Max moved to the coffeepot. “Did they make your tea?”
“Yes, thank you.”
Just like that, she felt out of place, like she didn’t belong. Or maybe she’d always felt that way and she’d convinced herself she felt a part of this group of women. “I’ve had a wonderful time baking with you all. But I should go. I have...” She hesitated. “Stuff. I have stuff to do.”
“Stay. Please,” he said. His hand on her arm was warm, his expression kind. No, more than kind. The look in his chocolate-brown eyes hinted at something and it frightened her, that look. It spoke to something deep inside her, something unfamiliar. A longing for someone.
She wanted to go but she didn’t. Her heart yearned to be here in the midst of this family.
And it took her by surprise.
* * *
Max had forgotten that Sierra would be joining them. It had taken him by surprise, walking in and seeing her in the kitchen with the women of his family.
She faced him with her own astonishment. Her eyes widened and she wrung her hands in the apron tied around her waist. His gaze settled on the smudge of flour on her cheek. Someone cleared their throat and he realized he was staring. Still, he couldn’t drag his attention from her softly freckled cheek and that dusting of flour.
Nonni clapped her hands together. “Okay, let’s eat!” she said. “We have so much to do this evening. We have to decorate the tree, finish our pastries and Max must teach Sierra our wedding dance.”
“Oh, I don’t think so...” Sierra started. “I’m not much of a dancer.”
“Oh, nonsense, we can teach anyone to dance. Come, come, let’s set the table. Sierra, will you fill glasses with ice? For you, I’ve made the American tea.”
“Oh, thank you.” She looked around, a little lost, maybe overwhelmed.
“I can help,” Max offered. After all, he was the one who’d invited her here. He’d put her in this situation where she looked as much like a cornered rabbit as any person he’d ever met.
Nonni’s brow scrunched. “Max, you never help in the kitchen.”
“Nonni, I’m never here to help. I’m very proficient in the kitchen.”
She gave him a look that older women know how to use so effectively. Right before they dropped the bomb. “Oh, yes, of course. You’re a bachelor, without a woman to take care of you. I see that you must cook or eat at restaurants.” She shook her head as she looked at Sierra. “I pray for this one to find a wife but what woman wants a man who works all of the time.”
“Nonni, if you’re praying, maybe you should trust that God can handle my bachelorhood.”
She laughed at that, her dark eyes twinkling. “Yes, smart one, I do trust God. He always has a better plan than mine.”
“I love you, Nonni.” He kissed her cheek then opened the cabinet to show Sierra where the glasses were kept. They were shoulder to shoulder and she smelled good, like baked goods, floral perfume and tea.
“You invited me but you looked surprised to see me here,” Sierra said in a soft voice as they pulled glasses from the cabinet.
“I forgot, but I’m also surprised you actually came.”
“I surprised myself,” she admitted, handing him glasses that he filled with ice.
They soon carried the glasses with ice to the table. After setting a glass at each plate, he found himself next to her again. This time he couldn’t resist. He wiped the smudge of flour from her cheek. She blushed furiously.
“You had a little something there,” he said.
“And you waited until now to tell me?”
He glanced down at the dog that had joined them. “I was somewhat afraid of your guard dog.”
She smiled, the gesture making her hazel eyes seem lighter. “I don’t think he knows how to guard. He’s a companion. That’s all.”
“I’m glad you have him.”
She reached to pet the dog at her side. “So am I.”
His family joined them, bringing dishes from the kitchen. Then they stood around the table, joining hands. His father blessed the meal and they all sat down to eat. In typical St. James fashion, the conversation resembled a tennis match with comments volleying back and forth.
Sierra was mostly silent, taking it all in, Max noticed.
After dinner, Nonni stood. “Your mother and I will wash dishes and you young people may do as you wish. Sierra, before you leave, I have pastries to send home with you.”
“What young people are you talking about, Nonni?” Max asked as he started gathering plates.
Nonni pointed at him. “You. Melody. Sierra. She is a guest and we have worked her too much.”
“I enjoyed myself,” Sierra assured his grandmother. “I got to spend time with your family and learned new recipes. Thank you for including me. I do have to be going soon.”
Nonni gave Sierra a quick hug. “I’ll get a container of pastries for you to take home. Max will show you the house while you wait.”
Max agreed to guide Sierra through the downstairs of the house. The living room was newly decorated. While it was the living room of his childhood, the remodeling process had changed it. The memories hadn’t changed. Of past holidays...family gatherings... The night the police had brought him home after he’d crashed his car into the school... His father’s disappointment... His mother’s tears...
“Seems like the Christmas decorating has already started,” he stated unnecessarily.
There were candles, a Nativity scene and other decorations already scattered about the room. A sprig of mistletoe had been left on the table. Melody’s doing, he was sure.
“Have you been able to reach out to your contacts about coats?” Sierra asked, dragging his attention from the mistletoe.
“I have,” he said. “There are several organizations willing to help buy coats. I actually meant to talk to Melody about that. I think she and other teachers, as well as some local church groups, are taking down sizes, ages, names. I’ll get that list in the next few days and send it to those groups so they can begin to buy the coats. They want to include hats and gloves, also.”
“That’s wonderful!” Melody exclaimed as she entered the room with her mother and grandmother.
Nonni immediately handed a container of pastries and one of leftovers to Sierra. That was his nonni, always trying to feed people.
“The timing’s going to be tight, but I think we can pull it off.” Max told his sister, his attention slipping to Sierra because she was moving toward the door after hugging his mother and grandmother.
“I should go. But thank you all for including me.” Bub seemed to pull a little on his leash and gave the door a meaningful glance.
“I hope you’ll come back soon,” Max’s mother said, giving Sierra another quick hug.
“I’d like that.” Sierra’s hand was on the doorknob.
“I’ll walk you to your car,” Max offered.
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to.” He reached past her to open the front door.
On the porch, she stopped. “What are you doing?”
He knew what she meant so he didn’t bother pretending he didn’t. They were merely two people on a committee together, thrown into each other’s lives by a series of events that no one could have predicted. He was only in Hope for the holidays. And yet he found himself doing things he couldn’t have predicted. Like taking time to walk this woman to her car.
“Max?” Her softly worded question tugged him back to the present.
“I’m not even sure.”
“At least you’re honest. I need to walk Bub before I put him in the car.” She headed down off the porch.
They allowed the dog to lead them around the yard. The moon was bright, lighting up the lawn, the fields, the barns. Bub sniffed the air and tugged a little on the leash. Sierra issued a soft command and he r
eturned to her side.
They stopped at the far edge of the lawn. Somewhere in the distance a coyote howled. Bub gave a soft warning bark.
Sierra paused to look up at the inky sky that held millions of stars. The air was cold and she shivered.
Max patted the mistletoe in his pocket.
“I saw you take it,” Sierra said.
“What?”
“The mistletoe.”
He studied her face and he saw that she was unsure. He didn’t want to take advantage.
“I did take the mistletoe,” he confessed. “And then I realized that was cheating. When I kiss you, Sierra—and I will kiss you—I want it to be mutual. I want to know that it’s what you want, too. I want you sure of whatever it is that’s happening between us.”
“I saw you take the mistletoe, cowboy,” she whispered, “and I’m still here.” Her hand touched his cheek, her skin cool, her gaze searching.
He didn’t bother with the mistletoe. He leaned in, brushing his lips against hers. She kissed him back, her hand sliding to the nape of his neck. Bub growled low, bumping against Max’s leg as if to disrupt things.
Sierra smiled into the kiss and then pulled away, cool air taking up space between them as she moved farther from him.
“Thank you,” she said.
“Thank you?” He couldn’t remember ever being thanked for a kiss.
“For this night, for your family, and for reminding me that I am definitely a woman and I’m alive. And I can be held by a man and not fear it. You have no idea what that means to me.”
“You are definitely alive and I want you to know, I will never do anything to hurt you.”
“Not on purpose,” she said.
“I hope not even by accident.”
His words pulled a sad smile from her and she kissed his cheek. “I have to go now. Please don’t walk me to my car and please know that I’m not upset with you.”
“Okay.”
“Good night, Max.”
Then she was gone and he stood there in the circle of bright moonlight wondering at the gift she’d just given him and worried that he would definitely hurt her.
That was the last thing he wanted to do.
Chapter Ten
The room was dark and she couldn’t breathe. Sierra fought against the unseen enemy and struck out. Then she was awake and a cold nose pushed against her face. Bub crawled up against her and she feared she’d been hitting at the dog. He didn’t seem at all hurt by her. He rested his head on her shoulder and she wrapped her arms around him, finding comfort in his presence. Her breathing slowed. The nightmare faded.
Bub stayed next to her as gray light began to ease its way into the room, signaling the start of another day.
“You know you’re not supposed to get on the bed,” she reminded the dog. Bub whimpered and crawled closer.
“Don’t push it, Bub.” But she wrapped her arms around the dog, allowing him to do his job for just a moment longer. And it worked. Her fears evaporated and she knew that this was her room in Hope, that she was not alone in a prison cell. “I think we’re going for a run.”
Bub looked skeptical.
A few minutes later she was ready and Bub, after a bowl of kibble and some water, appeared to be eager to go. She left a pot of coffee and a container of blueberry muffins for Glory.
Cool December air greeted her as she stepped out the front door to stretch. Bub snuck a look at the front door as if he was rethinking this run with her.
“I promise I’ll make it up to you,” she told him as they started down the driveway. “Just a short run.”
She needed the reality of the cold air, the pavement and the sun coming up on the eastern horizon. She needed to watch the morning sky change from gray to pink, pale orange, lavender and then blue. In the light of a new morning she found hope. His mercies were new every morning.
Morning meant she was alive. Morning held the promise of another day, another opportunity. Each day was a gift.
“I’m alive, Bub.”
The dog gave her a quick look but he seemed to know that he was in for the long haul. He paced himself next to her as they headed out on the open road with nothing but fields on either side.
Cattle, curious by the presence of a human, moved to the fence row to watch her jog past. Bub let out a low woof. She laughed at the dog, at the cattle, at her own flash of optimism, of joy. She hadn’t expected to feel so good, not after the nightmare.
Maybe it had to do with Christmas being less than three weeks away. Or maybe it was because the nightmare hadn’t been real. New memories were edging in. She kept running, just the sound of her feet, a panting dog, a tractor in the distance as someone moved hay for their cattle.
Max St. James had kissed her. She’d kissed him back. She tried to remember the last time she’d wanted that man to kiss her. Last night she’d definitely wanted to be kissed by Max.
As a teen she’d wanted so desperately to be loved. She’d found nothing but heartbreak. For the past ten years she’d avoided relationships, choosing to focus on herself rather than to find a man to fill that emptiness. And now, here was Max.
She kept running. The town was a good twenty-minute run from Mercy Ranch. It was a run she’d made several times a week for the past few years. Especially when the nightmares crept in, when the past threatened to steal her peace. The peace she’d found at Mercy Ranch.
In the distance she could see the intersection that led to town. She slowed her pace, giving her heart time to slow. She took the right turn onto Lakeside Drive where it was obvious Christmas was weeks away. Star-shaped lights had been hung from the streetlamps. Stores were decorated. The church had set up their Nativity on the lawn.
The city had added a new sign: Embrace Hope in Hope.
A car slowed behind her. She glanced back and smiled at Kylie. She slowed to a walk. The car pulled up next to her and the passenger window lowered.
“You’re out early,” Kylie said. “Going to Holly’s for breakfast?”
Sierra stopped walking to catch her breath. Bub sat next to her. She had a dog. A very tired, panting dog. Loyal, he was also very loyal for sticking with her on this run.
“Can I go to Holly’s with Bub?”
“Of course you can. He’s a service animal. Are you okay?”
Sierra straightened, stretched, ignored the question, stretched some more. After a deep breath, she nodded. “I’m good. Meet you at Holly’s.”
Kylie gave her a careful look. “You don’t want a ride?”
“Nope. I need to cool down.”
Sierra and Bub walked the block to Holly’s. There were already cars lined up in front of the building. Cars, trucks and even a tractor. She’d grown up in Cleveland, so she was still amused by the sight of a tractor in town, parked in front of the local café. Occasionally there would even be a horse or two tied up to a light pole.
She entered with Bub at her side. No one really seemed to notice the dog. A few people waved. Someone called out to her that she made the rest of them look bad. Kylie waved from a table near the window. Isaac’s wife, Rebecca, was with her. Sierra didn’t dislike Rebecca but she didn’t know the other woman that well, even though they had been roommates for a time when Rebecca had first shown up in Hope to start a salon and day spa. Sierra didn’t share stories or do girl-talk the way most women did. It was just easier to keep to herself.
Rebecca pushed a full glass of water across the table for Sierra. Sierra sat down, reaching for the water. Bub stretched out on the floor, probably wishing for his own glass of ice water. She wondered if Holly would bring the dog a bowl of water.
“Good to see you, Sierra, but I have to go. I have an early perm at the salon.”
“See you later.” Kylie stood to hug her sister-in-law.
“Sierra, I’ll see you later. And I’ve se
t out a box at the salon to collect gifts for the Christmas event. Do you want me to bring them to the ranch?”
“Oh, I’m not in charge of Christmas at the Ranch,” Sierra clarified.
“But you are on the committee,” Kylie reminded her. “With Max St. James.”
The last thing she wanted to think about was Max. Or their kiss. She felt her cheeks heat up and knew she had to be turning a horrid shade of red.
“I’m sorry,” Rebecca said. “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot.”
“You didn’t,” Sierra said quickly, because Rebecca was kind and helpful and it wasn’t her fault that Sierra suddenly couldn’t keep her thoughts focused. “I am on the committee and if you want to bring stuff out to the ranch, that would be fine.”
“I also have some things for the Lakeside Manor nursing home. Several of my clients have donated small throw blankets.”
Sierra must have looked confused because Rebecca continued to explain.
“It’s a mess up there with the new management. Gladys Adams is at Lakeside for a brief stay, rehabbing her shoulder, and the staff is under strict orders to curtail the holiday festivities for residents.”
“I think I did hear something about that. And didn’t Gladys fall off a horse?” Sierra asked.
“I hope I’m still riding horses at eighty,” Kylie said with admiration.
“You will be,” Sierra said. “So, yes, Rebecca, definitely bring what you have for the Christmas at the Ranch event. And find out about the nursing home gifts because I’d be willing to donate something.”
Rebecca left, Holly brought tea and a bowl of water for Bub, took their orders and then left them to talk.
“This wasn’t a normal run,” Kylie stated after the café owner walked away.
Sierra looked over at a table of men, one being Kylie’s husband. Dr. Carson West had been estranged from his father, Jack West, but he’d returned a few years ago and had taken the job as the local physician. Then he’d married his childhood sweetheart. Kylie.
“Are you sure you don’t want to join your husband for breakfast?” Sierra urged. Because she didn’t want to talk about her nightmares.
The Rancher's Holiday Hope Page 10
