* * *
Is it being around my family that triggered this horrific memory? Or is it because I’m worried I can’t be that special guy for Juliette? That I’ll always be the one who hid in his room, cowering and frightened. The one who couldn’t or wouldn’t fight back. I don’t have the answers, but I wish I were in my own bed, where I could find comfort.
The remainder of the night is fitful, and it shows in both my temperament and appearance in the morning.
“Damn, Kade, you look like you were on a bender last night.”
“Ha ha, funny, Kolo.”
“Sorry, dude, but it’s the truth.”
I’m moody, pouty, and not very good company. I snap at Carter, which pisses Kestrel off. We have words and I apologize. To everyone.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t sleep well, woke up with a migraine and it’s been a shitty morning overall.”
“You’re PMSing.” Kolo laughs.
Gabby jumps to my rescue. “Kolson, cut it out. He’s having a rough time.”
Kolson has the decency to look contrite. “Sorry, man.”
“Maybe I need to go back to bed.”
Carter says, “Not yet. Let’s open presents.” She sits next to me and puts my hand on her belly. Weird. But then I feel this thing bumping around in there.
“Oh, now that’s strange.”
“Right?” she says. “Sometimes you can feel the outline of a foot.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. This one’s going to have big feet, I think, like his dad.”
“Yeah, well, Kestrel does have big feet.”
Kestrel arches a brow. “You wear the same size shoe I do.”
“But I’m not the baby daddy.”
“What?” Kestrel asks. He’s completely clueless. The gates are down, the bells are clanging, but that train’s never going to arrive.
Everyone laughs. “Never mind. You obviously weren’t paying attention.”
Kestrel shrugs and his attention is immediately back on Carter. Man, those two are joined at the hips, shoulders, and brains.
The tension over my bad mood has been eased so we sort of settle into a more relaxed morning.
Gifts are exchanged and I hand out mine first. Both of my brothers love artwork so I commissioned a local Denver artist to do paintings for them. Both of them are scenes that depict the mountains in the distance from the cityscape of Denver, but they are from different perspectives. I have photos of them because they aren’t finished yet, but when they are, they will be shipped to their homes.
“These are unreal,” they both exclaim.
“You like them?”
“God, yeah,” Kolson gushes.
The girls are all over them as well, so I guess I hit a home run. Then I give the girls their gifts. There is a local jeweler who I had make some things up. For Carter, a bracelet and earrings, and for Gabby a necklace and earrings. Then I give Carter some little booties and crap for the baby. What do I know? One of the ladies at Living Free picked it up for me.
She throws her arms around my neck and thanks me. “They’re precious.”
“Yeah, I had a little help with those,” I confess.
Carter’s all smiles. Kestrel still looks like he wants to swallow her up so I blurt out, “Kes, do you ever pay attention to anything else besides your wife?”
“Huh?”
I look around the room and everyone shrugs. Kolo says, “You get used to zombie Kestrel after awhile.”
“Damn. I hope so.”
Carter laughs. “He’s been like this since the baby bumped out. I think he’s really worried about being a dad.”
“Uh, it’s a bit too late for that,” I mumble.
“Right?” Carter adds.
Gabby and Kolo laugh. Kestrel is oblivious, other than leaning in and nibbling on Carter’s neck. Does he ever stop?
The rest of the day is fun at times, sad at others. My brothers reminisce about my mom and the girls talk about that terrible day last year. I blank out because I wasn’t there and a part of me feels a bit guilty about that. It’s unrealistic. I get that. But Sylvia was my mother and even though she didn’t do much for me, she was locked inside the same prison that I was. It’s too bad she’s not here so we can talk about it.
“She’d be happy to see you so healthy, Kade. She worried about you a lot. She knew she failed you as a mother. She knew she failed us all.”
I mull over what Kolson says in my head. And it all becomes so obvious to me I’m surprised I didn’t see it before.
“No. She didn’t fail us. She was as much a victim as the three of us. Sylvia could never have done a damn thing to help me, you, or any of us. He would’ve killed her had she tried.”
“You’re right and she said as much to me,” Kolson says.
Kestrel finally says something, but it’s not what I thought he’d say. “I’m the one who failed everyone. I was there the most. I was with Langston. I could’ve done something.”
“You did,” Kolson says. “You stayed to protect me. You said yourself he would’ve killed me.”
Standing, I look at both of my brothers and say, “I love you both, but to think any of us could’ve done something is ludicrous. His power was way beyond our capability. So I say we put this conversation to rest and not let it spoil this day. If we don’t, he wins and that bastard has taken enough from us as it is.”
“Here, here.”
“Agreed.”
His name never comes up again. In the morning, my car to the airport waits, and I’m eager to get back to Denver. The four of them walk me outside. It’s all hugs and kisses from the girls and a promise to return to see the baby as soon as I can. The guys do what guys usually do. We man hug and pound each other on the back. I promise to be in touch and thank Kestrel and Carter for their hospitality and Kolson for the great rides. Then get in the car and practically tick off the minutes until I get back to Denver.
Fourteen — Juliette
Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are not nearly as awful with Ethel to occupy my time. After the masses are over, I have her to play with. The weather has warmed so the snow is melting. That means it’s a mess everywhere. Whenever I take her outside, I more or less have to bathe her to get the dirty snow and slush off her cream colored fur. It’s quite nasty, the poor little mite. She’s not very fond of baths, but at this rate, she should be used to them real soon.
There’s a space adjacent to the convent that I use to walk her. It’s the best I can find, where the snow isn’t too deep. Her tiny body is still smaller than most of the snow on the ground, so I’m careful of where we go. Each time I go out, I notice them. The shadows are here, floating, drifting, in and out of spaces.
“You all are nothing but a bunch of chicken shits,” I mumble. “Always fucking hiding.” Then I realize what I just said and hope Sister Mary Elizabeth wasn’t close enough to hear. She’s inside in the den, watching TV. We’ve had a laugh over that because it was never allowed when Sister Satan was in charge. That’s my new name for Sister Helena. It’s dark out and I shiver in trepidation. I’m not a fan of the darkness. “Hurry up little one. Find your spot.” Why the heck does it take dogs so long to sniff out a place to go?
As I impatiently wait, the air around me is displaced. Something is in my space, moving nearby. The shadows have never gotten so close to me before. The hairs on the back of my neck stick out, as do the rest of my body hair. It’s as though the air is static charged. One day, when I was young, a storm was moving in. I was playing outside and my mom told me to come in. I didn’t want to because I loved to watch the black clouds roll in and the lightening strike. Mom yelled and said if I didn’t come inside that instant, I would be punished. I did as she said, but took my time. As I went, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. My hair felt like it was trying to stand on end and my skin began to feel a prickly sensation. I looked around and suddenly and huge boom and a flash lit up the yard. I screamed as a tree at the end of our property was str
uck by lightening. My body feels exactly as it did that day.
“Why don’t you show yourself to me?” I murmur.
“If you turn around, you’ll see us.”
The voice comes from directly behind me. It’s low, deep, and sends my heart racing up to my throat. Swallowing my heartbeats, I slowly turn to face my shadows … those who have followed me for two years now.
It’s dark and I have difficulty distinguishing anything except there are two of them. And they are tall and massive, larger than even Kade. The thought doesn’t escape me that if they desired, they could snap me in two.
“Have you come to kill me then? Is it my time?” I might as well get this over with.
“No. We have not.”
Their answer surprises me. I want to see their faces, get a good look at them, so I angle my head and move a bit.
“Stay put. Or we leave.”
“Why are you here then, if it isn’t to kill me?”
“How do you see us?” The one who speaks has a low, throaty voice. It’s beguiling.
“I don’t know, but I do. Everywhere I look I see you. You’re in the shadows of everything, the trees, buildings, everything.”
“Is that what you call us then? Shadows?”
“Yeah, I guess I do. It’s what you are to me.”
A black, gloved hand reaches out to me, but I flinch. He grabs my face so quickly, it’s hard for me to comprehend how he does it. There’s no escaping him. He tilts my face one way and then the other, examining me, I think.
“What do you want from me?”
“Nothing.”
That makes no sense. “I don’t understand. Then why are you here? Is it because of the necklace?” I can’t tell for sure, but I get the feeling he’s smiling at me.
“We protect. Don’t fear us. Don’t seek us out. And stop calling out to us or drawing attention to us, for Christ’s sake. Forget you saw us. The … necklace … don’t ever let it out of your possession at any time.”
I reach under my shirt to pull it out and say, “I’ll give it to you if you want. You can have it.”
“No! It’s yours and should remain with you at all times. When the time is appropriate for you to pass it on, you’ll be notified.”
“Notified? Of what?” Ethel scratches my leg so I look down. When I look back up, they’re gone. What the hell? Did I just imagine this? I am not sure now. They’re out there; I know they are. I feel their eyes on me now. I pick Ethel up and walk back inside, thinking about what happened. I don’t dare tell anyone or they’ll lock me away right next to Sister Satan.
“Everything okay?” Sister Mary Elizabeth asks when I walk back inside.
“Fine, fine,” I snap.
I don’t pay attention to her; my thoughts are wrapped up on what occurred moments ago. Who are those people? They have to be some super secret government dudes to move so silently like that. Maybe they’re those Black Ops guys I’ve read about. But why me and why this necklace? What is this thing anyway? Damn, I wish I had a computer right now, though it hasn’t done me much good so far.
“Emmalia, are you sure you’re okay?”
“Huh?”
“I’ve been asking you a question and you keep ignoring me,” Sister Mary Elizabeth says.
Good Lord, what should I tell her?
Offering her up my best fake smile, I say, “I’m fine as can be. Just lost in thoughts here.”
“And would those thoughts have anything to do with a handsome young man that you may or may not be missing right now?”
Oh God. Did she have to go there?
“Maybe,” I giggle.
Perhaps if I play the lovesick fool, she’ll get off my case and let me think a minute.
“So, want to watch a movie?”
“Sure. Whatever you choose is fine with me,” I say.
We end up watching Pride and Prejudice, which I think odd that she would want to watch a love story. That is until we get to the end. Then she says, “Perhaps Mr. Hart is your Mr. Darcy and you are his goddess divine.”
Oh my God. I love this woman but I have to get away from her. Her notions of romanticism are making me bonkers.
I laugh and say, “Perhaps. I only hope he doesn’t turn out to be an unmitigated ass.”
She lets out a gigantic snort and then howls. “Oh, Emmalia, you do have a great sense of humor. But I don’t think you have to worry about Kade turning out to be ass.”
“Hmph. You never know.”
“True. Well, it’s off to bed for me.”
“Same for me, after I take Ethel for one more turn outside.”
“Lock up, will you?”
“Sure thing.”
As I bundle up for the cold walk, I wonder if my shadows will approach me. But they don’t. I know they’re out there. My senses tell me. If there were no snow on the ground, I may be brave enough to seek them out. Now that they’ve spoken to me, I want answers. They have them, and I want to know who they are and what this necklace is. Why is it important enough to warrant protection?
Ethel is quicker this go around, and when she’s done, I scoop her up and hurry inside. I’m ready to snuggle in bed with her. Kade is supposed to come home tomorrow and as much as I adore having Ethel with me, I’m ready to see him.
Right as I’m drifting off, I swear I hear that low, hypnotic voice speaking to me, telling me never to travel alone at night. In the morning, I question whether I dreamed it or if he was in my room with me.
The next day, I expect to hear from Kade, but the call never comes. He was supposed to arrive home around noon, or that’s what he told me anyway. Noon comes and goes, and no Kade. I call him and text him and he never returns my calls.
Around three that afternoon, I strike out with Ethel, and walk to his house. It’s still cold, but the temperatures have remained in the high thirties to low forties, so the snow has continued to melt. I have no issues getting there. When I arrive, his truck is in the driveway, so I know he made it home.
I bang on his door and ring his doorbell several times, but get no response. So I let myself in and disarm his security system.
“Kade, are you here?”
No answer. I walk through his house, looking for him. Maybe he’s sick, or injured. I go upstairs and the place is empty. He’s not here. But he’s been here. There’s an opened suitcase on his bed, and clothes are hanging half in and half out of it. It’s like he arrived home and decided to leave in a hurry. But where did he go?
I call the convent and let Sister Mary Elizabeth know what’s going on.
“Do you think something happened?” she asks.
“I don’t know. I can’t for the life of me figure it out. He should’ve called by now. I’m terribly worried about him. I think I’m going to stay here in case he shows up.”
“Okay. Let me know if there’s anything I can do. Do you want me to call Father Anthony?”
“Please. Ask him to call me if he hears from Kade.”
“Yes, I’ll do that.”
By ten o’clock that night, I am convinced something serious has happened. I could go with the explanation of him not wanting to be involved with me, but why would he text me one day and everything be fine and now this? And then there’s the fact that he’s not home. He came home and left and hasn’t returned and his truck is here. Why wouldn’t he take his truck? Maybe I should’ve called Living Free. I will in the morning if he doesn’t return by then.
At nine a.m., I’m still awake when Kade’s land line rings. I eagerly answer it.
“Hello, Kade?”
“No, who is this?”
“Who is this?” I ask.
“It’s a friend of Kade’s. My name is Mack.”
“Oh, Mack. This is Juliette.”
“Juliette! Have you seen Kade?”
“No! I’m worried to death about him.”
“Same. He was supposed to attend one of my meetings yesterday and never showed up. No one’s heard from him.”
“H
e was home sometime because his bag from his trip is here, along with his truck.”
“Jesus. I was afraid something like this was gonna happen.”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“He’s been teetering on the edge.”
“The edge of what?”
“The edge of using.”
“What? Oh my gosh. Why hasn’t he said anything?”
“Because he’s a jackass and thinks he’s stronger than that. Listen, Juliette, do you know anything about Kade’s past?”
“Yeah, he told me about his father and all that. Is that what you mean?”
“But did he tell you the finer details?”
“Probably not.”
“Then there’s a lot you don’t know and may not want to know. It’s not my place to tell you, but Kade’s fighting a war. And I believe that meeting you has raised some serious doubts about himself. I’m going to do an all out search for him.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Yeah, stay there and let me know if he shows up.”
“Okay and will you call me if you find him?”
“Yeah.”
We exchange cell phone numbers and he ends the call. Now I have no idea what to think or do. So I fall to my knees and pray. I pray to a God who I’m not sure exists, the God who led me to the convent where Sister Helena abused me, the God who allowed my family to be butchered, the God who tore my life to shreds, but it’s the only thing I know, the only thread of hope to which I cling now.
Hours later I awaken, on my knees next to Kade’s bed, my torso and arms lying across it. My knees ache from the time I’ve spent on them, so I drag myself to my feet and take Ethel outside. It’s six in the evening.
My shadows are there, silent and still as the breezeless air. When Ethel’s done, I let her back inside. I’m sure she’ll curl up on one of her many dog beds Kade has scattered throughout the house.
I walk back out on the terrace and say, “He’s missing. Do you know where he is?” No reply. I didn’t expect one. My heart aches with frustration. These men could help if they wanted. I feel it! “Please! Can’t you help me this once?” Nothing but darkness is my response. I sink into a crouch and tug at my hair. “Where is he?” I mutter. “God, I’m so worried about him.”
The Hart Brothers Series Box Set (Including the bonus book Sabin: A Seven Novel): Freeing Her, Freeing Him, Kestrel, The Fall and Rise of Kade Hart, Sabin: A Seven Novel Page 103
