by Gabrielle G.
“What are you doing?” The sweet yet harsh voice of my sister beams in the dark.
“What does it look like I’m doing? Drinking on my porch,” I answer in an unsympathetic tone, not willing to deal with the infinite reproach my sister will shed my way for her failed business or love life and anything else she has become.
“Vodka, huh?” I roll my eyes in exasperation. My siblings have this stupid theory that I drink wine when I’m brooding, scotch when I’m happy, and vodka when I’m ready to throw my life through the window and jump off a cliff. I don’t drink vodka much. I usually prefer wine.
“I’m fine. Let it be.” She sits in the chair next to me, doing the exact opposite of what I just asked her to.
“We used to be close, you know…”
I sigh. “I know, then I left you behind, and you will never forgive me because I was the first one to break your heart. I know your spiel by heart, and any other day I can take it, and take the blame for your failed life, tonight, I can’t.”
“What I meant is…”
“Grow the fuck up, Sal. You were eight. I was your older brother, and you idolized me. You hated my girlfriend, and you were a fucking brat, but I did everything for you. In one evening, I lost my girlfriend, my friends, and even my siblings refused to say goodbye to me. I got over it, and you don’t see me holding that over your heads repeatedly. I’m sorry I left and went away, but I fucking came back, and the only one that was there for me then was Barn. So not tonight, Sal, not tonight.”
“You’re hurting. I know hurting. All I wanted to say was that I’m here if you need me.”
I snort “You’re here if I want to talk to you about Alane? That’s grand,” I scoff loudly.
“Yes, I am. Because I believe knowing how I used to dislike her that if I tell you that you’re being an asshole and you should fight for her, you’ll listen to me. I talked a lot with Luke, and it helped me understand a lot of things. As you said, I was eight. You were the only brother who talked to me, played with me, and didn’t tease me. I thought my big brother was my everything, and she stole you away, but I always thought you would marry her. So, once you were gone, I accepted it. I accepted the fact you left because I thought you’d find your way back to her.
“When you came back with Jess, that’s when I realized you were just like every other guy, blinded by pussy and beauty. You were such a terrible match. I couldn’t understand how you didn’t see it. But I couldn’t say anything without being the jealous little sister. That’s what you all saw for years. I’m the little sister idolizing her older brother. The fact that Jess was clearly using you just to have children, that she didn’t respect you or your career, that you were marrying her when you were still in love with Alane didn’t matter. My opinion never mattered.
“I’m stuck between being six and eight years old to all of you. You could get over Barn pissing on your bed, but you will never see the woman I’ve become. I’m a thirty-five-year-old woman who has loved and has been hurt, so I will tell you this. You, my dear brother, are an asshole. You refused to listen to the woman you always loved because of pride. So, she hurt your ego by giving a father who wasn’t you to your child. But didn’t she say you were with someone else? Didn’t you make her believe you were choosing Seattle over her? Didn’t she try to tell you but thought you’d moved on? Which you did. You moved on first. You can’t be mad at her for doing the same.”
I go to interrupt her, but she doesn’t let me.
“Now you’re going to tell me she had every opportunity to tell you when she ran into you again. But again, she said she tried. You know she’s prone to anxiety. You know she wanted to tell you something before Adam strolled in. You know she’s not malicious. Jess was, certainly still is. Did you know she told Alane she was your fiancée after being with you for only six months? Tell me, Aaron, were you really engaged with Jess when Adam was born? Did all these details compute in that empty brain of yours, or are you too hurt to see your ex-wife is surely the one responsible for you not knowing you had a son?”
I look at my sister dumbfounded by the speech she just delivered. She’s right, she did grow up, and I didn’t see it coming. As for her Alane tirade, she’s dead-on once again, I am an asshole.
“How do you know all of this?”
“You all think I don’t talk much because I don’t like people. I distance myself for a reason. I prefer to observe. You are in love with Alane, you always will be. It’s easy to see. Also, Dex and Luke are the biggest gossips I know, and they talk to Alane a lot.”
I shrug, feigning indifference. “What did she have to say?” Salomé laughs.
“Do you really want to know? Because from what I heard, you didn’t answer her phone calls, blocked her number, and maybe didn’t even read her email…”
“I didn’t erase it.” I reach for my phone in my pocket “It’s still in here…” I say, showing her my phone. Salomé takes it from my hand.
“Would you like me to read it to you?” She puts my code in to unlock my device.
“How do you know my code?”
“As I said, I observe, and I remember. It’s not that difficult. So, want me to read it to you, or do you have the balls to read it alone?” Throwing the rest of my vodka on my front landing, I nod for her to proceed. She clears her throat before sitting straight.
“Dear Aaron,
I’m sorry I didn’t fight for us when we were kids. I’m sorry I never told you about Adam.
I’m sorry I married someone who wasn’t you and gave our son the family he deserved.
I’m sorry I love you, and I’m sorry I can’t be there with you.
My mother is dying, but as soon as she passes, I’ll be back. I’ll fight for you, for us, and I won’t let you walk away this time.
Always yours,
Alane.”
Putting my glass down, I wipe the tears forming on the side of my eyes.
It reminds me of the letter I wrote all those years ago, the one I thought she didn’t want to read because I let her down, the one I know now she never received because she was already gone.
The letter said how sorry I was to love her so much I had to leave.
I apologized for not having fought for us, not being enough for her, and I was begging her to wait for me because I would fight for her once I was back. She was only doing what I had done.
She had let me have my dream while not following hers, except she had made one mistake.
My dream was a life with her, not becoming a chef.
I stand, deciding like the fool I am that I need to talk to my Sweets. Taking my phone from Salomé’s hands, I kiss her forehead.
“Thank you, sis. I’m sorry for never treating you like the woman you are.” She smiles at me like she used to as a kid, with all the adoration of the world in her eyes.
“Dex is still my favorite brother now, but you come in a close second.”
“Fuck, Dex is my favorite brother too.” I laugh, walking away to find the privacy of my bedroom.
“Where are you going?”
“To pour myself a glass of scotch and call the woman I’ve been madly in love with for thirty years.” I don’t turn back to see my sister’s shy smile, because I know it’s there. I know what I need to do to be the brother she once loved so much. I need to finally have the balls to go after whom I really want.
“About time you make that right, bro, about time…” she yells in the night. And she’s right, it’s just the right time.
My pain is dulling, I found the way to my lost limb.
I’m on the waiting list for a transplant now, just hoping it’s not too late.
32
Now – Alane
Aaron Gritt.
His name illuminates my screen as my phone blares the first notes of Nothing Compares to You.
My first thought goes to Adam. He’s not supposed to be at the farm, is he?
“Aaron?” I pace my living room, picking up a few things I need to put awa
y.
“Hey, Sweets.” His voice is calm, steady, not worried. My heartbeat calms down instantly. That’s the effect Aaron has on me, even apart.
“Hey… Is everything alright?”
“You tell me…” Silence falls. If it were about Adam, he would have told me already. I let out the breath I was holding.
“What’s up, Aar?” I smile into the phone.
“I was wondering if I could ask you something?”
“Ask away.” I sit, beaming at my phone.
“Did you ever receive the letter I sent you when I arrived in Seattle?”
“No… What did it say?”
“More or less what your email said. I asked you to wait for me and told you I’d be back for you. When it came back to me unopened and unread, I thought it was your way of telling me we were over. That’s why I jumped into a relationship with Jess. I thought we were over.” My throat chokes up by all the different emotions I feel.
“And that’s why I didn’t tell you about Adam, I thought you’d moved on.” We both sigh in unison.
“Listen, I know you said you’d be back here once your mom passes, but I need to see you, to touch you, to talk to you. I can’t wait any longer, I want to apologize but in person. I can’t pour my heart out over the phone.”
“You never could. But I need a little more time. Now that I’ve decided to come back to Springs Falls, it seems like she’s taking her sweet time. Oh my God, I’m sorry, I’m awful for saying that.” He chuckles.
“No, you’re not, Al. You’re anything but awful.”
“What am I then, Aar?”
“You’re perfect.”
I laugh. “You’re such a tool.”
“Are you alone?”
“Yes. Why?”
“Open the door, Sweets.”
“What do you mean?” I walk toward the door and open it, without any doubt that Aaron is behind it. That’s the kind of things he did, and seeing as he’s standing before me, still does. He’s wearing a light blue V-neck T-shirt, which shows a few grey hairs of his chest and paired with a pair of jeans. All blue. All Aaron. Looking deep into his eyes, I see forgiveness, love, and acceptance. He steps closer, still holding his phone to his ear.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” Our noses almost touch. He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear, taking my phone from my hand and ending both of our calls. “I wanted to call you last night, but I decided to come this morning instead,” he grins.
“You took the red-eye?”
“I asked Dex for a favor…”
“I asked Chris for my old job back and to be the coach of the hockey team once I’m back home…”
“Home… I like to think we have the same definition of home now.”
“How much is this favor of yours going to cost you?” I ask Aaron, smirking.
“Proclaiming he’s my favorite brother at the next family supper…” He laughs nervously. “You?”
“A meal at your restaurant.” I shrug.
“Chris is an asshole, he always eats for free at my place,” he scoffs. “I spoke with Sal last night… She’s, in fact, a big fan of yours.” I frown. “Don’t seem so taken aback.” He chuckles. “Anyway, we talked, and she might have made me see the light…”
“Mm-hmm.” I bite my lower lip, trying to repress my smile.
“So, I wanted to ask you if you wanted to go out sometime.” He rubs his thumb in the palm of my hand, sending chills down my arms.
“I think we’re past going out sometime…” I tease. Resting his forehead on mine, Aaron kisses my nose before pulling back.
“I don’t agree, Sweets. I want to date you. I want to know who you have become.
I want to be with you. We fucked, and it was amazing, but I want to know adult Alane as much as I knew teenage Al. I want to know what makes you tick, what makes you smile, and what makes you happy. I want to love you the way you deserve to be loved, and I want to show you my end game was always you. Not to become a chef, to have the best restaurant in the state, to expand my kingdom, but to be yours.” I swallow and blink rapidly to chase away the wave of repressed emotions emerging after so long.
“So, what do you say?” I nod, not trusting my words.
“I’m saying I want you. But don’t worry, we won’t date like when we were teenagers. My body is yours to explore, Sweets.” His fingertips brush my ass, sending a jolt of pleasure inside me. Bringing his mouth to my face, he kisses one cheek.
“I’m sorry I didn’t fight for us.” He kisses the other.
“I’m sorry I was mad.” He kisses just below my lips.
“I’m sorry I was an asshole to you.” He kisses my neck.
“I’m sorry I moved on.” He kisses under my ear. I’m on fire, needing him to fuck me, but I don’t want him to stop what we’re doing.
“Most of all, I’m sorry I never made love to you,” he whispers, his tongue licking my earlobe. “Did anybody ever make love to you, Sweets?”
“No.” My voice is raspy and reflects the pool of desire I feel between my legs. His fingers are on every inch of my skin. All my senses are alert. His lips find mine, and just the feeling of his beard on my pulsing lips could make me climax.
“I’ll take it slow, Sweets, a good missionary style like I’ve imagined taking you for the first time a million years ago. Where is your bed?” I jerk my head in the general direction of the guest bedroom Adam let me use. “Come on, let me love you like nobody ever has.”
There is no rush in any of his movements. Aaron takes his time undressing me, his hands gliding on my body like a promise. Peeling off my oversized T-shirt from my shoulders, his fingers caress my breasts, hardening my nipples even more. I shudder, feeling his breath on my navel. As his hands work on unbuttoning my jeans, I feel his gaze on me. I blush like the girl I was before.
“If it makes you feel better, Al, I’ve never made love to anybody either until tonight.” I capitulate at his words, letting him guide me to the unknown pleasure of being cherished by someone I love. Shimmying my jeans off, he drags his fingers all along my legs before kissing his way back up, alternating each leg. My ankle, my calf, the hollow of my knee, above my other knee, the middle of my thigh, my groin.
“You smell so good, love,” he mumbles, dragging his nose over my soaked panties. Kissing my core through the cotton, he nibbles his way to my hip before resuming his shower of kisses. My hip, my navel, my rib, underneath my bra. By the time his lips are around my nipple, I’m ready to combust
“Please, Aaron, I need you inside me” My voice shakes as much as my body. He smirks before bringing his lips back to my breasts, his tongue playing with my hard pebbles. “Aaron,” I moan impatiently, waiting for him to take me. Lifting his head from my breasts and reaching behind his neck while holding his body with one arm above me, he pulls off his T-shirt. Removing his jeans, he pushes them down onto the floor, still putting his weight on his forearm. The movement is defining his muscles like I’ve never seen them before. I tilt my head to kiss the inside of his arm. Sliding his hand under my back, he unhooks my bra and frees me. Both in our underwear, feeling his skin on mine and the heat coming from him is like a caress to my soul. Chills spread over my body, sending it into quivers.
“Are you okay, Al? Is it anxiety?” As I look at him, I see all the worries of the world on his shoulders.
“No, no crisis since you last calmed me down.” I stroke my hand through his hair.
“Not even after what happened between us?” he asks, giving me a peck on the mouth.
“No. I thought being here alone would send me spinning back, but nothing. Don’t get me wrong, I was miserable, but no anxiety attack.”
“Hmm.” He kisses my lips again. “We’ll talk about it later. Right now, I would really like to continue what I was doing.” His hand is going back down my torso, taking the same trail his lips just followed. I push my hips for him to understand how much I need him, and when his fingers push my panties down, I shiver. His fi
ngers enter me at the same time his tongue finds its way inside my mouth, and it seems impossible for me to take it slow. But Aaron doesn’t thrust as if he’s about to lose his mind, he pulls in and out slowly, letting me feel every callous on his fingers and every dent on his skin, while his tongue follows the same pace. I feel like I’m burning inside and freezing outside. I feel my mind lost in desire and found in love. I feel my core clenching and my body relaxing, and with a touch to my clit, I come.
Pulling down his underwear, Aaron hovers over me, placing the tip of his shaft at my still clenching entrance. I feel myself wetting his dick, and as my hand caresses his back, he pushes in and comes fully back out a couple of times, still at an excruciating slowness, sending me back right away into another climax.
“Look at me.” And when I do, I see more desire in his look than I ever saw in my many partners.
Thrusting deeper inside me, he accelerates his cadence until he comes, while kissing me, holding me tight and rubbing my clit for me to reach my peak again.
Sprawled on me, our bodies intertwined with his dick lodged in me, we fall asleep, knowing our bodies, our hearts and our souls reunited tonight, and we do not need more confirmation than that to know what we feel for one another.
33
Then – Aaron
“One day, I’ll marry you,” I said confidently.
Alane snuck out tonight after her parents fell asleep so we could celebrate our second anniversary under the stars. I made a picnic, laid down a blanket in the bed of my truck, and lit candles all around us. We’re cuddling, my hand slowly stroking her hair.
