The Holy Land: Fanatical Earthling planet assassins are spreading chaos through the galaxy. Is there any nice way to stop them?

by Robert Zubrin

  The Princess sighed.“Poor thing, that was the second time he did that.” She then flexed her toes, causing theAdmiral’s heart to miss a beat. The Princess directed her imperial visage back to the naval officer. “Why don’t you proceed with your briefing, Admiral. Exactly what has happened?”

  Admiral Phillipus swallowed his fear and began to talk in as professional a manner as he could manage. “Yes, Your Divine Majesty. Today, at approximately 0900 hours Universal Time, the merchant ship Esperion in orbit around the 714th District Capital Draco 4 suddenly activated its Hyper Drive, causing destruction of that system. Between then and 0930, the same thing happened in two more systems in the 714th district. At 1020 a Hyper Drive startup alarm went off on a merchanter orbiting Hydra 2, in the 713th. By then however, we had a fleet alert out, and we were able to blast the ship before its engines activated. Since that time there have been no furtherincidents.”

  The Princess looked somber, but not surprised. Apparently she had been told this much already. “Yes, those are the basic facts,” she said. “But what have you adduced about the cause of these events?”

  “May it please Your Divine Majesty, we have traced the course of all four ships involved. It seems that whether by coincidence or other causes, all of them were recently in the Procyon District of the Southern Sector.”

  “I’ve never heard of that District.”

  “Understandably, Your Divine Majesty. It is very small, primitive, and deservedly obscure. However there is one planet in that District that has been in the news a bit recently. It’s called Earth.”

  The Princess nodded. “Ah yes. The jungle planet where the Minervans were resettled. But do we know anything else?”

  “Only this,” the Admiral said. “This is a fragment of an emergency broadcast transmitted by the Esperion right before she blew. One of our warships managed to pick it up.”

  The room darkened, and for the next 30 seconds was filled with the holo of Calliope’s last distress call. After it ended, there was several sec- onds of shocked silence.

  Finally, the Princess managed to collect herself. “So all this destruc- tion was done by savages? How can that be possible? Surely the ships’ Chaplains would have picked up the malevolent thoughts of any pretelepathy subhumans.” She turned to the High Priestess. “Priestess, do you have any indication of the development of telepathic humans in that District?”

  “No, Your Divine Majesty,” Pallacina answered. “All of the planets in that district are extremely primitive. None show any trace of genuine mental development. Some even have maleled governments.”

  The Princess’look darkened. “Eminence, I may be only 22 years old, but I assure you I am not one to be trifled with. Male-led governments, indeed. I’m not a child anymore, you know.”

  The High Priestess looked nervous.“Your Divine Majesty, I was only speaking the truth. Some of them, for example Earth, really do have governments largely led by men. It’s a phenomenon we sometimes find among deviant primitive planets deep in the SouthernSector.”

  The Princess looked astonished. “But that’s absurd! How could they possibly survive?”

  Pallacina shrugged. “Apparently, not very well.”

  The Princess turned back to the Admiral. “Well if they are too prim- itive for telepathy, could they have been given antitelepathy technology by someone? Eegees for example?”

  The Admiral shook his head. “We’ve looked into that. So far we’ve been able to find no evidence for any EGE activity in that region. However Earth has significant reserves of helicity, and consequently a large income stream. A number of the local despotisms have acquired a hefty supply of bluebacks. It seems unlikely that they would be sophisticated enough to do so, but in principle it’s possible that they could have used some of their cash to buy antitelepathy gear on the open market.”

  The province’s Chief Commercial Consul Frondrippus broke in. “Excuse me, Your Divine Majesty, but I think the Admiral is speculating outside his area of expertise. We must not let these attacks make us become so paranoid that we lose essential opportunities for trade with the undeveloped sector. Just because someone has bluebacks doesn’t mean they will use them to attackus.”

  The Princess put a finger in her hair and thoughtfully twirled a lock. “No, but this little‘Earth’place seems to be popping up repeatedly in this discussion. What do we know aboutit?”

  The High Priestess answered. “Not much more than what has been said here.It’s an ultra-primitive planet ruled by a patchwork of perverse male-dominated despotisms. It has very large sources of helicity, which our commercial organizations are currently extracting from orbit and selling on the interstellar market. The planet’s surface was visited several months ago by Ambassador Junea and consul Fedris, who negotiated the required deal and left immediately afterwards. Their report gives the local despotisms an NTIRArating.”

  “NTIRA?” the Princess inquired, a bit puzzled by the colonial trade administration acronym.

  “No Threat. Incapable of Rational Action,” the High Priestess explained. “The only civilization on the planet is a single Minervan set- tlement, New Minervapolis, which has had no difficulty defending itself against the local savages using little more than obsolescent class-8 handheld security devices.”

  “Which supports my point,” Frondrippus added. “If the natives of Earth cannot prevail against a few Minervan settlers, they can hardly be considered a threat to us.”

  “Perhaps,” the Princess said. “But somebody has incinerated three of The Empress’ planetary systems, and outside of Earth, we don’t seem to

  have even a theoretical possibility. Surely someone must know more about that planet than what we’ve heard so far.” She turned to Pallacina. “Eminence, have your people search the Imperial Library Archive for any monographs that anyone may have written about Earth or its inhabitants.” “At once, Your DivineMajesty.” Pallacina leaned back in her chair and

  closed her eyes for several seconds. Then she opened them. “It seems there is one registered text, a Scholar’s Thesis by a Minervan 3rd Class Priestess named Aurora, who is living in New Minervapolis.It’s mostly a psychological work, based on her detailed study of the outer mind of an Earthling male. Would you like me to retrieve the fulltext?”

  “No. I want to speak to the priestess herself. Admiral, would you be good enough to patch in a superluminal holo transmission to this Aurora?”

  Admiral Phillipus was thunderstruck. “But Your Divine Majesty, a superluminal holotrans from here to Earth would cost over a million bluebacks a second!”

  “I’m sure the Fleet Budget can cover it. Now if you would be so kind…” The Princess fingered her pendant string.

  The Admiral was quick to respond. “Of course, Your Divine Majesty. Right away, Your Divine Majesty.”

  The calling bell on Aurora’s holophone beeped persistently in the darkness. Lying on her sleeping mat, the young priestess tried to ignore it by hiding her head under a pillow, but the bell would not be ignored. Finally Aurora gave in and, wearing only her night shift, stumbled out of bed to answer the phone.

  She looked at her bedside chronometer. It was 3 o’clock in the morning. “Now who could be calling me at this hour?” she wondered, and touched the receive key.

  An image of a young woman with auburn hair wearing a blue robe appeared in her living room. The image appeared hazy. Aurora rubbed her bleary eyes, trying to make it become clear. Still, there was only one person on the planet who looked like that.

  “Hi, Danae,” Aurora said. “What’s with the late-night call?” “Greetings, Aurora. I am the Princess Minaphera the 245th,” the image said.

  “Oh, yeah,” Aurora yawned, “and I am Penelope the Wise, the First High Priestess of All the Minervans.”

  “You are being very disrespectful,” the image said in an imperious tone.

  “Right. Look Danae, I don’t know what this is about, but give me a second. I need to get some water to clear my eyes.” She turne
d and walked toward her altar fountain.

  “Halt, priestess. Turn and face me,” the image voice said.

  Aurora stopped in her tracks. Something was wrong. The voice had a Weegeeaccent like Danae’s, but it wasn’t Danae’s voice.

  Aurora turned and saw that the woman in blue was wearing a glowing tiara crown, and that standing behind her now was a very high-ranking WGE Naval Officer and a Weegee Provincial High Priestess. Finally realizing the truth, Aurora threw herself on her knees.

  “Oh, Your Divine Majesty, please forgive me. I meant no disrespect. Ididn’t know it was you. How could I? Who would believe a Divine personage like your glorious majesty would ever call on a humble being like me? Please, I beg your forgiveness. I beg. Ibeg.”

  The image’s voice took on a softer tone. “Rise, Aurora. We under- stand. You are forgiven.”

  Aurora struggled tearfully to her feet and faced the Princess. “How may I be ofservice to Your Divine Majesty?”

  “Are you the Aurora, Priestess Third Class, who wrote the Scholar’s thesis, ‘An examination of the outer mind of a male Earthling protohu- man?’”

  “Yes, Your Divine Majesty.”

  “Then it will please us if you answer our questions.”

  “Well, certainly I will, Divine Majesty. But wouldn’t you prefer to speak with our High Priestess Nendra? I am only…”

  “No. It is you with whom we wish to speak.”

  “Very well, YourDivine Majesty. I am at your service.” Feeling a lit- tle ridiculous in her nightshift, Aurora curtseyed.

  “Aurora,” the Princess began, “in your study of your Earthling’s mind, did you examine his religion?”

  “Yes, Divine Majesty.”

  “Please describe it.”

  “It is called Christianity. It centers on a God who...”

  “A God? You mean a male Goddess?”

  “Yes.”

  The Princess turned to the High Priestess.“This ispreposterous,” she said. The High Priestess shrugged. The Princess turned back to Aurora. “Very well,continue.”

  “Yes, Your Divine Majesty. And I quite agree, their religion is completely absurd. However, as I was saying, according to their mythology, this male God sent his only son Jesus down to Earthto…”

  The High Priestess interrupted. “Excuse me. What did you say was the name of their God’s only son?”

  “Jesus,” Aurora answered.

  The Princess, the Admiral, and the High Priestess exchanged significant looks.

  “And what does the expression ‘Jesus is Love’ mean?” the High Priestess continued.

  “It is a victory chant, comparable to the ‘Love Conquers All’ slogan of the Centrals during the last war. It is frequently pronounced by their zealots right before they launch a suicide attack.”

  The three Weegees turned to face each other.

  Aurora asked, “Shall I continue to describe their religion?”

  “No, just stay as you are,” the High Priestess replied. Aurora waited patiently. It was clear they were engaged in telepathic conversation about something important, but mind impulses did not carry across superluminal transmitters.

  Finally, the Admiral turnedto face her. “Aurora, do you love and revere the Empress Minaphera and the Western Galactic Empire?”

  “Yes sir, I do.”

  “Why?” the Princess asked. “You are not one of our subjects”

  “Divine Majesty,”Aurora replied,“theWGE saved my life and those of mypeople. If you need my help,” she held up three fingers. “For Reason, Love, and Justice,” she pledged. “Everywhere and Forever.”

  The Admiral returned her salute by raising three of his own fingers, and nodded his approval. “Very well,” he said. “We need military information. What military technology do the Earthlings have?”

  Aurora shrugged. “Just primitive things. Projectile weapons, poison gas, biotoxins, chemical and nuclear explosives. Nothing much.”

  The High Priestess asked, “Do they have any telepathic abilities?”

  “Absolutely none. Mentally speaking, they are all as helpless as infants.”

  “But do they have any antitelepathy technology?” the Admiral inquired.

  “Certainly none of their own,” Aurora said. “But an incident that occurred here yesterday leads me to suspect that they may have gotten their hands on some.”

  “Explain,” the Admiral said.

  “Five of the savages managed to walk right past our people and poi- soned nearly half our fish farms. There was at least a 6th class Priestess in every farm. I don’t see how that’s possible unless…” Aurora stopped talking. While telepathy did not function through the superluminal transmitter, she had long ago developed a keen eye for observing the facial expressions that went along with various thoughts. It was clear that her information had made a dramatic impact. But certainly the Weegee worthies were not upset about the Minervan fish farms. Something much more important must have occurred.

  “What has happened?” she asked.

  There was a moment of silence from the other end. Then the Princess spoke.

  “It would seem that the followers of Jesus have evaded our security screeners as well. Three star systems have been destroyed. Two hundred billion people are dead.”

  Aurora’s eyes went wide with horror. “Holy Minerva!” she exclaimed.

  The Princess continued. “The situation on Earth is obviously com- pletely out of control. Accordingly, the Western Galactic Empire will now undertake rectification measures. A squadron will be dispatched to Earth. It will arrive in about a week. Priestess Aurora, since you have pledged loyalty to the Empire, I expect you to assist us in our inquest. Please prepare to transport up to our flagship upon its arrival. Bring your Earthling specimen with you. That isall.”

  The transmission ended and the holoimages disappeared.

  Aurora looked at the statue of the gray-eyed Goddess of Reason and Wisdom that was the central adornment of her living room. “Minerva help us,” she whispered. “Help us.”

  Chapter 11

  “This is Kolta Bruna for the Galactic News Service.” Hamilton sat with Aurora, Danae, and Freya in the open air café watching a holotheater broadcast of the latest from the GNS. He looked around the café plaza. No other Earthlings were in evidence, as under the new laws they were banned from this area. However, as long as he was under Aurora’s direct supervision, his presence was tolerated.

  The broadcast continued.

  “I’m here in Washington DC, the capital of the United States of America. The USA is the principal chiefdom of the Earth, and the one which has suffered the most from the Minervan invasion.”

  “I’m looking out upon a large public area set amid the principal shrines of the city.”

  The holo showed a huge crowd partying on the Capital Mall.

  “The people here have turned out in vast numbers to celebrate the destruction of Draco 4 and two other Weegee provincial star systems.”

  The image now panned among the crowd, showing images of people defecating on effigies of the Western Galactic Arm, and then dancing on their manure, trampling it into the face of portraits of the Empress Minaphera, which were laid on the ground for this purpose. The people in the crowd wore tee shirts and hats bearing the slogans“Jesus isLove,” and “Death to the WGE!” A rock band blared out a celebratory beat, and everyone danced in time with its tune chanting;

  “Kill the Weegees!

  Kill the Weegees!

  Death to the West Galactic Empire!

  Kill Minervans!

  Kill Minaphera!

  Death to the West Galactic Empire!”

  The image returned to that of Kolta Bruna. “The feeling of exhilara- tion in this crowd is overwhelming, as they rejoice in the fact that after so many months of one-sided oppression, someone has struck back at those who are supporting their Minervanoppressors.”

  “No doubt some will use these images to place the blame on the poor Earthlings for the recent tragedie
s in theWGE’s Draco District. But let us ask ourselves, who really is to blame? Can anyone believe that the Earthlings would have become so enraged as to attempt such desperate measures if they had not first been subjected to the torture of Minervan occupation? And who can believe that the WGE would have become a target for their frustration if it had not maintained a consistent one-sided policy of support for the Minervans, whatever their crimes? So who can blame these poor people, in using the only effective means at hand to call the attention of the Galaxy to theirplight?”

  “In the wake of the August 11th tragedies, there will be those who advocate the easy path of punishing the Earthlings. But is it not obvious that these poor benighted primitives are the victims in all this? Isn’t it clear that in responding to the August 11th tragedy, the civilized nations of the galaxy need to take a broader view of the affair than that represented by the crude impulse to exact revenge against these underprivileged creatures whose lives are so hard already? Rather than strike back against these simple beings for what we perceive as their misdeeds, should we not consider punishing those who caused their desperation, those who should have known better, and whose brutal violation of all the codes of civilization were the ultimate cause of thisdisaster?”

  “And if we do not address the cause of the Earthlings’ misery, rather than its symptoms, will we not only have ourselves to blame, should such tragic events berepeated?”

  “This is Kolta Bruna reporting for the GNS.”

  As the broadcast ended, Danae turned to the others at the table.

  “There may be complex causes,” she said, “but those who committed this evil deed will be punished.” She looked at Hamilton. “So, what do you have to say for your people now, Sergeant Hamilton?”

  Hamilton gulped. The auburn-haired Western Galactic junior diplomat appeared to be as merciless as she was beautiful.“Please, Danae. Tell your people that we are not all to blame. Punish the guilty, yes. But spare theinnocent.”

  Danae’s smile was crushing. “The Empress is always just.”