The movie ends all too quickly. The last thing I want is to go home and miss time I could be spending with her. I check my phone and see that it’s only nine. There’s plenty of time to watch another movie.
“Do you want to watch another, or are you too tired?”
“We can watch another.” Her smile lights up her face, but her eyes are heavy. I know she’s tired. Maybe she just doesn’t want this night to end either.
“What do we want to watch?” Liam chimes in.
I almost forgot he’s here. My mask slips back in place more easily than I’d like it too. My face is void of any emotions, my gaze hardened and intense. I hate that I can't be myself around my own friend but I'm not sure how to do it.
I’ve played the part of the broody football player for so long that it makes me uncomfortable acting differently around anyone but Frankie. I guess it’s because Frankie has never seen that side of me, it’s easier to be my old self around her.
“Can we watch Heavyweights?” Frankie asks nervously. I choke on a laugh and end up making a weird sound. Laughter fills her eyes when she glances up at me. We used to watch Heavyweights every single movie night. We’d curl up on the couch together, her back to my chest, most nights we’d fall asleep like that. Our parents always let us sleepover the other persons house, they didn’t care, they knew we were safe. I’d give anything to have a night like that again.
“We can watch whatever you want, Kiki.”
Regret fills my veins, moving quickly through my body when she stiffens at my old nickname for her. When we were younger, she hated having a boy’s name. She always wanted a more girly name. One time I called her Kiki as a joke and it stuck. Her parents ended up using the nickname too. I didn’t think about the fact her dad probably still called her Kiki. I'm sure she’s remembering him right now.
“I’m going to run to the bathroom before we start the next one.” Liam stands and stretches his arms over his head, completely oblivious to Frankie’s break down next to me.
“It’s down the hall on the left.” I say trying to get him to leave faster. Luckily, the lights are off so it isn't as easy to spot the tears streaming down Frankie’s cheeks. I don’t want to hear Liam go on and on about how all I do is make her cry.
The last thing in the world I’d ever do is try to make her cry. The problem is, all the memories I have of her and me, remind her of her dad. I want to make new memories with her, ones that won’t make her cry when she thinks of them.
“Come here, baby. I didn’t mean to upset you.” I pull her into my arms, her head rest on my shoulder. Tears soak through my shirt but I don’t try to stop them. I’m going to let her cry. She tries too hard to be strong and it’s wearing on her, it’s obvious.
I rub her back up and down, trying my hardest to sooth her. She melts into my embrace, not even attempting to keep her distance. Her arms wrap around my waist as she holds on tightly to me. I could die a happy man in this moment. I’ve never felt so at peace as I do with Frankie in my arms.
“I'm sorry, Frankie. I’ll never call you that again. I don’t mean to upset you so much, you know that, right?”
She nods her head against my chest, but she doesn’t try to speak.
Liam walks into the room, he raises an eye brow at me. He can tell something is up, he isn't sure how to handle the situation.
Should I go? He mouths the words to me. I give him a small nod, careful to make sure that Frankie doesn’t notice. Is she ok? He mouths again. When did I become such a chick that we mouth conversations to each other? I shake my head, Frankie isn't ok. She hasn’t been since her dad died but I’ll do everything in my power to make things better for her. Is there anything I can do? He asks. I shake my head again.
“Hey, I gotta get going. My mom just texted me and said she needs me at home. Thanks for having me over, Frankie. I had a great time hanging out with you.”
Frankie pulls back slightly, giving Liam a weak smile, it’s the best she can do right now.
“Thanks for coming, Liam. It was fun hanging out with you too.” She stands up, pulls his sweatshirt off and walks it over to him. She wraps her arms around his waist, giving him a big hug. He wipes a few tears from her face then he leans down and kisses her head. “See ya later, man.” He calls, heading up the steps.
Frankie drops back down onto the couch next to me. I hold my arms open; she snuggles up against my body. Her hand’s resting on my chest, right over my heart.
“I'm so sorry, Frankie.”
“It’s fine, Noah.”
“It isn't though. All I’ve done since you came back is upset you. It kills me to see you cry. I don’t know how to do this and I'm afraid all I'm going to do is hurt you.”
“You haven’t done anything to hurt me. You bring up old memories.”
“Is that bad?”
“Not bad, exactly... it’s kind of like when you skin your knee, you know you need to clean it, rub some alcohol on it so it doesn’t get infected. But you know alcohol’s going to sting like hell. You do it anyway but you curse the whole time it’s happening. The alcohol hurts just as bad as the skinned knee. You know you’ll eventually heal but you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet. You’re stuck in the pain for a while and it sucks. My dad dying is my skinned knee. Memories of him are the alcohol, they hurt like hell but I need to remember him. If I don’t remember the good times I had with him, it will be like an infection, eating away at me. I don’t want to wallow in this dark place I'm in right now, I want to see that light, I want to heal but it’s hard. In time the memories will get easier but right now they suck big time.”
“I'm sorry I remind you of the past. I wish I could take away all your pain, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”
“I love that you remind me of my dad. I love that so many memories I have of us, include him. I know you’d take away my pain, Noah. I’d take away yours too, if I could.”
“I'm not in pain, baby.”
“You are though. You’re in this dark place and it hurts to see you like this.”
“I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for the first time in years.” I whisper. I hate baring my soul to anyone, but she’s different, she’s my kryptonite.
“I'm sorry, Noah.”
“Don’t be. You’re back now.”
“I'm not going anywhere.”
We stay cuddled up for the beginning of the movie. When Frankie’s eye lids start to slowly close, I know it’s time to call it a night. She’s had a long emotional night.
“Let’s get you to bed.” I say softly.
“No, I don’t want you to go.”
“You’re falling asleep, you’re tired.”
“Can't we sleep here like we used to? Please, Noah. I just want to lay in your arms, pretend I never moved away.”
I pull my phone out of my pocket to text my dad.
Me: Hey, is it ok if I stay at Frankie’s tonight? She’s been crying and is really upset. We’re watching movies and she’s about to fall asleep but she doesn’t want me to leave. I don’t think she wants to be alone.
Dad: You’re watching Heavyweights, aren’t you?
Me: Would we watch anything else?
Dad: That’s fine. Take care of my girl and don’t do anything stupid.
Me: I won’t. Thanks, Dad.
Dad: I’m glad you’re fighting for her.
I lay my phone on the coffee table, pull out my keys, wallet and everything else in my pockets.
“Let’s get comfy.” I tell her as I lay down on the couch. I put my back against the back of the couch, squishing myself as far over as I can so Frankie has some room. I hold my arms out and smile when she happily slides her body between my arms. Her back to my chest, her head on my outstretched arm, my other arm thrown over her waist.
“I feel like we fit better when we were kids.”
“I think this is perfect.”
She’s quiet for a few beats, I can hear her steady breathing but I know she isn't asleep.
“Let’s try a different position. I don’t want you to fall off after you go to sleep.”
We both stand up; I push the coffee table against the couch. It’s slightly lower than the couch but at least it will save us from falling on the floor. I lay at the edge of the couch on my back and pat the spot between me and the cushions of the couch. Frankie gives me the sweetest smile and she climbs over me. She lays on her side facing me, her head on the right side of my chest, her hand over my heart. My arms wrap around her, resting on her waist.
“I missed you, Noah. More than you’ll ever know.” She whispers after a few minutes of silence. I love how she isn't afraid of being vulnerable with me. She’s never been afraid of sharing her feelings with me.
“I do know, Frankie, because I’ve missed you just as much.” I kiss her forehead and rest the hand not holding her, on top of hers.
“You can call me Kiki.” She whispers so softly I almost don’t hear her.
“Won’t that upset you, babe?”
“Mmmm... I might like babe even better.”
My heart beats wildly as I take in her words. Does that mean that she wants more than friendship with me? Does she feel the same way about me as I feel about her? I’d give anything to have a friendship with Frankie again, it’d be a huge gift to have her as more though. A gift I wouldn’t take for granted. I’d give almost anything to make her happy, she makes me the happiest man in the world.
I wake up to Mrs. Valdo shaking Frankie.
“Frankie, it’s time to go to bed. You guys can't sleep on the couch.”
“No, I'm comfy.” She mumbles adorably in her sleep. Snuggling even closer to me, if that’s possible. Her leg’s thrown over my hip, her arm across my stomach.
“Come on, Frankie. You guys are too old to do this stuff.”
Frankie starts to slowly wake up, she doesn’t look happy at all. Her bottom lip trembles, breaking my heart.
“Please, Mom. This is the first time I’ve slept soundly since dad died.” Tears silently stream down her face, pain consumes her features, her eyes begging her mom to understand. Mrs. Valdo lets out a long sigh.
“At least lay in your bed, you look so uncomfortable. You make my body hurt.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Valdo.” I say softly, helping Frankie off the couch. Her tears have turned to quiet sobs. Pulling her against my chest, holding her tight. She makes no effort to walk to her room. I pick her up, cradling her against my chest, one arm under her knees, the other behind her back. I’m making my way up the stairs when I hear Mrs. Valdo’s soft voice.
“Don’t make me regret this, Noah.” I pause on the last step before I reach the kitchen, glancing over my shoulder.
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” I say and I mean it. I'm not going to do anything that would compromise Frankie, or my time with her.
I go straight to Frankie’s room, gently place her in the center of her queen bed. Her room looks similar but so different from the last time I was in here. Her walls are painted a soft mint color, her furniture all white. She has pictures on her bookshelf of her with her parents and with a bunch of teenagers I don’t recognize. There’s one picture of us from the summer she moved away. We have the biggest smiles on our faces, I don’t remember the picture being taken or what we were doing that day.
“Do you want to get changed? Your jeans can't be comfortable.”
“Yea. Let me grab some pjs to throw on.” She climbs off the bed, goes into her over-sized closet and shuts the door. When she comes out, I can't help the smile that engulfs my face. Frankie has on a pair of tiny black shorts and a t-shirt that I recognize.
“You stole my favorite shirt when you left? You told me you had no idea where it was!”
Her cheeks pinken, her gaze darts around the room, anywhere but at me. It settles on her feet, twisting her foot back and forth like a little kid does when they’re in trouble.
“I can't believe you took my favorite shirt.” I take one step after another until I'm standing toe to toe with her. I place a finger under her chin, lifting it until she’s forced to look at me.
“Fine! I took it! I knew I’d miss you like crazy, I wanted something of yours so I wouldn’t forget you.” Her hands wave through the air wildly as she talks. She’s adorable when she gets caught in a lie, always has been.
My hands find her waist and grab on firmly. I never want to let her go ever again. I’d give anything in the world to lean down and kiss her but that isn't happening. I can't cross that bridge. Yet.
“Do you want something to wear?”
“I don’t think your clothes will fit me.”
“Hold on...” She pulls away from me, heading back into her closet. She returns with a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt. They actually look like they might fit me.
“Who did you steal these from? Your old boyfriend?”
“These were my dad’s. After he died, I took them from his closet. I was afraid my mom would get rid of all of it. I wanted something of his to wear when I miss him.”
I don’t respond to her, just pick her up and carry her to the bed. After I put her down, I reach an arm behind my head, gripping the back of my shirt. I pull it off and grab the shirt Frankie gave me. I look over to her finding her eyes lingering on my torso. Memorizing every detail like she’ll have a test on it later on.
I walk over to her, sans shirt, grip her chin and wipe my thumb across her bottom lip. She’s confused, she has no idea what I'm doing. I give her a smirk.
“I was wiping the drool off your lip.”
“Oh, shut up!” She rolls her eyes at me but I don’t miss the way her cheeks darken in embarrassment. She was totally checking me out.
She pushes me away then snuggles under her blankets. I know she can't see me; I pull off my jeans but before I can slip on the shorts, she sits up and looks right at me.
“Noah, I-“
Her words are cut off, her jaw drops as she stares at me. I'm frozen for a few moments, but footsteps on the stairs kick my butt into gear. I pull on the shorts and slip the shirt over my head. I climb into bed with Frankie, pulling the blankets over both of us.
“Do you want to lay on my chest or spoon?”
Her eyes are wide as she stares at me but she doesn’t make a sound.
“Frankie?”
“Yeah?” She asks on a breathy exhale. I swallow hard, trying to rein in my emotions. I just promised Mrs. Valdo she wouldn’t regret letting me stay over.
“Do you want to lay on my chest or should we spoon?” I ask again.
“Oh... um, I guess spoon?” She’s flustered, she doesn’t know how to act right now.
I roll onto my side, facing her. I hold out my right arm, she lays with her back to my chest, her head on my arm, snuggles in closely. I wrap my left arm around her waist and pull her as close to me as I possibly can. This right here, this feels like heaven. I wouldn’t give it up for anything.
Chapter Twenty
Frankie
“Wow. And you tried to act like this place sucks.” Miranda’s voice filter’s through the haziness in my brain. I slowly blink open my eyes, only to find her sitting on my desk chair, facing me. She pulled the chair over to the side of my bed. One leg crossed over the other. Her left elbow on her knee, chin in her palm. Her perfectly shaped eye brow raised, daring me to defend myself.
I’ve got nothing.
My mouth opens and closes a few times but nothing comes out. A soft moan comes from behind me and my cheeks pinken. I completely forgot Noah was here. His arm that’s wrapped around my waist tugs me deeper into his chest. He tucks his face into the crook of my neck and lets out a content little sound.
“What are you doing here?”
“Oh, ya know, surprising my BFF because she sounded terrible the last time I talked to her but now I'm questioning my decision. I woke up at the ass crack of dawn to drive four hours to get here only to find you sleeping in bed with a freaking Greek god!” Her voice rises with each statement. Mir
anda has no filter whatsoever.
“Shhh!” I try to hush her but she’s having none of that. She waves a hand in the air, rolling her eyes at me.
“So which boy toy is this? Noah or Liam?”
Noah moves behind me; he’s starting to wake up. I want to push Miranda out of my bedroom, stay in my little bubble of happiness for a little bit longer. Last night was the best night’s sleep I’ve gotten since my dad died.
“What’s going on, babe?” Noah’s voice is low and raspy from just waking up. I could listen to him talk all day, butterflies erupt in my stomach, flapping all over the damn place. I don’t want to move out of his arms but I can't stay here with Miranda staring at the two of us.
“Noah, this is my friend Miranda, who doesn’t know boundaries. Miranda, this is Noah, my neighbor.”
“First off, I'm her BFF, don’t forget that. Second, can I have a neighbor like him? I mean damn, he’s fine.”
“Please stop talking.” I mutter under my breath. I forgot how blunt Miranda can be.
“Third,” She just keeps talking, it’s like she doesn’t understand the faces I'm giving her, but I know damn right well she does. “If he’s your neighbor why is he calling you babe, and why’s he in your bed, wrapped around you like a blanket? That’s not normal, Francesca, not at all.”
I roll my eyes at her, there’s no point in trying to stop her. You can't until she runs out of steam, tires herself out. I love her but sometimes I want to strangle the crap out of her.
“Fourth! Fourth, I thought Noah hated you. Who invites a guy who hates them into their bed to sleep?... Unless you had angry hatred sex!”
“We didn’t have sex, Miranda.” I groan and I scrub my face with my hands. She’s exhausting.
“Fifth, I thought he was dating Bianca the bitch.”
“I'm not dating anyone.” Noah growls from behind me. He freaking growled at Miranda. She just waves him off like that’s not important.
“Sixth, what happened to Liam? I was totally #TeamLiam, you shoulda picked him instead of the scowling monster in bed with you.”
Never Letting Go Page 7
