by Hannah West
"I'll check them when I get on duty." Sara shifted closer to Noelle, her hip bumping the side of the chair as Ariel left after performing a quick assessment.
"I'll be back in an hour," Ariel said cheerfully. Sara chuckled quietly and then went back around the bed, sinking back into the chair she had previously vacated. Noelle couldn't explain why she felt a bit lonelier without Sara by her side.
The little girl in the bed twitched, her head tossing a bit. She wasn't intubated, she was still able to breathe on her own. That meant she would likely be able to talk, too, if she wanted. "We might have to intubate her if she gets much worse," Sara said, apparently reading Noelle's mind. "She just got the tube out a few days ago."
Brown eyes fluttered open, struggling to focus on the faces near her. Julia made a distressed noise, tossing her head back and forth as she thrashed in bed. "Julia," Sara said, her voice loud enough to be heard. "Julia, can you hear me?" Julia turned towards her, seeming to focus on her face. "It's me, Dr. McClaire. Sara. I've been in here a few times to talk to you? We've met before."
Julia made a soft humming noise, an agreement. She nodded, suddenly shy. "Mommy?" she asked, her voice soft.
Noelle's heart clenched, and Sara looked at her, stricken. They hadn't thought about what to say. In retrospect, it was spectacularly stupid. "Mommy’s not here right now," Noelle said quietly. Julia turned to look at her, frowning.
"This is Noelle," Sara said. "She's a police detective. She needs to ask you a few questions."
Julia turned to look at Sara, frowning. "I want my mommies."
"They can’t be here right now." Sara smoothed some of the hair out of Julia's brow, providing a comforting gesture while Noelle looked on.
Noelle studied Julia's face, watching the simple emotions flash across it. "I want my Mommy," the four year old repeated louder, twisting anxiously between Sara and the door.
"It'll be okay," Noelle said, smiling at Julia. Julia stared at her for a moment, shy, and then quieted, the exhaustion from her illness apparently winning out. "What's your name?" she asked, pretending not to know.
Julia twisted her free fingers in the cloth of the bed. "Julia," she said shyly.
"Nice to meet you, Julia." Noelle pretended to shake her hand, careful to not disturb the IVs. "My name is Noelle. I'm a friend of Doctor Sara's." She glanced over at Sara, who was smiling. "How old are you?" Noelle asked, careful to keep her voice relaxed and soothing.
"Four," Julia said shyly. Her eyes were startling to flutter closed, her voice more slurred than it had been. She managed to hold up four fingers just an inch or two off the bed before her hand sank back to the linen and her eyes closed completely. Her breathing smoothed out, adopting the rhythmic level of the fast-asleep.
"That didn't go how I wanted it to," Sara said grimly. Noelle agreed; she hadn't expected to have had that sort of conversation with Julia right off the bat. At the same time, it wasn't fair to hide it from her. She would have known something was wrong when her Aunt showed up that morning.
“She needs –”
“There’s a therapist on staff. They came yesterday, but apparently haven’t broke the news.” Sara grimaced.
"Was she awake when the aunt was here?" Noelle asked, glancing down at Julia's slumbering form.
"Not according to the notes," Sara said. "I checked them earlier, from home." She pretended to look abashed. "I have access to the protected records via a secured line. It makes it easier to track my patients from home. It's so I don't have to come in at three am when I'm on call."
"Sounds smart to me." Noelle nodded. She wished she had something like that, but she was also glad she didn't. It would make it much easier to take work home, and that was the last thing she needed in her life. She already worked at least a shift more than she was scheduled, but the department needed her and she didn't mind the extra cash and investigation opportunities. She had gotten exposure to so much that she would have missed if she would have just worked her scheduled hours.
"You okay?" Sara asked, invading her thoughts.
"Yeah," Noelle nodded. "Just thinking, is all."
Sara hummed thoughtfully, agreeing. "Thinking can be good or bad," she said, yawning as she stood from her chair. "I'll walk you downstairs and point you back to your car?"
"Thanks," Noelle smiled. "I still don't know my way around here. Maybe in a year or two."
"How do you get around on a call, then?" Sara asked, amused. Noelle rolled her eyes as she stood.
"I know most of the city," she protested.
"Excuses excuses," Sara teased as she led the way out the door, closing it behind her so that Juilia's room stayed safe and secure. "Ariel will be in to do an assessment soon before night shift takes over."
Noelle nodded good-bye to the patrol officer standing on duty. "Is her night nurse as good as her day nurse?"
"Almost better," Sara reassured her. "Daniel's one of the few men in the PICU, but he's the best."
They walked in comfortable, contemplative silence as they made their way to the elevator. Sara's hand brushed Noelle's and Noelle resisted the urge to take Sara's hand in hers. Part of her wanted to know what it would feel like, holding the hand of someone she cared about. It was difficult to deny it to herself anymore. Sara's treatment of Julia had left Noelle feeling warm inside, knowing that Sara cared, despite the way she occasionally presented herself as cold. She had a soft side, a gentle side, and a smile that made Noelle go gooey on the inside.
Finally they made it downstairs and near the door. Noelle lingered, not wanting to leave yet. "DCFS is four blocks to the left," Sara said, pointing. Noelle took note of the direction, vaguely recognizing her surroundings. She really wasn't that far away.
"Thank you," she said, feeling like it was only polite.
"You're welcome," Sara said with a warm smile.
"You don't work far from where I live," Noelle said, feeling awkward and stupid. She couldn't think of what to say. Something cool and smart, something that proved that Sara definitely wanted to be her friend. But all that came out of her mouth was awkwardness. Internally Noelle was banging her head against a wall.
"Oh really?" Sara tilted her head, interested. Her eyes had changed, became more aware. She genuinely seemed to care about what Noelle had to say. It was a type of alert listening that Noelle hadn't really encountered much of - that is, unless she was the one doing it.
"I live about half a mile from the coffee shop," Noelle admitted.
"I'm only about fifteen minutes away, but in a different direction," Sara said, smiling. "Power and Nanaimo."
Noelle scanned the map she held inside her head, surprised to realize that she knew where it was. "That's only a few miles from here," she said, startled.
“Makes it easier to come in when I need to.” Sara scrubbed a hand through her short hair, eyeing Noelle speculatively. "Seems like it wouldn't be hard to go to your place."
Noelle swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. What was she saying? What did she mean? Was there something behind that? "Sara -" Noelle's eyes were fixated on Sara and she watched, speechless, as Sara leaned closer, one of her hands settling on Noelle's hip before she gently pressed her lips to Noelle's. Her lips were warm, vaguely cherry-flavored, and Noelle closed her eyes as butterflies fluttered in her stomach. She felt dizzy, a bit light-headed, as she gripped Sara's upper arm for balance and lightly kissed back. Was that how someone kissed? Wasn't there technique to it? Noelle had read so much about kissing in books, but she had no idea how to map it over to actual practice.
Sara pulled back, smiling. It was her genuine smile, the one that made Noelle's stomach flutter crazily. "You haven't kissed anyone before, have you?" she asked, leaning forward and pressing another quick kiss to Noelle's lips.
Noelle blushed, glancing at the ground and wringing her hands. "My parents don't count, do they?" she tried, startling a laugh out of Sara.
"They don't." Sara gently wrapped an arm around Noelle's waist, drawing her cl
oser until they were pressed against each other.
"Is this appropriate in public?" Noelle managed, distracted by the way Sara's eyes smouldered this close up.
"Worst case the receptionist gossips," Sara said nonchalantly. Noelle blinked at her. What did she do? Was she supposed to say something? Do something? Tentatively she mimicked Sara's pose, wrapping an arm around her waist. "We should get dinner," Sara murmured, her voice low enough for Noelle to hear but not loud enough to carry very far.
"Tonight?" Noelle frowned. "It's a bit late for that."
Sara chuckled. "Not tonight. We both have to work, remember?"
"Oh." Yes she did. Have to work, that was. In two hours. Sara scrambled her brain like no one else ever had.
"Text me and we'll set up a date and time?" Sara tilted her head.
"Okay," Noelle said, nodding. Her insides were churning. Was this going to be a proper date? Did she deserve to go on a proper date? Was it a good thing or a bad thing? Her mind was spinning.
"It would be a date," Sara clarified.
"Oh." Noelle blushed, pressing her forehead to Sara's shoulder and hiding her face. She felt oddly self-conscious, like a teenager who had been caught doing something she should not have been doing. Sara stroked her hair, not pressuring, but comforting instead.
"Only if you want it to be." Sara's voice was soft. "It's your choice."
"I -" Noelle hesitated. She wanted so badly to say yes. But she wanted to think, to process. Was it the right thing to do? Despite the comfort Loryn had provided, part of her couldn't get past the thought that she was somehow betraying Lydia's memory by moving on and finding someone else. Was that what Sara wanted? To forget her previous soulmate and find someone new? "I think so," Noelle whispered into Sara's shoulder.
"We'll go slow," Sara murmured. "We can just call this dinner."
"Okay," Noelle said, sounding more confident. She lifted her head and gently pressed her lips to Sara's. It was a different feeling, but not entirely uncomfortable. It was pleasant, sending a warm tingle down to the tips of her toes. She thought she could get used to it.
"Be safe at work," Sara said, smoothing a lock of Noelle's curly hair.
"You too," Noelle replied, thinking of the security guard lurking outside of Julia's door. What if someone went after Julia? The entire ward would be in danger.
Sara kissed Noelle's forehead and let go. "See you later," she said with a smile, and then she turned around and strode off, not waiting for a reply.
Noelle smiled. She wasn't really one for pleasantries, Sara wasn't. Noelle turned on the spot and headed out the doors of the hospital.
Chapter Four
Noelle was grateful for work, more than ever. If she hadn't been busy pulling extra shifts to make up for a week off, she would have been glued to her phone like the lovesick teens she used to watch in romantic sitcoms years ago. As it was, she kept her phone on her at all times, turned to vibrate so that it wouldn't disturb anyone when it went off. If it did. In theory, for Noelle to receive a text message, she would have needed to have texted Sara like she said she would.
Not that Noelle was avoiding it. Not yet. She was just waiting for the right moment, that was all. It wasn't like her stomach churned in discomfort every time she thought about it, or like anxiety raced through her veins whenever she thought about going out to dinner with Sara. She wanted to - that wasn't the problem. But she couldn't get over feeling like she was betraying her dead partner. There was a knock on the side of her desk. She jolted out of her thoughts, looking up to see Loryn standing there.
"I didn't see you at training last night," Loryn said casually, her eyes searching Noelle's face.
"I went and got coffee with a friend." Noelle offered a brief smile and turned away, sorting through some files that Riley had given her to process. By that she meant watching TV at home and avoiding humanity. And Sara. And her phone. "Do you need me for something?"
Loryn grabbed a chair and pulled it up next to Noelle's cubicle, ignoring the fact that she was impeding traffic and leaving a small gap for people to get by. "Same person, wasn't it?" she asked. "I saw that you're on the case with the child."
"Julia," Noelle said automatically, and then winced. She was giving more away than she intended.
"Cases with kids hit you hard," Loryn said, her voice soft and nonjudgmental.
Noelle's hands stilled on the folders, and she sighed. Glancing around, she ensured that the office was relatively deserted. The only reason she wasn't done and off was because she was still making up some time from last week. She needed to catch up on the developments that had happened, both in her cases and Riley's. "They do," Noelle admitted. "Her aunt’s not sure she can take her.” Noelle was sad, angry, and understanding at the same time. "Who wouldn't want a child?"
"Some people don't," Loryn said practically, scooting her way into Noelle's space and taking some of the files and starting to sort them. "Raising a kid is a lot of hard work," she added. "Some people aren't ready for that."
Noelle had to admit this was true. She hadn't met anyone who had met their soulmate who wasn't ready for kids, but she had met a few single university students who she could see were not ready for parents. "I thought -" Noelle stopped herself.
"Meeting your soulmate doesn't magically make you a better person," Loryn said. She handed Noelle a stack of sorted files. "Knowing who they were and that they are dead doesn't keep you from starting a relationship with someone new, either."
It was the same thing from last week, but Noelle couldn't help but wince. There was a difference between knowing and truly accepting it. If she accepted that she could move on, if she accepted what Sara was offering - then she was accepting the fact that Lydia was dead and everything that came along with it. If she carried on with Sara without truly accepting that, was it honestly fair to her? "I know," she said, opening a file she wanted to read.
"It takes time to grieve someone you have lost," Loryn said, standing and moving the chair back to where it went. "Even someone you never knew." She smiled crookedly. "It's okay to take it slow. If she's worth it, she'll wait for you." Loryn waved a hand in good-bye and wandered off. Noelle watched her go, suspicious. Loryn was keeping tabs on her, that much was obvious.
She finished reading the file she needed to and completed all remaining work that prevented her from going home. It was late, she was tired, and she had to work the next night. Finally ready to leave, she pulled out her phone, staring at the keys. She pulled up a text message to Sara. Her heart was pounding, and her throat felt too dry. What if Sara took it for a rejection? It wasn't, really. Noelle just needed more time. She wasn't ready for something new, not yet. As ridiculous as it felt to her, she was grieving, and sad. It felt - dishonest - to rush into something new.
As friends? Just for now. Wednesday would be good.
She sent the text into oblivion and headed out to her car. She had barely reached her car before her phone buzzed with a message.
Wednesday at 6pm? We can do dinner and a movie at my place.
Noelle stared at the text. She hadn't considered Sara suggesting having a dinner at her place, much less a movie afterwards. Was there subtext to that? There was always subtext to watching a movie in the books she had read and the movies she had seen, but Sara was far more literal than anyone else Noelle had met and maybe Sara meant actually watching a movie, as friends. Noelle swallowed, texting back a yes and a request for Sara's address. She would just have to wait and see.
It was Wednesday at approximately 5:45pm when Noelle arrived at Sara's apartment building. She glared at the outside, hoping to make time pass faster. It was a nice building, but Sara was a doctor. It was a short drive, maybe ten minutes, but Noelle preferred to arrive approximately fifteen minutes early to anything and everything she did - it was a habit she had quickly developed while working at the police department. She glanced down at her phone, debating. Should she just show up? Or did she need to wait until 6pm on the dot?
H
er phone vibrated and she nearly jumped.
Food's ready when you are.
Noelle laughed, looking up at the various windows that made up the front side of the building. She couldn't see Sara, but that didn't mean that Sara couldn't see her. Glancing around for the door, she headed inside, riding the elevator up to Sara's floor. She lived in apartment 416. Noelle double-checked it against the text, and then knocked.
Sara opened the door within two seconds, a wide smile on her face. Noelle thought she looked elegant, dressed in slim, dark jeans and a colorful, fiery top. Her black hair was immaculately combed into its normal bob. "Hello," she said, stepping back to gesture at her apartment. "Welcome to my humble abode."
Noelle entered, glancing around, curious. It was a nice apartment. There was a spacious living room to the left, a kitchen to the right, with marble countertops and an island in the middle. Farther away she could see a hallway with a partially-open bathroom door. "It's a two bedroom, two bath," Sara said, watching Noelle intently. Noelle nodded acknowledgement. Sara had an eye for style, that much was for certain. Everything was coordinated, decorations and furniture both. "I've moved a lot, but I take most of it with me," she said, smiling fondly at her living room. "Or sometimes I get new things. Depends on the city, really."
"I used to live in the dorms," Noelle admitted. "Not much furniture worth keeping there."
Sara chuckled in agreement. "Did you live elsewhere before coming here?" she asked, walking into the kitchen and pulling the chicken out of the oven. It was fresh, Noelle noted, with roast vegetables baked in the pan.
"I moved here after college,” Noelle said, walking over to the bar and taking a seat in one of the stools. "Been here ever since."
"Do you like it?" Sara asked, pulling down plates. "Also, wine?"
"I do," Noelle said, smiling. "No wine, thanks. Have to work tomorrow."
"That's a shame," Sara said genially, putting the wine glasses away and grabbing plain glasses instead. "Soda, water, milk, tea, coffee?" she rattled off.
