by LaQuette
Without thinking, she grabbed the cellphone sitting in her back pocket and quickly took a picture of the scene before her.
She returned to the kitchen, needing to be alone with her thoughts. She hazarded another glance at the photo even though she knew it would tear her to shreds. Anyone viewing this photo would know what Sanai had always known. These two were meant to be father and son, friends, and family.
Her chest was still heavy. She’d done this, created this terrible situation where Dante was a stranger to his own son. Yeah, it was easy to say she’d had no choice. It was easy to hide behind her need to protect herself and her unborn child. But looking at this picture, the truth slapped her hard in the face. She’d wanted Dante to suffer as she had, to lose as much as she had, and the result was the subject of this photo: a father and son who were strangers.
“Sanai?”
The questioning voice tugged her away from the picture and the guilty thoughts it generated. She placed the phone on the counter and tapped a button to darken the screen.
“Hey, you’re up?”
He rubbed his hand across the top of his head and down his face as he walked closer to her, touching her shoulder lightly when he stood next to her.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
He held her still when she attempted to turn away from him. “Sanai, what’s wrong?”
She shook her head, hoping he’d let the subject drop. Talking about her role in stealing something vital from her son wasn’t on her list of top conversation topics.
“I was just thinking—”
“About us having another child? I hope you haven’t changed your mind.”
She shook her head as he took a seat at the table. “Let me get our food. This conversation needs something hearty to go along with it.”
She spooned up two large bowls of the steaming stew and placed them on the table. A smile tipped her lips when Dante recognized what she’d made.
“Is this the stew you used to make me?”
She nodded. “I remembered how much you used to enjoy it and thought you might like some again.”
He dipped his spoon in the tomato-based stew and blew a cool breath over its bounty. He hummed slightly while he chewed, and the cold spot inside her heart warmed as she watched the obvious signs of his delight.
“I never thought I’d taste this again. I even had my ma try to reproduce it, but it wasn’t the same.”
“How is your mother? She was always so kind to me. I regret never having the opportunity to say a proper goodbye to her.”
Dante’s spoon faltered just a moment before he looked up at her. “She died about a year ago. You and Naz are pretty much all I have left when it comes to close family.”
“Is that why you’re fighting so hard for Naz?”
“What? Like am I trying to have a baby with you to rebuild the family I lost?”
She wouldn’t be surprised if he was doing exactly that. Grief made a person do strange things. She couldn’t exactly be mad at him. Her fear of grieving for her son had placed her in this situation where she was ready to bring a child into this world despite the fact that she wasn’t exactly certain if she wanted another child at this time.
“Sanai, does knowing of Naz’s existence dull the ache of being without a family of my own? Yeah, it does. But that’s not why I’m doing this. If I had found you, and Naz was perfectly healthy, would I be pressing to have another child? No. I’d be pressing to get you back and be part of my son’s life. I’d be fighting like hell for the two of you.”
Fiery eyes stared back at her, warming her in places the stew couldn’t. Remembering what it was like to be loved by this man made her heart ache. When you’d been loved so completely, how did you not jump at the chance to have that again?
“I never had the luxury of picturing the three of us as a family, Dante. I don’t really know how to be anything other than on my own. You want more than just a co-parenting situation. I don’t know if I know how to operate inside a family. What if I’m not able to give you that? We’ll have two kids on our hands. I’ve already been a single mother once. I did it. I don’t regret it, but it’s not something I want to willingly walk into again.”
He linked his fingers through hers, the feel of them instantly pulling her focus from her worries to the relief his touch always brought.
“Sanai, I love you. I say that with as much certainty as I did the first time I uttered those words to you. I can’t promise you that we’ll never fall on hard times. I can’t promise you that we’re never going to be angry with each other or hurt one another. The only thing I can promise you is that you will never have to raise any child we’ve created together alone. I will always have your back where our children are concerned.”
She smiled briefly and unraveled her fingers from his. They ate in silence. After so much heavy conversation, the silence was welcome to her. Focusing on eating meant she didn’t have to think about how many ways this plan of theirs could go wrong.
“So when do you want to start trying?”
“To get pregnant?” she asked.
“Yeah.” He answered quickly and went right back to eating as if this were a normal conversation to be had at the kitchen table.
“First things first, we both need to get tested. Assuming we both come back clean, I’ll start tracking my ovulation to figure out the best time we should begin trying.”
“All right,” he answered. “That sounds like a plan to me. I’ll find a doctor as soon as I can to get those tests done. But Sanai, I don’t want this to be all clinical.”
“Clinical? Are you suggesting we do this in a lab, Dante?”
“No, I want this to happen just as it did when we created Naz, Sanai. Just you and me together.“
She smiled and touched his hand gently. “Dante, we’ll do whatever we have to in order to save our son.”
He wrapped his hand around her, its warmth soothing her. “This isn’t just about saving Naz, Sanai; it’s about rebuilding for us too. It means I don’t want to just have sex to get you pregnant. You’re never going to trust that I’ll be there for you unless I’m actually there for you. I’d like to spend this time getting to know each other again.”
She almost laughed at him until she saw just how serious his expression was. “What exactly are you proposing, Dante?”
“I’d like you to go out with me. If I’m not mistaken, I believe the technical term is date. I want you to date me.”
She did laugh at that one. She couldn’t really help herself. She and Dante hadn’t spent all that much time dating the first time around. They met, humped, and continued humping until the day everything she knew ceased to exist and she was living a new life here in New York.
“We didn’t do all that much dating when we were dating. Why exactly do you want to go that route now?”
He laughed with her. Probably because he couldn’t deny all the things she’d said. Things were always hot and fast between them. Even now, all these years later, they were repeating the same pattern. He’d found Sanai one minute, and the next, they were ripping one another’s clothes off again.
“You’re right. Sex has never been our problem, Sanai. But I can’t help but think that maybe if we’d spent a little more time getting to know each other, you might not have believed I was cheating on you. I know you ran because of fear, but I also know you ran because you believed I cheated on you. This time around, I want you to know me well enough to understand that’s never a possibility where you’re concerned.”
Sanai soaked his words in, turning them over in her mind one syllable at a time. She sat there for a moment, her eyes closed, blocking out the power of his stare. How were you supposed to protect yourself when the man you loved, the man you’d always loved, kept kicking in all the doors you’d slammed between the two of you?
You say fuck it and let him in.
Chapter Sixteen
“Yes…yes…yes,” or at least that was wha
t it sounded like through the mouthful of pillow Sanai was currently biting down on.
There was nothing like worshipping his woman’s body. Every time he had the opportunity to taste her, touch her, slide his cock deep inside her, he thanked every deity for such a gift.
Yes, this was his woman. He’d always known that, but convincing Sanai of that had taken a little while. Granted, there was a great deal of turmoil going on at the time. The decision to have another baby had weighed heavily on Sanai. She’d agreed to it, but she’d also worried a great deal about it.
By the time she’d actually gotten pregnant, they couldn’t tell if she really was experiencing pregnancy symptoms or if she was just stressing herself the hell out.
They were sixteen weeks into this pregnancy, and they’d settled down into a comfortable domestic life.
Nazario’s health was steadily maintaining. He wasn’t in remission, but his continued treatments were steadily pushing back and making strides against the horrible disease. Their son had even returned to school, giving Dante and Sanai a rare moment when they could fuck without being concerned about little ears overhearing them.
They were a family, something he hadn’t experienced in a long time but was so grateful for having again.
Sanai was currently spread out on all fours in front of him. Head pushed into the pillow, ass high in the air, cunt dripping and strangling the fuck out of his dick.
“Fuck, woman.”
He covered her back with his chest, reaching around to rub firm fingers across her clit. She bucked when he made contact, her hips countering his rhythm, trying her best to urge him to give her what she wanted.
She was close. The way her legs wobbled, the way the muscles of her pussy clamped down around him, it wouldn’t be long before she exploded.
She contracted around him and pulled a long moan from deep within his chest. In all his years, he’d never found anything that mirrored the level of satisfaction that being balls-deep inside Sanai gave him.
“I swear to God, if I could just stay here digging this pussy out for the rest of my days I’d be a happy man.”
He continued to plunge, his movements becoming more forceful. The most fantastic nut had to be a second or two away from him, considering his fucking balls were close to crawling inside of his damn abdomen.
With the few brain cells he had available for thinking, he changed his angle just slightly and smiled when Sanai’s screams filled the air and the walls of her cunt locked down so hard on him it was almost painful.
He smiled as she splintered around him. The sound of Sanai spilling over into ecstasy pushed him toward his own end, forcing the cessation of his breath as his orgasm clawed at him. The tingling started at the base of his spine and radiated throughout the whole of his body.
The ache in his balls was killing him. He couldn’t hold it any longer. He gave one last thrust, planting himself as deeply as he could into Sanai’s quivering heat when he felt his cockhead pulse and the first jet of cum was ripped from him.
“Shit,” he wheezed as his body hummed with his release. When his cock was soft enough to disengage from Sinai without hurting either one of them, he pulled out and dropped to the bed beside her.
He looked over at her and pushed aside the errant braid currently covering her face. “I can’t remember the last time morning sex felt so good.”
“That’s because you didn’t have to worry about an inquisitive five-year-old interrupting your swerve before.”
She was right. When they’d first begun trying for a child, they spent several nights sneaking into each other’s room when Nazario was asleep. Then one morning they’d overslept. They’d woken to a silent Nazario standing at the foot of the bed staring at them. Thank God they’d somehow managed to find themselves under the covers throughout the night. Otherwise there would have been a great deal more explaining needed.
He’d asked why Dante was sleeping in Sanai’s bed, and she’d answered him calmly without much fuss, “Sometimes mommies and daddies sleep in the same bed. Are you okay if Dante and I sleep in the same bed?”
The boy turned his head to the side. It was a constant tell that he was thinking about something significant. “Ephraim’s mommy and daddy sleep in the same bed.”
Dante had come to learn Ephraim was the neighbor boy next door who often played with Nazario. Ephraim was the epitome of cool as far as Nazario was concerned.
“How do you know Ephraim’s parents sleep in the same bed?” Dante inquired.
“Because he said whenever he watches a scary movie he tries to sleep with his mommy and daddy in their bed,” he answered. “I guess it’s okay if you sleep in the same bed. If I get scared, I can sleep with the two of you like Ephraim does with his parents.”
Dante laughed at the memory. More and more he was getting used to Nazario’s kid logic. The truth be told, sometimes the kid had better ideas than either he or Sanai could think up.
He rolled over and placed a flat hand against Sanai’s stomach. “How’s my boy?”
Sanai shook her head. “We are about four weeks away from knowing if it’s a boy or a girl.”
“I don’t need a sonogram to tell me what I planted.”
Sanai shook her head again. She knew there was no use arguing with him at this point. Before they’d confirmed her pregnancy, he’d had a dream that he was sitting in Big Tony’s barbershop watching both his boys get their hair cut. It was a simple vision, nothing significant going on, just a dad spending a leisurely Saturday afternoon kicking back in the barbershop. Just before the dream ended he’d called both their names. “Nazario and Salvatore, my boys.”
Those simple words had assured him, in his mind anyway, of the sex of their second child. Now he was just waiting for the sonogram to confirm what he already knew.
He leaned over and kissed her forehead. “I gotta go soon.”
Sanai raised an eyebrow as she looked at him. “This is like the third time in as many weeks you’ve had to go back to Florida. You got a wife or something down there?”
A wife? No. Soon-to-be ex-wife? Yeah.
His divorce was almost final. After this final court date he’d be free of the witch who’d wrecked his life. He’d be free to enjoy the life and family he was building with Sanai.
It wasn’t easy. This fragile peace they shared could explode at any moment. So far his former life hadn’t sullied it. He just needed to make sure that remained true.
“Sanai,” he sighed. “You know I don’t want to leave you and Naz. I’m selling a business and a house, as well as buying into a contracting firm here in New York. There are just some things I can’t pass off to my assistant.”
He kissed her briefly before swinging his legs out of bed and heading toward the restroom. When he stepped inside of the shower and the hot water pelted his skin, he let a relieved breath escape.
Being a mob boss had taught him how to perfectly compartmentalize his life. He never told Sanai a lie. Everything he’d just said was actually true. He was closing the sale of his home and contracting business—the one legal venture to his name.
His father had warned him to always keep something on the legitimate side. Something that would allow him to make moves at his leisure lawfully and in the light of day. His contracting business had been just that. Its sale was producing the sizable down payment for his new venture—buying into a small contracting firm in Brooklyn.
He dried off and moved back into the bedroom and fished through his side of the closet. His side. Every time he thought of that he smiled.
Once Nazario had discovered their hidden sleeping arrangements, they’d decided it was best to stay in her room because it was the largest of the three, with an en suite bathroom that afforded them more privacy. He’d gone to work and when he’d returned, all of his belongings had been moved from the guest bedroom and placed neatly in the closets and drawers of Sanai’s master bedroom.
He’d been overwhelmed with love. She hadn’t said it to him, sti
ll hadn’t, but he saw it in every other way possible. The fact that she’d carved out a space for him in her home—several spaces to be exact—marked his permanence, his residence in her life.
In his mind this final divorce hearing served the same purpose. It was his way of throwing out the trash in his life to make way for the treasure he’d always hoped he’d have.
He hadn’t needed to know about Sanai’s plans for her closets. In kind, she didn’t need to know about his. Or at least that was what he was telling himself until he signed on the dotted line.
He sat next to her on the bed, hating the fact he couldn’t remain there pressed against her. He leaned down and placed a loving kiss on tender lips. “Take care of yourself. Take care of my boys.”
“As long as you agree to get back here as soon as possible,” she answered through their kisses.
“Then we have no worries…because that’s exactly my plan.”
He kissed her again, deeply this time, savoring her taste. He intended to be home late tonight or early tomorrow morning, but even that short expanse of time was too much to be away from her.
“Mi mancherà mentre non ci sono…mi piace quando torno,” he whispered to her before stealing one last kiss.
“What does that mean?” she asked. “You say it every time you leave.”
He only spoke bits and pieces of Italian around her. He knew Nazario understood quite a bit from spending so much time in Mrs. Rossi’s care. He never wanted Sanai to feel as if he was excluding her, so he only ever spoke English in her presence.
“Miss me while I’m gone…love me when I return.”
She pulled herself up, leaning against the headboard for support. He could see there was so much emotion building up behind her open stare. He didn’t press. The truth was he didn’t need the words. These moments they shared together told him more than any words in any language could ever convey. He was stamped across her heart, and no one and nothing would ever change that.
