by Gabrielle G.
“You’re going to make duck confit and cheesecake just for me?”
“Of course, baby girl. You’re my favorite daughter after all. I’ll request a meeting with your teacher and try to see what I can do, but you need to work, Hailey. I’ll also explain the situation to your mom. You can call her, you know, she certainly would like to hear from you.”
“I don’t really want to talk to her.” I tilt my head inviting her to continue sharing her thoughts. “She left us, you know. Now it’s only you, Lawson and me. Not that it wasn’t before, but I always thought it was temporary. I feel stupid to miss her when she doesn’t miss us. She never did.” I’m not sure what to tell her because I have no clue if Jessica ever missed us. I thought she was family-oriented until we had a family, and then I realized she was more career-oriented than anything.
“Come on, let’s go eat some duck, and stuff our faces with cheesecake.”
“Thank you, Daddy. I’m glad you’re the one who stayed,” she says, giving me a hug.
“I would have never left, Hal. You and your brother are all that matters to me.”
5
Then – Alane
“Hey.” Aaron stops in the corridor to talk to me. I feel myself blushing inside and outside. It’s the first time he acknowledges me at school, in front of everybody.
“Hey,” I answer, letting my new bangs fall over my eyes.
“You changed your hair.” He wipes my bangs from my eyes and tucks them behind my ears.
It’s the first time he’s touching me as well. It’s a touch like a boyfriend would give his girlfriend. I still feel his fingers behind my ears, even when he removes his hand.
“Can I talk to you after school?” It feels like the world around me doesn’t exist. All I can see are his eyes, his smile—him. I only see him.
“What about?”
“Well.” He blushes. “I would really like to not have an audience to say what I have to say,” he whispers. My eyes darting to the side to see that we have, in fact, spectators gawking at us. Chris is standing nearby, unquestionably waiting for him, as well as Chris’ sister, Patricia, waiting for me. Luke is grinning not far away, and the rest of the student body are sending us side-glances, especially the girls. I’ve seen how they look at him.
I can’t fault them. He’s beautiful, tall, cute, and sporty. He would make the perfect first boyfriend, if I didn’t have hockey to play and a strict dad.
“Okay,” I answer, “I have practice though. Want to meet at the rink?”
“Mind if I watch practice with Luke?” he asks sweetly.
“Of course not.”
“Okay then.”
“Okay.” We hold each other’s gaze, smiling. For a guy who didn’t speak much, Aaron has opened up to me a lot these past weeks.
He drives me home after practice, always dropping me off far from my father’s sight, and we discuss hockey, his siblings, and the music we like. He fascinates me, and I hate the fact that I think so much about him all the time. I need to keep my head in the game.
Coach Gritt has intensified the practice for both of us, and there is something so appealing to be able to compete against him. He doesn’t treat me like a girl, he doesn’t let me win, but if I do, he high-fives me and sometimes even hugs me.
Luke is always there, watching us, and asking me how I am and how I feel. I think we’re friends now. Of course, this has put some tension between Patricia and I because she was sure Luke wanted to ask her out. I tried to talk to him about it, but he didn’t take the bait. I don’t think he likes her.
I’m still looking deep into Aaron’s eyes, smiling at him when Patricia tugs my arm.
“Come on, Alane! We’re going to be late for science!”
“And us for English. Let’s go, Romeo,” Chris says pulling Aaron backward by the shoulders. Aaron winks at me and walks away with his buddy teasing him, turning a few times to look at me and smile. I look in the direction where Aaron disappeared hoping he would come back and smile at me again.
“Alane, we’re going to be late,” Luke says, bringing me back to Earth.
“Where is Patricia?”
“Who knows, she was scoffing and pouting, making her way to science.” We start walking towards the lab when we see the principal.
“Gritt, Smith! In Class.”
“Yes, sorry Sir. We were discussing hockey and lost track of time, we’re going now,” Luke excuses us as if his answer was ready.
“Chop-chop!”
“Yes, Sir,” we answer, hurrying our step.
“She likes you, you know,” I tell Luke speaking about Patricia.
“Oh, I know!” He laughs. “I’m not interested.”
“Why? We could double date,” I say shyly. His brows crease.
“So, you want to date Aar?” He smiles. I nod.
“But I have no time. I need to play hockey, and my father will never allow it,” I answer, moving quickly to the last free table in the lab. Patricia didn’t save me a seat, and that’s okay, I much prefer to partner up with Luke. At least he knows what he’s doing.
“We'll see...”
“So, if you’re not interested in Patricia, why do you come to watch our practice so much?”
“For you, of course.”
“Me? I’m confused, didn’t you just smile when I said I wanted to date your brother?”
“I did, believe me. I want Aaron to date the perfect girl—a girl who can also be my friend, and I thought you were it. I just needed you both to cross paths.” He shrugs.
“You don’t even know if he wants to date me.”
“You’re funny, Captain!”
“Shhhh,” Patricia turns around to scold us, her eyes filled with jealousy.
“Sorry,” Luke mouths and winks. Patricia giggles, blushing. Once her back is to us, he rolls his eyes at her.
“Thank God her brother is cute because she’s so annoying,” he says with a smug attitude.
“You… You…” I gasp.
“Yep, only Aaron knows. Some others wonder.”
“You like boys?” I murmur. He shrugs.
“So, now you see why Patricia and I can’t work and why I need a new best friend?”
“Who was your best friend?” He nods in the direction of a guy I saw for the first time a few weeks ago when he came to school with a black eye. He had never been on my radar before, but rumor has it Aaron had beaten him up because of a girl. Nobody knows who the girl is though.
“The one Aaron beat up for a girl?”
Luke points his thumb toward himself. “Meet the girl,” he says softly quoting the word girl.
“Oh my, you have to tell me what happened!”
“I will but you have to promise that everything I tell you will stay between us,” He says pointing his chin in Patricia’s direction. I nod quickly to reassure him.
“I would never—” I start whispering.
“Gritt! Smith! I didn’t say anything when you were late, but can you keep your Show and Tell for after class?” The whole class is looking at us, some girls giggling, others shaking their heads.
“Yes, Miss. Sorry for the interruption,” Luke thunders. “I’ll tell you later,” he whispers back. The teacher is still looking at us, and I dive my head into the books to be sure I don’t get distracted again.
The Gritt brothers are going to get me into some trouble I can’t afford.
Patricia, Luke and I walk to the rink where Chris and Aaron are waiting for us. I feel like I’m flying to him. I might as well be flying; I’m walking so fast. Patricia is harping on about whatever to Luke, who is blissfully ignoring her.
Once I’m standing in front of Aaron, I lose track of everything else.
He’s wearing a blue jacket with baggy pants and a T-shirt. It’s simple but perfect, whatever he does is always perfect. I hear Chris telling Patricia to let Luke be. I also hear him complaining about his best friend falling for his sister’s best friend, which means they can’t double date. I h
ear Luke and Chris laugh at Patricia’s suggestion to double date and Chris telling her it won’t happen. I’m wondering if Chris knows about Luke, but I won’t pry.
I’m lost in some livid-ocean colored eyes for now.
“Hey,” Aaron says as he did in the corridor earlier in the day. “So, I wanted to ask you if you would like to go out sometime, just you and I without… them,” he adds with a nod of his head in our friends’ direction.
“I would love to, but my dad won’t allow it.” My eyes fall to the floor to hide my embarrassment.
“So… I went to see your father. He interrogated me for an hour and asked about my intentions towards you, and I had to promise no funny business before getting married, but he said that it was okay with him if you were okay with it, so…” I tilt my head up, my whole body jerking towards him.
“You asked my dad?”
“Well, yes, I mean, you’re the Pastor’s daughter. I don’t think I can date you without his approval.” He frowns.
I’m dumbfounded.
I never thought he would go so far as asking my father. I can only imagine how uncomfortable that must have been, especially for Aaron, who doesn’t like to talk. My father surely asked him about his beliefs, intents, plans for the future, and why his parents never come to church.
“I’m sorry,” I say hiding my face in my hands. Aaron peels my fingers off my face and keeps his hands on my cheeks.
“It’s okay, Al. I just want to know what you think of us dating.”
“Like boyfriend and girlfriend?” He nods. “I don’t have much time on my hands, Aaron. I need to work extra hard to get the scholarship I want for Bishop Academy and to become a pro-hockey player. You know that, right?”
“If you want to date me, we can make time. I mean. We’re already practicing together, I’m driving you home anyway, we just need to do homework together, run together, and spend Saturday nights together. We’ll find a way,” he says, taking my hand.
My brain is screaming yes, all I want is to be with him, but I’m worried he won’t understand when I have to be home by eight thirty on Saturday nights and when I stay late to do more drills with his father.
“I already know about the early curfew and the crazy schedule. I also asked my father if he was okay with me dating one of his players. All you have to do is say yes, Al.”
“Okay.” I giggle stupidly.
“Okay,” he repeats, looking into my eyes, grinning from ear to ear.
“I have to go?” I whisper.
“If this is a question, the answer is no.” He leans in slowly, looking at my lips, wetting his. When he’s so close that I think he’s going to kiss me, I stop him.
“Not here.” I point at Chris, Luke and Patricia watching us.
“Shit, sorry. When you’re around, I tend to zone out of my surroundings.” He blushes.
“Same for me.” I laugh.
“Can I walk you to the rink?” He takes my hand.
“Of course. By the way, Aaron, boyfriend or not, I’m still going to kick your ass at practice.” He laughs, tugging me forward so he can wrap his arm around my shoulders.
“I know, Al. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“Smith! Head in the game!” Coach Gritt yells. “If my dumbass sons and their friend are distracting you, I can tell them to leave!” Aaron’s eyes are on me, and I can’t focus on the puck.
That’s exactly what I was worried about.
My teammates giggle, trying to get the attention of the boys, not knowing Aaron is mine or Luke is not interested. I believe they can solemnly focus on Chris. I repeat the drill from the start and still do it like shit. I start again, but I miss my slap shot, which I usually never miss. The girls are shaking their heads now, knowing I won’t get a good shot in.
When I’m too much in my head, I’m no good.
No athlete is.
Head in the game, Smith!
I try again, and this time, the puck flies out of the rink, way too high from the net.
“Boys! Out!” Coach Gritt yells, and the three boys stand and leave. Aaron looks like his dad just told him he was grounded for life. Luke slaps his shoulders, and his brother shoves him hard, making Luke lose balance and fall on Chris. Note to self: don’t poke the bear when he doesn’t get what he wants.
Coach Gritt continues working my ass off as to make me forget his son, and it works. He even makes me stay a little longer. I’ve been here for an extra thirty minutes, and I’m sure Aaron has left by now.
I’m on my bench, relaxing and bringing my heart rate down after the hard practice and the stiff words Coach had for me for being distracted.
I’m trying to put every emotion in place in my head. If everything is in its place, I can stay focused, get the boyfriend, the grades.
My head needs to be in the game.
I can do it all; I just need to organize my thoughts to visualize the end game.
Once I open my eyes, Aaron is watching me from the other side of the rink. Like at the end of the first practice we had, his gaze is intense. He strolls in my direction, his eyes never leaving me.
“Hey, Al.”
“Hey.”
He sits next to me, his hand brushing mine on the bench.
“I was afraid I’d missed you, and you’d left,” he says, his pinky looking for mine.
“Oh no, I was doing my little ritual.” I share with him something I haven’t told too many.
“Your ritual?” He flips a leg over the bench to straddle it. I do the same, to face him. My eyes fall on his lips. I bite mine.
“Yeah, I always visualize what I did wrong, what I should do better, how I can do it better and what went well. Then I repeat my mantra and try to relax before going home.”
“What’s your mantra?” he asks, moving my hair from my eyes.
“I want to kiss you.”
“That’s your mantra?” He blushes.
I shake my head. “Head in the game,” I mumble.
“I want to kiss you is a better mantra.” His mouth comes closer to me. I nod slightly for him to continue. His hands find mine, and he intertwines our fingers.
“Can I kiss you, Alane?” he whispers almost against my lips.
“Yes,” I say before his mouth lands on mine.
It’s my first kiss.
My heart is beating hard, and my whole body feels sweaty. His lips move slowly, massaging mine. It’s kind of scary, a little awkward, and a lot of fabulous. I relax into him and slightly open my mouth. His opens too, and I feel the tip of his tongue caressing my bottom lip before he leans away.
Opening my eyes, I’m rewarded by the brightest smile I ever saw on his face. It feels magical. It feels like we just shared the biggest secret in the whole world.
“Sweets,” he mumbles.
“What was that?”
“Whatever happens now, you’ll always be my first kiss, Alane Smith.”
We hold our gaze silently for another minute before Aaron declares he has to drive me home. All I can think about is how to categorize what just happened between us and still keep my head in the game, because surely now my head will be in the clouds repeating that kiss until we can kiss some more.
“And whatever happens, you’ll always be mine, Aaron.”
6
Now – Alane
When I started to work at Lake Academy, Patricia gave me my class lists. As she extended the paper to me, I saw the glint in her eyes and the smirk on her face. It didn’t take me long to realize why.
The family name jumped off the page and tears sprung into my eyes.
Lawson and Hailey Gritt.
Two names Aaron’s mother had discussed with me over and over.
Two names I thought I’d name my children.
Hailey because Mrs. Gritt thought it was my name for a while, Lawson because she always liked it. We used to laugh about her fictional grandchildren. She insisted we had time, but she could see it clearly. She also thought I was there to stay. Aaro
n’s mom was free and loving, but she said she could see real love when it was in front of her, and Aaron and I were meant to be together forever.
I believed her.
How wrong she was?
How wrong was I?
Patricia knew the story. We discussed it, and laughed about it when we were kids, so I was surprised to see a hint of exaltation on her face when she saw my heart break all over again.
She had always been a little jealous of my relationship with Aaron. Not because she wanted to date him, but because, for a long time, she didn’t understand why Luke wouldn’t date her. The reason was easy, he preferred her brother, but she didn’t know.
When Aaron and I were done, I knew she was happy.
It proved I wasn’t better than her.
It showed that no Gritt wanted me, after all.
She knew Luke would choose his brother, and she wouldn’t have to face his rejection anymore. She believed she would have me back, and the Gritt boys would be out of our lives. Little did she know, I hadn’t planned to stay behind.
We barely stayed in touch over the years, and we’re hardly close now, not like we were in middle school, before I dated Aaron. We never spoke about my ex-boyfriend, but I learnt he had children when she let it slip that her brother Chris had been asked to be the godfather of Aaron’s youngest. Needless to say, I never knew Aaron’s children’s names, I was glad I hadn’t because it felt like he continued our life without me.
It hurt in a way it hadn’t hurt for a long time.
Calling Patricia to ask for a favor had been difficult. I didn’t want to owe her anything.
Of course, Patricia knew Aaron’s kids were attending the school—she is the principal, after all— but she assured me they were easy kids, and I wouldn’t have to meet him. After seeing Luke and his boyfriend Dex, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see Aaron. Luke was amazingly sweet like he used to be when we were young but hotter now. I had concerns with the idea of seeing him, but as soon as I hugged him, the anxiety dissipated. He was Luke, my funny, easy-going, almost best friend. I’ve asked him not to speak about Aaron, and he didn’t. We talked about his life in LA and my life in Arizona. I talked about Adam a little; he spoke about his tattoo parlor a lot.
