by Nancy Thayer
That evening, Keely grilled steaks. Her mother made roasted potatoes with cheese and herbs, broiled broccoli coated with olive oil and salt, and a salad. Sebastian brought over a bottle of wine and they feasted out on the patio.
Sebastian was charming. He brought up names of islanders who had been injured or ill over the years, and Eloise lit up. She remembered each wound, each ailment, each recovery, and she seemed to regain some of her positive spirit while talking about them. As they ate, Keely ran her bare toes up Sebastian’s leg and was rewarded with a look that would have set off Roman candles.
After dessert—ice cream and cookies—Eloise rose from the table. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to tidy up the kitchen.”
The moment Eloise was in the house, Sebastian said, “Want to get in my car and make out?”
Keely laughed. “Yes, please. Oh, but what about our neighbors?”
Sebastian kissed the tip of her nose. “I should be going. You and I both have to work tomorrow.” He stood.
Keely stood, too, and studied his face. “I don’t want you to leave.”
“I know. Me, too. But your mother is right inside.” Sebastian pulled her to him in a warm, friendly embrace. When he spoke, his breath ruffled through her hair. “We’ve got lots of issues to deal with. And now that you’re back here, we don’t have to rush. I don’t want a fantasy, Keely. I want a real life, and that takes time. And we’ve got time.”
He kissed her mouth. And pulled away from her when the kiss grew too intense.
“I’ve got to go.”
Keely walked Sebastian to his car, kissed him lightly, and waved at him as he drove away.
She returned to the house in a happy, dreamy mood. Her mother was once again in a television trance, but Keely left her alone. Eloise had been pleasant that evening, and she had tidied the kitchen. Great, Keely thought. I sound like I’m her mother.
She returned to the patio, settled in a chair, and let her mind drift. The light was gone from the sky, but the moon was waning and the stars dotted the sky like freckles.
Her cell was on the table. When it buzzed, she jumped, startled out of her reverie.
“Hey,” a man said.
“Gray!”
“You sound surprised.”
“I think I am surprised. I’m just sitting out here, alone, stargazing.” Why did she tell him she was alone? Why did she feel relieved that she was alone right now?
“I’m going to surprise you even more.”
“My seatbelt is fastened.”
“I’m coming to the island.”
She sat up straight in her chair. “What? When?”
“The day after tomorrow. I’ve made my flight reservations, and don’t worry, I wouldn’t dream of imposing on you. I’ve got reservations at the White Elephant. A room with a view.”
“Well…yes, that’s one of the best hotels on the island.”
“Keely, you don’t sound happy about this.”
“I’m just surprised, Gray. And my mother is still…depressed, and I’m working hard on my book, I’m right in the middle of it, and I’ve got so much going on…”
“I’ve scheduled leave from the hospital. I can’t rearrange. I thought you’d be glad.”
“I’m not not glad,” Keely said weakly. “I’m just…I’m not sure how much time I’ll be able to spend with you, Gray.”
“Okay, how about this. I’ll let you have the days to yourself if you’ll be with me for dinner and the evening. And, if you like, part or all of the night.”
Keely stood up and paced around the patio. She felt angry and touched by Gray’s announcement. She was annoyed with herself, too. After all, she had phoned him just the other night after she saw Sebastian with the blonde. She had been affectionate and warm. She had talked as if she and Gray were a couple.
Still, why hadn’t he called her first to find out if it was a good time for him to come to Nantucket? And would there ever be a good time for him to come to Nantucket? Should she tell him about Sebastian? Or would that be assuming too much too soon about her relationship with Sebastian? But even if things didn’t work out with her and Sebastian, did she really want a future with Gray? Could she truly love him? Marry him? Live with him?
“Are you still there, Keely?”
“Yes, sorry. I’m trying to remember my schedule for the next few days. Also, I have to check with my mother about her plans…Gray, let me call you back tomorrow.”
“Are you saying you don’t want me to come to Nantucket?”
“No. Maybe. I don’t know. It’s such a busy time…”
“Are you involved with Tommy again?”
“God, no! I haven’t set eyes on Tommy. I know I’ll have to see him sometime, but I don’t have feelings for him anymore, I promise.” As she spoke, Keely felt like a creep for talking about Tommy and not saying a word about Sebastian.
“I know what’s happened, Keely.”
“You do?” She stopped her pacing, suddenly overcome with guilt.
“You’ve fallen in love with the island again. You’ve become an island girl and turned your back on the city.”
“Maybe you’re right,” Keely said, grateful for his reasoning.
“That’s why I definitely need to come out there and remind you of all you’ve got waiting for you in the city.”
“Or, or, I could come in for a few days,” Keely said desperately.
“How soon?” Gray asked. “I really miss you, Keely.”
She nearly bent double with shame to hear such a reserved man speaking to her with honest emotion.
“I miss you, too, Gray.” She had to say that. She couldn’t not say that. If she were going to break it off with him, she couldn’t do it over the phone.
“I’m glad. Then I’m coming.”
Keely tried to sound normal. “Gray, tell me what you’ve done this week, at the hospital, I mean.”
“It was a busy week. And a good one. I removed a tumor from a six-week-old boy. It was benign, thank God. I also repaired and rebuilt the face of a two-year-old who’d been in a car accident. And—” He sounded sure of himself, and yes, a bit smug, and he deserved his pride for changing the lives of such tiny human bodies.
As he spoke, it occurred to her that her mother would love to talk with Gray about his work. She would be able to understand the technical side of it. She could speak his language, and it would cheer her enormously to be able to be back in that world of the hospital again, her world.
“Gray,” she said impulsively, “I’d love it if one night we could take my mother out to dinner. She’s a nurse, you know, and she’d be fascinated by all this.”
“I’d be very glad to meet your mother,” Gray said solemnly.
Oh, rats, Keely thought. He completely misinterpreted her reason for wanting her mother to meet him. But it was too late now.
“Good,” Keely replied.
“But not the first night I’m there. Let’s have the first night to ourselves. We need some time alone together.”
“I know.” Keely injected warmth into her voice.
“All right, then. I’ll email you my flight information. I’ve reserved a car at the airport. I’ll call you once I’ve checked into the hotel.”
“Great!” Keely said. She wanted to hit her head against the side of the house. “See you soon.”
After their call ended, Keely had to move. She walked around her mother’s garden. The flowers and shrubs were in shades of gray because of the lack of light, but their fragrances were strong.
She forced herself to think about Gray. About making love with him. He was a careful lover, as restrained in passion as he was in the rest of his life. He was diligent about pleasing her, but that very quality irritated Keely. She found him manipulative, as if he considered her similar to one of his patients.
She did enjoy being with him, and he did take her places she’d never dreamed of going. But she didn’t love him. And she had to tell him that.
Her heart ached. Her head ached. She was exhausted and a little bit terrified.
She went into the house and joined her mother as they watched Jimmy Fallon’s late night show.
* * *
—
The next morning, she turned off her phone, made a pot of strong coffee, and sat down at her computer. Work had always been a helpful escape for her from hurt, anticipation, disappointment, and even hope. It was the blessing the gods had given to writers to make up for the curse of living a schizophrenic life, swerving between the isolation needed for work and the fellowship needed for life.
After three hours, she was drained, without another imaginative thought in her head. She dressed in running clothes, waved to her mother, who was once again watching two hyperactive women talk on television, and set off for her run. Her mother’s house was not in the historic district of town. It was a kind of quiet suburb with no views of the sea or the moors. But as Keely ran, she noticed the dreamily purple-blue hydrangea, the New Dawn roses climbing up a lattice attached to a porch, the gleaming brass door knockers, the window boxes overflowing with flowers, the stone bird bath, the two old women sitting and laughing side by side in a garden, drinking tea from teacups, not mugs. The longhaired cat she often saw was sitting in his spot in the window. She waved at him. He was not impressed. It was quiet, except for the occasional sound of lawn mowers, and with the sound came the exceptionally sweet fragrance of newly mown grass.
She returned home dripping, waved at her mother, and headed into the shower. Often when she ran, she returned home with a solution to a problem, but today she was as confused as when she started.
One day at a time, she told herself. One problem at a time.
Did that mean she considered Gray a problem? Well, yes, she did. Also, she had to tell Sebastian that Gray was coming, and what would that mean? How much would Keely like it if Ebba dropped by the island to visit Sebastian?
She would hate it. She’d be beside herself with jealousy. She’d do something irrational and completely idiotic, like going to a bar and picking up some old high school buddy and going to bed with him.
But she had to think seriously about whatever was going on with Sebastian. It felt like he was headed toward a lifetime commitment. Toward marriage? Her thoughts were racing.
If she was with Sebastian, Isabelle and Tommy, Keely’s first love, would always be in her life. And so would perfect, smug, patronizing Donna Maxwell. Oooh, Donna would not be thrilled about Keely marrying her darling first child.
Plus, there was the unspoken issue of money. Sebastian made his living with his print shop. He couldn’t make a fortune selling his scrimshaw. That was a small specialized market. While Keely made a very nice living from her writing. Amazing, yes, and something she couldn’t count on because publishing was such an unstable business, and personal tastes were so unpredictable. Look at her now, writing like a mad thing revising her novel to satisfy Juan.
Fiona had told her that her new novel had no heart. She said Keely needed to be on Nantucket to regain the power of her emotions and creativity.
Fiona had been right. But could she stay here if she and Sebastian didn’t somehow join their lives together?
Could she stay here if she had Dreadful Donna Maxwell as her mother-in-law?
Certainly she couldn’t stay here if she married Gray, but she could visit here, and then she wouldn’t need to see the Maxwells except accidentally. But on the other hand, she wanted to renew her friendship with Isabelle. That was important to Keely for so many reasons.
What should she do?
First of all, she had to get her mother up and moving. That was one goal she could achieve.
Next, she would talk to Sebastian about Gray tonight. She would tell Sebastian that Gray was coming to the island. That no matter what happened between Keely and Sebastian—Sebastian was not to feel obligated by this—Keely was going to end things with Gray.
As soon as the thought popped into her head, Keely was swept with a sense of relief so palpable it seemed she’d drunk an elixir. It would be difficult talking to Gray, and it wouldn’t be that much fun telling Sebastian tonight, but she was determined to do it.
Clouds rolled in overhead that afternoon. The sky was dark, and a wind came up, tossing the trees, tearing petals from plants. Keely worked with her mother in the basement. They were almost finished there, and they didn’t want to go out in the unsettled weather. They could tell that any minute a fury of rain would plunge down, driving summer people and day-trippers and islanders alike into the safety of shelter.
Of course Eloise was ready to settle in front of the TV again, but Keely had a brainstorm.
“Mom, I’ve set my computer up on the kitchen table. Get your laptop and sit next to me and we’ll go shopping. You could use some new clothes.”
“Keely, I don’t have the money for new clothes. Or any reason to wear them, for that matter.”
“Well, I have the money to buy you a few things, and as long as I’m here, you’ll have lots of places to wear them. Art openings, theater, movies, galas…Come on. Join me. We’ll have fun.”
Keely made a pot of Earl Grey tea and poured them each a cup, set on a saucer, to elevate her mother’s mood. Eloise’s clothes were practical and comfortable. She wore clogs. She wore shapeless tops in neutral colors, as if she were trying hard not to be seen. She wore no jewelry except her wedding ring. Keely showed Eloise some clothing sites and suggested, gently, new possibilities.
“Oh, those are far too young for me,” her mother protested.
So Keely dragged her reluctant mother into her bedroom, took out the few dresses she’d brought from New York, and insisted Eloise try them on. Eloise carried more weight than Keely, and her weeks of inactivity had made her plump and baggy, so she insisted nothing of Keely’s would fit her.
Keely persisted. She managed to pull one of her looser sundresses over her mother, and all at once her mother smiled.
“This is a pretty dress,” Eloise admitted.
“Okay, wait.” Keely searched through her jewelry box and brought out a pair of small multicolored earrings. “Like? Or maybe this necklace?”
“I wouldn’t feel comfortable in too much jewelry,” Eloise said.
“Yeah, but look at this.” Keely slipped a necklace over Eloise’s head. “It’s so casual, and playful, all those little silver hearts and flowers. It’s so summery.” Keely laughed. “I have a genius idea. Let’s order this dress for you and we can have mother-daughter dresses.”
“Oh, silly,” Eloise chided, but she continued to preen in front of the full-length mirror, getting accustomed to the sight of herself in a pretty dress.
They spent the afternoon playing dress-up. Keely ordered several things online for her mother, including a luxuriously flowered silk robe. It would be one giant step to sanity to get her mother out of her hideous stained relic.
The rain continued to sheet down. It was one of those days that seemed like twilight all day long. Before Keely knew it, it was after five. Eloise collapsed in front of the television. Keely went into the privacy of her room to call Sebastian.
He didn’t answer.
Probably with a customer, Keely thought. She hoped that while she’d been shopping with her mother her own little brain would have worked out exactly how to deal with Gray without hurting him. But she knew she had to break it off with him in person, face-to-face. Which meant she had to talk with Sebastian about where they were headed as a couple. As much as she loved Sebastian, had always loved him, she was older and wiser now, and much had happened between her and Isabelle. What did Keely want? Could she live with Sebastian in an apartment above his shop? Could she bear to spend Sunday lunches with the family, wit
h Donna Maxwell subtly insulting her?
Right now she had to focus on telling Sebastian that Gray was coming to the island. She would promise that she wasn’t in love with Gray, and wouldn’t sleep with him but would have a serious breakup conversation with him. Still, it would be awkward, talking to Sebastian about this.
Her phone buzzed. Sebastian!
“Sorry I didn’t answer right away. Listen, Keely, I’m sort of in a zone right now. I’m working on my scrimshaw piece, the one with the tall ships in a storm. I’d like to keep at it. Could I take a rain check on tonight?”
“Rain check sounds appropriate,” Keely joked. She was both disappointed and relieved. “Of course, Sebastian. I know how it feels to be in the zone. I’ll spend the evening with my mom. She’ll like that.”
“Good. I’ll call you later.”
Keely made a delicious mac and cheese and crispy green beans and a salad for dinner. She ate in front of the television so her mother could watch Jeopardy! Later, she persuaded her mother to play gin rummy with her at the kitchen table. When her mother drifted back to an old black-and-white movie, Keely decided she’d been a good enough daughter for the day and curled up in her room with a mystery.
The next morning, her phone woke her at six. Sebastian. Ha, Keely thought, he misses me.
“Hi, Sebastian,” she said, her voice hoarse with sleep. She hoped she sounded sexy.
“Keely, I’m sorry to wake you, but my father had a stroke last night.”
“Oh, no! How is he?”
“They medevaced him to Mass General. I’m here at the hospital right now. I brought Mom up. I don’t know when I’ll be home.”
“Sebastian, that’s terrible! I’m so sorry.” She sat up in bed. “Can you…” Was this too intimate to ask, when they were only just beginning a close relationship? “Is there…any way to tell how serious it is? I mean, I know from my mother that strokes are all different.”
Sebastian was eager to talk, in the way that talking helped to make sense of a catastrophe. “We don’t know for sure, but I don’t think it’s life-threatening. Mom said he woke in the middle of the night and got up to go to the bathroom. He staggered and didn’t know which way to go. She went to him, and he was awake, but he was confused. He couldn’t talk right. He couldn’t understand Mom. She called 911. The ambulance came right away. She called me and I got there just after the ambulance. Mom was so upset because Dad peed himself and she couldn’t change his wet pajamas before the EMTs arrived.”
