by Marci Bolden
“I didn’t want you to sell it, so I bought it. I was going to tell you Christmas Day, but then Sam and Jason came in.”
“Paul, that’s too much.”
“No, it’s not.”
“It is.”
“It wasn’t about the money. It was about you not having to lose anything else to that man. He has taken too much from you already.”
“I’ll pay you back.”
“No. I did it because I wanted to.”
Dianna rolled onto her side. “Why?”
He creased his brow. “Why what?”
“Why are you being so good to me? You don’t owe me anything.”
He hesitated but then ran his hand down her arm. “I owe you everything. I would be a mess without you. Happy New Year, Di.”
She smiled. “Happy New Year, Paul.”
Dianna woke up to Paul pressed against her back. She cleared her throat and moaned miserably as she reached for the phone to check the time. Almost ten. Shit. She put the phone down, debating if she should get up or sleep for a few more minutes, when it rang.
“Hey, Sam,” she answered quietly.
“Guessing you’re with Paul?”
“Yeah.”
“You sound like shit, Ma. Did you party or what?”
She looked over her shoulder. Paul was still asleep behind her. “We just stayed up too late.”
“Spare me any details, okay?”
“Sam.” She didn’t have it in her to argue with him about how she and Paul were just friends. She cringed at the memory of the night before and the realization that she probably couldn’t honestly make that assertion anymore. “How was your night?”
“Dad sent a text at about ten asking if we were showing up at the ceremony.”
Dianna closed her eyes and exhaled slowly, bracing herself for tales of her husband’s—ex-husband’s—wedding.
“I told him no. I mean, I’d told him that when he made his big announcement. But anyway, guess what?”
“Hmm?”
“He backed out.”
Her eyes shot open, and she winced at the ache it caused throughout her head. “What?”
“Nobody showed up, at least not on Dad’s side.”
Dianna shouldn’t smile. She shouldn’t laugh. But she couldn’t help the giggle that sneaked out, and a smile spread across her parched lips. “Oh, no.”
“Dad sent me a text saying he was disappointed in me. I replied that I was even more disappointed in him. He didn’t respond.”
“Oh, Sam, that wasn’t nice.”
“Screw him, Mom. He doesn’t get to shit on our lives and expect me to support him.”
“I know, honey. It’s the way he is.”
“Anyway. I was just checking in since once again you didn’t come home or bother to call and let me know where you were. That gives me two freebies, you know…”
She closed her eyes and rubbed them. “And I’m sure you’ll use them between now and the end of summer.”
“Most likely. When are you going to be home?”
“I don’t know. If you need me—”
“I can change my own diapers.”
“Then I’ll be home later this afternoon.”
“Hey,” he said before she could hang up. “I don’t care if it’s wrong. I’m glad he didn’t marry her.”
“Bye, Sam.” She ended the call and looked behind her.
Paul was now on his back, but he was still asleep. They’d have to check out of the room soon. She needed to wake him, but she didn’t. She rolled onto her back and lay there, replaying the night before through her mind. Midnight, in particular. She’d thrown herself at Paul. Wantonly. Without a care for what the morning would bring. Thank goodness he’d had enough sense about him to stop where they were headed. He’d been right. She would have regretted it.
“Was that Sam on the phone?” he asked sleepily, pulling her from her humiliating thoughts.
“Mm-hmm. You won’t believe what happened at the wedding.”
“The earth opened up and swallowed the happy couple?”
“Nobody showed up to see Mitch get married, so he called it off.”
Paul laughed softly. “I bet she had a fit.”
Dianna chuckled as well. “We shouldn’t laugh. That’s not right.”
“It is right. It’s well deserved.”
“Maybe.” They were quiet for a few moments before she rolled away.
“Where are you going?”
“The bathroom.”
“Come right back.”
Dianna closed the door and used the toilet. She sighed at herself in the mirror as she washed her hands. She splashed her eyes, rinsed away some of the residual makeup that she hadn’t bothered to clean off the night before, and then brushed her teeth.
Feeling somewhat refreshed, she walked back into the bedroom and collapsed on the bed. “I feel horrible.”
“Me, too. Are you hungry? We should have time for room service before we have to check out.”
“Sure.”
“Order pancakes and sausage,” he said, getting up. “And gallons of coffee.”
She called in their order and then curled under the covers.
Mitch hadn’t gotten married. Why had that lifted her spirits so much? Vindictive pleasure in knowing he must be miserable? Or was it something else? She certainly wasn’t expecting him to come back to her. And if he did, she’d tell him to get lost. Or at least she hoped she would. She deserved better than the way he’d treated her. She deserved to be treated with respect and consideration, the way Paul treated her.
When the bathroom door opened, she forced her focus onto her phone, scrolling through her social media feed as he pulled his slacks on. There were tons of pictures of people celebrating the New Year, but the one she stopped on was her own. Paul and her before the drinking began. She hadn’t noticed, at least not too much, but they actually made a good couple.
“Did you order?”
She lifted her brows in question. “Hmm?”
“Breakfast.” He fell onto the bed.
She looked at him and stuttered for a second. “It should be here in a few minutes.”
He tucked a second pillow behind him. “How do you feel about them not getting married?”
“I don’t know. I was just trying to sort that out. I’m glad they didn’t, but I don’t know why. I think it’s a bit vindictive.”
Paul exhaled loudly. “I can’t help but smile a little as I picture her face when he told her he wasn’t going to marry her. Of course, unless they split over this, it’s just a postponement. They’ll get married eventually.”
“Yeah, but knowing they were just as miserable as we were last night makes me feel a little better.”
Paul nodded in agreement and drew another deep breath. “So…about last night. Are we going to analyze what happened or just chalk it up to alcohol and let it go?”
“I don’t know. What do you think?”
“We were hurting, and we crossed a line that we shouldn’t have.”
She worked her lip between her teeth for a moment. “I worry that it will change things between us. We’ve managed to become really good friends, but…”
“But if we kissed once—well, several times—it’s bound to happen again?”
“It usually works that way.” She drew a breath, trying to get a reading on how he felt about that.
He smirked. “And here we are having sleepovers in hotel rooms.”
She laughed, but she didn’t break away from the uncomfortable gaze between them. “If you hadn’t stopped things last night…”
“Yeah.” Paul was quiet for a few seconds. “I have this really bad habit of jumping in with both feet and worrying about the consequences later. I forge ahead and never realize what’s going on around me. I did that with my first wife. I did it with Michelle. And, if we’re honest, I’m doing it with you.”
“Yeah, you are. I’m not complaining.” She smiled. “But I think maybe we�
�ve probably traveled into relationship territory without realizing it.”
He nodded. “And we have no business being there.”
Dianna sighed, disappointed that he wasn’t more open to exploring what they could be together, even though she agreed that it probably was a terrible idea.
“I have this mixed up kind of co-dependency. I need to take care of someone to feel complete. Not that I don’t care about you or want to look out for you, but…it might be more selfish than I realized. You know?”
“Annie told me about how things were after your mother passed.”
He lifted his brows, clearly surprised. “She did? Why?”
“I think she just wanted me to have a better understanding of who you are, probably to avoid this very situation that we are finding ourselves in.”
He seemed to consider her words. “She thinks it’s her fault that I’m like this.”
“Like this? You say it like it’s a bad thing, Paul. It’s not. Looking out for other people isn’t a shortcoming.”
“It is when I take it too far. And I always take it too far. I pushed Michelle away—”
“Don’t. Please don’t. She’s a selfish bitch, okay? If she weren’t, she wouldn’t have gone after a man who had a family. She wouldn’t have hurt you and me and my kids. You’re a wonderful man, Paul. You really are. It wasn’t you.”
He looked up at her. “Well, it sure as hell wasn’t you either. When I’m with you, everything feels so easy, so right. I feel like we could be great together. But we’re still tied to them, whether we want to be or not. We can’t consider any kind of relationship right now. We’d just hurt each other.”
“I know.”
“I feel like a jerk for kissing you and then—”
“Hey, I kissed you, too.” She sighed heavily. “So what should we do? Just forget last night? Pretend it didn’t happen?”
“Can you do that?”
She forced a smile to her face. “You’re a pretty good kisser, but yeah, I think I can get over it. But there is one small issue that we keep brushing aside.”
“What?”
“There is an attraction here, and if we keep letting our guard down, something is going to happen. Is that because we’re moving toward something or because we’re convenient to each other right now?”
Paul ran his hand over his face and exhaled loudly. “Honestly?”
“Honesty would be great,” she whispered, even though she was starting to dread his answer.
A sweet smile curved his lips. “I’m so attracted to you I’m about to lose my mind. You’re amazing. Inside and out. Pulling away from you last night was damn near torture, but I have to take time to figure myself out. So do you. We have to finish this process of grieving and moving on before we drag anyone else into our misery.”
She nodded. “You’re right. Despite how much I wanted to be with you last night, he was on my mind. You deserve better than that.”
“We both do. I don’t know when we’ll be ready, but it isn’t right now, and I don’t want to lose you because of this.”
She smiled and took his hand. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Paul jumped up when room service knocked on the door, and Dianna exhaled slowly, forcing out the overwhelming sense of disappointment their conversation had stirred.
Chapter Thirteen
Dianna slammed the bill folder shut and rubbed her eyes. She had one more week until payday. She could make it. It would be tight, but she could make it. She was just so damned tired of trying so hard all the time. Everything felt like a struggle now. She had bills that were due by the end of the week. Bills she couldn’t pay. Luckily she’d managed to get caught up with what Paul had paid her to redecorate and the money for the piano so nothing was going to get shut off. At least not this month.
She hated living like that, but she didn’t seem to have much choice in the matter. Which brought her back around to the thing she avoided thinking about until the first of every month rolled around. Her mortgage payment.
Though her car payment had decreased significantly, she still was struggling when the house payment was due. Even though Annie was paying her significantly more, she didn’t make enough to ever get ahead. She was living paycheck to paycheck, and the house took much more than its share. As much as she hated to admit it, it was time to let her home go.
She could still remember her and Mitch’s excitement when they moved in. Stonehill was an up-and-coming suburb of Des Moines. It was quite the coup to say they lived there. The house had been perfect. As soon as they’d stepped inside, she’d looked at him and he’d smiled at her, and she knew he felt the same. It was the perfect place to spend the rest of their lives. Rubbing her eyes, she silently insisted she wasn’t going to cry.
“Hey, Mom,” Sam said when he walked into the kitchen.
“I didn’t think you would be up yet.”
“I have to work in a bit.”
She searched her mind, trying to think of the best way to break the news to him as he fixed himself a bowl of cereal. “Hey, Sam?”
“Huh?”
She swallowed against the tightness in her throat. “Remember when I said eventually I was going to have to sell the house?”
Sam glanced at her as he yanked the refrigerator door open. “Well, I never really liked this house anyway. The neighborhood sucks. It’s full of thugs.”
Dianna laughed softly as he talked about the friends he’d grown up around, the ones he still hung out with. “I’ve heard that.”
“Well, you work for a real estate agent now, so I bet they can get us a kick-ass deal on a new place.”
“Yeah, I bet.”
He put the cap back on the milk after topping off his cereal. “You know, I’m going to be gone to school soon. You don’t need this big house anyway. You need something small that you can take care of. I bet you can sell this for enough to pretty much pay for a new house. You won’t have to”—he shrugged—“you know, stretch things so far to get by.”
She sank her teeth into her lip as he sat across from her. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For not being better at this.”
“Don’t do that. Okay? You’re doing fine.”
She swallowed hard, pushing her emotion down. “Thank you. I need to hear that every now and then.”
“I have a couple hundred in the bank—”
“No.”
“Just to help out—”
“No. I appreciate the gesture, Sam, but I’ll figure it out. You’re going to need that money when you get to school.”
“Okay. But, you know, I’m the man of the house now, so…let me be the man.”
She chuckled as he puffed up his chest and returned to his usual goofy persona.
Kara collapsed on the sofa next to Dianna. “Why didn’t you come to yoga?”
“Did you just let yourself into my house?”
“Yes. Why didn’t you come to yoga? You haven’t come for weeks. The old biddies have been chomping at the bit to hear about your date with Paul.”
“I got busy. I didn’t think they’d mind.”
“What’s going on, Di?”
Dianna curled her hands farther around her coffee mug. “What isn’t going on?”
“Is this about Mitch?”
“He didn’t get married.”
“What?”
Dianna shook her head. “Nobody showed up so he backed out.”
Kara snickered. “Serves him right.”
“I almost slept with Paul, though.”
Her grin fell. “Almost?”
“We kissed. A lot. There was a little groping and grinding.”
“Nice,” Kara teased.
“Yeah. But then he pointed out we were drunk and would regret it later. So we just passed out in a hotel room, and when we woke up, extremely hung over, we agreed that maybe someday but not right now. And that friend of his who bought the piano?”
“Yeah?”
&
nbsp; “There was no friend. Paul just didn’t want me to sell it.”
“Wow. So chivalry isn’t dead, huh? Any other news from the last three days you’d like to share?”
Her lip quivered. “I’ve decided to sell the house.”
“Oh, baby,” Kara said softly. “I’m sorry.”
“I can’t keep putting it off. It’s like a rock around my neck dragging me down.”
“You’ll find something great.”
Dianna nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure. What about you? How was your New Year’s?”
She smiled. “Oh, you know. Harry and I just stayed in. Alone.”
Dianna snorted. “You two are too much.”
“You were missed at yoga, though. I think your love life has become the glue that keeps that group together.”
“Oh, God. That’s so sad.”
“Iris, that’s Greek lady number one, the one right next to me, says that if Paul doesn’t see what’s right in front of him, he’s a vlaka. I had to look that up—it means idiot. But, Karme, Greek lady number two, says that if it is real love, it will bloom in its own time and neither you nor Paul can push it. She also says her son Theos is a great catch. He’s a chef at their restaurant and would cook for you every meal. That would be a nice change of pace, huh?”
“They really talked about this?”
“Yes, for the last two Saturdays. Today, Elle, the woman beside you, said that you probably weren’t at yoga because you and Paul had finally hooked up and you couldn’t stand to be away from him. I told her I didn’t think so, but then I come here and you tell me you almost slept with him. How did that happen?”
“Um, about five or six martinis and a shattered heart at the thought of my husband marrying someone else made me think throwing myself at Paul would be a good idea.”
“But you said you guys kissed.”
She nodded. “We did, and then he pointed out it was very, very bad of us to do that.”
Kara frowned. “Well, that’s rude.”
“But he was right. Then he told me that he bought my piano and he wants me to keep it.”
“Which is romantic as hell.”
