by Donald Welch
“It’s easy for a bruised arm to heal. You just hide it and give it a few days. It eventually fades away, but how do you heal a broken heart? Sometimes after he beat me and fell off to sleep, I laid there beside him, petrified because I couldn’t tell which sound was louder or more dangerous, the beating of my heart pounding through my chest or the sound of his voice booming over me. Over and over and over.” Tisha drifted off for a moment and mumbled incoherent sounds, but no one wanted to interrupt her.
“I should have known better, but forgive me for not thinking too clearly. After being struck in the head and face so many times, the abuse paralyzed my mind and left me numb. Roland has this look—I can’t describe it—it’s like a glare when he grabs my face, and I knew what was coming next. For some reason, tonight it didn’t matter how much he hit, slapped, kicked me, or called me names, I was finally leaving. He laughed at me. Laughed at me! Said leaving was not even an option because he would find me and kill me. If not, then he’d go after my family. All of you here are my family, and I was putting your lives in danger.
“Then out of nowhere he said, ‘Go, bitch, but Kimmy stays here with me.’ And then he raped me—he raped me like some wild animal, cursing that he would see me dead first before any other man would have me. I felt his anger as he tore into me then rolled me over before he went to sleep.
“That was the last straw. There would be no more forcing me to have sex, hitting, and talking down to me. I was tired. You ever just want to lie down and get some rest? Lie down and get some fuckin’ rest?”
The women were silent as Tisha shared her story.
“I got up and went to the hall closet. It seemed like that was the longest walk of my life. I know he kept a loaded gun on the top shelf. See.” Tisha pulled out a Smith & Wesson .44 and got up and erratically started pacing with it. The women froze in their tracks. Tisha flashed back to a vision of Roland sitting next to her and pointed the gun into Renee’s chest. Renee was still in shock as the other women scattered for cover.
“There was only one way for me and my baby to be free. Don’t you see? I checked the barrel to make sure there were bullets in the gun. If I didn’t do it now, I wouldn’t be able to do it ever again. Thank God, Kimmy wasn’t home. I was not going to let him take her. Not take my baby. Not raise her to have an evil heart like him. As he laid on his back snoring, I stood over him by the bed and pointed the gun right at his heart. I wanted to destroy it; it was evil and rotten. If I shot it out of him, then I would be free.
“Roland heard a click and opened his eyes. I was releasing the safety device on the revolver. His eyes opened suddenly and startled me. I’m sure he saw the fear on my face. Laughing at me, he said, ‘Put my shit back where you found it and take yo’ ass to bed. I’ll deal with you in the morning. Looks like my lesson tonight didn’t get through to you. Stupid bitch.’
“I was so scared and just about ready to obey when he threatened me with those chilling words: ‘You are such a dumb bitch, and if I don’t get my daughter away from you, she will be a dumb bitch, too, then her husband will have to knock her on her ass and straighten her out like I did you.’
“I pulled the damn trigger!
“His last look seemed to say that he couldn’t believe a ‘dumb bitch’ could do anything like that. I fired again. Bang! To make sure that evil heart would pump no more. Blood was gushing out of his chest—evil blood. Blood was everywhere—on the bed, the floor, the wall, everywhere. Bang, again. This time I shot him right in his damn mouth that spoke all of those nasty words to me. Bang. Another shot right between his thighs, blowing his penis in half. His body jerked from the close impact of the bullet. The bastard bled like a pig, and one of his testicles spun to the other side of the bed. Bang, I shot again, and this time his face was blown into pieces. Where those hateful eyes once sat were now deep dark bloody holes. When he went to hell, nobody would recognize him.
“My bullet opened him up like a head of red cabbage—just like the vegetable he made me. The bastard—evil, dirty bastard. On the side of the bed was a picture of Kimmy splattered in blood. I couldn’t leave her that way. The phone rang, and I stopped shooting. That’s when I went into the bathroom and wiped the blood from her pretty image, and I cleaned off all that evil blood from my naked body. Just wiped and wiped and wiped. I’m safe here now with all of you.”
Tisha seemed to go off into her own delirious world and began to mumble again incoherently. “There’s no more voices in my head, Nicky, no more. He can’t hurt me. This case is closed.
“Is the door locked? Is it locked? Here, let me clean up from the party. I’m not bad, I’ll let you clean up. Who checked the door? Please check the door. Kimmy? Kimmy’s safe, yeah, Kimmy is okay, she’s safe. I got to go. I got to put starch in Roland’s shirts. I got to go, he needs them for work, extra starch, extra starch. I’m not dumb, I’m not a whore. Just let me get him ready for work.”
Nicole carefully approached Tisha and said, “Give me the gun, Tish. C’mon, baby, it’s going to be okay. You’re here now. It’s safe. Just give me the gun.” Nicole could see splattered blood on the barrel.
Tisha was like a scared rabbit and told Nicole, “I need it,” as she held it to her chest.
“No, Tish, just let me have it, and we’ll take care of you.” The women were in various states of disbelief, shock, and fear.
Denise tried another way to get the revolver. “Tish, I need you to give me a dollar. Just give me a dollar.”
Tisha didn’t let go of that gun, but was able to pull a dollar bill out of her purse, and in a childish manner she turned over a crumpled dollar bill to Denise.
Keisha frantically asked, “What’s the dollar for?”
“It will signify that Tisha has retained my services as her attorney.”
“Attorney? Tisha does not need an attorney. It was self-defense. We know what he’s done to her.”
“The first thing we gotta do is call the police,” said Keisha.
“No the fuck we don’t,” spat Mira. “I’m glad his ass is dead; it’s long overdue. I say we go over there and get rid of the body.”
“Are you serious?” Denise asked. “Do you know what we’re dealing with here? Murder, murder!”
Nicole pleaded, “Let’s think this through. Let’s just think this through.”
Tisha stoically stood up and turned to face the door. “It’s okay. No need to worry. Everything will be fine, will be fine, but thank you so much for being my friends, my sisters, whom I love so much. I see how all of you light up when Kimmy is in the room, and that makes me feel so good, knowing that she has all these wonderful godmothers. Mira, can I have a cigarette?”
Mira looked for the okay to give her a Salem. Nicole nodded affirmatively, and Mira pulled out one of the smokes she said she had thrown away. She wanted to smoke it outside.
Denise said, “I need to drive you to the police station as your attorney and your friend.”
“No, Denise. The press will be all over you,” Freda said. “I’ll go. With your election coming up, you don’t need this kind of publicity.”
“I don’t care about that! Tisha is the most important person to me right now. I’m going to the police station with you.”
Tisha shook her head.
Mira said, “There isn’t any way we are going to let you leave here alone. Now, Denise goes with you, or we’ll all go. It’s your choice.”
Tisha calmly said, “Okay, okay. Oh, Nicky, I never got a chance to give you my gift.” She reached into the purse to hand her an envelope. “Promise me you won’t open this until I’m gone.”
Nicole nodded affirmatively and reluctantly reached for the sealed thin envelope as Tisha slowly released it from her grip. Nicole sensed that whatever was in the envelope had to be significant because she felt how difficult it was for Tisha to release it.
As Tisha painfully passed the envelope over to Nicole, she gave a deep sigh as if she were releasing all of her pain.
“Okay, you win, Denise,” Ti
sha said with a weary smile. “I’ll wait outside. I need to call Granny, who is watching Kimmy, to let her know where I’ll be.”
Nicole tried to keep her in the apartment as long as she could. “You can use the phone in my room if you need privacy, baby.”
“I’m feeling light-headed and could really use some fresh air,” Tisha said.
Keisha and Freda were silent souls timidly positioned behind the bar and ready to take cover if Tisha wanted to use that .44 again. The biggest horns suddenly had no engines.
Denise and Tisha were ready to leave and walked to the door.
Valerie asked, “Denise, can’t we all go?”
Denise assured them that going along would only have them sitting around. “The police will only give me time with her because I’m her attorney.”
Freda finally found her voice again. “Oh my God, Tisha is going to be charged with murder.”
Mira silenced her. “Will you shut up?” Then she lit a cigarette, forgetting where she was, then quickly put it out and said, “Sorry, Nicky.”
Denise and Tisha left. While the other women tried to recover from the shock of what happened to their friend, after a few moments there was a frantic ringing of the doorbell and banging on the door. “Open the door, open the door!” Denise shouted.
Meanwhile, Tisha impatiently waited for the elevator after pressing the down button again and again. She noticed a blinking light above the stairwell door. EXIT. It needed a new bulb, but the flashing attracted her to it. Those glaring red lights drew her closer and closer. Still clutching her purse, Tisha moved away from the elevator doors and followed that blinking red light to the stairwell. EXIT. EXIT. EXIT.
Nicole opened the door, and Denise quickly brushed by her, saying, “I forgot my keys. Where did I put my keys?”
“Denise, where’s Tish?”
“She’s at the elevator. Oh yeah, I was on the patio, right.”
“Nicky, the gun,” whispered Renee.
They all rushed toward the apartment door while Denise rushed to pick up her keys. “Shit, my keys.”
“Tish, Tish.” Everyone seemed to be calling her at once.
A loud boom pierced the air.
EPILOGUE
A New Day
NICOLE PAUSED in the church foyer. As she waited for Alan to join her, she looked at her friends in the sanctuary cooing over Kimmy. One year had passed since that dreadful night. Nicole had postponed her wedding for a month out of respect for Tisha, which gave everyone some time to heal and regain some normalcy in their lives.
All the friends were still very close and loving, and even though they didn’t telephone or visit one another as much as they had in the past, each one knew that a friend was never farther than a phone call or letter away. They still disagreed, fought, and argued about the simplest of things, but Nicole could not imagine going down this journey of life without these women being a part of it.
Nicole thought back to her wedding day. When Freda began to sing “All In Love Is Fair,” that day déjà vu hit her, and Nicole realized that this was the dream she’d had the night before her bachelorette party. All her bridesmaids were lined up next to Reverend Roberts, just like in her dream, complete with Keisha holding Kimmy. In the dream, Tisha sat on the pew alone, but now Nicole felt that maybe Tisha hadn’t been late after all and that it was Tisha’s way of letting her know that whatever happened, she would be always there with her. Peace flooded through Nicole’s body, and a smile came to her face.
Kimmy had adjusted well to Nicole and Alan. In fact, she ran the house and Alan, who adored her. Even though Kimmy was too young to remember her mother, Nicole vowed to keep Tisha’s memory alive. Nicole felt that Kimmy needed and deserved as much attention as possible and suggested to Alan that she leave her position at the bank and become a stay-at-home mom. Alan couldn’t agree more.
The first year was the hardest because every time Nicole looked at Kimmy and held her, she started crying. Kimmy was so energetic and sweet, and no one could look at her and not see Tisha. As happy as Nicole was to have Kimmy, there was still some sadness, and she still wasn’t sure what she would tell Kimmy, when she was old enough, about her mother. However, it would be the truth. Tisha’s grandmother, Kimmy’s only blood family, was in a convalescent home, but Nicole made sure she saw as much of Kimmy as possible.
Roland’s sister, Grace, overdosed and was found dead on the steps of the Broad and Susquehanna subway station. She weighed a mere eighty-five pounds and was discovered wearing tattered and dirty clothing. The only possessions she had when her body was found were a crack pipe and a wallet-sized torn picture of her niece, which was inscribed, “To my Aunt Grace from Kimmy, one year old.”
As Denise reached for Kimmy, Nicole couldn’t help but notice how happy she looked. Denise ultimately lost the city council election, but now she headed the largest black law firm in the city. Denise hadn’t given up on politics and, as a matter of fact, was planning her strategy for the 2010 election. The previous election had increased her profile in the city, and as Denise had said, first she’d be elected in Philadelphia and then she’d run for a national office. But she had something else to take into account when planning out her career goals: She’d been seeing Domenick, the painting contractor. They started getting more acquainted after the campaign-office mishap. Work and career were still her priority, but after revealing her secret at the bachelorette party, Denise said the pain was almost completely gone. Once a week Denise volunteered her services at a rape crisis center.
DENISE PASSED KIMMY to Freda, who was there briefly from Europe. The tour with Freda Payne proved to be the best thing that could have happened to Freda’s career. Two European record producers were looking for a sexy singing “black chick” for the release of a hot new dance record, and Freda was offered a deal. The record was titled, Movin’ On, and that was exactly what Freda’s career was doing as it topped the European dance charts. Freda’s solo performances were in demand all over Europe, and the record was just now making a little noise in the States.
And, Freda was also in love; she’d nabbed herself an Italian. Sergio was a restaurateur who became smitten with Freda after seeing her at a club in Paris. The last time she and Nicole had spoken, Freda was learning Italian. She told Nicole that spiritually, she was on solid ground—her cursing had stopped and she was not so judgmental. Before Freda had left for Europe, Nicole had talked with her about her bitterness about her life and career and had given her a copy of The Secret DVD and encouraged her to take heed. Nicole wasn’t sure if that had anything to do with Freda’s transformation, but she was happy for her friend nevertheless.
Nicole watched Zenora lean in and make a kissy face at Kimmy. Zenora had tried to focus on the business end of her salon, but that was short-lived. She missed the compliments from her personal clients and the joy of styling hair. She kept her word and opened a third salon with Rocky as her partner called Z-Roc’s, which was located in the upscale Liberty Place Mall in downtown Philadelphia. Her wig and weave line, Zenora with a Z, was flourishing, and good word of mouth as well as ads in Essence, Ebony, and Upscale magazines drew the customers in. She has been dating someone seriously—Rocky’s brother, José. She said she was “keeping it all in the family!”
Her no-nonsense approach to lateness was still intact. A couple of months ago, Nicole got stopped by police on the way to her salon because of a wrong turn. Needless to say, she was late for her appointment, and when she arrived at the shop, Z said, “Girl, I feel you—I really do, but I just can’t reach you! Reschedule.” Nicole was pissed at first, but it didn’t matter—she had to reschedule. By the time she got to her car, she actually started laughing about it.
Kimmy reached over and grabbed Renee’s hair. The long blond weave that never really fit her had been replaced with a shoulder-length honey-brown style that made her look softer. The contacts had also been thrown away. Unfortunately, Renee’s soap opera, Tomorrow Will Come, was canceled earlier that year aft
er a four-year run, but she did gain one thing from the soap—a boyfriend. She’s been dating Jackson Weldon, the “block” man she at first despised, who was now playing the lead role in a Broadway version of Lilies of the Field, based on the old Sidney Poitier film. She has been contemplating a move to L.A. at the urging of her agent, Josh, who felt he could do more for her through the L.A. office. She was recently cast as the lead role in a film by a new filmmaker, Fred Thomas, Jr., out of Philadelphia called Sorors, which had been getting a lot of buzz and attention on the festival circuit.
Nicole saw Mira reach over to tickle Kimmy. She and Jeanette didn’t get back together, and they’d sold the Loose Balloon. Jeanette was living a straight life. Mira was still in love with Jeanette, and for a while when she talked about her, Mira said this was just a phase that Jeanette was going through and that she knew she’d be back. However, when she found out that Jeanette was pregnant, she sort of shut down for a while.
But things were looking up for her: Mira took her proceeds from the sale of the club and opened a little trendy coffeehouse in Manhattan’s Chelsea neighborhood. She was also dating again. She and Catherine, an older white woman, lived together, but Mira made sure the only name on the coffeehouse was that of Mira Ranks.
Wanting some time with her goddaughter, Keisha playfully grabbed Kimmy from Mira’s arms. After her brother, Kevin’s, scandal, Keisha stopped speaking to him for about six months. She felt that he’d embarrassed her and their parents. She had known he was promiscuous and had always warned him to be careful, but this scandal took it to another level. Because of his public popularity, he dominated the rag sheets. Local news stations continuously ran the scandalous items nightly on the news, as well as getting mentioned on the national news and syndicated shows like Entertainment Tonight, Access Hollywood, and TMZ.
In fact, his own station ran various stories—all for ratings. A lot of what they said were lies—but most were the truth. Kevin had had no idea that Dahlia was a transsexual. Keisha found herself defending her brother daily because of the lies and misconceptions. Keisha no longer supported the tabloids. Whenever she was questioned about her brother or the scandal, her reply was, “Fuck y’all, and mind yo’ own damn business!” Keisha was still Keisha: loud, brazen, bold, and crazy.
