by Marci Bolden
First time? Where had that thought come from?
His alarm blared again. This time, Dianna jolted. Paul stretched over her again, silencing the obnoxious sound.
“Good morning,” he muttered.
“Mmm,” she moaned. But a second later, she gasped and sat up. “Shit! I didn’t go home last night. Sam is never going to let me live this down.”
“Hey,” he called, but she darted from the bedroom and was down the hall, flipping on lights as she went, before he could even think of what he should say. She was holding her phone when she reappeared.
“Get dressed,” she said. “I have to be to work in an hour or Annie will kill me.” A moment later, she put the phone to her ear. “Hey, Sammy. I am so sorry. I’m at Paul’s. We fell asleep.”
Paul glanced at her, and she rolled her eyes.
“Not like that,” she told her son.
Paul grinned as he imagined the sarcasm Sam was giving her. He stood up, and Dianna turned her back to him. He glanced down and, without an ounce of shame, realized he’d slept in nothing but his underwear. Even so, he opened a drawer and found a pair of house pants.
“Were you okay last night?” A moment later, she sighed heavily. “Sam, it wasn’t like that. I’ll see you tonight.”
She ended the call and shoved her phone into her pocket as she glanced back at Paul. “How are you doing?”
He pulled a T-shirt on, and she seemed satisfied that she could face him again.
“I need you to take me home. Like, now.”
“Why don’t you just take my car?”
“How will you get to work?”
He raked his hand over his hair. Even that inflicted pain on him. “I’m pretty sure I’m taking the morning off. Can you pick me up on your lunch break and we’ll get your car?”
“Are you going to be okay by noon?”
“Yeah. Um, I don’t remember much about last night, but I seem to recall making you cry.”
Dianna exhaled slowly. “You were drunk.”
Damn it. “That’s no excuse. What did I do?”
“You said our friendship is a façade.”
“Shit, Di, I didn’t mean that.”
She worked her lip between her teeth for a moment. “If you do—”
“I don’t.”
“But if you do,” she said firmly, “you need to tell me. I deserve to know where I stand with you, Paul. I deserve the truth from you.”
He nodded his agreement, even though it hurt like hell to do so. If anyone deserved his honesty, it was Dianna. Crossing the room, he stopped in front of her. “I’m telling you the truth. I don’t think this is a façade. I don’t remember what I said last night, but it was the alcohol and the emotion talking. It wasn’t me. I’m so sorry.”
She looked down. “It’s just… I don’t know up from down anymore. Just when it seems like things are getting better, they fall apart again, and things have been getting better. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
“I know that feeling.” He put his finger under her chin and lifted her face so he could look into her eyes. “I’m—”
“Don’t apologize. It’s done. I just… I don’t want to count on you if you’re going to disappear once you can stand on your own.”
Paul smiled as he brushed her hair from her face. He didn’t think he could walk away from her if he wanted to. “That’s not going to happen. We haven’t known each other for long, but I care about you, Dianna.”
She gave him a slight smile. “I care about you, too.”
“Whatever I said, please believe it was my reaction to the divorce. Not to you.”
She nodded. “I have to go. I can’t be late.”
“Go. But, Di?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t dwell on this all day. Don’t let my stupidity ruin your day.”
“I won’t.”
“Okay.” He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “I’ll see you for lunch.”
“Go back to bed. You look like hell.”
“Thanks.”
She laughed quietly and then turned to leave.
Paul stood, not moving, until the front door closed. Dropping his head, he exhaled heavily. The fog of sleep and alcohol was still clouding his mind, but it wasn’t lost on him that he’d awakened far more concerned about upsetting Dianna than about his divorce. Running his hand over his hair, he pictured her bright blue eyes looking up at him, her body beneath his, and wished more than anything else that their evening hadn’t been ruined by his drunken stupidity.
Chapter Eleven
Dianna smiled brightly as she stepped aside and let Paul in. “Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas. Wow, it smells good in here.”
“I’m glad you agreed to come for dinner.” She took his coat and hung it up while he set a present on the table next to the door. “I made way too much food, as I tend to do.”
“Are you sure it’s okay with the boys that I’m here?”
“Yeah. It’s fine.”
That may have been an exaggeration. Sam refused to believe that Dianna and Paul weren’t dating. Jason, on the other hand, scoffed and rolled his eyes whenever Paul was brought up. Apparently Dianna wasn’t supposed to even date—not that she and Paul were dating—despite the fact that Mitch was now engaged.
She had threatened Jason’s life if he was rude to Paul and Sam’s life if he even hinted at his suspicions of their relationship status—which he shared relentlessly after Dianna accidentally fell asleep at Paul’s house. A night she tried not to think about too much, and not just because her son liked to embarrass her. Whenever she thought too much about how Paul had wrapped himself around her, she tended to blush and her heart would start racing.
Paul followed her into the kitchen, where she was finishing up dinner.
“Do you need help with anything?” he asked.
“You can take those dishes to the table.”
As he carried a casserole dish out of the room, she pulled her phone from her pocket and sent a text to Jason, who was on the other side of the house.
Come eat. And be nice!
As Paul returned to carry another dish out, she whipped the boiled potatoes with milk and butter. She pulled the rolls from the oven, put them into a basket, and carried the dishes to the table. She smiled when she saw the three men in her life chatting. Jason even looked moderately tolerant of Paul. She sat at the table as they started passing food, and peace washed over her for the first time in months. Not just a sense of peace, but real peace, real contentment. It had been a wonderful day. The boys had been thrilled with the presents Paul had helped her get and had even gotten her presents in return, which had never happened before.
They felt like a family despite Mitch’s glaring absence. They’d laughed and torn into presents and had a huge breakfast, just like they had done every year since they were old enough. She’d thought of Mitch but was able to push him from her mind and focus on happier things. Now, as she watched the boys fill their plates and Paul once again complimented her on how good dinner smelled, she realized she was happy. The emotion took her completely by surprise and brought a surge of tears to her eyes. She tried to blink them away, but Sam hesitated in handing her the potatoes.
She put a spoonful on her plate and passed the dish to Paul.
“I’m okay,” she whispered when he, too, looked at her with concern.
She watched as they dug in and must’ve gotten lost in the moment, because Paul reached under the table and put a hand on her knee, squeezing it gently. She looked at him and smiled before picking up her fork and stabbing at her ham. They all laughed at the story Sam was telling, and by the time dinner ended, even Jason seemed relaxed. It was more than Dianna could have asked for, more than she had expected from her first Christmas as a divorcee and single mother.
She wanted to reach out and take Paul’s hand in hers, she just had the urge, but as she did, she recalled her insistence that there was nothing going on
between them. Instead, she gathered her dishes and stood. “Anybody ready for dessert?”
“We have to head out if we’re going to get to Grandma’s on time,” Jason said bitterly, causing Dianna to pause and look at him. “I guess we can’t put off meeting that woman forever.”
Sam turned his attention across the table to Paul. “Any tips on how to survive your ex-wife?”
“Toss her something sparkly to distract her.”
Dianna raised a brow at Paul. “Don’t encourage this.”
Paul put his hand to his chest as if offended. “What did I do?”
“Look,” she said to her kids, “you may not be happy about this situation, but you can’t change it. Don’t make it worse than it is. This”—she waved her hand—“woman is going to be your stepmother eventually. You may as well get used to that.”
“Fat chance.” Jason pushed himself up.
She didn’t argue. She had done all the defending of Mitch that she felt obligated to do. She watched them leave and then carried a stack of dishes to the kitchen.
“Well, today wasn’t as bad as it could have been,” she said when he followed her, carrying two dishes. “I was afraid Jason was going to glare at you the entire time.”
He grinned. “I bought him off.”
She creased her brow as she snapped tops onto the containers for storage. “How so?”
“While you were finishing dinner, I gave them both gift certificates to the game store at the mall.”
“Paul!”
He laughed. “Hey, it worked. Are you okay? You kept fading during dinner.”
She put the food in the fridge and faced him. “I was just thinking that I’m okay. I’m actually, really, honestly okay. And I’m glad you were here.”
“Me, too.”
They finished cleaning up from dinner and then headed to the living room. Dianna pointed at the last wrapped present under the tree. “You want to open that?”
He followed her gaze. “For me?”
“Mmm-hmm.”
He hurried to where he’d left her present and carried it to the tree. “Come on.”
Dianna walked across the room to sit with him in front of the tree. She grabbed the box she had wrapped for him. “You first.”
He opened the box and pulled out a CD of mixed jazz music and a small handmade booklet. He opened the booklet and chuckled. “Coupons.”
“Magic coupons.”
He flipped through the computer-printed slivers of paper. “Good for one eggplant parmesan. I like that. What else did I get with these? Lasagna. Laundry. Awesome. You know I hate doing laundry.”
She chuckled. “You’ve told me. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t afford to get you something better.”
“No.” He smiled sincerely. “This is great. This is perfect. This is better than anything you could have bought. And this CD…” He looked over the back. “Some of my favorites are on here. I love it.”
“I hope so.”
“I do. Open yours.”
She pulled the big box onto her lap and couldn’t stop her smile from spreading as she tore it open. She lifted the top off a box, pushed the tissue paper aside, and pulled out a plush, teal-colored robe.
“Your other robe looked like it deserved to spend the rest of its life in retirement.”
She giggled as she thought of the old tattered garment that had been given to her on Mother’s Day when the boys were still in elementary school. “It’s seen better days.”
He pulled her to her feet and held the robe open while she slipped her arms into the wide sleeves. She turned and folded the front closed and then tied it with the sash.
“Lovely,” he said.
“I like it. It’s very…” She stopped speaking when she shoved her hands into the pockets and felt an envelope in one. Pulling it out, she looked at him with confusion.
“Oh, that? That’s actually for both of us.”
She tore the envelope open and found two season passes to the community theater. “Paul,” she breathed.
“You said you wanted to spend more time at the theater. I enjoy shows as well, so…”
“This is amazing. Thank you.”
He shrugged. “That means, of course, that you have to take me.”
“Oh,” she teased, “I’ll try to work you into my rotation.” She untied the sash around her waist and laid the robe over a chair. “I made pie.”
“Not yet. I’m stuffed.”
They plopped onto the sofa, and Paul kicked off his shoes while she grabbed the remote control. She turned on the series they’d started binge-watching on Netflix, and they sat quietly through the episode.
“Hey, Di,” he said quietly before she could start another.
“Hmm?”
“There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.”
His tone seemed to indicate that he wasn’t looking forward to whatever it was he planned to say. She sighed.
“What?”
Suddenly the front door opened and then slammed shut. She and Paul jolted and turned toward the entryway.
Sam stormed up the stairs without a word to them. Jason came in behind him, opening and closing the front door much more easily than Sam had. Dianna stood with Paul beside her, looking curiously at her son.
“They’re getting married,” Jason said, sounding like he could barely speak.
Dianna creased her brow. “We knew that.”
“On New Year’s Eve. At the stroke of midnight.”
Dianna’s breath left her in a rush, like she’d been punched in the gut. Paul put his arm around her shoulder, and she leaned against him for support.
“They want us there,” Jason said. “Sam made it pretty clear we had better things to do.”
Dianna opened her mouth, but she couldn’t speak. No words came out. Her mouth just gaped and stayed that way.
Jason looked away. “I’m going to check on Sam.”
He left the room before Dianna turned to Paul. He looked as shocked as she felt. Just when she was doing better. Just when she was content.
A tear fell from her eye, and he wiped it away. When his own tear ran down his cheek, she reached up as he had done and dried it. Using his hold on her head, Paul pulled Dianna to his chest and wrapped her in his arms as they dealt with another blow from their exes.
“So,” Matt said, handing Paul a beer. “How’s it going?”
Paul took a long drink as he looked at the television. Matt had shown up at his door under the pretense of wanting to watch the football game, but Paul didn’t need Matt to tell him the real reason he was there. He’d stopped responding to Annie’s phone calls. He was tired of reassuring her that he was fine. She didn’t believe him, but surprisingly, he actually was doing okay.
It was Dianna he was worried about. She’d finally seemed to be doing well. She’d said she was okay on Christmas, and he thought she really was. Then Jason dropped the bombshell, and it was like her feet had been kicked out from under her again.
Swallowing a mouthful of cold brew, he nodded. “It’s fine, Matt. Just like I told your sister.”
“Our sister. And Annie isn’t the only one worried. Donna thinks you’re in denial about how upset you are.”
“Because I’m not wallowing in self-pity?”
Matt smirked. “You have a way of doing that.”
“Screw you.” Paul lifted his hand in frustration as his team lost the ball. “Idiots.”
“You seem to be handling things well.”
“Because I am. You know, I have friends for these kinds of chats.”
“You also have family,” Matt reminded him. “And we were finally starting to see you on a semi-regular basis, but the last few days, you’ve gone back into hiding.”
“I’m not in hiding.”
“She’s getting married, Paul. In a few days. That’s gotta sting.”
Paul took another drink. “You know what, Matty? It does. But I finally figured out that Michelle’s behavior has nothing t
o do with me. She’s shallow. She’s narcissistic. The sting I feel is more at my own stupidity than the lack of affection she felt for me. She’s going to do to this guy the same thing she did to me. Wrap him up, turn him around, and then leave him for the next thing that comes along. It’s what she does.”
Matt nodded. “I’m glad you see that. How’s Dianna handling it?”
Paul sighed. “Not well. She’s trying to be strong for her kids, but she’s pretty torn up.”
“And, uh, how do you feel about that?”
“What do you mean, how do I feel about it? I don’t want to see her hurting, if that’s what you’re getting at.”
“How do you feel about her being torn up that her ex is getting remarried?”
Paul set his beer down. “I hate that he can still break her heart like that.”
Matt was quiet for a minute. “Is she heartbroken?”
Paul nodded as a gloom he couldn’t quite explain settled over him. “Yeah. She seems to be pretty devastated.”
“That sucks, huh?”
“Yeah, it sucks. She doesn’t deserve what he’s put her through.”
“No, I mean… If she’s devastated, that means she still cares about him. If she still cares about him, she’s not ready to move on, and if she’s not ready to move on…”
Paul eyed his brother. “What?”
Matt took a long swig from his bottle. “Just…don’t get invested in a woman who isn’t ready to invest in you. That’s all.”
Paul sighed and returned his attention to the television. “I wish you and Annie would stop trying to put Dianna and me in a relationship. We know we aren’t ready. Neither one of us has even tried to go there, and we aren’t going to. So just…drop it.”
He glanced at Matt, who was giving him a look like he didn’t believe a word he was saying.
“Drop it,” Paul said again.
Chapter Twelve
The week after Christmas had been an emotional blur. Dianna had gone from angry to depressed to perfectly fine and then went through it all again, over and over. Somehow, though she wasn’t quite certain how, she had ended up in a crowded ballroom at the local casino on New Year’s Eve with a pilot named Mike giving her googly eyes while she scanned the faces for Paul.
