by Jenna Reed
Please, someone, kill me now.
My cheeks heat, and my body goes warm as embarrassment takes over.
I duck behind the counter and groan. “What the hell are you doing here?” I growl as their laughter is now coming out harder and faster. Their. Grady isn’t alone. I peek back over the counter, and my heart launches itself into my throat. My eyes settle on the other man with my brother, and there’s a tightening in the pit of my stomach. It’s a face I never wanted to see again.
Travis… Travis is in my freaking apartment.
And he saw me do that. Ugh.
Why is he here? Why now of all the times to show up does he choose now?
He looks the same as he always has, handsome and a bit dangerous. That’s what made me fall for him in the first place. He had the whole bad boy vibe going on. I sneak another peek at him. His dark hair is disheveled like he has been running his hands through the thick strands. His clothes show off his toned body. A light gray shirt stretching over his muscular chest, dark blue jeans loosely fitting over his lean legs, and to finish the I-don’t-give-a-fuck look, he’s wearing a leather jacket. Of course, he is.
Why does he have to be so handsome? A lot of painful memories rush up to the surface and nearly suffocate me. My anger at their intrusion trumps the memories, and I launch a string of colorful words at them as I run through the kitchen and to my room. Slamming the door behind me for good measure, I suck a deep breath into my lungs, trying to calm myself enough to put on some clothes. God. I’m so stupid. I gave everything to Travis, and then he disappeared. I couldn’t eat or sleep for months after we broke up.
Sifting through my closet, I end up choosing a pair of black leggings and a tight tank top. Might as well show Travis what he’s missing out on. I take a few more deep breaths trying to compose myself.
You can do this. You can totally do this. Just walk out there…
With my head held high, I walk out of my room, stomping down the hall, deciding that I’m just going to get rid of them. Once they’re gone, I’ll go back to enjoying my time alone, and I’m definitely eating all of that cookie dough now.
Entering the living room, I give Grady a death stare, telling him with my mind that he is going to pay for this one way or another. “Tell me why you thought it was a good idea to barge in here without knocking?”
“I didn’t know you would be doing that whatever that was. I thought that was Vicki’s job.” He gives me a smirk, and I kinda want to slap him.
“I was having my personal time.” I cross my arms over my chest, trying to ignore Travis all together. Realizing too late, what I just said.
Personal time? Who says that? God, I am being weird.
This causes Grady to laugh so hard, he has to wipe his eyes. My cheeks heat in embarrassment at what they saw me doing while listening to the music. Travis has the good grace to just stare at the floor instead of laugh. At least he’s gotten wiser since I saw him last.
“It’s not funny, I don’t even want to know what you do when you’re alone,” I pout.
Grady continues laughing. Okay, it wasn’t that funny.
Unable to ignore the big elephant in the room, I pin my brother with a questioning stare.
“Why did you bring him?” I point toward Travis like they didn’t already know who I was talking about. There’s a lot more anger behind my words than I intended there to be. Travis doesn’t seem phased though, matter of fact, he looks amused, and a lot like an ass.
“Well, little sister. You need a roommate, and I brought you one.” Grady gestures to Travis. As soon as the words are out of his mouth, I feel my mouth go dry, and my heart skips a beat in my chest.
“Oh, no,” I say, shaking my head. “No, no, no, no, no, Grady! This is not happening.” He has no idea what he’s done, but this is something that just can’t happen.
Marching out of the room and into the bathroom, I feel a panic attack coming on. I cannot believe this is happening. Grabbing my face wash tube, I squeeze it like a stress ball and shift my weight from foot to foot. Through the door, I can hear Grady’s muffled voice telling Travis he’s going to see what my problem is.
“Travis knows what my problem is,” I whisper to my reflection.
A minute later, Grady walks into the bathroom and shuts the door behind him.
“What’s your problem? You need a roommate; Travis is a roommate. I’ve just solved all your damn problems.” He gestures back to the living room, where the object of my complete unraveling awaits.
I try to figure out how to tell my brother the problem, without actually telling him anything. Squeezing my impromptu stress ball more furiously, I try to concentrate, but it’s really hard knowing that freaking Travis is in the next room. Standing there, probably staring at the floor stupidly.
The next thing I know, the tube in my hand pops open, and the facewash explodes. Spurts of gel cover the mirror and sink. Fuck.
Grady doesn’t even say anything. He just shakes his head and I focus on trying to clean it up. “It’s just not a good fit,” I finally say, my voice sounding strangely high-pitched.
“He has money, and he’s here,” Grady tries to convince me further, “he’s not a serial killer. I would trust him with my life, so I trust him with you. What else could be the problem?”
I almost snort, almost. What isn’t the problem is the bigger question?
Facing him, I shrug, “Men and women shouldn’t live together.”
“You were going to put an ad on Craigslist. You know men were probably going to reply. You’d rather live with the rapist squirrel?”
“He’s a rapist now?” I shudder, remembering my dream. My brother loves to put terrible images in my brain.
“Dude,” Grady shakes his head, “this is your best, and only option.”
“This is a complicated situation, Grady. I wouldn’t expect you to understand.” No if he knew the truth, he would be past understanding. He’d be raging.
“He’s trustworthy,” he holds a finger up, “he’s got money,” he holds up another finger.
“It’s not about money,” I snap. Although I really don’t have any other way of paying the rent and I know it. It’s causing me to panic even more. Bills, and more bills.
“It’s all about money, and you need it. Besides, he doesn’t have anywhere to stay. All the hotels are full, and his parents’ house is full. If you kick him out, you’ll just be putting a man out on the street. Get over yourself.” Now Grady sounds a bit condescending, and I don’t know how to feel about that.
He leaves me in the bathroom, shutting the door firmly behind him. I know he’s mad at me, but I can’t tell him that Travis took my virginity and broke my heart. He loves him, and they’re best friends. I won’t be responsible for that falling out.
“Okay,” I say to the mirror, “you can do this. You just need to go out there and be an adult. Yes, Travis broke your heart, yes, he looks good enough to eat, but it’s not about that.”
I can keep it in my pants for sure. All I have to do is remember how it felt when he left me, and it’ll be easy. That and how terrible all my underwear looks. Taking a deep breath, I exit the bathroom and go to face my fate.
4
Travis
I stand in the very bare living room waiting on Grady to come back. That roommate of hers really did take everything from her. It hurt a little bit to hear that many nos coming out of her mouth. I knew she wasn’t into me, but Jesus, that hurt my ego a little, and I’m usually not lacking in that department.
Gazing out the window, I try to get the image of her dancing in her underwear and a thin T-shirt out of my mind. Her toned legs moving her little body across the room, ready to wrap around my torso. Her boobs jiggling with each step, barely contained in the bra that is showing under her see through shirt. And her ass in those cotton panties, firm but soft, begging to be held on to while I take her from behind...
Yeah, probably not going to forget that.
She’s even hotter
than I remembered, still sexy as hell. Oh, the things I could do to her now. Back then, we were just kids, and we didn’t know what we were doing most of the time. Only discovering and learning. Now things would be different. I could make her come so hard she would forget her name.
Shit, I can’t keep thinking like this. I don’t need to get in my own head about this. Nina and I don’t have to hang out. I just need somewhere to sleep. I can’t get obsessed with a woman who doesn’t want me. She fucked me over once, it’s not going to happen again. I’m doing this for my friend, and so I have a place to stay, that is it. Now I just have to convince Nina of it.
Stopping by the ATM on the way over had been smart. I took out more cash than she needs for the rent to hopefully sway her to my side. And no, I’m not above bribing a woman to let me live with her. A man has got to do what a man has got to do.
I can hear them arguing back and forth. For a panicked moment, I think maybe she told him about us. Probably not though, since he’s not storming out of the bathroom to strangle me.
Suddenly, the room becomes stifling, beads of sweat forming against my forehead. Does she have the heat on?
The arguing seems to stop as a hush of silence falls over the apartment.
Grady walks out of the bathroom and sees me holding a wad of cash in my hands. His sister follows just a few feet behind him. Nina stops right in front of me and stares at it for a long minute, almost long enough to start the wad of cash on fire.
“Contrary to popular belief,” her gaze collides with mine, shooting daggers straight into my face, “I’m not a whore for money, and I don’t want just anyone living here.”
“Look,” I say, holding my hands up, “I won’t even be here except to sleep and shower. My parents have me here for a huge project. I’ll be working on it most of the time. I just need somewhere to keep my things. I only have like three bags and my clothes.”
“Were you moving back?” Grady asks me, surprised.
My eyes cut to him, “No, but I was planning on being here for a couple of months, at least.”
With Sydney and me in a strange place, I had considered maybe moving somewhere else, but coming back home was not an option. Too many memories, and now I’ve put myself right in the middle of them. I’m basically swimming in memories, and the star on the main stage is right in front of me.
“Here.” I take a hesitant step forward and give her the money. “If you still hate having me here by next month, I’m gone. Okay?”
“You know it’s weird you being here and staying with me,” she says low enough her brother probably can’t hear her.
“It’s been five years, Nina. I think we can get past it.” I really didn’t think it would bother her since she was the one who ended it.
Her eyes flash with hurt and anger, and I don’t care enough in that moment to dive deeper into what she might be feeling. I need a shower, and a bed.
“I’m not helping you move in,” the words come out clipped, “and if I hate it, you will be out at the end of the month.”
With that, she stomps into the kitchen and grabs a glass and a bottle of wine and goes into her bedroom. I turn around to find Grady giving me the thumbs up, a grin split across his face. I can’t help but roll my eyes at him, that did not go well, but desperate times and all that shit.
I crack a smile as the eighties music comes back to life in her bedroom. Just like that, the picture of her dancing with that tight little butt pops back into my head.
“Come on, man,” Grady snickers, “I’ll help you get your stuff in since she won’t.”
Well, I guess I’m moving in with Nina. Hopefully, I don’t regret this.
5
Travis
Lying in my new room on the floor because I don’t have a mattress yet, I stare at the strange things her roommate left in the room. There’s a creepy clown doll in the closet that I keep avoiding, but I feel like it continues to stare at me. A weird plant is sitting in the corner of the room that smells like some kind of rotten fruit, and a poster on the ceiling of a group of monkeys with their faces painted like The Insane Clown Posse. Clearly, she had a thing for clowns.
If I wasn’t so full, I would clean out the room now. But Mom had fixed meatloaf for dinner, and I’d been treated to the fine stories of Brian, Lindsie’s well-traveled boyfriend. Now I’m full, stuffed like a little pig because I had three servings. It’s hard to get comfortable, so I turn on my side, facing away from the closet and close my eyes.
I can’t help thinking about the night I decided it was time to leave town. Seeing Nina again has brought back a lot of emotions and memories I pushed down.
Stepping out of my house, I find dressed up kids, and lit pumpkins line the streets. Nervously, I walk down the sidewalk to the Halloween party I’m going to just to impress Nina. I know she loves Top Gun. She watches the movie all the time. While I don’t care for it, I still dressed up like Maverick. The plan is to show her that I really know her and that we should make it official, tell everybody that we are together.
I’m not going to lie; I feel pretty cool in my jacket and shades when I make it to the party. Most people are already drunk when I walk in, and the house is so packed, it’s hard to move through the crowd. Considering how huge this house is, it’s crazy to think how many people must be here.
Upstairs was for drinking and dancing, and downstairs in the basement, they set up a haunted house. He even hired people to act, it’s totally legit. I’m planning on taking Nina through it later, hoping she’ll get scared and cling onto me. The thought of her has blood rushing to my dick. Damnit, being a teenager sucks sometimes. One more year and I’ll be twenty, maybe then I can think about Nina without getting hard.
I finally had her two nights ago. It was her first time, and she was nervous, but everything was perfect, she was perfect, just as I knew she would be.
Pushing the thought of Nina coming apart while I thrust deep inside of her out of my mind, I go looking for her instead.
I spot Grady in the center of the room watching Tucker getting ready for a keg stand. He sees me and waves me over.
“You up next?” he asks when I’m close enough.
“Nah, I’m good. I will, however, take a video for blackmail if he falls or pukes.
“Chug, chug, chug.” The crowd gathered around the keg chants as Tucker stands up with his legs straight in the air. To our displeasure, he didn’t fall when they let him down. Instead, he lets out some sort of war cry and tears his shirt off before running out into the crowd of people.
“He’s going places,” Grady says with a laugh.
I shake my head, “Probably not good places. Hey, you know where Nina is?”
“Not sure,” he shrugs, “walking around with Tati somewhere. Why?”
“Just wondering,” I try to sound nonchalant. Luckily Grady is already buzzed and doesn’t seem to notice how nervous I am. I want to tell him so badly. I’m done hiding how I feel about his sister, but I can’t do this until Nina gives me the go.
After a while, I go back to searching for Nina, leaving Grady to drink with the rest of our friends. As soon as I enter the kitchen, I spot her talking to Tati. I can’t tell what she is dressed up as, but I know I love what she is wearing. It’s a tight red dress that fits her perfectly. It accents every delicious curve of her body and my mouth waters as I remember having my hands all over her.
Tatiana’s voice is high-pitched, and she seems to be upset about something, which is normal for her. Tati is the drama queen of the group, always has to be the center of attention. I roll my eyes, listening to her complain about who knows what. I wait for a break in the conversation because they still haven’t seen me yet.
That’s when Nina says something I didn’t expect, “I just wanted to get it over with and lose it, Tati. I’m sorry you feel that way, but seriously, Travis was just a way to get rid of my virginity. Now it’s done.”
The words hit me like a punch in the gut. The air is knocked out of me,
and I stumble back. Turning around, I start walking out of the room, running into people left and right, but I don’t stop until I’m outside, and cool air fills my burning lungs.
I spend the rest of the night walking aimlessly around town, reliving what she’d said. She’d just wanted to get rid of it. Now it’s done. That’s all I was to her?
I come back out of the memory and roll over and I wonder if Nina is asleep. Part of me wants to confront her over what I heard, somehow make sense of it. Then, of course, it wouldn’t change anything. What’s done is done.
A few days after that party, I decided to leave town. I couldn’t be around her anymore. I closed my eyes and put my finger on a map. I didn’t care where it would lead me. I opened my eyes, drove six hours away, and got a job. I stayed, dated crazy women, and talked to Grady almost every day. I never asked him about Nina though.
God, I really just want to go to sleep. I close my eyes and try to count sheep jumping over a cloud, when that doesn’t work, I imagine kegs rolling down a hill. As a last resort, I imagine boobs bouncing as Nina runs on a beach naked.
That finally does the trick. I fall asleep, but unfortunately, it’s a restless one. The first night we were together in the biblical sense infiltrates my dreams.
“No one else is coming,” Nina says, walking over to the couch. “It’s just us.”
I inhale and exhale with purpose. This is it. I’m going to make my move tonight. When I finally do, it’s perfect. The way she feels and moans.
I wasn’t aware until we started that she was a virgin, I was terrified about not being gentle enough with her. She was ravenous though. Once I began to kiss her, she started pulling at my clothes. It was over quickly; I was way too excited. I didn’t want to ask her the stereotypical ‘was it good for you’ question.
