Liam leads me into the house, to the center of the makeshift dance floor, pulling me into his arms. I try to forget about Noah and everything going on with us, but it’s hard. At one point, Noah was the center of my world, he’s slowly finding his way back there again.
Resting my head on Liam’s shoulder, we sway to the music of a slow song playing. When it ends, a faster paced song begins. We pull away from each other and Liam starts dancing along to the beat. He’s a good dancer and has some impressive moves. I watch for a little before joining in, I copy his moves, swaying my hips to the beat, moving my hands like he does. I’m having more fun than I have in months. I’ve let go of every thought and worry, completely focused on the way my body is moving to the music. I don’t notice the crowd forming around us, everyone’s stopped dancing to stare at us.
“Let’s give them a show.” Liam winks at me, his hands finding my hips, matching my moves as we dance.
We dance for what feels like hours. It feels good to let loose and forget about everything else. I'm drenched in sweat, my heart pounding in my chest from all the activity, adrenalin coursing through my body.
“I gotta go get some water.” I shout to Liam so he can hear me over the music. He nods his head, grabs my hand and pulls me towards the kitchen. We grab two bottles of water before retreating to the back deck. I'm surprised to find Miranda out there with Noah. “Hey, what are you two up to?”
Noah’s gaze finds mine; his features soften whenever he’s looking at me.
“We’re getting to know each other.” He says cryptically. Miranda shifts her gaze away from me, trying to hide something. My brows furrow together, my attention shifts back and forth between the two of them. I don’t like how they're hiding something.
“You two looked great out there dancing.” Miranda’s using her fake cheerful voice, I know when it’s fake and this one definitely is. She gestures to the large bay window, there’s a perfect view of the makeshift dance floor from where they’re sitting.
“Thanks. She’s a great dance partner.” Liam throws his arm around my shoulder and pulls me in close to him.
“Miranda, take a walk with me.”
“Oh, uh, I'm really comfortable right now, can we just talk when we get back to your house?”
“No. We can't.”
“Frankie...” She groans but I'm not having it.
“Miranda Sylvia Martin, if you don’t march your ass down those steps and talk to me, I'm going to call Patrick and tell him the real reason you broke up with him.”
Her eyes narrow on me, she’s trying to figure out if I'm lying. I'm not. I will call him up right this second and spill all her secrets.
“You wouldn’t dare!”
“Try me! I have nothing to lose! I don’t even live there anymore; I won’t have to deal with the fallout.”
“You’re willing to start that much shit?”
“Take a walk with me or don’t, it’s one hundred percent your choice.” I shrug my shoulders like her decision means nothing to me. I don’t want to call Patrick; this would destroy him. He’s a total sweetheart, I don’t want to be the one to tell him what really happened.
“Some choice! You’re a horrible friend!”
“You’ve called me worse. Let’s go.”
She grumbles as she climbs to her feet but she’s doing it. I make eye contact with Noah one last time, he looks uncomfortable, which bothers me more than it should. I grab Miranda’s hand and practically pull her down the steps and around the corner of the house, I’ll get nowhere with her if she thinks Noah can hear her.
I push her against the wall but don’t let go of my grip on her arm. If I do, she’ll run away. This isn't my first rodeo with Miranda. She’s a great friend, so great that she tries to hide things she thinks will hurt me.
“What were you two talking about?”
“Nope, nuh uh, I'm not telling you.”
“Miranda!” I whisper yell. I don’t want to draw attention to us, I came to this spot so we’d have privacy.
“Please, Frankie, don’t make me tell you. He needs some time.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Noah, he needs you but he doesn’t need your pity. That’s all I can't tell you.”
“I don’t even understand what that means!”
“Seriously, Frankie, let it go. Don’t push him away, accept who his is, brokenness and all.”
“Miranda...”
“No. You love him and he loves you. I can see it in the way you look at each other. He’s broken, but I think you’re the only one that can fix him...” She looks around, making sure no one is near us before she continues. “Do you have a thing for Liam?”
“I like Liam but I think it’s more as a friend. My feelings for him can't compete with my feelings for Noah.”
“Good.”
“How’s that good? I thought you were #TeamLiam.”
“Noah’s one of the good ones. Don’t let him go, Frankie.”
“You must’ve had one amazing talk.”
“Frankie? Miranda?” Noah’s voice carries through the night air.
“We’re over here!” Miranda calls back.
Within seconds Noah and Liam come around the corner of the house to meet us.
“Are you guys ready to head out?”
“Yeah, I'm tired.”
“We’ll meet you at the car, I want to talk to Frankie for a second.” Noah says, handing Liam the keys to the car.
My back is to the side of the house, music drifting out of the open windows, filling the silence between us. Noah’s eyes don’t leave Liam and Miranda’s retreating backs until they’re out of sight. He scans the area before he puts one arm on either side of my head, caging me in. His head hangs low, his breathing sounds ragged.
“Noah...” I bring my hand up, resting it on his chest. His heart is beating wildly under my palm. I bring my other hand up to cup his cheek. “Noah, look at me.”
His head slowly raises until his eyes meet mine. He looks terrible, eyes full of pain and misery, he looks tormented.
“What’d Miranda tell you?”
“She didn’t really tell me anything. She only said to give you time, not to push you away and you need me.”
“Anything else?”
“Nothing.” He visibly relaxes when I tell him I know nothing else. What the hell was said during this conversation? “What’s wrong, Noah? You’re scaring me.”
“Nothing, baby. I’ll tell you everything one day, but it isn't important right now.”
“You know you mean the world to me.” I whisper as my thumb strokes his jaw line. Noah turns his head, places the softest kiss on my palm, making my skin heat instantly.
“You’re my entire world.” He murmurs, pulling me to his chest. His hands rest on my lower back, his head tucked into the sweet spot of my neck. I let out a happy sigh, melting into his arms. This right here, this is heaven. I close my eyes, enjoying this little slice of perfection. There’s something about being in Noah’s arms, he makes the whole world disappear. I don’t hear the music or the chatter I know fill the air. I don’t smell the storm brewing in the distance, only the peppermint of Noah’s breath as it floats across my skin. I can't feel the cold breeze that’s chilling my skin, only the pressure of Noah’s hands on my back, his warmth against me. “We should get going before they come looking for us.”
“What if I don’t want to?”
“I don’t think we have a choice, babe.” He pulls away from me but takes my hand in his. His lips place the gentlest kiss on my head before we head towards the car.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Frankie
“I’m gonna head inside, I'm beat from waking up so early to come here.” Miranda yawns, stretching her hands over her head. I don’t think she’s using it as an excuse to leave, she’s exhausted.
“I’ll be up in a few minutes.” I tell her before turning my attention to Liam. Noah’s still in the car, texting someone.
“I had a great time with you tonight. You really are a great dancer.”
“Thanks, Liam. I had a great time with you too. You helped me forget everything else.”
“You’re still not ready, are you?”
I give him a sad smile. I know I'm not ready, but not for the reasons he thinks. I need to explore this thing I feel between Noah and I before I can start something new.
“I'm not. I like you, Liam, but I think we’d be better as friends. At least for right now.”
His face falls, the disappointment clear as day. It kills me to upset him but I don’t want to lead him on. My eyes snap to Noah when he gets out of the Jeep, leaning against the side and waiting. Liam’s gaze follows my own, his jaw tightens, eyes narrowing on Noah.
“I get it.”
“Liam...”
“No, I get it, I'm not him.”
“Please don’t be like that.”
“Like what? Hurt that you’re picking him over me? Annoyed if you’d met me first you wouldn’t give someone like him the time of day? I don’t know how to hide my feelings like Noah does. I'm not him and I never will be.”
“I'm not asking you to be anyone but yourself. I'm asking you to be my friend because I sure as hell need some right now.”
“You’re asking me to step aside, ignore my feelings towards you, and let that asshole get his chance with you.”
“He’s your best friend, why do you hate him so much?” I don’t get it. Why’s Liam friends with Noah if he hates him this much? Liam runs a hand roughly through his hair, frustration rolling off of him.
“I don’t hate him... I just don’t understand him. I don’t understand why all the girls always want him. He’s such a miserable son of a bitch, why would you want to date that?”
I don’t know how to answer his question. I don’t know why I want to date Noah; I just do.
“I don’t know why other girls want to date him but I know why I like him.”
“Why? I just don’t get it.”
“Noah was my entire world. He was there for every single memory I have from childhood. I thought about him every single day while I was gone, it killed me that we lost touch with each other. When I'm with him, everything else seems to fade away. He feels like home to me.” I shrug my shoulders. I really can’t explain it to him any other way. “Don’t punish him for my behavior, I think he needs you right now even though he won’t admit it. If you want to hate someone, you can hate me. I want to stay friends with you but I understand if that’s not what you want.”
Tears fill my eyes but I blink them away the best I can. I don’t want to hurt Liam, I don’t want to hurt his relationship with Noah, but I can't give him what he’s asking for. His gaze softens, he pulls me into his arms.
“Don’t cry, Frankie. I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to snap on you. I can't hide how I feel, I don’t wear a mask. My heart is on my sleeve, not hidden under armor like his is. I’ll let him have you for now, but you come to me if you change your mind. I'm not giving up on you until there’s a ring on your finger. We can be friends for now.”
“Don’t hurt him. He’s already broken.”
“I know he is, sweetheart. I think you’re the only person who can fix him.”
Liam kisses my cheek, waves to Noah, then heads straight to his car. Before I can move, headlights fill the driveway, momentarily blinding me. I hold a hand over my eyes until the car turns off.
“Is that my little Frankie?” Mr. Vaccaro’s voice makes my lips break into a smile. He’s always been like a second dad to me. My dad and Mr. Vaccaro were best friends since they met in kindergarten.
“Pops!” I let out a little squeal as I rush around the car, launching myself into his arms. A chuckle erupts out of him, his chest shaking against me.
“I’ve missed my girl.”
“I’ve missed you too, old man.”
“There’s a key under the frog in the garden if you need to get in the house. Use it any time you need him.” He whispers into my ear as he holds me close.
“Thank you.” I don’t know what else to say. It sucks having so many people aware how vulnerable you are. I don’t want to be viewed as damaged or broken, but this has become my life.
“He needs you more than you need him, Frankie. Bring my son back to me, I’ve missed him.” He pulls back, giving me a big smile. My brows pinch together. What does he mean? Surely Noah doesn’t act this way at home. I'm sure he’s the same old Noah at home, wearing the mask out in public only. Right? “I’ll let you guys talk, this old man needs to get some sleep.”
Mr. Vaccaro kisses my forehead before he disappears into the house.
“Why did Liam look so pissed?” Noah’s gruff voice startles me. I’m so lost in my own mind, trying to figure out these cryptic messages people keep giving me.
“I told him we should be friends.”
“You looked like you were having fun with him tonight.”
“I was. We had a blast.”
“But you don’t want to date him?” Noah pushes off the jeep, taking one step towards me.
“No. Just because we have fun doesn’t mean we have chemistry or that we belong together.”
“He’s nice to you, treats you the way a boyfriend should.” Another step in my direction.
“He is but that doesn’t mean he’s the only guy who can treat me right.”
“What if the guy you want can't promise to treat you right?” Each time he speaks he takes a single step towards me. I'm not sure if he even knows he’s doing it. It’s like he’s stalking his prey, waiting for the right time to pounce.
“What if I know he can even if he doesn’t have faith in himself?”
“How can you be sure?”
“I know his heart; I know who he is deep down even if he feels lost.”
“You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met.”
“I'm not going anywhere, Noah. I'm here for you.”
“You’re perfect.”
“I'm not. I'm completely broken. These feelings I have, they consume me. They make me wonder if the pain will ever go away.”
“The pain of losing someone you love never leaves you, you just learn to live without them.”
“I don’t want to be sad anymore, my dad wouldn’t want me to be sad. He’d want me to live but I'm not sure how to do that without him.”
“It won’t happen all at once, it will happen slowly. You’ll never forget him, Kiki. I won’t let you.”
I give him a watery eyed smile; he’s using that nickname to show me that he’ll help me remember my dad. He’ll keep his memories alive with me.
“You were the son he always wanted.”
“You were all he ever wanted. He was ecstatic that you were his little girl.” He comes to a stop right in front of me. “Don’t ever doubt his love for you. You make it easy for people to love you.”
“Do you?” I squirm under his intense stare; I feel naked standing in front of him.
“Do I what?”
My throat’s thick, like I can't get the words past my vocal cords. My heart is beating so hard against my ribcage that I'm positive Noah can hear it. I wipe my sweaty palms on my romper, attempting to swallow the lump in my throat. I peer up into Noah’s eyes, I could get lost in the different colors swirling together.
“Do you love me?” I whisper. It’s like my brain knows if I ask too loudly, I could shatter this little world I’ve been living in. I swear Noah’s eyes darken, his gaze flickers between my lips and my eyes. He licks his bottom lip; his hand comes up to cradle the back of my head. I hear an audible inhale before he attempts to talk.
“More than anything.”
Before I can process his words, his lips crash into mine. It’s a rough needy kiss but it’s exactly what I desire right now. Our bodies melt together, I'm not sure where mine ends and his begins. His tongue glides across my bottom lip, tasting me, teasing me. I part my lips, allowing our tongues to dance together. Our kisses turn slow, tender, they c
onvey everything we are feeling for each other. A weightless sensation spreads through my body, I can't get enough of him. Noah pulls back before I'm ready, rests his forehead on mine. His breath comes in pants, his heart beating rapidly under my hand.
“I love you, Noah. I always have.”
He tilts my head up, staring deep into my eyes, like he’s searching for something. His eyes close tightly, his tongue peeks out, wetting his bottom lip. His hesitation is palpable, his breaths shallow, he’s scared of whatever’s on the tip of his tongue
“You’re perfect. Please don’t break me, Frankie.” He says so quietly that I almost don’t hear him.
“Noah...”
“I need you more that I'm willing to admit to myself. I don’t know how to get through this without you.” His gaze is focused on the ground, he refuses to make eye contact with me.
I cup his cheeks with both of my hands, his stubble rubs against my palms, sending shivers through my body. I lift his chin until he’s forced to look at me. My breath hitches when I spot tortured, brokenness filling those beautiful emerald eyes. I hate seeing him like this.
“You have me, babe. I'm not leaving you; I want this as much as you do. I’d never break you; I want to help you heal... What are you trying to get through, Noah? Tell me so I can help.”
He gives me a sad smile, my heart sinks instantly, he isn't going to tell me.
“Not yet, let me just enjoy tonight.”
“But you will tell me?”
“One day.”
I swallow the thick lump in my throat, biting down on my bottom lip. I'm going to ask the question I have no right to ask.
“Does Liam know? Miranda?”
“Liam doesn’t know anything but he thinks he does. Miranda... She figured it out on her own. Please, don’t ask her, Frankie. Let me tell you when I'm ready.”
I stare at him, how the hell did Miranda figure out what’s tormenting him in such a short period of time? Why doesn’t he want me to know yet?
“Okay.” I whisper. My voice betrays me, the impending tears are obvious. I hate myself for it. I don’t want to cry; I want to be strong for him. I want him to trust me enough to tell me about whatever demons he’s battling. I’d do anything to help him. “I should probably get upstairs before Miranda starts spying on us.”
Never Letting Go Page 10
