by Erin Trejo
“The picture you asked me about was him. Ryan. We were together for a few years. He was amazing to me. He did anything he could for me, but he was a traitor. He was working with the FBI to help them make a case against my dad. I overheard my dad telling some of his other guys about it. They were going to kill him. I knew that if my dad went down that I’d go down with him. I was in deep enough with him to know that. One of the other guys, Chase, had a crush on me. I sweet talked him and got all of the information out of him that I could. I knew he was the one that was going to kill Ryan. I asked Chase to give me a little time with Ryan. I was a mess. My head was fucked up, but he agreed.”
“Jesus Christ,” Monster mumbles.
“I went to see Ryan. I hugged him, kissed him, and pulled the gun on him. He didn’t know what to say, just stood there as tears spilled down my cheeks. I remember the look in his eyes. I saw the sorrow. It tore at my heart, but then I saw the betrayal. He knew. He knew what he’d done and he knew I would go down with him. I didn’t get it. I thought we were a good team, but it was a lie. I’d lived that lie for too long. It killed me.”
I shake my head. I don’t want to look up at him, and I don’t have to. He grabs my face and presses his lips to mine. His tongue dances in my mouth and my body ignites. This man pulls every emotion that I have out of me and I’m not sure how I feel about it.
Seventeen
Monster
I watch her in her cutoff shorts and tank top as she’s wading her feet through the water. Her long blonde hair blows in the wind. I can’t take my eyes off her. She gave up a lot of her past last night, but I know there’s more. There’s always more.
I saw the look in her eyes. The sadness, the hurt. It was all clearly visible, but there is more she was holding back. I said I wouldn’t push her, and I won’t. I want her to freely give me what she can handle.
The more I get to know her the more I can see myself in her eyes. It’s scary. I don’t know how to handle it. I want to run. I want to bury my head in the sand and wait for her to leave, but I can’t.
She turns to look at me over her shoulder and tosses me a little wave. I smile back and raise my chin as she goes back to kicking the water. My phone rings and I grab it out of my pocket and answer.
“Yeah?”
“Where are you?” Viking asks on the other end of the line.
“Savannah. What’s up?”
“You takin’ your sweet time gettin’ there?” I huff out a breath and look back to Kyza.
“Somethin’ like that.”
“You know what you’re doin’ with her Monster?” I know he worries about me. That says a lot about him. I need to do what feels right here though.
“I sure as fuck hope so brother.”
“Heard that. Look, when you’re ready and I hope that’s soon because Ortega is about to lose his shit, one of the prospects is out and free to walk. I need you to get to him. Find out why the fuck he’s walkin’ and no one else is. You get me?”
Yeah, I got him. The one thing that is bothering me about that is her. Kyza is going to see me as the monster in her world and I wonder if she can handle me.
“Got it. I’ll get your answers.” I assure him.
“Good. Let me know what info you get. I’m gonna finish payin’ that fuckin’ lawyer and have him meet with you. When do you wanna meet?”
I watch her. I can feel her. She’s the light mixed with the dark. It’s seeping out of her and its calling to me in ways I didn’t think a woman could, but Kyza is a force that seems to be anchoring me to her side. I don’t think I want to let that go. Ever. I shake my head and try to focus back on the conversation.
“Tomorrow mornin’.”
“I’ll text you the address.”
The line goes dead just as Kyza turns and walks my way. Sand sticks to her perfect flesh. I want to take her back to the hotel and wash it all away. I want to make her as clean as possible. I want to bare her sins. I want to carry the weight of them for her. For the first time in my life I think we can make something good between us.
“You look happy,” I tell her when she drops into the sand next to me.
“I am. I didn’t think I’d ever feel that again. I’m starting to,” she answers looking over at me. “Thank you.”
“Let me ask you somethin’ babe. If I was to ask you to be with me, would you? Could you handle that?”
Her eyes dance between mine. Her head is slowly shaking from side to side. She can’t say no. I won’t let her.
“I… I don’t know what to say Monster. You barely know me. You don’t even know everything there is to know about me.”
“I know enough. I know that you match me in every fuckin’ way possible. You’re my fuckin’ other half Kyza. I never thought I’d find someone that fuckin’ mirrors me exactly. I’m just givin’ you a heads up that I don’t give damn what you say that I’m not lettin’ you go. I’m keepin’ you.”
I shove out of the sand and wipe my jeans and stomp back toward my bike. I don’t like this idea. I want her first. Now that I have her I don’t think I can ever let her go. Why the hell should I let her go? We’re good together. She’s slowly letting me in and I’m slowly doing the same.
“You can’t do that. Who the fuck do you think you are?” she snaps.
People are starting to watch us now. I don’t give a shit who’s watching though. I put my hands on my hips and glare at her. I’m trying to come up with the right words here, but I’m coming up blank.
“You have nothing to say?” she challenges me.
Goddamn her!
“That shit right there?” I ask pointing at her. “You fuckin’ push my buttons. You make me laugh. You have any idea how long it’s been since I’ve laughed?”
“So I’m a fucking comedian? That doesn’t mean you get to keep me.”
I suck in a breath and try to steady myself.
“I’ve looked at myself in the mirror every goddamn day of my life. I’ve seen the exact same thing every day.” She watches me. Her lips are pressed together. Her eyes are wild.
“What do you see?” I ask her as my eyes search hers.
“I see the monster they all peg me for. The one they see. I don’t fuckin’ see myself anymore Kyza. I’m not even sure who the hell I am anymore,” I admit.
My chest aches. My mind is a fucking mess. She’s ripping me apart inside. She takes the few steps that separate us and puts her hands on my chest.
“If that’s all that you can see then you aren’t looking hard enough,” she says in a soft, gentle voice. She’s the opposite of everything I am. I raise my hand to tangle it in her hair. I pull her closer to me as I lean down into her space.
“I’ve been lookin’ my whole damn life. How the hell do you show up one day and see it all?” Her lips press into mine. She kisses me slowly before she pulls back.
“Sometimes we can’t see what’s right in front of us. Sometimes it takes someone else to see it for us,” she whispers.
“And that’s you?”
She smiles and shrugs her shoulders. It’s cute how she likes to argue with me, but I always seem to win. She isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
“Yeah. I guess we could try this.”
“You guess? Did you think I was actually givin’ you a choice?”
“Oh, I always have a choice.”
“I gotta tell you somethin’ though. Tomorrow could get ugly and fast. This isn’t just a gun run.”
“Gun run? You didn’t fucking tell me that.”
“I just did babe. Listen, tomorrow I gotta meet a lawyer and get one of the prospects out. They got picked up with the other half of our shit.”
“How the hell is he out then?”
God, I think I could actually love this woman.
“That’s what we’ve got to find out.”
“We?”
“You think you can handle that?”
I watch her eyes light up. Fuck does that make me harder than I’ve ever been. Just
thinking about her helping me, her standing next to me, is more than I ever thought I’d have in my life.
“You’re goddamn right I can. What are we doing tonight?”
“I’m fuckin’ you tonight babe. All over that hotel. First we’ve gotta go meet up with my boys and get the rest of our shipment. If I don’t have it to Key Largo soon the main man is gonna have my ass.”
Kyza grins. I think my heart melts a little.
“I think we can handle that.”
I kiss her once more before I grab her hand and pull her toward my bike and pass her the helmet. She puts it on her head and waits for me to climb on. As soon as I do so she climbs on and holds tightly to me. I like this. Her wrapped around me the way she is, is heaven.
I rev up the bike and drive off. I hit the highways once we are going just on the outskirts of Savannah. That’s close to where the guys were picked up, but it’s also where the clubhouse we are going to is. I don’t like the idea of Kyza going there, but she’s with me, so she’ll be fine. I’d much rather have one of them lay a hand on her so I can gut the motherfucker rather than leave her at the hotel.
When we get to the gate she tenses slightly. I kill the engine and climb off. I drag her with me.
“A junkyard?” She asks looking up at me as I nod.
“Who would look here?”
She shrugs and smiles, but follows along.
“Who the fuck are you?”
I jerk my head around to look at the man in front of us. A cigarette hangs from his lips and a scruffy beard hangs down his chin.
“I’m lookin’ for Mart.”
“You found him. Now who the fuck are you?”
He looks from me to Kyza. He smirks down at her.
“I’m Monster. I’m Bones’ boy. I’m here to get the shipment he had you store.”
He slowly pulls his eyes from her and back to me. He nods while looking at my cut for a name.
“They ain’t lettin’ that fucker out?”
I shake my head.
“Gettin’ a prospect tomorrow.”
“No shit. How’d that happen?”
I shrug and pull out a cigarette lighting it up.
“Gonna find out when I pick the little shit up. This should be fun.”
Kyza giggles next to me. Mart looks back at her.
“You into that shit?”
“Maybe a little,” she replies.
He chuckles and his eyes move up and down her body. The thought of snapping his neck is a strong one.
“Keep your dick over there. She’s mine,” I growl.
Mart jerks his eyes back to mine and nods.
“You need a place to talk to your boy?”
“You got one?”
“Yeah. Right back there. Nice and quiet. No one will hear shit,” Mart tells me.
“Sounds good to me. They aren’t too far out from here. Maybe twenty minutes.”
“It’s yours brother. Use it and just leave the mess. I’ve got a few prospects that can clean it up.”
Yeah that shit isn’t happening. I never leave loose ends.
“Appreciate that.”
“Yeah. Follow me.”
We follow him back to the back of the lot where he points to a van.
“It’s all there. Check it if you want,” he says.
“Nah. If Bones trusts you then I do too.”
Mart tosses me the keys and glances over at Kyza. I didn’t think about how we were going to move the van and my bike.
“Don’t worry. I know how to drive,” she smarts off taking the keys from my hand.
I shake my head and sigh.
“Your mouth is gonna pay for that later,” I warn her.
“I look forward to it,” she grins as she heads to the van.
“We’ve got a trailer if you wanna hook your bike up for the ride back,” Mart adds.
“Hell yeah. I don’t trust the cops with her drivin’.”
He nods his head.
“Gimme a minute and I’ll hook it up.”
I watch him walk away before I walk up to the window. Kyza has it rolled down. I lean in and grab her around the back of her neck and pull her lips to mine.
“What’s that for?” she asks softly.
“You’re mine right? That means I can do whatever, whenever I want for no fuckin’ reason at all babe. Get used to it.”
She smiles and I can’t stop looking at her. We don’t need to talk. The silence is communication enough for both of us. Her eyes are brighter than I’ve ever seen them and I find that I like that. I like seeing her happy and smiling.
Once the trailer is hooked up I load my bike in and usher Kyza to the passenger side. I give my thanks to Mart for handling things for us and head back to the hotel.
Eighteen
Kyza
He looks tense. It’s almost laughable, but then I have to wonder if the man has ever eaten lobster before. Each time he tries to crack the shell he fails. I bite the inside of my cheek to try to keep from laughing, but I fail badly when he picks it up and just throws it.
“Fuckin’ bullshit. Who the hell wants to do all this work just to eat?” He says looking up at me as I laugh. He tries to keep his mask in place, but I see the slight smirk that’s trying to break through.
“It’s not that hard,” I tell him.
“Bullshit. I’m a grown ass man and I couldn’t do it,” he adds.
“You ever eaten lobster before?”
“Hell no. What the hell do I look like? Am I some country club brat?”
I laugh again even louder this time. I could just picture him sitting in a country club.
“You might look hot in a polo shirt,” I protest.
Monster gives me a shut the fuck up look and cocks his head to the side.
“It’ll be a cold fuckin’ day in hell before you see me in a goddamn polo shirt babe.”
“You have to wear one. Just once. I have to see it now,” I push him.
“Like fuckin’ hell I will. You’ve seen more of me than anyone else has. Don’t push your luck.”
His words hit me harder than they were meant to. I know he’s just playing around, but I also know that he’s telling the truth. He doesn’t let people in, but he did with me. He lets me see the bits and pieces of him that I don’t think he’s ever shown anyone before.
“You know I appreciate that, right?”
He looks up as I toss a piece of fish into my mouth.
“What?”
“You letting me see you.”
Monster shakes his head and smiles at me.
“You didn’t give me much of a choice.”
“You make it too easy.”
“Too easy huh? Maybe I need to make you work a little harder for what you want?”
I love this side of him. I love seeing this teasing, playful side. This side of him lets him shine. Don’t get me wrong, I like the darkness in him, but there are so many different versions of Monster. I want them all. I know that he’s slowly giving them to me, and I take great pride in that. Not many people can give you all of themselves. It almost makes me sick to my stomach since I’m not giving him all of me. I still don’t know how to tell him that part of my past.
“Whatever you’re thinkin’ about just leave it be. I can see that look in your eyes. We’re havin’ a good time yeah?”
Shit. He caught me. I look up at him, smile, nod my head, and reply, “The best time ever.”
“The best huh? Fuck I need to up my game then babe. I thought the best time was when I was fuckin’ you into the bed?” I can feel my cheeks flush. I can feel heat rushing through my entire body. He fucking chuckles.
“That’s better,” he nods toward me.
We finish eating in silence before we take a walk along the water. It’s beautiful here.
“When I was growing up I wasn’t really wanted.” I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know if I can handle telling him more of my past. When he gives my hand a reassuring squeeze I find myself cont
inuing. “I think my dad always wanted boys, but he ended up with girls,” I giggle softly.
“You have sisters?” Monster asks while looking down at me.
“Just one. She’s two years younger than me. I wasn’t supposed to happen. Or so I was told. Mom died when we were young. I don’t really remember her. My dad raised us. Well, I guess I should say his men raised us. My dad never really wanted much to do with me. Annie was the better daughter. I saw the way she was treated, but she also followed his rules.”
“So you’re the rebel huh?”
“Yeah. I didn’t like the rules. I didn’t like that the guys were off doing things and getting their hands dirty while Annie and I were to stay in the house and be good little girls. I hated it. So, I’d sneak out and follow the guys around. It was dangerous but thrilling at the same time. I saw them kill someone when I was eleven. It was almost, magical.”
“What the hell does your dad do?”
“Guns, drugs, people, you name it and he’s probably in it.”
“That around here?”
“No. Louisiana.”
Monster nods.
“So you enjoyed it? Seein’ someone die?”
“I don’t know if it was seeing them die or seeing the power the guys had doing it.”
“I get that,” he nods.
“Anyway. Dad knew I snuck out. He didn’t know at first what I was doing though. He found out later on. He didn’t say a whole lot, but once I turned sixteen he started using me as bait. I was pretty and the guys always fell for it, I could lure them in and take them out. It was easy until I met Ryan, he didn’t like me doing that stuff. He wanted to keep me at the house while the guys handled the business.”
“Did your dad know about you and Ryan?”
“No. It was our secret. No one needed to know anything. I thought Ryan liked the rebellious girl that I was. I was so different from Annie. She never once looked at the guys or even spoke to them. Ryan and me, well, it was just crazy. It was like the high of my life. My stepmom hated me almost more than my dad did. My dad didn’t like it when I stopped doing jobs for him. I guess after a while I just wanted Ryan. I just wanted to be happy. You know?”
