by Heidi Perks
Fifteen minutes later they’d come back to the car and I’d noticed Alice’s eyes were red from crying. I’d asked her what was wrong and Brian had told me she was upset because she couldn’t have an ice cream from the van parked up the road.
I’d smiled and told her it was too cold for ice cream. My ankle was hurting and I’d been desperate to get home.
But Alice had given my dad her version of the story, which went more like this:
Brian told her if she looked a bit happier he’d get her an ice cream. As always, Alice wanted one that came in a cone and he told her she could even have sprinkles, too.
They’d watched the fish even though Alice wanted to ask me if my foot was better, just so she could have her treat.
But when he’d said that they were going home she’d asked again if they could go to the van, and Brian told her it was too cold.
She said he’d promised her an ice cream, but he told her flatly that he never had. Alice went on to say that he’d even said she could have sprinkles, but then her daddy crouched down until they were at eye level and snapped at her to stop making things up. He said that no one likes a liar.
Then he grabbed her arm and led her back to the car, telling her she was ungrateful. Before they reached me he turned to her and asked if she wanted him to tell me she was turning into a liar or if she’d rather they kept it between the two of them.
Alice told her grandpa that Daddy says I make things up too and that I lie for her, and Brian doesn’t like it. She asked her grandpa if she could tell him a secret and he said she could tell him absolutely anything.
So she said that if she hides behind the sofa Brian can’t find her, and then he can’t get cross with her because she hasn’t said anything wrong.
Surely whatever happens I am doing the best thing for all of us, right?
HARRIET
I don’t understand,” I shouted to Brian. “What do you mean they’re out in the water? What have you done to them?”
Brian continued to stare out to sea from the edge of the cliff. “I haven’t done anything to them,” he said eventually.
“Then what’s going on?” My voice shook as I took a step closer to him. I wanted to grab him and shake him, scream at him to tell me where Alice and my dad were. But I also knew I’d get nothing if I did. It took every ounce of strength I had to restrain myself.
“They went out in a fishing boat. I watched them get in it. Just before you showed up,” he said, turning to me. “I followed them down to the beach and he took a boat that was tied up on a jetty by the rocks down there.” I looked in the direction he was pointing but the rocks were high in places, and from where we stood I couldn’t make out the jetty, let alone see if there was a boat tied up to it.
“You must’ve missed them by ten minutes,” he said. “I saw you running down to the beach and watched you from behind the rocks. You didn’t see me, but then you weren’t looking for me, were you, Harriet?”
I stared at Brian, wondering what he expected me to say. Of course I wasn’t looking for him.
“You were looking for Alice,” he said frankly, and it crossed my mind, not for the first time, that my husband was jealous. “And your father, of course,” he added flatly.
My dad had told me about the fishing boat, but they must’ve left hours ago now.
“The old man seemed very determined as he headed down there,” Brian said. His jaw tensed. “Holding on to my daughter’s hand as if he had every right to. It made me sick.”
I turned back to the beach. The sky had clouded over and even though the rocks were still visible, I knew there would only be another hour of daylight before the sun disappeared. Surely they’d be back before it was dark? “I still don’t understand any of this,” I said. “You’re telling me you watched them this morning. That you followed them to the beach and you let him take her in a boat and did nothing to stop them?”
“I’ve been watching the house all night, Harriet,” Brian said calmly. “I got home yesterday and found you gone. When you still weren’t back two hours later, I had a feeling you were on your way to find them. But when I got here last night, there was no sign of you.” He turned, expecting me to tell him where I was, but I didn’t answer. “I saw him though. Clear as day through the window, sitting in that armchair. I sat in my car and waited for you. All night I waited, but you didn’t show up. I was beginning to think I’d gotten it wrong,” he said.
“If you knew Alice was in the house, how could you just sit there watching it?”
“Like I said, Harriet,” he snapped. “I was waiting for you.”
I stared at him, incredulous.
“Do close your mouth up, Harriet,” he said. “I could see Alice was safe this morning. There was no need for me to rush in. Not when I was still certain you’d be along soon. And here you are,” he said, reaching out to stroke my hair. “You came in the end.”
I pulled out of his reach. He hadn’t seen his daughter in two weeks, he’d believed she’d been abducted for the most part, and yet once he knew where she was, he was happy to let her wait until he got what he wanted: me.
“I knew she was okay,” he growled, as if guessing my thoughts. “If she was in any danger I would have gotten her, so don’t try to say I’m not a good father.”
“Oh my God,” I muttered under my breath. Brian stepped closer and took hold of my wrist again. I winced as pain shot through it and up my arm from where he’d grabbed me when we ran out of the house.
“You weren’t there, Harriet,” he said, his words ice cold as his eyes flashed brightly. “And I need you to realize you can’t take our daughter away. You have to know you can’t leave me, Harriet.”
When Brian let go of me, I rubbed the tender spot on my wrist, wincing as I flexed it up and down. Who knew what damage he had done? An X-ray might show me that, but it would never tell the real story. The one that lay deep beneath the skin where the scars are invisible.
Brian began walking along the cliff top, toward the path that led down to the beach. “I don’t know why you let them get in the boat,” I called as I followed him. He ignored me, but I knew his fear of the water would stop him from going any farther. “So what did you do when they left? Why didn’t you come looking for me?”
“I waited for them to come back,” he called behind him. “I didn’t think they’d be long.” Brian started making his way down to the beach and I stayed close behind. He stopped and turned back to me. “Over five hours I waited before I came back to the house and saw you. They shouldn’t have been gone that long, right, Harriet?” he said, his eyes drifting over my face as if he wanted to see me panic.
I shook my head. “No,” I said quietly, “they shouldn’t’ve.” I had no idea what my dad thought he was doing. All I knew was this morning she was safe and all I could hope was that he was looking after her like I believed he would.
“So what happens now?” Brian said. “We go home, one big happy family?”
“Yes,” I told him. “We can do that.” Whether he was serious or not, I’d take the bait. “We can, Brian,” I pleaded. “We need to talk about what we do next.”
I’d do whatever I had to to make sure Alice was never out of my sight again. I’d stay with Brian forever if it meant he wouldn’t tell the police.
He laughed softly. “You really think I believe that? That you’ll happily walk back into our life together? Jesus, Harriet. How stupid do you think I am?” His dead eyes bored into my head, where he could always see everything that was going on. And then he turned on his heel and began down the path again.
Finally we reached the bottom. Brian strode off toward the beach. The tide had come in and was now covering nearly all of the sand. I wondered if it would come in farther still. I’d been to coves like this and watched the sea wash straight over the rocks, hitting the walls beyond when it was stormy.
To our left the rocks stretched ahead of us, but as soon as we started walking we could both see the jetty and a little
fishing boat that must have been there all along.
“Is that it?” I cried. My legs felt like jelly as Brian grabbed me again and began pulling me toward the rocks. “Brian, is that the boat?” I believed it must be, the way he hauled me toward it. I strained to see past him and could just make out the outline of a figure in the boat.
As desperate as I was to see Alice, it was still a struggle to keep up with him, but then the nearer we got the more visible the figure became, until I was certain it was my father.
“Dad!” I cried, climbing over the rocks to get to him. He looked up as he stepped out of the little boat that bobbed on the water, glancing at Brian and then turning to me, his face dropping in shock.
“Where’s Alice?” I shouted when I couldn’t see her. Brian’s grip squeezed tighter. “Where is she?” Panic coursed through me, my legs buckling with every step. We had reached my dad now and I could clearly see Alice wasn’t in the boat.
“Alice is fine.” My dad stepped forward as we reached him. “Harriet,” he pleaded, “she’s fine.”
“Tell me where she is!” I shouted again. “She’s not with you, so what have you done to her?”
“I haven’t done anything.” His eyes sought Brian out and then flicked nervously back to me.
“Dad, just tell me where she is,” I said urgently. The need to hold her in my arms and know she was safe had become unbearable.
“He’s been here all night,” my dad said to me, his eyes wide with fear. I felt Brian tense at my side. So my father had seen him. He’d have known Brian was watching the house. No wonder he looked so frightened; he must have been worrying all night about what Brian would do. But that could all wait. Right now I needed to see my daughter.
“Alice!” I called out, and when my dad turned to his left, I followed his gaze toward a bundle of blankets on the rocks. I stepped forward but Brian yanked me back.
“She’s sleeping,” my dad said as the bundle stirred. “I took her out for the day because I didn’t know what else to do. It’s been a long day and she fell asleep on our way back, so I laid her out there while I finished up on the boat.”
“Alice!” I shouted again, trying to pull away from Brian whose hold remained resolutely locked on my arm. I turned to tell him to get off me, but he wasn’t even looking in our daughter’s direction. He was glaring at my father.
“Mummy!” a voice called from behind me and when I looked back, Alice was awake and pushing herself to her feet.
“Alice, oh my baby.” I held out my arm as far as I could reach, but Brian was sidestepping around me until he was between me and my dad and my little girl, who was now carefully stepping over the rocks toward us.
“Let me get to her,” I cried, but Brian wouldn’t budge.
I watched her find her footing in bright pink wellington boots that I’d never seen before. In my desperation to touch her and hold her, I tried to wrench away from Brian but lost my footing and stumbled.
“Mummy!” she called out again, panic rising in her voice.
“Mummy’s okay.” I was, but the searing pain in my wrist wasn’t letting up.
I needed to hug her, tell her I would never let her go again, but I also knew there was no way Brian would let me get to her right now, and I had to go carefully. He held too many cards in his hand and could still make sure I lost everything.
Beside him, my dad glanced nervously between me and Brian. He was rooted rigidly to the spot. Brian began edging toward him, still never looking at Alice.
“Dad, you should go,” I said.
But my father didn’t move. “He was here all night,” he said again. “Just watching.” He sucked in a breath and held it tightly.
“Dad,” I urged. “Please just go.” He was never going to win a fight with Brian, who turned and stared coldly at my dad.
When Dad eventually took a step back, he looked at me and said, “I meant what I said, Harriet. My one condition, you remember that, don’t you?”
I nodded, praying he’d walk away as he stumbled on the rocks and I saw a flash of the fragile, old man he’d become since I’d last seen him. My heart fractured at the sight of him trying to stop himself from falling. Automatically I held out my free hand to steady him, but before I could, Brian pushed me back and lurched toward my father.
I stumbled and fell as Alice’s cries filled the cold air. Brian grabbed for my dad, clasping his hands around his neck.
“No!” I cried out, as Alice screamed louder. “Let go of him, Brian.”
But Brian wasn’t listening. Amid Alice’s screams and my own, I couldn’t tell if Brian was saying anything to him as he shoved him backward. All I could see was the terror in my dad’s eyes as Brian lunged for him and propelled him to the rocks.
“Leave him alone,” I cried. “This isn’t his fault. Please. He’s an old man, Brian.”
My dad steadied himself, but Brian held out a hand to block me from getting to him or Alice. I was helpless as I watched my father place his hands carefully in front of him, trying to get back up. Alice stood shaking and crying, “Mummy, make him stop.”
But Brian wouldn’t stop. I knew that. His back formed a solid wall between us and he had shut us all out.
Slowly my dad pushed himself unsteadily to his knees and eventually to his feet, holding his hands up in surrender as he struggled to catch his breath.
“Brian!” I begged. “Please don’t hurt him.” I tried pulling Brian away from my dad, but he thrust his arm backward and pounced once more, catching my dad off guard as he sank his thumbs into my father’s neck.
I watched in horror as fear appeared in my father’s glassy eyes and the skin on his thin neck rippled around Brian’s fingers where they dug into his throat. “Don’t do anything stupid,” I sobbed. “Please. We can all just go home.”
“You must know that can never happen now!” Brian roared, and with one last push he flung my dad to the rocks with such force that I heard the back of his head crack.
There was a moment of pure silence before the air was filled with screams. By then I could no longer tell whose they were: mine, Alice’s—they blended together and rose deafeningly above us.
There was no sound from my dad, who lay motionless, as Brian swiftly turned away from him and back to me. His breaths were shallow and quick, his eyes so dark they were almost black. Every muscle in Brian’s body was tight, and I knew he was still ready for a fight. I could see how much he wanted to hurt me for what I had done.
Alice had now quieted into a whimper. I too had stopped shouting and the beach was eerily silent once more except for the rhythmic lap of the waves as they hit the rocks.
Brian’s eyes didn’t leave me. They devoured me, absorbed me. I could see his mind working overtime, wondering how he’d lost me and what he’d do about it. Then he snatched my injured arm and began dragging me toward the jetty. I called to him to stop. I reached for Alice as he swept me past her, but she was too far away.
“Brian, what are you doing?” I looked back at my little girl, whose lips were quivering in fright as she stood frozen to the spot.
He ignored me as he continued to push me toward the boat, though he paused when he reached it and I caught his flicker of indecision. Surely he wasn’t planning on getting in? What could be going through his mind to make him put his greatest fear to the side?
“Brian, stop this,” I said urgently. “We can’t leave Alice. You don’t want to get in that boat.”
But Brian knew he had lost control and somehow he needed to get it back, even if he wasn’t sure how. He shoved me into the boat. “Alice will be fine,” he muttered.
I scrabbled to get back out, but Brian pushed me into the corner. “We can’t leave her here,” I cried. “And my dad needs help. Brian, you’ve got to stop.” My father lay motionless on the rocks and Alice had inched toward him.
“Brian, stop.” I tried pushing myself up, grabbing on to his shirt, gripping handfuls of the cotton and crumpling it into balls.
&
nbsp; He ripped his shirt away from me and with one hand untied the rope that held the boat to the jetty then turned on the engine, which whirred into action. Winded, I lurched toward the side of the boat but now he had hold of my ankles, and as much as I tried to pull myself forward, his strength overpowered me.
Slowly we started to move away. Alice’s arms hung limply by her sides, her little pink boots pointing inwards, her mouth open wide—and in that moment I had never hated him more. Never before had I such an intense desire to hurt my husband.
With everything I had, I prepared to swing around and push Brian away when I saw a figure running down the beach. Briefly paused in my tracks, I watched the figure run closer until I could make out the long gray cardigan and the skinny jeans, with a ponytail swishing behind.
Charlotte?
My breath caught in my throat, relief washing over me as the woman I now knew must be Charlotte turned in Alice’s direction. My hesitation meant we’d drifted farther away from shore. If she was calling out I couldn’t hear her, yet Alice must have because she’d turned away from the boat and had started carefully climbing toward her.
I pressed a hand over my mouth to stifle my sobs. At least my daughter was safe. And they’d call an ambulance for my dad, who as far as I could tell was still not moving.
Brian’s hold on my ankles loosened. I glanced behind me and watched him staring out at the horizon, presumably not realizing Charlotte was there. I glanced over the side and thought if I acted quickly, I could jump out and swim back to the rocks. The water was shallow and it wasn’t far. In minutes I’d be back with my daughter.
But Charlotte was there now. And as I looked at Brian, I knew that if I did leave him he’d follow me back and make sure it was over for me. I wouldn’t ever get away with what I’d done.
Trapped in a moment of indecision, we continued drifting out to sea in the small boat as I weighed up my options. Each wave we bobbed over made the boat wobble, which in turn caused Brian to grab the edge to steady himself.
