordan both said together, then they glared at each other.
“I already said yes,” Michael said.
“It would be a privilege to marry a woman as strong as you,” Ross said.
Vanessa let out a sigh. It wasn’t perfect. But it was more than she’d ever had before. Soon she’d have a home with a roof, food in the icebox, a real bed, and someone (someones) to take care of her.
And she’d be safe.
But… How long did it take to plan a wedding? If it took too long, they could change their minds. Logan had already rejected her. The others could do the same. She couldn’t let that happen. She didn’t need a fancy wedding dress, or flowers, or engraved invitations. She didn’t have anyone to send them to, anyway. All she needed was to get to the altar before what was left of this beautiful fantasy poofed away like all of her other dreams.
“Tomorrow,” she said. “I want to get married tomorrow.
Sophia shrieked and clapped her hands. “Shay got married just as quickly. Oh, I do love a wedding!
Vanessa would have asked who Shay was, except she was busy racing toward the French doors to the balcony. She flung them open and rushed to the railing just in time to see Logan striding across the square.
She gripped the rail and leaned out, yelling with all the volume she could muster. “Tomorrow, Logan!”
Logan stopped short. He lifted his head but didn’t turn around.
“I’m getting married tomorrow, and if you’re half the man I think you are, you’ll be there!”
Vanessa thought she saw his shoulders lift as if he were taking a deep breath. Did that mean he was going to say something? She waited. But he never turned around, and a second later, he picked up his pace and strode out of the square, disappearing into the darkness.
Chapter Nine
VANESSA
By morning, Vanessa was dressed in a floor-length white gown with a foot of train. It was long-sleeved to cover her scars and made from some kind of synthetic silk that made Vanessa remember a floor-length negligée her grandmother used to have hanging in her closet.
In addition to the dress, Sophia had made a wreath of bluebonnets to place on her head like a crown.
When she looked in the mirror this time, she didn’t have to flinch away. With the light dusting of makeup Sophia had powdered under her eyes and across her cheeks. Well, maybe she was even sort of… pretty?
She shut her eyes and breathed out hard, turning away from the mirror. Sophia had gone to check on the pastor, leaving Vanessa alone in what Sophia called the “bride’s room.” But Vanessa was going to suffocate from claustrophobia if she stood in this tiny broom closet of a room waiting for another second.
Right before she opened the door, though, she heard voices from the corridor outside. She recognized them immediately.
Camden, Michael, and the
twins were arguing. She would have been fine with the arguing if she’d heard Logan in the mix.
She didn’t.
“Any sign of him?” Commander Wolford asked.
“How the hell could he skip out on us?” Cam said. “It’s bad enough embarrassing Vanessa, but now he’s making me look bad, too.”
Suddenly Vanessa didn’t feel so pretty anymore. Her whole heart seemed to shrivel into a small, dark pellet.
“How in the hell is he making you look bad?” Michael asked.
“Everybody knows he kicked me out of the Security Squadron. They’ll think he’s skipping out because he doesn’t want to be in a clan with me.”
Vanessa cracked the door and peered into the corridor.
“Oh so you’re going to make this all about you?” Riordan said with a sneer.
“I know it’s not,” Cam said. “He’s being a little bitch about marrying Vanessa. But it doesn’t matter what I know. I’m talking about what people will think.”
“Logan will show,” Ross said. “I know he will.”
“And what do you know about it, Riordan?” Cam asked.
“He’s not Riordan,” Riordan said, taking a step forward, obviously offended. “I am, asshole. He’s Ross.”
How could Cam not be able to tell them apart? If he couldn’t pick up on the subtle differences in their faces, it was obvious that Ross was the one who’d combed his hair.
“Same difference,” Cam shrugged.
Riordan threw a punch, but Cam caught him by the wrist.
“Not the same,” Riordan bit out.
“We’re nothing alike,” Ross added.
“And don’t you forget it,” Riordan warned, jerking his hand free.
Cam just smirked, smoothing down his suitcoat and Vanessa shook her head and closed the door again.
Children.
She was marrying children.
They wouldn’t act like this if Logan were here.
But he wasn’t, was he?
She lifted a hand to her forehead. What was she getting herself into? She’d been so sure yesterday. She’d met them and they were all so big and strong. And fate and luck and all that… all that bullshit.
Because maybe there wasn’t any big plan. Maybe she’d just survived as long as she had because life was fucking chaos. So far she’d always managed to land on her feet—but like a cat who’d used up its nine lives, maybe her luck had finally run out.
If she couldn’t make a go of it here she didn’t know where else she could. She’d meant it when she’d told her would-be clan she was exhausted. She was weary down to her bones and running on empty. She had been for a long time now.
She slumped against the door.
The guys were still at it outside.
“The ceremony was supposed to start five minutes ago,” Michael said. “Vanessa is going to be wondering what’s happening. Maybe we should start without Logan.”
“We wait,” Cam said. “We have to wait for the press to get here anyway. They’re running late.”
“The press? Like the newspaper?” Ross asked. “Why?”
Newspaper?
A film of nervous sweat slid between Vanessa’s small breasts. She didn’t want pictures. This was already humiliating enough as it was.
Sure the make-up helped a little but she knew she was still a wreck. Then there was the issue of the missing groom. She was hoping to make a fresh start here and you could only make a first impression once.
Not to mention that the last thing she needed was her face captured on camera. What if one of those newspapers made it out of town and Lorenzo saw it?
Yeah he only had a band of about ten and probably wouldn’t dare come after her in a well-fortified town like Jacob’s Well—one of the many reasons she’d chosen to come here in the first place—but Jesus, she didn’t need to be tempting fate any more than she already was.
Because the truth was, she wasn’t just staying for the protection.
She… she wanted it all. She wanted a family. She wanted to be loved. She wanted to know what it felt like to have a man to love her so deep that even if he lost her, he’d wear her ring for years afterwards because that love lived on even after death.
And wanting anything that hard, God, she knew how stupid it was. She’d spent her whole childhood wanting her Dad’s love. Would she spend her adult life the same way?
“That’s how it’s done in civilized society,” Cam said. “A write-up in the paper, with a picture. I asked some people from the Gazette to come.”
Vanessa heard Michael sputter. “Did you think I might have wanted some say in whether my co-workers were here in a professional capacity?”
Cam ignored Michael’s question. “Don’t any of you have anything nicer to wear?” It sounded like he half-way hoped the answer was no.
“What?” Ross said. “This shirt is clean, and the pants are well-repaired.”
“Vanessa’s lived out in the wild,” Riordan said. “She’s going to like someone who looks more rugged than a slicked back ass clown. Where’d you even get a tuxedo?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Cam said, and Vanessa could hear the sneer of superiority in his voice.
“Well,” Riordan said. “At least I’m not dressed like the angels of the NBA.”
Vanessa sighed. He must be talking about Michael. Why did Riordan have to take a shot at him? Michael hadn’t done anything.
“Suck my dick,” Michael snapped back.
“Everyone, stop,” Ross sounded appalled. “This is a church. This is our wedding. A little decorum, please.”
“I didn’t think anyone could suck your dick,” Cam said.
Michael didn’t come back with anything more, and Vanessa cringed in empathy at his apparent mortification. She needed to get this wedding going before they tore each other apart.
Thankfully, an out-of-tune piano began to play the wedding march, and everyone in the corridor went silent. A few seconds more, and the door to the bride’s room cracked open, revealing Sophia. She was in a lavender dress with a single flower in her shiny brown hair.
“Ready?” she asked.
Was she ready? God no.
“Yes,” said Vanessa, shaking her head fervently. It was best to get unpleasant things over with quickly. Skinning a possum? Taking a dip in the river to get clean in winter? Take a deep breath and rip off the band-aid. It was the only way. “Let’s hurry.”
“Take your time,” Sophia said, reaching up to readjust the crown of flowers on Vanessa’s head, smiling so wide it looked like her face was about to split. “After all, you only get married once. You have to enjoy every moment of it.”
Vanessa attempted a smile. It probably came off more as a grimace, but Sophia didn’t seem to notice.
Sophia spent forever fiddling with her train behind her until Vanessa couldn’t stand it anymore. “Okay. I’ve enjoyed all I can out of this moment. Let’s get on with it. Any sign of Logan yet?”
She glanced over her shoulder just in time to see Sophia’s happy expression falter. “Not yet,” she said, eyebrows knitting together.
“All right. Then let’s go,” Vanessa said, eyes forward. It was fine. So she’d have four husbands instead of five.
Hadn’t she just been admiring the love Logan had for his first wife? Now she was going to fault him for it?
She blinked hard against the emotion biting at her eyes as she opened the door and then strode out. The hallway was empty now.
Sophia directed her down the hallway and over toward the back of the church’s sanctuary.
Two middle-aged men playing the role of ushers opened the double doors into the crowded sanctuary.
Sophia gave Vanessa’s hand a squeeze, then she headed down the aisle first. She only glanced back once to make sure Vanessa was really following.
As soon as Vanessa stepped on the flower petal strewn path, the tinny piano started playing the bridal march.
Talk about surreal.
Her ey
es immediately flicked to the end of the aisle where four men stood waiting for her. Four. Not five.
Vanessa’s stomach sank. Which was stupid. She knew he wouldn’t show.
She locked her jaw. Just rip the damn band-aid off. Get through this and then start her new life with her new family… whatever that meant.
She was only vaguely aware of the people in attendance as she continued down the aisle.
Nix was one of the few who stood out, seated in the back row with a stunning redhead and several other men. Nix looked agitated as he kept his eye on the door to the church.
Vanessa also noticed a short, stocky woman seated on the aisle. She had a rounded profile and small dark eyes, which she dabbed at with a handkerchief. Everyone else was a blur.
As she reached the front, Vanessa couldn’t bring herself to make eye contact with her soon-to-be husbands. It would only remind her of the one who wasn’t there.
The pastor stood between two tall candlesticks with flickering candles. He was frowning and when she got close, he leaned in like he wanted to get a better look at her. Except he wasn’t looking at her face.
“Someone messed up your hair,” the pastor said.
Vanessa reached up self-consciously to touch her head.
“Jesus, Jonas,” said Michael and only then did Vanessa notice that the pastor’s pupils were seriously dilated.
Wait. Was he high?
The day had already started off with a bang, what with her fiancés’ bickering and Logan turning out to be a no show. A baked pastor did nothing to boost Vanessa’s flagging confidence.
Pastor Jonas then turned to squint at Cam. “Hey, I remember you. You’re the one who almost got tossed out of town for fighting. Would’ve been your third strike.”
Vanessa looked at Cam. Third strike?
“That was nothing,” Cam said, neck reddening as he waved a hand. He looked to Vanessa. “It was nothing. It wasn’t even my fault. This guy stole my ration card and—”
“Okay, then,” Pastor Jonas cut off Cam’s flood of justifications as he looked down at the big book in his hands. “Let’s see, how does this go again…?”
