by Hannah West
Sara looked alarmed, and Noelle couldn’t help but relax a little.
“I’m sorry.” Sara stood, coming over and giving Noelle a brief kiss. She returned to her seat, looking abashed. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize - I thought with you being on nights you wouldn’t want to be woken up.”
Noelle smiled despite herself, feeling lighter than she had felt in quite some time. Sara hadn’t texted her because she cared, because she wanted Noelle to get enough sleep. She kicked the doubts to the side. Take that, brain. “Sorry.”
“No.” Sara shook her head, setting aside her fork. Noelle looked at her, frowning. “Noelle, you were worried.” Sara’s eyes met hers, and they were fierce, passionate - and not in a sexy way. She cared, she truly cared. “If our relationship is going to work, then we need to be comfortable talking to each other.”
Noelle blinked, startled. Part of her pointed out how ironic that was, since Sara had not been a good communicator the past few weeks. Still. It seemed that she truly meant it. “Oh,” was all she could manage.
Sara smiled slightly, and then turned back to eating her food. Her feet touched Noelle’s, resting comfortably against hers. Noelle smiled in return. They didn’t talk much, not while eating. It was soaking up each other’s presence, calming down after not having seen each other in a while. They would look up, meet each other’s eyes, and there would be smiles, warm eyes. Nothing heated, nothing passionate - just comforting.
Eventually they were finished, and Noelle sat back in her chair with a sigh. She didn’t want to leave. She felt warm and content, her legs tangled with Sara underneath the table. “So,” she said.
Sara raised her eyebrows, smiled. “So?”
Noelle wasn’t sure what to say next. Then again, they had just talked about communication. “I kind of. Want to stay the night.”
Sara raised her eyebrows.
“But not have sex.”
Sara raised her eyebrows some more, then smiled a tired smile. “I’m okay with that.” She yawned, stretched her arms. “Too tired.”
Noelle raised her eyebrows, not impressed, and Sara laughed. Noelle smiled. “I’ll go grab my bag.”
Sara chuckled, standing and clearing off the table. “You’re not getting out of the dishes,” she called as Noelle headed out of the door.
Noelle smiled to herself. Not yet, anyway.
She brought her overnight bag in, and helped Sara with the dishes. This time she washed and Sara dried. It was something she enjoyed doing with Sara, far more than she had anticipated doing so. The short, simple things. Activities of daily life.
Someday, maybe, they would move in together. Have their own place. The thought sent shivers down Noelle’s spine. She had never lived with anyone other than her mother - even in college she had gotten a room on her own. Shared bathroom, yes, but still her own bedroom, her own studio space. It was a scary concept, contemplating sharing living space with someone else.
“What are you thinking?” Sara asked, leaning against the counter. She was watching Noelle with curiosity, but Noelle couldn’t read the intent behind her eyes. Was she really curious, or was there something else there?
Not that Noelle really thought Sara was out to get her. She wasn’t. She probably wasn’t hiding anything, either. “Someday we might live together.”
Sara stilled next to her. “What do you think about that?”
Noelle considered. She didn’t really know. What did she think about it? She thought about doing the dishes, maybe cooking together - “I think we’d have to have a chore list for cleaning,” she said dryly. Sara laughed, and Noelle smiled. Between their work schedules it felt like nothing would ever get done.
“That’s something that’s easy to do.” Sara leaned in and kissed her gently.
Noelle wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer, but she wanted to ask anyway. “Have you ever lived with anyone not Ivan?” She looked away, embarrassed. Was it relevant? Probably not. But part of her wanted to know whether or not Sara had experience with - well, integrating someone into her life.
“Twice.” Sara held up two fingers. “My soulmate, until he died. And then another girl, first year of med school.”
Noelle screwed up her lips, contemplating. That was really about as much as she needed to know, much less what she had the right to know. “I haven’t,” she admitted. “Not even - you know. Without anything.” She blushed and sighed at herself for doing so.
Sara leaned in and kissed her cheek gently. “When the time comes, we’ll make it.”
Noelle looked at her, searching her eyes, searching for answers. All she saw was warmth, affection. Careful reassurance. “Maybe we should talk to Michaela, at the group. Maybe if - well, if we’re together, we wouldn’t have to go anymore.”
Sara raised her eyebrows but she didn’t comment. “Are you comfortable with that?”
Noelle considered what she had said. There were probably repercussions - socially, if nothing else. What would her work colleagues think? She had just recently gotten promoted. Was there really an exception if she found someone new? Her heart sank. “I don’t know.”
Noelle sagged against her. She didn’t want to fight it, didn’t want to keep things a secret. She liked Sara, even loved her. While she still loved Lydia, she would always love Lydia - it didn’t change what she felt for Sara. “It’s stupid.”
Sara stroked her hair, careful of the tight curls. “I know.” She sighed, a breath of exhalation next to Noelle’s face. “If you’re in the media, there’s a chance they’ll find me, too.”
“It’ll make living together a nightmare.”
“Unless it’s just as friends.” Sara shifted slightly so Noelle could see her face. She was solemn, and for a second, Noelle feared that she was breaking off their relationship. Was she really going to lose Sara over something they were talking about as hypotheticals? “Shh, it’s okay.” Sara smiled, reassuring.
“So we would be - us, but tell other people we were just friends?” Noelle contemplated this, but shook her head. “I could get in trouble for lying. That’s not very good at my job.” She hated the thought of being dishonest. Pausing, she considered. “What would your job do, if - if you came out with us?” Noelle had been so focused on her job and her repercussions that she hadn’t even thought about Sara’s coworkers.
Sara smiled faintly. “I’m pretty sure I’d be okay.”
“I want to be able to tell people about you.” That was something they did in relationships, right?
Surprise flickered over Sara’s face, then softened. “It’s up to you. I’ll be fine either way.”
Noelle tilted her head.
“They’re pretty liberal at the hospital. Not nearly as much as they need to be - that’s why I’m still attending those bloody meetings - but we do have a nurse who remarried after their soulmate died.”
Noelle raised her eyebrows, surprised. Dahra was one of the handful of people she had met in thirty years who had remarried. “In your department?”
Sara shook her head. “General peds. She used to work in the CICU, then transferred down when the stress got too much.” She grimaced. “PICU is hard on everyone.”
Noelle nodded. “I can’t even imagine.” She was quiet for a few moments, her head settled against Sara’s shoulders. “We should watch a movie.”
“What movie?” Sara rubbed a hand up and down her back. It felt oddly comforting.
“Something we’ve seen.” Noelle stifled a yawn, glaring at the clock - apparently her body hadn’t fully adjusted to day after being on nights for some time.
“So basically an excuse to cuddle.” Sara raised her eyebrows, a smile on her face.
Noelle scowled, mock-ferocious. “Maybe.”
Sara laughed, took her hand and led her to the living room. Cuddles it was.
Noelle yawned as she headed to the coffee shop not far from her or Sara’s work. It reminded her that she had never thanked Sara for its discovery - this was the third time in a
week that it was saving her from overly strong police department coffee.
She stopped when she came around the corner, a frown forming on her face. No. No way.
She peeked around again, and her heart dropped. There was Sara, dressed in street clothes, her face agitated and her finger pointing furiously at the man next to her. It was Clark, dressed in the same, bum-like clothes that he had been in previously. He seemed angry, his arms crossed over his chest as he listened to Sara talk.
Both looked like this wasn’t the first argument and it wouldn’t be the last.
Noelle didn’t know what to do - stay there and listen? Leave? Did she have a right to be there? She took a deep breath and watched. She didn’t want to risk getting closer.
Sara pointed at him again. She was just about his height, less than an inch shorter. She was wearing heels, giving her a boost. Noelle wished that she could at least hear the tone of their voices, but she would take what she was being given.
At least they weren’t kissing, or something like that. Noelle thanked whatever deity was listening for small blessings.
Clark narrowed his eyes, seemingly displeased with something Sara was saying. She raised her eyebrows back, hands on her hips, posture wide. He uncrossed his arms, reached a hand and slapped her across the face.
Noelle hissed out a breath. No one else was around - it was the odd, dead time of the afternoon - but that had to have hurt. As it was, she wanted to strangle him. He hit Sara.
No wonder Sara had left him. Noelle couldn’t blame her, not for that. No wonder he had been that possessive of Sara. He was probably a jerk. She was far better off without him.
Wasn’t she?
She slipped back around the corner, where they couldn’t see her, and stood for a moment. Was it worth it, trying to get the coffee? Or was she just going to give up for the day and return to the office? She had already wasted more time than she had intended to.
A few minutes, Noelle decided. She would wait, and then she would go around the corner, and certainly they would be gone.
Or conversely, she could go confront Clark and slap him for hurting Sara. That was the sensible thing to do. After all, she was a homicide detective. She had cop friends. But was she a sensible person?
Taking a deep breath, Noelle turned around the corner and frowned. Neither of them were anywhere to be found. There went her grand master plan of standing up for Sara in a flame of valor.
“What are you doing here?” Sara’s voice came out of nowhere, and while Noelle didn’t jump, she turned faster than she had anticipated.
“Getting coffee.” Noelle raised her eyebrows, trying to seem completely unconcerned about Sara’s proximity. Apparently Sara had been behind the nearest row of cars, just waiting for Noelle to let her guard down. “You okay?” Her eyes shifted to Sara’s cheek, where there was just a red mark signaling that she had been hit. Sooner rather than later it would fade, and then it would blossom into a bruise, leaving the sign behind that she had been hit.
“She’s fine.” Clark came out from behind the car. Sara flinched, and Noelle looked between the two. Pieces fell into place like a jigsaw puzzle. He was why Sara had been so upset. He was why she had been so distant.
Clark must have contacted her.
“I’m going to have her file a restraining order against you,” Noelle said coolly.
Sara said nothing.
Clark looked between the two, his eyebrows raised. There was a triumph in his face that Noelle didn’t like one bit. He should have been running with his tail between his legs, not smirking as if he knew the last secret to humanity. “She doesn’t know.” He shook his head, tsking.
Sara looked as if her glare would stab him with knives. She didn’t talk.
Noelle was really starting to get worried. Something was really wrong, something that involved Sara - and at this point, Noelle figured herself. This time Noelle didn’t speak - she didn’t want to give Clark the satisfaction of knowing he had got to her.
Clark reached out and grabbed Sara’s shoulder, drawing him towards her. It looked just like the photograph that Noelle had been given, the one she carried in her purse as an unwitting reminder of the man who had threatened both of them. “I’m her soulmate.”
Noelle would have laughed if the situation had not been so tense. Ludicrous. There was no way he was her soulmate. “I have access to the database,” she said coolly.
He smiled. Noelle felt worried. “Her hacker did a good job, I don’t bet.”
“I don’t believe you.” Noelle crossed her arms, her eyes narrowed. She trusted Sara. No wonder Sara hated him - Noelle hadn’t known him very long and she didn’t want to ever know him again.
Clark watched her intently, his eyes more feverish than Noelle would have liked. She really wished they were closer to her work, so she could have Riley or even another officer as backup. Instead it was just her, with someone who felt mentally unstable and potentially even violent. He had already hit Sara.
Too bad she had left her gun back at the station.
“I can’t prove it, not without the records.” Clark shrugged as if it didn’t matter to him in the slightest. Maybe it didn’t. Noelle didn’t know. He extended his arm, showed Noelle his wrist.
There was his mark, plain as day. Noelle studied it carefully. She didn’t doubt Sara. She couldn’t doubt her.
But the mark did look awfully familiar.
Sara stood there as if she was made of wood. Her arms were by her sides, she did not even want to look up. She was just a shell of the woman she had been by Noelle’s sides. It made Noelle’s insides squirm to see how far she had fallen, so quickly.
“Sara?” Clark sounded calm, but there was an underlying warning underneath the calm demeanor.
Sara’s eyes darkened and Noelle finally felt fear.
She extended her arm, wrist side by side with Clark’s. He glanced down at her wrist, eyebrows raising. “You tried to modify it,” he said.
She didn’t answer.
“Sara.” He tsked.
“Stop,” she said. Her voice was quiet, and it tried to be firm. But she failed, her voice wavered.
Noelle couldn’t help but look at the marks, look at the scars on Sara’s, but the undeniable similarities. Every little splotch was the same, every curved arrow was the same - they were identical. They were soulmates.
Her heart crumbled, her resolve wavered. If Sara had lied to her about this, were there other things? “What -” Noelle hesitated. She swallowed, and Clark smiled at her, clearly enjoying her distress. “What are the scars from?”
“When you -”
“I wasn’t asking you,” Noelle said, her voice harsh as she cut Clark off. “Go away.”
Clark stood, and for all that he was taller than both of them, he seemed more intimidating than he had moments before. “Stupid bitch,” he sneered. “You can’t push me around.”
Noelle reached into her pocket, keeping her gaze on Clark. “I can have my partner here in less than five minutes, ready to haul your ass to jail,” she said, her voice as steady as she could make it. Sara was looking at the ground, and her other hand was grasping her wrist. She hadn’t moved away. Maybe she couldn’t move, maybe she was paralyzed.
Clark stared at her, his eyes narrowed as if he was testing her resolve. Maybe he was. She stared back, ignoring how her heart pounded in her chest, how everything felt like too much. Sara had lied, Sara had - had hacked the system. How many people knew about that? It had to be illegal. Were there other cases, where there was false information in the database? How many people were matched with wrong people?
“I’ll be back.” He reached out, squeezed Sara’s shoulder. Noelle didn’t move, but it made her stomach sick, the way he touched her. He thought he owned her, that she belonged to him.
And Sara didn’t. She belonged to herself.
Clark swaggered past both of them, his eyes smug as he passed Noelle. He thought he had won, that Noelle would give Sara up and she would
go back to Clark. Would she? Noelle didn’t know. She felt conflicted, like someone had shaken her brain, muddled all of her thoughts.
Sara didn’t look up, even when Noelle stepped closer. Noelle didn’t reach out and touch her - it was obvious that Clark had been aggressively physical. Noelle could see grab marks on her arms where Clark must have grabbed her before she acquiesced and calmed down.
Noelle stood there, waiting patiently. She had long learned, as a detective, to make the witnesses come to her, instead of pressuring them.
Finally Sara looked up. Her eyes were muddled, but the primary emotion Noelle saw was fear. “Hello,” Noelle said.
Sara didn’t speak.
“You lied to me,” Noelle said quietly. For all that she would have bet that Sara had a good reason - Clark had likely been worse as an impulse-driven teenager - still, Sara had had a chance to come clean, tell her the truth. And she didn’t.
“Yes.” Sara shifted, straightening. It was an odd shift, as if she knew what was coming and was ready for it. Noelle had a feeling Sara thought she was going to walk out of her life forever.
“Why?” Noelle asked. That was the big question, wasn’t it. Sara could have told her the truth, and in all honesty, Noelle would have - well, struggled with it, but she could have understood. Wouldn’t she have?
Sara studied her face, her expression dispassionate. Noelle recognized the expression. She was protecting herself from pain. “It was the only option.”
Noelle raised her eyebrows, but Sara was already shaking her head, cutting her off. “Would you have believed what I said?” Sara asked, shifting so that her weight was more evenly balanced but her posture was more dynamic. “I left my soulmate, changed my name, had a friend hack the database, because my soulmate was an asshole?”
Noelle opened her mouth to speak.
“Think about it seriously for a moment,” Sara said.
She did. Would she have believed Sara? Worse, would she have been legally obligated to turn Sara in to the authorities? “Hacking the database is illegal.”
