by K. C. Crowne
The fact that we wouldn't be able to though because of bullshit politics and bureaucracy, made me feel even shittier somehow.
“Maybe you're right, but that doesn't make me feel any better,” I said. “If anything, I think it makes me feel worse. At least if I thought he wasn’t into me, I could just call him an asshole and move on. Knowing that there might actually be something there but be unable to do anything about it sucks.”
She shrugged. “I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm not trying to make you feel worse about it all, just pointing out the facts.”
I really hated admitting that she very well could be right about the situation. Maybe, it was the fact that I was his subordinate, that he was my boss, and he realized what a can of worms he'd opened up by sleeping with me too late. Once it hit him, it freaked him out. It sounded entirely plausible – and entirely likely. Everybody was terrified of sexual harassment suits these days, over even the appearance of impropriety. The fact that he'd actually slept with me, probably did weigh heavily on his mind.
I checked my phone, and even though it was way too early to go into work yet, I needed to get out of the house. I hurried and got dressed and said goodbye to Nora as she changed clothes.
“Going back in already?” I asked. “You just got home.”
“Only to change, silly,” she said. “There's the office holiday party this weekend, and you know what a big deal that is. I have to make sure everything is perfect.”
“Nick going to be there?” I teased.
“Of course, but you know we're not like that,” she said, her cheeks turning a bright shade of pink.
“You're blushing, so I beg to differ,” I said. “You obviously still have feelings for him, don't you?”
“It's – complicated,” she said. “Maybe we can grab drinks and talk about it later. Right now, though, I have to get going.”
“Me too,” I lied.
I actually had plenty of time before I needed to be at the station, but I decided to see if Luke was there and would be willing to talk arsonist theories with me. It sounded a lot better than lying in bed and staring up at the ceiling, feeling sorry for myself. It also sounded a hell of a lot better than getting caught up in the memory of the way Austin had kissed me that night and how good he’d felt inside me.
I needed a distraction, and I needed it bad.
* * *
When I stepped into the fire station, I expected to see Luke already there. He was often there even when he was off, tinkering with something or researching something else. I wasn't sure he had a life outside of the house, actually. He usually helped maintain the fire equipment, along with the truck engineer, Troy. Luke had a natural mechanical inclination, was good with his hands, and the two often worked together. Troy was alone this morning though, sitting in a corner and tinkering with the fire hose.
“Morning, Sarah,” he said without looking up.
“Hey Troy,” I said. “Have you seen Luke?”
“He's passed out in the bunkroom. Slept here last night,” Troy said.
“He did?”
That seemed a little strange to me. Though, given how much he hung at around here, maybe I shouldn't have been all that surprised. I headed back to the living area. We were lucky enough to not only have a separate little bunk area with enough beds to nap between calls, but also a small living area with a television, some couches, a card table, and a few games.
When I stepped into the living area, I found Wes on the couch, a tiny kitten in his hand. He grinned at me as the little gray and white kitten sucked at his finger. Seeing this big, burly man being so tender and gentle with such a delicate little thing was maybe the cutest thing I'd ever seen.
“Aren't they so cute?” he asked me.
“Yeah, they are,” I said, plopping down on the couch beside him. “Why are you here so early?”
“Luke and I passed out here last night instead of going home. We wanted to check on the kittens, then just decided to crash,” he said. “Why are you here?”
“Trouble sleeping,” I muttered. My head was pounding from the stress I was feeling instead. “How in the hell are you so bright-eyed and cheery this early in the morning?”
He shrugged. “Kittens,” he answered simply, holding the purring ball of fluff up toward my nose.
I peered at the thing and couldn’t help but smile as I reached out to scratch it behind one impossibly tiny ear. “Okay, you got me. The damn thing is pretty cute.”
Wes was studying me, and it was unnerving. Though he was basically a big kid, and a bigger flirt, Wes was incredibly intuitive; more so than anyone gave him credit for. I knew that he was trying to read my face, and so I tried to keep it as impassive as possible. Wes put the kitten back down in the box with the mama cat and the other two babies. He stroked the mama for a bit before turning to me with a look of concern.
“What's going on, Sarah?”
“Just had a rough couple nights,” I groaned, curling up into myself.
“You seemed fine after shift yesterday.”
“Yeah, well, I haven’t been sleeping all that well lately,” I admitted.
I pulled a strand of hair toward the front of my place and twirled it, trying my best not to look over at Wes, not wanting to meet his eyes. Wes, on the other hand, stared at me intently.
“Boy trouble?” he asked.
“Boy trouble? Really, Wes, I’m not twelve years old,”
“Yeah, that's what I thought,” he said with a laugh. “Boy trouble. So tell me, what did this asshole do to hurt you? And where can I find him, so I can beat the living shit out of him?”
I had to admit it, it was funny, and I chuckled. Imagining Wes intimidating anyone was funny. He was a big guy, one of the tallest and broadest men I'd ever seen. He was nothing but a gentle giant in real life, though. He was a kind, gentle soul who wouldn't hurt a fly. Though something in his eyes told me maybe I was wrong.
“What would you do, hug them to death?” I teased. “No, seriously, I'm fine. It’s just some garden variety insomnia.”
The look on Wes’ face was going to be my undoing, though. He seemed to read my mind, and for some reason, I found myself fighting back tears. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep them at bay and took slow steady breaths. If I started crying now, at work, in front of Wes, my cover would be blown. Remembering what Nora had said, I calmed myself down.
I knew she was probably right about Austin's reasons for bolting, but it was hard not to take it personally. I was hard to not just assume that Austin wasn't really attracted to me, and only wanted to get laid.
“Any guy who'd make you cry isn't worth your time,” Wes said with a shrug. “You're too fucking beautiful and awesome for that shit.”
Wes had been known to flirt with me – it was just who he was. He'd never come right out and called me beautiful before though. That was new. I turned my eyes toward him, caught him looking at me, and felt my breath catch in my throat. His eyes were full of more emotion than I'd ever seen before, and I could tell he meant it. His eyes were sincere, and he looked at me like I was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. That look brought a lump to my throat.
Wes was gorgeous. The epitome of sexiness. A former pro-surfer and model, he had the body for both. Not to mention the chiseled muscles, and the face that drove women crazy not that long ago.
There he was, complimenting me. I'd always assumed his flirtatiousness was just him being him. I had never really thought he’d meant anything by it.
Thinking back on it though, I actually couldn't recall him hitting on other women around me. When we’d hang out after shift, there’d always been plenty of women trying to get his attention, but he’d typically seemed oblivious to them. I never really thought anything of it until that moment though.
“You really think I'm beautiful, Wes?” I asked, unable to help myself.
“Uh yeah,” he said as if it were obvious. “Anyone with eyes, and half a brain can see that, Sarah. You're fucking gorgeous.”
>
My cheeks burned as I blushed, and I couldn't meet his gaze all of a sudden.
“You have no idea how much that means to me, Wes. Thank you.”
“You're welcome, but it's just the truth,” he said. “If I were looking for a girlfriend, you'd be top of the list.”
“Still not looking to date anyone?”” I asked.
Maybe it was wrong to feel a little hopeful. I wasn't desperate to date anyone, so my behavior wasn't like me at all, but Wes and Austin were both men I admired and could see myself falling for. I’d just assumed Wes wasn't interested in that sort of thing. Maybe I was wrong, I thought.
“Nah,” Wes said. “Not right now at least. My life is too hectic. With the job, my brother's struggles, you know.”
“What about your brother?” I asked.
He shrugged and looked away, but not before I caught the dark shadow that seemed to pass over his face. Wes rarely talked about anything too serious – he preferred to keep things on the surface, light, and funny, and I never wanted to invade his privacy by pressing. While I knew he had a younger brother named Andrew, I knew very little about him.
“Andy got into some trouble recently. Nothing we can't handle, but – well, he needs me.”
“I'm really sorry to hear that,” I said. “But I know you’ll do everything you can for him.”
Without even realizing it, I reached out and touched Wes's arm. A natural, friendly gesture, but as soon as we touched, there was a warmth between us. It was almost like a static electricity that shocked us both. Wes smiled again, and I smiled back, and we stared at each other for a long moment.
“But if I were looking,” he said, licking his lips. “Well, I'd ask you out in a heartbeat.”
“I appreciate that,” I said. “I'm not really looking for anything too serious myself. Similar reasons, of course.”
“Oh yeah? I didn't know you had a brother,” he teased.
“No, but my sisters keep me on my toes,” I said. “And work. God, we work so damn much, don't we? It makes it almost impossible to get out there and meet people.”
“Yeah, we do,” he said. “I'll admit, it would be nice to – never mind.”
“Nice to do – what?” I asked him.
He turned those gorgeous bright green eyes toward me, and the feeling that washed over me was intense. My insides twisted and turned, and I felt something I'd never felt in his presence before. It filled me up and made my heart swell – a feeling that was so strong and so unexpected, it just about knocked me on my butt.
“Just that, it would be nice to find someone to relieve some pressure with, you know?”
“Like a friend with benefits?” I asked.
“Exactly like that,” he said, a crooked grin on his face, as he ran a hand through his shaggy hair. “I mean, a guy has needs. I'm sure you understand. I'm sure you have needs too.”
“I do. I mean, I know exactly what you mean,” I said.
A long moment of silence passed between us. In that silence though, there seemed to be so much communication racing back and forth. We didn't speak – but, there didn't seem to be any need. I kind of got the impression that we were saying everything that needed to be said without saying anything at all.
“I've wanted you for a very long time, Sarah,” he finally said, breaking the silence, and giving me a sheepish look.
“Have you?” I asked.
“Yes. God, yes,” he said.
I leaned closer, close enough that he could kiss me if he'd wanted. Our eyes were still locked on each other, and I licked my lips, inviting him to kiss me. I needed this now, even though I knew it was wrong. After sleeping with Austin, I needed the reassurance that I was good enough, that a man might want me even if he wasn't drunk or not thinking straight. A man like Wes, no less.
“I was just getting ready to hit the showers,” he whispered, his lips grazing mine as he spoke. “Wanna join me?”
The idea of getting caught in the showers with him was scary – and powerfully sexy. Adrenaline rushed through my body and excitement pushed all my doubts away. I'd always wanted to join him in the shower, but never had the guts to make it happen. Of course, I never knew if he actually wanted me to join him or not.
Now though, I had a direct invitation. Was I really considering it? I'd just slept with Austin a few nights before, and there was some guilt there – but only for a split second. The memory of how quickly he'd rushed out, saying it couldn't happen again – regardless of the reason – still stung. But it meant that, since it couldn't happen again, I was under no obligation to remain faithful to him, and I was free to make my own choices.
And I wanted this.
I wanted Wes.
I wanted to have some fun, and if Austin wasn't interested, why should I pass up Wes’ invitation? The timing was a little rushed, sure, but I hadn't planned on it. It just happened. At least with Wes, it was out in the open. We both knew what to expect. There was no promise of a relationship, nothing serious. There was less chance of someone getting hurt in the process, which sounded ideal to me.
“Yes,” I said. “Yes, I'll join you.”
* * *
The showers were empty when we stepped inside. The guys who were on the clock now had had a slow night and had no calls that required coming back and showering. No one from our shift, besides Luke, was there yet. Even so, most of us showered at home before coming in for work. I'd showered already, mainly to wake me up and get my ass moving , but the idea of seeing Wes completely nude was too tempting to pass up, and ignited a fire low in my belly.
Watching attentively as Wes stripped down, I drew in a breath as I saw his bare ass for the first time. I'd seen him shirtless plenty of times, so the tattoo on his right shoulder blade was no surprise to me. An anchor. It was his tie to the water, to his father who had been in the Navy and passed away when Wes was just a boy. I'd heard the story once a long time ago. The other tattoos down his arms weren't new to me either. Colorful artwork, most of it tied to the ocean in some way. Wes was a typical California boy through and through. He was born and raised near the water. His shaggy hair, tan skin, and surfer boy good looks were still evident even into his thirties. He'd never outgrown it, and it was part of his charm.
When he turned around to face me, my breath caught in my throat. His ass had been nice and firm, but the front of him was a sight to behold. His cock was long and hard already, and I had to fight the urge to rush over to him and take it in my hand. It was thick, and at least seven inches, maybe eight.. He caught me staring, flashed me a roguish little grin, and I blushed.
“You can touch it if you'd like,” he said with a broad smile.
“I just might have to do that,” I teased. I was in jeans and a t-shirt, and I felt overdressed next to this naked, god of a man. A naked god of a man who'd ignited a fire in my loins, and whom I wanted so bad it hurt.
“You have to get undressed first,” he said, looking me over with a cocked eyebrow.
I pulled up my shirt, taking my time to do a little striptease for him as I slipped it off over my head, tossing it onto the bench nearby. The look on his face reminded me of a dog drooling over some tasty morsel of food, and I chuckled as I reached behind to unhook my bra. Wes' cock throbbed as my breasts fell free.
Before I could even remove my pants, , Wes strode over to me, closing the distance between us in a split second with his long, strong legs.
“Need some help?” he asked, staring down at me.
I nodded, but seemed unable to even speak, as a smile pulled at my lips.
He cupped my breasts in his hands, looking at them like a virgin might look at the first pair of tits he'd ever seen in his life. He was transfixed on them, playing with them, squeezing them in his hands, a look of something like awe, spreading across his face.
“Perfection,” he whispered mostly to himself, but I’d heard him just the same.
He turned back to my face, his emerald eyes hungry for me, his face burning with lust.
/> My heart swelled, and my insides turned to mush. I wasn't normally an insecure person – okay, maybe the night with Austin had set me on edge - but the way Wes looked at me made me feel sexier than I'd ever felt before. He just had a look in his eyes, one of pure hunger and lust, something I'd only seen in the movies before.
“Help me get these pants off?” I asked, my voice soft.
“Of course,” he said.
I slipped out of my jeans, fully exposing myself to him for the first time. He drank me in and smiled, as he stared at me completely naked and bare before him.
I buried myself into his body. The positive affirmations Wes was giving me – as much as I hated feeling like I needed them – helped to erase some of the sting I was still feeling over Austin.
Some small voice inside my head scolded me for jumping into bed with another man so quickly. Austin had made it clear that we had no future though, so there was no reason I wasn't free to be with someone else. No reason to hold myself back or pass up the chance to indulge in one of my fantasies. Wes and I were equals, no one would bat an eye if we got together. Besides, friends with benefits were different than an actual relationship. This was just a mutually beneficial arrangement. Wasn’t it?
The idea was very appealing to me, even if there was part of me that wanted more. Honestly, I wanted to belong to someone. Deep down, I wanted to be someone's girlfriend, someone’s lover. I wanted to be someone's one and only. I told myself that one day, when life calmed down, I'd find that right person. For now though, I could take comfort in enjoying this sexy man beast before me. It could mean as much or as little as we wanted it to.
“You look dirty,” Wes said, lifting me up off my feet with a grin.
I squealed in surprise as he carried me into the showers like I weighed nothing at all. Both of us were buck naked and trying not to laugh too loud. There was an echo in the showers, but typically you'd only hear it if you were inside. Even still, we were doing our best to keep our voices down as much as possible.
