by Gabrielle G.
I’m moving on, even if I don’t want to.
I kiss her with more passion, throwing all my sadness into it, and I let her stroke my dick through my jeans. I let her touch my chest and straddle me, too.
I let her lead, she takes my hand, and we walk away from everybody. That’s how I end up in a hotel room after stopping at a pharmacy for condoms. Our mouths are still on each other. My brain is too lost to the alcohol to stop the train wreck of my first time.
She undresses me fast and pushes me onto the shaky bed. I’m not sure who’s paying for the room. I know I can’t afford it. I think she used her credit card, or her parent’s, but I don’t know for sure. I should have asked, but I didn’t. Lust is clouding my thoughts.
She’s hot, and I’m hard.
She strips slowly for me, swaying her hips, humming a song I don’t know, and I stroke myself, looking at her, remembering how many times I said no to Alane, all to end up without her anyway.
This girl is gorgeous.
Once her panties are the only thing left, she crawls onto the bed, like a tiger hunting her prey. It’s intimidating and hot as hell at the same time. She replaces my hand with hers, and I focus on not coming in her hand.
I love seeing her hand on my length.
I breathe laboriously, trying to gain more control, and she smirks at me. She reaches for a condom and sheaths me. I let her do it, impassive and not caring, drunk on beer and pain because she’s not the one I wanted to lose my virginity to, but she’s the one giving me an opportunity I cannot pass.
Removing her panties, she climbs on top of me, and when she positions me at her entrance, I whimper, half afraid of what’s to come, the other half too excited by what she’s doing to me. It’s driving me crazy, and I bite her lower lip with my teeth. She pulls away, shaking her head and directs my head to her breasts. I take one in my mouth and roll it between my teeth. She moans, and it shoots a jolt of pleasure through my whole body. She chuckles, and it’s the sexiest chuckle I’ve ever heard.
“I’ll make you forget anybody you want, Aaron. Just let me fuck you, and you’ll forget, I promise.” She lowers herself, and all I can do is grunt. Once I’m deep inside her, I’m not sure what takes over me, but I need to put all the pain I feel into her. I need to fuck her hard. Flipping her around, I hover over her, holding her tight until she can’t move. I’m not sure she can even breathe when I thrust into her, hard and deep trying to hurt her; for me walking away, for Patricia, for Pastor Smith, for Alane and for Luke ignoring me.
I thrust wishing she wasn’t who she is.
I fuck her until I come undone, not caring if she came.
But seeing her lazy smile and hooded eyes, she certainly did.
She asks for more, so I give her more, and we fuck all night, her screaming my name with each orgasm, and me punishing her for not being Alane. When we’re about to fall asleep, sated and weary of each other, the alcohol is long gone, and guilt fills me. I wait for her to fall asleep before letting tears wet my cheeks and sadness take over. By sleeping with this girl, I closed the door to a future with Alane. I broke the promise of her being the only woman in my bed. I broke the promise of marrying the girl with whom I’ll have sex with for the first time. I destroyed my last connection to what Alane and I had. I barely recognized who I was tonight, but I like this new guy. For the first time since I left home, I like who I am with who I think is named Jess and who I am without Alane.
As much as it hurts, I know I need to shrink Alane to the size of an ant in my thoughts and forget everything about her.
I need to do it to really move on.
I need her to be a blur in my life, to forget who she was to me, or who she could have become.
The girl wakes up, grinning at me, and with just a smile, I get hard. Her nails travel to my navel, leaving an excruciating trail of desire, hardening me even more. I don’t understand why I react to every one of her moves, but it feels like my body has known hers forever. I don’t like it, but I accept the effect she has on me. How couldn’t I when it feels so good? She wraps her hand around my dick again, pulling hard and squeezing tight, spitting on the head, her mouth torturing me, brushing my tip. I feel like I’m inside her again, warm and tight, and I beg her to blow me.
When she takes my dick in her mouth, I realize there are worse ways to forget the girl you love. It should be easier from now on, especially if her tongue swirls around my length and her hands continue tugging at my balls in such an expert way.
I fuck her mouth as if it was my last fuck on Earth.
I’m done being nice. I’m done being the guy fighting desire.
I give her all of me and tap the back of her throat, again and again. I give her all the power to please me, even when her fingers push inside me in a way I wasn’t ready to explore.
I don’t care.
She can do whatever she wants with me as long as she continues sucking me off for the rest of my life.
24
Now - Aaron
Family dinners at my parents are loud and exhausting.
My siblings spend most of their time trying to rile me up, and tonight should be no exception. It started with my mother harassing Dex and Luke about their famous friends.
I ignored my daughter’s giggles when Dex spoke about the two actors he considers as family or when Luke described the new tattoos he designed for Dan Darling, lead singer of the Darling Devils. I met the guys, and they are nice, kind of, if you like good-looking celebrities who love their wives. Seems like it’s a thing that girls like.
Now, my mother is trying to talk weddings to the happy couple, but my brother stops her, reminding her the promise she made about not ever bringing up the subject, which served as her payment for a favor Dex made to her.
“I didn’t speak about babies just a wedding. The deal was about you two having kids.” My dad, a handsome old hippie with white hair falling to the base of his neck and a subtle beard, raises a brow in my direction and chuckles.
We look a lot alike. I’m a mini Ridge, and I know how to read him. I spent a lot of time with him on and off the ice when I was younger, and he always understood my silence, more than my mother did. I recognized his as well, still do. Right now, his face tells me he’s about to fuck with my mother, and he’s laughing about it even before doing so.
“Since when are you such a conservative, Bella? I thought weddings weren’t for you.”
My mother didn’t want to marry my dad for a long time. As a joke, she always said she’d marry him only after giving birth to their fourth kid, never thinking they would have four.
I was twelve when Barnabas was born, and thirteen when my parents got married. I stood there with Luke, looking at the frown on my mother’s face when she had to say I do, surrounded by a few people during the strangest wedding I’ve ever attended.
She refused to take my father’s name and still tries not to use it, but our friends and teachers, as well as the whole town, still calls her Mrs. Gritt. She hates it with a passion.
Arabella Russo is a free bird you can’t clip the wings off, but she has no problem with her kids getting married. When I married Jess, she was over the moon, trying to organize the biggest wedding of the year. We had to elope to escape her. She got mad, but then Jess got pregnant, and it all went better.
Being a grandmother is the best thing that could have happened to my mom. She took care of Hailey more than we asked for, she still does. Unfortunately for her, Luke doesn’t want children, and Salomé and Barnabas are not ready to deliver any either. So, she has only two grandkids to spoil, not that my kids are complaining.
“Shut your mouth, Ridge. I didn’t want to marry the alpha hippie you were. There is nothing wrong with making Dex our official son.”
“Of course.” Luke laughs. “I should have known it wasn’t about me spending my life with someone I love, Mom. It was about you having another son.”
“Not my fault if he’s my favorite,” she chimes, knowing too well wh
at she just said.
“I thought I was your favorite!” Barnabas plays along.
“No, no, no, I am,” Luke teases. “You told me last week.” They look in my direction for me to play along, but I don’t.
“I’m Dad’s favorite.” I shrug, winking at my dad, who rolls his eyes at my joke.
“Sal?” Luke says, still trying to get the ball rolling.
“I’m their favorite daughter.” She smiles, knowing she’s bugging Barnabas. She used to tell him she was the favorite daughter and he was not, because he wasn’t a girl and he was the last one. Nobody ever liked the last child. Looking at Barn, I know he’s going to bite back, and it’s going to hurt. I prepare myself for what is to come, but I’m not ready for the low blow he delivers.
“Not long though, now that Alane is in the picture again.” Salomé’s face falls, hurt and anger replacing the easygoing teasing she was showing just before. All eyes turn to me, and all I can do is sigh. I haven’t talked to my kids about Alane and I yet. I haven’t touched the subject with my parents, and not at all with my sister, who still dislikes Alane after all those years, blaming her for losing her big brother. Alane’s name has never been said out loud around this table since we broke up, except for a few months ago when my mother said she was back in town.
“Asshole,” I mumble for only Barnabas to hear.
“Dad?” Hailey’s shaky voice forces me to find her eyes. “What does Uncle B mean?” Clearing my throat, I start to open my mouth to explain, but Luke cuts me off.
“Your dad rekindled with his first love.” Hell. He always has been better than me with words, but right now is not the moment to steal the words from me. My kids need to hear it from me, in private if possible.
“You remember when we said my first girlfriend was back in town?” Hal and Law both nod, hanging on my every word. “Well, I ran into her several times, and one thing lead to another. We kind of are seeing each other.” Luke chuckles, certainly knowing we are more than just kind of seeing each other. I ignore him and look at Dex for help. He nudges his boyfriend in the ribs for him to stop.
“It’s new and complicated, so I wasn’t going to share this with you or anybody here, until I knew where it was going. I don’t want to get anybody’s hopes up. We’re catching up on lost years and spending time together.”
I look at each of them around the table. My mother has tears in her eyes, my father looks confused, Barn has a smug look on his face, my kids seem kind of shocked, and Salomé is hurt. She gets up and walks away without saying a word. I want to follow her and talk to her, but right now my priority is my kids, not the feelings of my adult sister, who should have dealt with her shit concerning my ex-girlfriend a long time ago.
“Is it who I think it is?” Lawson asks. I nod before bringing my eyes back to Hailey, knowing what I’m about to say could be taken very badly. I’m not sure if she likes Alane or not these days, but I know she won’t like me dating one of her teachers. She was very clear on the subject after seeing me with Patricia at the dance. I was not to hang out with any adults she knows, not anybody from the school, not any of her mother’s friends, no one in her circle.
“Alane’s last name is Smith. She teaches science at your school.” I took extra-care not saying it was their science teacher. She was mine before being anything to them. As dramatically as her aunt, Hailey leaves the table and strolls in the same direction as Sal. I look at Law for any positive reaction, and as usual, he doesn’t disappoint. His smile reaches his eyes behind his glasses; I’ve never seen the kid so happy.
“That explains why she looks at me that way. I was a little worried she was a creeper. She also mumbled a few times how I reminded her of someone she knew when she was young. It makes sense now.”
“I think you remind her of Luke, they used to be best friends,” I say, looking at my bro across the table.
“Makes sense,” my father adds. The intensity of his gaze tells me we need to talk. Late night talks with Dad on the porch with a glass of whatever we feel like is something we have been doing for years. I don’t speak much. I prefer to stay quiet and let my siblings be the center of attention, but my Dad got worried after I came back from Seattle engaged to another woman than the one I said I would marry, so he asked me to talk with him on the porch. Twenty-five years later, we still do, at least once a month.
“This is wonderful, Aaron,” my mother says, breaking the eye contact I had with my dad. “Don’t break her heart this time.” She doesn’t have to add more, I know what she means. We all know what she means. ”And when you’re ready, bring her to dinner. I would love to see her again. I’ve tried hard to give her space since she came back in town, but I would love to meet the woman she has become. I heard she has a son.”
“Adam,” I tell her.
“That’s a name she always liked, as well as Hailey and Lawson,” my mother says as if she is announcing the weather.
But what she just said is like a punch to my stomach. I remember the conversations we had when we were just kids, speaking of our hypothetical children, our two boys, and one girl: I never knew the names, but.... She used to tell me I was like Adam because she felt like she was the forbidden fruit to me, and I always resisted until the day I bit into her. I remember hearing her discuss the names Hailey and Lawson with my mother once, when I was doing… I don’t know what in the kitchen. She could spend hours discussing names with Mom.
My mother goes nuts for different names and even has a little book she writes every name she likes in, so she can give ideas when one of us is expecting a child. That’s what she did with Jess and I. She proposed the names Hailey and Lawson. I think now, she was doing much more than just suggesting names. She was meddling, not giving me a fair chance to make my marriage work, planting an Alane seed in my brain, over and over.
“You proposed those names!” My voice is full of reproach, and I stand up abruptly.
“Son!” my father warns me to be respectful with whatever is on my mind right now.
“I never knew if you actually didn’t remember, or if you wanted those names for your children, to remember Alane. I never said anything to Jess,” my mother says apologetically.
Truth is: I had forgotten about the names, like a lot of other details time erased. First, I put Alane in a small box to be able to love Jess. Then years apart did the rest. What I had with Jess was never what I had with Al, but I still loved my wife. I pretended my high school sweetheart didn’t exist; my first love wasn’t somewhere happy without me, and I forgot almost everything else, except the star-shaped birthmark. I could never forget that mark. Eaten up with guilt, and the need to be alone seeps into my veins. I should check on Hailey and Sal, but I can’t. I don’t know where they are, and I have no energy to look for them.
“Aaron, wait!” Barnabas says behind me, never wanting to leave me alone especially when I need just that. Always wanting to know what I think, the same way I’m with Luke. It might be the only thing Barn and I have in common. I know Luke, Dex and Dad will stop him. They know I need time to process what happened tonight before finding me and getting me to speak.
I find Hailey at home, crying on our sofa, wrapped in a blanket, a cold tea in her hands. I want to ignore her, but I can’t. Sitting next to her, I wrap my arms around her and hum the song I used to when she was a baby.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know Alane was your teacher until that meeting. I didn’t even recognize her at first, and she didn’t want to talk to me. Then we spoke, and one thing led to another…” Hailey raises her hand to stop me.
“It’s too fast, Dad.” She wipes the last tear off her cheek.
“It’s thirty years in the making, Hal. I sacrificed Alane, and I thought I was doing the right thing, and then I met your mom. I’ll never regret it because I have you and Law, and you are the most important people in my life, but Alane and I had so much unfinished business. It was time.”
“I like her as a teacher, but I’m not ready to have a stepmot
her. I know Mom already has someone, but I don’t want to have someone here, in our house. I don’t have to see mom’s boyfriend, so it’s not the same. I don’t want to have to share the house with someone I don’t know.”
“We’re not there, yet. We are just two adults enjoying each other. I don’t know what she’s going to do in the future; it depends on her mother’s health. But, Hal, if we want to make our life together, you’ll have to accept it. I love you, you’re my daughter, you’ll always be my girl, but it’s not your place to tell me who I can date and who I can make my life with. Do you understand?” She nods, hugging me tightly.
“She helped me a little while back with some boy drama, and she said she lost the love of her life when she was my age. Was that you?”
“I guess.”
“Don’t fuck it up, Dad. She said she survived it once, but I’m not sure she would a second time. I know I wouldn’t.”
“Who do I need to kill, baby girl?” I say, ruffling her curly black hair.
“Nobody. He chose Madison over me. I wish he loved me, but he chose her because I didn’t want to…” She looks at me guiltily, and the desire to kill that fucking kid makes me see spots. I close my eyes to calm down.
“He chose her because she did something you didn’t want to do?” She nods, tears falling again on her face.
“So, you crying is not about me dating, it’s about your heart being broken by an asshole?” She nods again. “Wait ‘til I tell your grandpa and uncles; this kid is dead!”
“Mrs. Smith said you would listen. She didn’t say anything about you killing anyone!”
