by Erin Trejo
I’ve just told him one of my secrets I swore I’d never tell anyone. My head is swimming with information. I’m afraid that I’ll lose the only lifeline I have left. I’m going to lose Monster. His cock swells as he comes inside of me. He takes me along with him on the ride. My body trembles and locks up tight around him.
“Fuck!” I scream as spots blast from behind my eyes.
Sweat drops off Monster and onto me. It’s sliding down my skin. My body shudders as I come down from my orgasm, but Monster still lingers over me. He’s still in me. I don’t want him to move. I want him to stay right where he is. This moment, this safety, is all I’ve ever wanted to feel and now I don’t want it to end. I know that it will, and that’s another reason I need to keep my distance from him.
Monster pulls out of me and drops onto the bed next to me trying to catch his breath. He wipes his hand over his face to clear the sweat off before he looks over at me. I don’t want to look at him. I want to hide what I’ve done. I want to hide who I am. I don’t want to be that girl anymore. I don’t want to, or at least I shouldn’t, but that’s the only time I feel at ease.
“Come here,” he murmurs gently.
I shake my head, but when I look over at the blood I drew from him I see it painted all over his stomach. I gasp and cover my mouth with my hand. I did that to him? I hurt him. For what? For my own sick need?
“It’s not that bad,” he adds.
I shake my head as tears begin to fall. After all of these years of keeping it all bottled up, he shattered the glass, and broke me into a million pieces. He broke me.
“I need to go,” I say while wiping my eyes.
Monster just chuckles and gets out of the bed. He walks around to my side, grabs my hand, and pulls me along with him. He takes us into the bathroom where he starts the shower before dragging me into it with him. He reaches behind me and unhooks my bra, then slides it down my shoulders. I hadn’t even noticed that I still had it on.
“I’m fine Kyza,” he insists once more when my eyes move to the wound I inflicted on him as my chest tightens.
“I stabbed you,” I whisper.
“Yeah. It was kinda sexy as fuck too.”
My eyes jerk to his and I see that sexy smile curve his lips.
“Why do you care?”
He shrugs and grabs the soap putting it on the sponge in his hand.
“I don’t really. I knew I saw somethin’ in you. I just wanted to see it. I had to witness it.”
He moves the sponge to my body and begins washing me slowly.
“Was it everything you expected it to be?”
Monster laughs. It’s a real laugh. He continues to clean me as he’s laughing. When he’s finished he cleans himself, paying close attention to the wound on his stomach. I cringe internally and curse myself for doing that to him, but he pushed me until I couldn’t take any more.
“You shouldn’t hide it,” his voice is soft as he reaches around me to turn the water off.
He steps out and passes me a towel. I climb out behind him and watch as he grabs a first aid kit and puts it on the counter. I move around him and pull it open to take out what we need.
“It probably needs stitches,” I mumble under my breath as he leans against the counter with his towel hanging loosely around his waist.
“It’ll be fine. I just don’t want it bleedin’ all over my shirt.”
I go about cleaning him up and put a patch over the wound when he grabs my wrist. I look up at him and I can see the heat in his gaze.
“Why do you hide who you are?”
“I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to be someone that can’t control their own anger. I kill. I don’t want to be that girl,” I reply honestly.
Monster pulls my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles.
“You can’t change who you are.”
“I have to. I’m not that person.”
I shake my head and walk back into his room, Monster follows behind me.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why can’t you see who you really are Kyza? You aren’t this little girl that needs to hide out in Paul’s clinic. There is so much more to you. Why don’t you put it to use?”
He’s doing it again and he’s pissing me off. I don’t want to be that girl anymore. I was her, and this is where it led me.
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“So tell me.”
“I don’t want to tell you Monster. Why can’t you just let this go?”
I’m yelling again. I can’t help it. He’s testing me, and I’m losing. I can’t lose.
“Because I saw it Kyza. I fuckin’ see you.”
“You didn’t see shit. Fuck this. Fuck you!” Monster nods his head and moves over to the dresser. He pulls my clothes out of the drawer and throws them to me.
“You wanna act like I don’t know my own fuckin’ kind? Go for it. You wanna play the victim and cry the rest of your life? Have at it. You wanna pretend that the real you isn’t in there? Fuck you Kyza. You know what? You’re right. You’re fuckin’ weak.”
Thirteen
Monster
I don’t regret a lot of things in my life. I’m just me, and that’s the best I can do. Shit happens and there’s nothing I can do about it. Why should I even try? Why should I care? The one thing I do regret is telling Kyza that she was weak. Something flared in her eyes when I told her that. It was deep and painful. I crossed a line with her that night, and I’ve kept my distance ever since.
I still watch her at night of course. I couldn’t let her go that easily. She has a hold on me, and there isn’t a damned thing I can do about it.
“Here,” Grinder says passing me a joint.
I take it and bring it to my lips. I take a long, slow inhale and look around the table when Viking walks in. He doesn’t look very happy and Mason isn’t too far behind. The rest of the guys are already sitting here waiting.
“Got a problem. The shipment from New York was stopped in Georgia,” Viking states looking around the room at each of us.
“Fuck,” the majority of us grumble.
“Didn’t we use one of the box trucks?” I question, looking to Viking for the answer.
“No. We didn’t have time to send it up and there wasn’t enough space in it anyways. These shipments aren’t small,” he answers me.
I nod my head a little pissed off that they got picked up and even more so that they didn’t use one of the trucks Reaper fixed up. False walls were his idea and it was fucking epic. We’ve made so many runs with them and have never had a problem before.
“We need to send someone up there to see what we can do,” Mason adds.
“Who got picked up?” Grinder asks.
“Bones and a few of the prospects. We’ve got the lawyer callin’ about bail. I’m gussin’ that isn’t happenin’ with the amount they were haulin’.”
I shake my head and let out a small breath.
“They get all of it?” Viking chuckles when I ask.
“Fuck no. Bones is smart. He only had half of the shipment on that truck. The other half is waitin’ at the Regency MC. One of Bones’ boys was loadin’ it into a van. Figured splitin’ the shipment was the best idea.”
“Ortega okay with that?”
“Fuck no. That’s the other issue,” Viking adds. “Whoever is goin’ up is gonna have to relay that information to Ortega when they get there.”
“Who’s it gonna be boys?” Mason asks with a chuckle.
He shoves out of his chair, grabs a pack of cigarettes, and lights one up. He glances around, but no one says a fucking word. No one wants to fuck with Ortega.
“I’ll do it.”
The other guys grunt knowing damn well that they don’t want the job. Fuck Ortega. I can’t stand his ass anyhow.
“Fine. It’s on you Monster. It’ll take you a few days to get there and get shit squared away. I’ll be in touch with the lawyer to see what we can work out. Don
’t know how much pull we have in that part of Georgia. Guess we’ll find out soon enough,” Viking adds.
“That’s all we’ve got for now. Grinder, I need you to get in touch with Berk about that coke shipment yeah? Monster you can go ahead and get ready. We’re gonna be in some shit for the shipment bein’ late and on top of that now half of it is gone.”
“That comin’ out of our asses?”
Viking looks to Mason before looking back to me and nodding, “Yeah, I’m hopin’ he takes it from our cut and not your ass.”
I know he’s joking, but I can still see the underlying concern in his statement. Ortega wouldn’t touch me, but he sure as hell would have his men on my ass.
“Thanks for the pep talk,” I throw back giving him a salute.
They laugh and Viking calls it. I push out of my chair, but Viking and Mason stay back watching me.
“What?”
“Sit back down,” Mason says.
I sit back in the chair and wonder what the hell it is that I did this time. When the guys all leave Viking walks over and closes the door.
“What’s this?”
“This shit with the girl. What is it?” Mason asks as he eyes me. I reach forward to grab my beer and bring it up to my lips.
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, come on. We all saw that shit. She fuckin’ stabbed you brother. You really gonna sit there and fuck with me on this shit?”
I smirk and shake my head then set the bottle down to replace it with a cigarette.
“What it is, is none of your goddamned business. I don’t question who you fuck,” I remind both of them.
“She was screamin’ like you were killin’ her,” Viking states.
“She has a past. We all do. Shit got a little heated. That’s all.”
They look between each other and shrug.
“Look, I get your issues brother. I do, but draggin’ some girl down into that mess with you isn’t right.”
“Thanks dad. I can handle her.”
I’m short. Snappy. I don’t want to fight with them on this.
“This fucks you over and it’s on you Monster.”
I nod my head and stand from the chair. I head to my room. I have a new plan that I’m about to embark on. My trip to Georgia just got a little more fun than I had originally planned on. Too bad she doesn’t know that yet. I stuff my bag then pull out my cell to call Paul.
“Did you get shot again?” he asks which makes me smile.
“No. I’m goin’ out of town and I’m takin’ Kyza with me,” I inform him.
“She know that yet?”
“Nope. Figured I’d give you fair warnin’ that she wasn’t gonna be there for a few days though.”
I hear him sigh into the phone, but there is nothing he can say that is going to change my mind about this. She’s going with me. I want more of her. Something in me needs her.
“She’s different you know? She isn’t just some girl you can fuck over and toss Monster,” he warns softly.
“I know doc. I didn’t plan on tossin’ her anywhere. She bailed on me not the other way around.”
“I’m not telling her. You can come by and get her yourself.”
I almost laugh because I can picture her reaction if he had told her.
“I’m headin’ that way in a few.”
Fourteen
Kyza
Paul asked me to go down to the store and grab some more paper towels for the clinic. It was strange that he asked when it was as late as it was. He typically doesn’t like me going out at night. As I’m walking back I nod my head to the music I’m listening to through my headphones. It’s a nice night for a walk.
I’ve asked myself why I’ve stayed here for this long. The plan was always to keep moving, but once I got settled in with Paul I found that I loved Miami. There’s always something happening and that helps to keep me busy.
Our neighborhood isn’t the best, but I can walk right over to all of the clubs and be in the heart of town in the matter of minutes. I can get lost in the crowd and never look back if that’s what I chose to do. Some days I consider it.
I’m walking behind the clinic ready to head back inside when something catches my attention. I see a shadow move and I just react. I swing the bag of paper towels around and it collides with the shadow.
“Did you really think that would hurt?” Monster’s voice thunders through the night.
“You asshole! What are you doing creeping around in the dark?”
“I thought you liked me better in the dark?”
Bastard. I swing the bag and hit him again even though I know it won’t hurt him.
“You’re a prick. What do you want?”
I unlock the door and head inside. Monster isn’t far behind me. I set the bags in the back before I flip the lights on.
“Pack a bag,” he says looking me in the eye.
“Have you lost your mind?”
“No. Pack a bag. You’re comin’ with me.”
He crosses his arms over his chest and just glares at me. I laugh and turn around while shaking my head. I walk into my room and drop onto the bed. I’m exhausted from the day. I lie down, grab my blanket, and pull it up over my body.
“Why don’t you ever listen?”
“I’m tired,” I mumble from under my blanket. “Go away.”
In mere seconds I feel the bed shift and I know that he’s behind me. His words from that night have lingered in the back of my mind. I’ve let them sink in and I’ve thought it over. What if he’s right? What if I really am hiding from who I truly am? That’s not what I wanted. None of this is what I wanted, but it is my life now. This is what I’ve chosen to do.
“You’re comin’ with me,” his deep voice sends a chill down my spine.
I roll over so that my back is toward him. I’m not going anywhere with him after the way he made me feel. I like it too much and that’s dangerous.
“No. I don’t think I am.”
In seconds the comforter is pulled off of my body and Monster has me rolled over onto my stomach. His strong body is pressed against mine as I wiggle to try to get away from him.
“Stop! What the hell?” Monster just keeps me pinned in place.
His lips caress the back of my neck and I find myself almost moaning. I hate him for making me feel this way.
“I said you’re comin’ with me. I don’t give a shit if I have to fuck you into submission or tie your ass to the back of my bike, but you’re comin’,” he whispers as his mouth continues to torture me.
Fucking me into submission does sound good, but there is too much happening inside of me right now. Monster’s hand slips down my side and I let a moan slip out this time. He chuckles against my ear, “Put your hands above your head.” I do so without thought. He growls low in his throat. In a matter of seconds I feel something cold around my wrists. Before I can stop him he’s off the bed. I roll over and my mouth hangs open. He’s handcuffed me and my arms are trapped tight.
“What the fuck is this?” I ask holding my confined wrists out toward him.
“That’s you comin’ with me. I told you that you were comin’. You’re such a goddamn, stubborn, little shit.”
He shakes his head and starts grabbing my clothes and stuffing them into a bag.
“I’m not going with you. For one, I don’t even know where you’re going. Two, you just handcuffed me,” I yell even louder.
Monster doesn’t seem to care. He just laughs and continues packing my shit.
“You need anything else? Girl items?”
I raise my eyebrow at him, “Girl items? Really? You can’t say pads or tampons?”
“Do you need them or not?”
“No asshole. Not yet.”
He grunts and it vibrates through his muscular body. I can still remember what he felt like pressed against me. That high he makes me feel. I swallow hard. My mouth is suddenly dry from just the memories.
“What are you thinkin’ about? Y
ou’re blushin’.”
I look away from him quickly. I don’t want him to see me like that. In fact, I just want him to leave.
“Can you take these off now? Play time is over.”
“Play time has just begun. Let’s go.” He leans down and jerks the cuffs which makes me stand up.
He doesn’t let me go even as I protest the entire way outside. Monster locks the door before he stuffs my pack into one of the bags on the side of his bike. He turns back to me and smiles like an idiot looking like he’s just won the lottery. His eyes drink me in from head to toe and stop on the cuffs before his eyes come up to meet mine.
“You expect me to ride like this?” I ask as I hold the cuffs up in the air.
He nods his head, walks toward me, and lifts me up into his arms. He walks me over to the bike and sets me on the back before he places the helmet onto my head.
“What if we wreck? Huh? How am I supposed to cushion the fall?”
I’m trying everything I can think of to try to get out these things. Monster just laughs and climbs on in front of me. Glad to know I can be a source of amusement to him.
“Put your arms over my head,” he demands.
I think about ignoring him and just risk falling off, but when he growls, yes he growls, I do it. He pulls my arms down so that I’m securely plastered to his back. Never mind that it’s an amazing back.
“What if we wreck?” I ask once more just to be a pain in his ass.
“Then we go down together,” he states simply.
He slides his helmet on and revs up his bike. I tighten my arms around him and find myself strangely okay being cuffed to this man. I would have never thought that, but the way he is with me is something I could find myself getting used to. Monster doesn’t give me the option to stay away from him. It’s the opposite in fact. He gives me space when he feels I need it, but he always seems to come back; like now.
We pull out from behind the clinic and onto the main road. The wind whips around us and I rest my head against his back. His muscles tense, but then he grabs my thigh and gives it a squeeze. I don’t know what he means by doing that. Is he reassuring me, or is this something else? I’m so confused by the feelings I have for him. With everything that has happened in my life it’s hard to differentiate all these new confusing emotions from each other. Some days I feel like I’m still back there; stuck in that house. Some days I feel like a new person, but Monster was right about one thing. I’m hiding who I truly am, and the more I’m around him the more I can feel her in there.
