by Casey, L. A.
Frankie brushed her hand over my chest.
“You’re a good man,” she said. “No, you aren’t perfect, but realising flaws like you just spotted and knowing you have to make a change makes you perfect to me.”
My heart felt lighter.
“I’ll work on that and I’ll talk to the guys about it but even if we change our ways you just have to realise that some people are just hateful. Summer, Hayes’s wife, has her comments turned off on Instagram because she gets so much abuse over being married to him. She’s Chinese so a lot of people have a problem with that. He’s black, she Asian. Interracial couples have it insanely hard still.”
“Well, the comments I’ve seen are mainly about my appearance, and a few about me being a gold-digger, so it’s not nearly as bad as what Summer goes through.”
“Just because she gets abuse over something different doesn’t matter, you both are receiving it because you’re connected to members of Blood Oath. To some of the crazier people, we’re off limits to every woman. Some of the teenage girls even write fan fiction where me and the guys are secretly in love with one another and fuck like rabbits behind closed doors.”
Frankie’s face was comical.
“You’re joking!”
“Nope.” I shook my head. “May reads one about me and him and he’s such an avid reader and fan of it that he hopes we end up together at the end of the story.”
Frankie burst into gleeful laughter.
“That’s actually brilliant.”
I chuckled. “Surely you’ve gotten one insult that you actually thought was a little funny.”
“Well,” she shifted. “I read one when I was walking into May’s garden. One commenter said I looked like a long-lost Weasley sister from the Harry Potter series, that made smile.”
She pinched my nipple when I snickered.
“See?” I smiled. “You have to find the fun in some of those comments because if you didn’t, you’d reach a real low point.’
“I guess.”
“Always remember these people are insecure and want to be dating me, or one of the other guys, when they tear women down who are connected to us. It’s jealousy that fuels it. Even if some of them did find you unattractive and think I could do better than you, the main reason they comment hateful things is because they wish they were in your position.”
She processed my words and nodded, accepting them.
“Besides,” I looked down at her phone. “They now know that you’re my muse, that’s likely why some of the more hateful ones are being extra cruel when speaking about you.”
Frankie titled her head.
“What do you mean?” she quizzed. “How am I your muse?”
She had to be yanking my chain.
“You’re joking, right?”
“No.”
“You’ve heard our songs, right?”
“I’ve heard all of your band’s songs, I have the albums downloaded.”
Definitely yanking my chain.
“Then you know that you’re my muse,” I stated. “You’ve heard the songs. You know.”
Frankie played with my sobriety coin and didn’t reply. I assumed she was embarrassed to have me confirm that she was the reason I wrote so many songs. She was too modest to take credit so I knew that was why she was quiet.
“I think you should post something about me,” she then said. “You know, something about me being an old girlfriend so your fans can relax. I know May posted that picture of us and called me his sister from another mister but I think your fans need an update from you.”
“You’re not just an old girlfriend though,” I said. “You’re the only girlfriend I’ve ever had. That’s why that video is making the rounds so much.”
Frankie rolled her eyes and the action took me back.
“What the hell was that for?”
She tried to take her phone back from me, but I held it out of reach.
“Answer me and I’ll give it back to you,” I said. “What’d you roll your eyes for?”
“C’mon, Risk,” she grumbled. “I’ve seen magazine covers over the years and I’ve heard Hannah and Anna talk about you. You have been with models, the real ones and the Instagram ones as well as actresses, singers and I think Anna even said you dated a famous zoologist before.”
The fucking media twisted everything. I didn’t date a zoologist, nearly all animals scared the shit out of me. I went to dinner with that woman to prove to May that I could sit near a woman who took handled snakes, lions, bears and a bunch of other animals that would make me piss myself on sight.
“God’s sake.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Frankie, I just have to be pictured with a woman to make headlines about being in a secret relationship.”
“So you’re telling me you’ve never dated any of the women you’ve been pictured with?”
“I’ve gone on dates with a lot of them,” I admitted. “But I’ve never dated any of them. You’re the only girlfriend I’ve had. Ever.”
She looked me in the eye when I spoke.
“Okay,” she said. “I believe you.”
“Look,” I smoothed her curly hair back. “I don’t want to talk about the shit people post. Chris will call me any minute now asking what the hell I’m doing. It’s not a big deal, this shit happens every other day and it always blows over. I just wanna be with you. All day, here in this bed. Just the two of us.”
Frankie ran her fingertips over my jaw.
“Well, I’ve left Oath his food and water so I can stay with you all day, rock star.”
“How about going one step further for me?”
Frankie blinked. “How?”
“You don’t work on Mondays, right?”
“Right.”
“Come to London to see us play at Wembley.”
Frankie’s jaw dropped. “Risk . . .”
“Please?” I nudged her head with mine. “You’ve never seen us play live.”
Frankie looked down.
“C’mon, Frank.” I tightened my hold on her. “I want to look side stage and see your face when I play my first show sober. It will mean a lot to me, Cherry.”
It will mean everything.
Her eyes found mine and when she smiled, my heart skipped several beats. This woman. I was weak for her. She truly had no idea just how happy she made me. She didn’t know that I would give up every little thing in my life for her to be mine again. She didn’t know I was still in love with her. There was no point in denying it to myself any longer. I held on to Frankie for nine years. I found myself in a dark hole because I was broken without her.
I fucking loved her . . . and she had no idea.
Her arms came around my neck and her lips hovered just over mine. I looked into her emerald green eyes and I saw my whole life reflected within them. When she smiled, I mirrored it.
“You’ll come to London? You’ll watch me play live?”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, rock star.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
FRANKIE
“Hello, pretty girl.”
I opened my eyes when her gentle voice roused me. I sat upright. I lifted my hands to my tired eyes and rubbed them thoroughly. When I dropped them, I smiled. Warmth wrapped around me at the sight of her.
“Hi, Mum.”
Mum stared at me and, as usual, I saw the gears in her mind turn as she tried to place who I was. She gave up after a few seconds and said, “I’m cold.”
“We can’t be having that now, can we?”
“Nope.”
I chuckled as I stood up and tucked her blankets back around her body, giving her a kiss on the head as I went. I retook my seat and winced. God, I was sore. After all the protesting I did about how tender I was to Risk earlier in the day, I was the one who ended up begging him to love my body until I couldn’t think straight. I spent the entire day in bed with him at May’s house. When we weren’t upstairs wrapped in one another’s arms, we were playing Guitar God and mak
ing food in the kitchen with the guys. It was one of the most peaceful days I ever remembered having and because of that, I wanted to go and spend some time alone with my mum.
The day with Risk had given me a glimpse of a possible future where I smiled and laughed and felt at peace. I loved my mum, God knew I did, but I hadn’t felt a semblance of peace with her since before we found out that she was so ill. I always worried for her. I always waited for more bad news about her condition. I always had this bone-chilling fear that because she had forgotten me . . . did it mean she didn’t love me anymore? How could a person love someone they couldn’t remember, right? That thought plagued me.
Having a carefree day reminded me that, eventually, I wouldn’t get the honour of worrying about her because she’d no longer be here for me to fret over.
I knew she was dying and I knew that no matter when her time came I wouldn’t be ready for it. I wanted my mum to be free of pain, to finally find her own peace but I selfishly wished that was a long way away. Helping Michael take care of my mum these past nine years had become my life and it terrified to me to think of what would become of me when she was no longer here for me to take care of.
Those thoughts entered my mind as I lay in bed with Risk. I had a strong urge to come and be with my mother, even if it was just to watch her sleep, so that was what I did.
“I missed you today,” I told Mum. “Did you know that?”
“Yes,” she answered.
I’d wager she didn’t have a clue how much.
“You’re my best friend,” I told her. “In the whole wide world.”
“That’s nice.”
I chuckled, amused by how unbothered she was with me.
“These last nine years have been hell on you, Mum. On me and Michael too because we’ve had to watch you lose yourself but we’re still here for you and we’re not going anywhere. Do you want to know why? Because you’re our girl.”
Mum smiled at me, then turned her head and looked out of the window of her room. I knew she likely didn’t have a clue what I was talking about and that her mind was wandering elsewhere but telling her what was on my mind made me feel better.
“I want to go to the zoo.”
“So do I,” I replied. “I hear it’s lovely this time of year.”
“Me too. I want to see a . . . dinosaur. A big one.”
I smiled when Mum looked at me and blinked.
“Who are you?”
“My name is Frankie.”
“I love that name,” she wheezed. “Beautiful.”
“Thank you.”
Mum wiggled around her bed until she found a comfortable spot and sighed. She rested her head back on her pillow as she looked up at the ceiling, blinking slowly. I gazed at her beautiful face and felt my heart clench.
I loved this woman so much, I couldn’t fathom my life without her and I didn’t want to. She was my whole world and she was being snatched away from me by an enemy I could not fight. My eyes misted with tears and when I swiped away the few that fell, Mum looked back at me.
“Now, honey bear,” she said in a very matter-of-fact tone. “Don’t you . . . be crying. There are too many things . . . to smile about. Even if everything goes wrong . . . it’s all gonna be okay. You’ll see.”
I stared at my mother as she beamed my way. When she blinked and looked around, I knew her moment of clarity had passed but her words struck a chord deep within me. Those words could be applied to every little thing that scared me right now. My relationship with Risk, my fear of my life without my mother, a possible future without them both in it. I could fret and cry about the unknowns that were to come but what good would it do? I still didn’t know what would happen. All the fear I felt was taking away from my time with two people I loved so desperately in the here and now, and I had to force that feeling to take a back seat.
I just had to trust that things would end up being the way they were meant to be and that I could somehow live with whatever that turned out to be. It was still scary, so bloody scary, but letting go of what I couldn’t control made my heart beat a little easier.
My mum was right. Even if everything went wrong, it was all going to be okay.
CHAPTER TWENTY
FRANKIE
“Frankie, relax.”
I looked at Angel when he spoke to me and I knew I had a deer-in-the-headlights expression on my face.
“I am relaxed. I’ve never been as relaxed as I am right now. I’m insanely relaxed.”
I looked at Hayes when he simpered. “No, you’re wound up tighter than a—”
“Hayes!”
He burst into laughter. “I was gonna say clock.”
He bloody well wasn’t.
“Stop it.” Summer, Hayes’s wife, elbowed him and winked at me. “Leave her alone.”
I beamed her way. I had only met her a short while ago but we instantly hit it off.
“You’re still not relaxed, muse.”
I looked at Angel. “Stop bringing attention to it.”
“Tell me why your back is as stiff as a board and I will.”
I glanced from Angel to Hayes and Summer before I cleared my throat.
“I don’t think I should have come along today,” I glanced around the living room that was bigger than my entire cottage floor plan. “I feel very out of place here.”
On Saturday, Risk asked me to come to the band’s first concert of three at Wembley Stadium. I agreed. When he left on Sunday morning, I damn well felt like I was sending him off to war instead of London. Fast forward to Monday morning, I woke up extra early and went through the works for beautifying myself. I showered, shaved and exfoliated my entire body until I was smooth to the touch. I cleansed my face and lips with a scrub then applied a mask to help my oily skin.
I applied roughly one hundred different products to my hair to tame it because I was born with hair like Merida from the Disney movie Brave. If I wanted it to look cute, I had to put in a shocking amount of effort for it to be that way. Even then, I prayed to God until I diffused my hair and was happy with how it turned out. The make-up part stumped me because I didn’t wear it. I had the kind of skin that oiled up fast so wearing make-up had never been worth it. I wanted to look nice for Risk’s big night so I sat through a make-up tutorial to cover up my healing bruise. I didn’t have half of the stuff the guy used in his videos, but I had the basics. Primer, foundation, concealer, setting powder, eyebrow stuff and blush.
I had no clue how to contour so I didn’t even attempt it, and making my eyes look nice with my skill set wasn’t an option.
When I was finished, I looked in the mirror and wanted to cry. I looked like a five-year-old got into her mother’s make-up bag and had the time of her life. By the time I was finished, it was too late for me to start over so I did what any normal person would do, I rang Risk on the new number he gave me and I told him I wasn’t going.
“You’re coming,” he told me. “If I have to go back to Southwold and get you, you’re coming.”
“I don’t look cute!” I told him. “My make-up is a joke, you can still see my bruise. I have nothing to wear to a rock concert. I don’t even have a Blood Oath T-shirt! People will think I’m lost!”
“Summer is here, she’ll help you put some of the crap on your face if you’re so inclined to have it. Put on a pair of jeans and I’ll have a T-shirt here for you. How does that sound?”
It sounded like I was losing the argument.
I found myself in Risk’s London townhouse four hours later. I sat in his living room with Angel, Hayes and Summer. Risk and May were busy speaking to the band’s manager in another room. I had yet to meet Chris Harrison and from the random shouting that flowed in the from hall every so often, I knew meeting him could have been delayed a million years and I wouldn’t have minded a bit. He seemed like a stressed-out person.
“Why do you think that?” Summer frowned. “You look great and, girl, your make-up is on point now that I’ve helped you contour and w
e smoked your eyes. Your bruise is completely hidden. Your eyes are huge and so green; you look gorgeous.”
I looked down at the Blood Oath T-shirt Risk gave me to wear and I messed with the hem.
“You’re talking about the house when you say you feel out of place,” Angel interrupted. “Right?”
I glanced up at him, guiltily.
“It’s a long way from Southwold being in here.”
“Frankie.”
I looked at Hayes.
“Risk has this big house, but he’s still Risk. I’m still me and May is still May. We’re still the three prats you knocked into line when we were kids. That hasn’t changed, Bilbo.”
I smiled as Hayes’s words took root. I knew I shouldn’t let Risk’s wealth affect me but it was just such a contrast to the life I once shared with him. His home in London . . . it was breath-taking. I looked to the doorway of the room when a lady walked in, she was wearing a navy uniform and she didn’t even look at us as she crossed over to the coffee table and began to gather all the used and empty tea cups.
“Oh, let me help you.”
I jumped up to pick up the cups and the lady looked as if I’d just offended her entire family. “No, madam,” she bowed her head. “This is my pleasure.”
Awkwardly, I stepped back and lowered myself back down to my seat. I refused to look at the guys because I could hear Hayes’s stupid wheezing sound he made when he was trying to hold in his laughter. It sounded like whistling kettle.
“Mrs Clover,” Angel snorted when she left the room. “She takes her job seriously.”
“Does she only work here when Risk is home?”
“No, all year round,” Hayes answered. “She has her own key. On the top floor, in his entertainment room, Risk has this huge aquarium that is made into the walls, it wraps around the room and has hundreds of saltwater fish. It’s gorgeous. She comes by daily to feed and check on them and she does whatever cleaning she has to. She stocks up on food when she knows Risk is coming home.”
Wow.
“I wonder if she’d come and work for me in Southwold.”
