by Kate Brian
"This Friday? Yes. I think I can make that. I have been meaning to come see you play."
"Great! It's at five on the field behind the school."
"Good," her father said. "I look forward to it."
After he left, Debbie launched herself onto her bed, bouncing up and down as she reached for her phone. She dialed the voice mail number and hit the button to listen to her messages.
"Hey, sexy, it's Danny. I need my weekly Debbie fix, babe. Where ya been? If you're not doing anything tonight, I was thinking we could try out my parents' water bed--"
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Ordinarily she would've liked a message like that, but somehow now it gave her a strange feeling she couldn't quite place. She erased the message before listening to the rest, then hung up the phone. She hadn't spoken to Danny since his little snicker fest with his friends at the library last week, and she wasn't about to start now.
If she had any real shot with Riley, she was going to have to avoid the likes of Danny Brown.
But what was he saying about me? Debbie wondered, unable to keep the thought from coming. What has he been telling people? "It doesn't matter," she said out loud. Her father was coming to her game on Friday, and she and Riley and the rest of the club had had a lot of fun this afternoon. There were more important things to focus on than Danny Brown and his ego issues.
Debbie yanked open the drawer to her bedside table and pulled out her black velvet notebook. Danny had a whole section to himself at the back, where she kept a rundown of all their times together. She grabbed her red pen and wrote in big scrawling letters at the bottom of the last entry: I WILL NEVER FOOL AROUND WITH DANNY BROWN AGAIN. She underlined it three times. Then she tossed everything back in the drawer and slammed it shut.
Debbie got up from her bed and picked up her book bag. She had a regular old calculus test coming up and she knew she should go over her notes, but the very
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thought of doing more math right then took her mood down yet another notch. There was always her purity essay to work on, but she was definitely not in a defending-her-chastity kind of mind-set. Not with Danny's voice still echoing in her head.
She glanced over at her sewing machine and the edge of her father's suit that was sticking out of her sock drawer.
Dropping her bag, Debbie sat down behind her sewing table and pulled out the silky fabric. If there was one thing she could get lost in, it was sewing, and if there was a moment to get lost, this was it.
"So, in conclusion," Mandy said, forcing herself to smile at the fifteen obviously bored faces before her, "I think I have a lot of great ideas, I know I have a lot of energy--"
Lies, lies, lies, Mandy chided herself.
"And if you elect me president of this V Club, I will do everything possible to make you proud. Thank you."
At least that's over, Mandy thought as everyone politely applauded her speech. She plopped down into the chair next to Eva's, feeling exhausted. Her entire day had been leading up to this moment, and now that it was over, all she wanted to do was pass out.
Eva smiled an encouraging smile at Mandy as Kai stood up to give her own speech. Mandy settled back and tried not to let her irritation show on her face. She wanted to appear happy, unconcerned, confident. Unfortunately,
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those traits that used to come so naturally to her were in short supply of late.
"I'll make this short and sweet," Kai was saying. "This club isn't about being a virgin, it's about making choices--choices that are right for us, choices that will shape our lives and the people we become. This club is about letting people know that there are things worth believing in, that we believe in ourselves."
An uncomfortable sensation of dread spread its way through Mandy's veins and she shifted in her seat. She saw Debbie flash an impressed glance in Riley's direction. Melissa Bonny was nodding and had a slight smile on her lips. Eva looked riveted.
The room burst into applause for Kai's speech-- much more enthusiastic than their response to her own. Mandy found herself staring at the linoleum floor, blinking quickly to keep the unshed tears from spilling down her face.
Kai was on edge. Yukio had been put down for the night, and her parents were on their way out for their weekly alone-time dinner. Andres was in the kitchen, getting what must have been his seventh snack of the night, while Kai sat on the couch in the living room, dreading the moment the door closed behind her mom and dad. She and Andres, alone in the house together for the first time. The possibilities were endless.
Uncomfortable silence was one, a nice long talk about
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their past another--neither of them at all appealing right now. But Kai refused to retreat to her bedroom like a little girl. This was her house. She was going to sit her ass in front of the TV and watch Friends reruns, dammit.
"Good night, Kai," her mother said. She lifted her hair while Kai's dad slid her jacket up to her shoulders. "Be good."
"Aren't I always?" Kai replied.
Her mother and father both smirked as they walked out, closing the door firmly behind them.
"Do you want anything?" Andres called.
"No!" Kai shouted back.
Two seconds later Andres walked in, carrying an impossibly large sandwich, a bowl of chips, and a bag of Double Stuf Oreos. Kai lifted the remote and turned the TV up to an uncomfortably loud decibel. When Andres sat down on the couch again, he was a good foot closer to Kai than he had been before he got up.
Just keep yourself and your big stupid sandwich out of my personal space.
"I brought these for you--just in case," Andres said with a smile, holding out the bag of Oreos. "They are your favorite--yes?"
"Thanks," Kai said tersely. She grabbed the bag from him and dropped it on the coffee table.
"Did I do something?" he asked.
"Why are you trying to be nice to me?" Kai snapped. She hated how defensive she sounded, but she couldn't help it.
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Ever since Babs's little speech on Saturday, all the old wounds were reopened and felt fresh and painfully new.
"I thought we were friends," Andres said.
"That's a laugh," Kai told him. And then she scoffed for good measure.
"I do not understand you, bonita. If this is about my first night here, I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I will not touch you again."
Kai fumed silently, clenching her teeth. There were so many things she wanted to yell at him, she couldn't even get them straight. Her leg started to bounce up and down violently.
"Unless you want me to."
Andres reached out and touched her shoulder with the tips of his fingers and Kai jumped up from the couch, elbowing him in the nose.
"Are you kidding me?"
"What?" Andres looked baffled. "I don't understand what you want."
"I want you to leave me alone," she said.
"Where does this come from? You and I are old friends, Kai. We shared something very special. We should be able to cherish that"
Kai rolled her eyes. "What a load of crap. I can't believe I ever liked you!" she shouted, her anger bubbling over.
Andres, however, was clearly unaffected by this statement. He spread his arms across the top of the couch
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and looked back, his chin raised. Kai had once been attracted to that confidence. Now it just infuriated her.
"I recall that you did a bit more than like me," he said.
"Oh, really?" Kai said. She crossed her arms over her chest as her face burned.
"I recall that you made love with me," he said.
"Yeah, and I recall you never even wrote back to me."
Kai blinked. She hadn't just said that. She hadn't just said the one sentence she'd always promised herself she would never say. What was wrong with her tongue?
"Kai, I thought about writing back. I did. But we were in two different countries. Why fool ourselves? We could not have anything."
"I know this,"
Kai told him, scrambling for a way to save face. "Let's just drop it."
"No. I will not just drop it," Andres said, getting up and crossing the room to her. "We could not have anything then, but that does not mean that we can't have a little fun together now." He patted the seat next to him. "Come sit by me."
"Andres, go to hell," she said firmly, her heart pounding.
"What is wrong with you?" Andres asked, his frustration finally coming through.
She glared at Andres and set her jaw. "I want you to go," she said.
"What?" he blurted, his expression dumbfounded.
"This is my house, and I want to watch TV, and I don't
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want to be in the same room with you," Kai told him.
Andres just stared at her for a moment, confused. "Kai, please. I have no desire to be enemies with you."
He sounded so sincere, it caused a pang in Kai's heart, but she didn't let it affect her. She needed a victory here, even if it was just a tiny one. Finally Andres grabbed his food and trudged off to his temporary bedroom.
Kai sat down on the couch again, fuming, just as her show went to commercial. She couldn't believe the extent to which Andres was able to get under her skin. She wasn't going to let him make her regret her past. She'd learned from it. She'd moved on. Why did he have to come here and try to drag her back into those emotions, those sensations, those moments she had tried so hard to put behind her?
Okay, focus on something else. Don't let him get to you like this. Kai grabbed the phone off the coffee table and punched in Mandy's number. If she couldn't sort through all these Andres-related feelings at the moment, maybe she could at least rectify the Mandy situation. She had to take control of something in her life.
The call connected and Kai heard Mandy fumbling with the phone. "Hello?"
She was crying. Kai's heart twisted up tight.
"Mandy? What's wrong?"
"Kai, I'm gonna hafta call you back," Mandy said through her tears.
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"No, wait What's going on? Are you okay?"
"No. Not really," Mandy said. Then she hung up. Kai hung up, too, then hit redial. She grabbed the TV remote and muted it, but it was a pointless move. The line was busy. She hung up again and tried Mandy's cell. "Hi! This is Mandy! Here comes the beep!" Kai leaned back, took a deep breath, and tried to think. Whatever was going on with Mandy, she obviously didn't want to talk about it right now, but Kai was not going to let this go. The V Club issue aside, something was going on with someone she genuinely cared about, and whether or not Mandy had been giving her the cold shoulder lately, she had to try to help her. Kai picked up the phone and dialed again. "Hello? Debbie's House of Couture!"
"Deb," Kai said flatly, "we have a situation."
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Chapter 12
Mandy pushed her macaroni and cheese around on her plate with her plastic fork, her head rested against her hand. As usual, the cafeteria buzzed with gossip. Only now everything she heard sounded so ridiculous. "I called him on the phone, but he e-mailed me back. Does that count. . . ?"
"Are you going to go to Devon's party tonight? I want to go, but I'm worried my ex will be there. . . ."
"She's prancing around in that stupid jacket. Did you see that? God! She thinks she's just so . . ."
"Do you think my hair looks okay? Because I think I might have overconditioned it last night. . . ."
Mandy wished her life could be that simple again.
"Mandy?"
It was Eva's tentative voice. Mandy put her fork down
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and looked up. Her head felt heavy and she waited for the dizziness to pass.
"What?" she said.
Eva looked at Kai across the table and Kai looked at Debbie. Mandy's heart thumped with foreboding. There couldn't possibly be more bad news.
"What?" she said again.
Debbie lowered her voice. "Mandy, we're worried about you."
Mandy blinked against the spotlight that was now trained on her. This was so exactly what she didn't need right now. "What do you mean?" she asked, trying to sound nonchalant.
"You look so tired. And you haven't been eating," Debbie said, her eyes darting to Mandy's plate. "And Kai said that when she called you last night, you were crying. ..."
Mandy scowled at Kai, who didn't even have the decency to look away.
"Plus everyone's noticed you've been off your game," Kai added.
Mandy suddenly felt her anger bubbling up again. "Oh, thanks a lot," she snapped. "It's good to know that everyone's noticed. What do you want to do, give me some pointers?"
Eva paled as if she'd just been slapped, and it only irritated Mandy more. What the hell? Couldn't she even vent a little without everyone getting all shocked?
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She was so sick of playing the goody-goody all the time.
"That's not what I meant," Kai answered, shaking her head. Something about it made Mandy feel like she was about four years old.
"We just want to know if everything's okay," Eva said gently. "If something's wrong, you can tell us."
"Is it Eric?" Debbie asked.
"Like you'd really care if it was. You'd love it if we broke up," Mandy said.
"Mandy, what is wrong with you?" Debbie asked. "You don't even sound like yourself."
"Maybe that's because everyone is ganging up on me!" Mandy felt a sob well up in her throat. "And, God! What does that even mean? What do I usually sound like?"
"Not like this," Kai said, staring at her plate.
"Oh, no, of course not!" Mandy said. "Because perfect little Mandy Walters never says anything negative. She never says how she really feels."
Eva shifted in her seat. Mandy was starting to attract attention from other tables. "Mandy--"
"Well, here's a news flash," Mandy said, standing. "This is how I really feel."
She grabbed her backpack off the back of her chair and headed for the side door of the cafeteria, her heart pounding so fast she was almost tempted to dial 911 on her cell. She didn't even know where she was going, and somewhere in the back of her mind she knew she could get in trouble for traipsing across the school grounds in
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the middle of a class period, but once again, Mandy didn't care. How could her friends have ambushed her like that? They had no idea what was going on in her life.
"Mandy!"
It was Eric. She kept walking. She didn't want to talk to him. She didn't want to talk to anyone.
"Mandy, come on!"
He jogged to catch up with her and held both her shoulders. He looked deep into her eyes, and suddenly the sobs exploded from her body. She could hardly breathe. She could hardly think straight.
Eric hugged her to him. He ran his hand gently over her hair as she sobbed uncontrollably into his chest, leaving a puddle right in the middle of his shirt.
"I . . . can't. . . take . . . it. . . anymore," Mandy heard herself say. "I just want everybody to leave me alone."
But even as she said it, she wrapped her arms around him and held him tight.
"Well, you're in trouble, then, 'cause I'm not going anywhere," Eric said softly. He kissed the top of her head, and the tightness in Mandy's chest lessened ever so slightly. "Everything's going to be okay," he said. "Whatever it is, it's going to be okay."
Mandy sniffled, squeezed her eyes closed, and wished she could believe him.
Eva's entire personal torture list was in upheaval. For the first time in years, she had two new tortures vying for
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number one: waiting to be interviewed and staging unsuccessful intervention on a best friend.
Of course, once she got in there in front of the panel, they were both sure to be bumped for another contender being interviewed.
"Are you okay?" Riley asked her. He leaned forward on the couch they were sharing, trying to get a better look at her face.
"No," Eva replied. The fewer syllables she uttered, the better. Her sweat
y palms were pressed into the cotton fabric of her skirt. She was sitting on the edge of her seat, her spine ramrod straight, rocking forward and back ever so slightly. She couldn't stop thinking about the way Mandy had fled the cafeteria earlier that day. And whenever she tried to stop thinking about it, all she could think about was getting into the conference room and vomiting all over the panel.
There was a panic attack in her near future. She could tell.
"Okay, I think you need to breathe," Riley said, concerned.
"It's not like I'm not trying!"
And then the unthinkable happened. Riley put his hand on her back and slowly started to rub circles into her gray sweater. Eva, if possible, became even more rigid.
"Breathe in . . . breathe out. . . breathe in . . . breathe out. . . ," Riley said in a low soothing voice.
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Eva hazarded a glance in his direction and saw that his brow was knitted over his eyes and he was watching her very intently. She followed his direction, breathing in slowly and out slowly, and gradually she felt her back start to relax. Her heart rate went from extremely dangerous to only mildly alarming. Eva inched back slightly on the faux-leather couch in the guidance office waiting room.
"See? You're gonna be just fine," Riley said, removing his hand.
He was wearing a tie and jacket. He looked like a junior investment banker. Eva had never even imagined Riley in a suit. It was going to add a whole new layer to her daydreams.
Of course, those had been harder to dwell on now that Debbie always entered, unbidden, right before Riley kissed Eva. Before Eva could stop her brain, she was envisioning Debbie grabbing Riley and sticking her tongue down his throat.
Eva looked at Riley's profile. Did he like Debbie? Had he kissed her yet? Were they really studying together, or was his time with her spent doing the same things Debbie did on her other "study dates"? God she really wanted to know, but she knew she would never have the guts to ask.
"Maybe we should try talking about something else," Riley suggested. "Are you going to Devon's tonight?"
"Doubtful. You?"
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"Yeah, I'll probably check it out. Let off some steam. You should show."
Eva stopped breathing again. Was Riley asking her to go?
