“Wow,” I say, “So she came with you?”
“Well,” she says, “Becoming a legal citizen was a long process for myself, and it was even longer for Ma, but it’s all sorted now. I’m grateful we’re together.”
“That’s an incredible story,” I smile, “I bet you miss your sisters sometimes though.”
“Yes,” she says, “But I know they’re happy. They write often.”
A gust of cold air seeps in as the door opens and Liam hurries in. My heart thuds.
“Hey,” He smiles at us, “I’m really sorry, but something came up with a buddy of mine last minute and I’m gonna have to hurry off again. I should have enough time to fix your nanny cam, though, if you can tell me where it is.”
“Oh,” I say, “It’s in my car.”
“Great,” He says, reopening the door, “I’ll be right back then.”
Dhara chuckles from the doorway, “That crazy child of mine. Always on the move.”
I smile down at my tea, swallowing my disappointment. I guess we’re having dinner without him.
“So what does Brent do now that he’s not in the Peace Corps?” I say.
Dhara smiles, “When Brent’s parents passed, he inherited this land and his family’s business. Both things have been a huge blessing because they’ve allowed us to adopt our two children.”
I nod, considering my baby, “I really love that you guys chose to do that.”
Dhara shakes her head, “Honestly, Liam very much chose us. In fact, I — well … I don’t know if he’d appreciate me showing you this … but I’m going to anyway.” She winks.
She pulls out her phone and begins to type something in. I see that it’s a website for a children’s home. She taps a section labeled “Archives – I’ve been adopted!”
Under that section are about thirty “introductory videos” of children, and she scrolls until she finds an adorable little boy with brown hair and too-big-for-him glasses. It’s titled: Liam.
She taps the video and hands it to me, and suddenly the little boy comes to life.
“Hi Liam,” An adult woman says.
“Hi!” He says back in a tiny, enthusiastic voice.
“Oh my …” I say, covering my mouth. I almost can’t take the cuteness.
“What’s your favorite color, Liam?” The woman says.
“Ummm,” He ponders, unable to sit still, “Red. But I like cars better than red.”
“Nice,” the woman says encouragingly, “And what would you like to have in a potential family?”
The adorable little boy is quiet. He looks confused.
“Would you like a mommy, a daddy, or both?” The woman clarifies.
“Oh! Both!! And maybe a sister.” He says, pushing his glasses closer to his face.
I stop the video there, feeling utterly in love with this child, but also feeling slightly intrusive of Liam’s personal life.
“When we saw that, we knew,” Dhara says, taking the phone with a smile. “We’d been wanting a little boy to complete our clan, and there he was.”
“He’s unbelievably precious,” I say. “I had no idea he wore glasses.”
“I wish he still would,” Dhara says, stirring the Rajma, “He still has a pair I think but he prefers his contacts now.”
I gently place my cup in the sink as the door opens again.
Liam enters with my nanny cam and strides over to me.
“Should be fixed,” He smiles, “Simple wiring issue.”
“Wow,” I say, trying not to imagine him with too-big glasses, “I’ve been dealing with that error code for so long now, and it was that simple? Thank you so much!”
He shrugs, “Not a problem.”
“Liam, mera beta, will you at least have some dinner before you go?”
“I’d love some,” Liam says kissing her cheek, “But it’ll have to wait until I get back. My buddy’s car is in a ditch and he needs help pulling it out.”
Dhara looks concerned, “If you’re taking the truck, please be careful.”
“I will, mom,” He smiles at her, charming as ever. Then he turns to me, his handsome face apologetic, “I’m sorry about this. Let’s do a rain check. What are you doing Thursday morning?”
My heart plummets. There it is … the fourth “effort” on his part. That makes us even once again. This alluring man does like me.
“Oh, um, I’m not sure yet,” I say, “Can I let you know closer to time?”
He smiles, “As long as you actually do let me know this time.”
“Sorry,” I blush, “I thought I had …”
“Don’t worry about it,” He affirms, “I’ll see you later.”
With that, he grabs his keys and heads for the door.
I look down at the nanny cam in my hands as Dhara calls the rest of the family into the dining room.
“Hey Nanni,” I say, giving her a hug, “Hey Sakura.”
Sakura smiles, “Hey.”
We all pile around the table with piping hot bowls of Rajma over rice. The food is abundant and the chatter is bountiful. The conversation flows with ease, as if these people have known me forever. Although I am participating in it, it’s also as though I’m watching it happen from afar: Brent jokes with me, Sakura laughs at something Nanni said, Dhara is beaming with joy at her family around the dinner table, and the whole thing has its own, special kind of beauty. It is foreign, yet comforting, to see a whole loving family gathered around a table for dinner — one that has two parents … a mom and a dad. To add to that beauty, these people are really a family by choice rather than by blood. They choose to be together, to love each other, and accept their differences.
It makes me think of my own mother and the life we had together. No round table discussions … no heart-to-heart talks about life … no loving father figure to speak of. I’ve never even experienced that with Rae’s family, since her dad is constantly doing military work. It all makes me wonder if maybe Liam was right. Maybe I should reach out to my mom. I doubt we could come close to having what this family does … but we won’t even scratch the surface if I don’t try.
36
Rae - Wednesday
I hurry into the doors of the A&B building.
I’m late and it’s already started, but Grace waves me over to the empty seat next to her, my mom, and sister.
“What did I miss?” I whisper to her.
Grace holds a paper in her hands.
“Kaya passed out these little home Bible-study sheets. It’s on someone named Job in the Bible,” She whispers back.
“Ladies,” Kaya says, “I want you to raise a hand, if you’ve ever felt like the devil is just picking away at you slowly, whether it's a string of little annoying things, a couple of really big things, or maybe even a mixture of both?”
Grace leans over and whispers, “Can I raise both hands?”
I laugh under my breath and throw my hand up with her.
“Nice,” Kaya nods, “Now everyone look around the room and notice that every. single. person. has a hand up.”
It’s true.
We’ve multiplied in numbers over the month, so now there are about eighty women in the room, each with a hand up.
Kaya’s expression goes sad, “So why aren’t we talking about this, you guys? Look at all the collective knowledge in this room. All the experiences that are so different, but so similar. If only each of us understood that we could be the source of inspiration for another girl … her reason to keep going, and to feel like she’s not alone.”
“It’s important that we’re transparent with each other. It’s how we grow and develop into our full potential in Christ.” She says, and I feel like she’s talking directly to me. Praising me even, without calling me out, for our discussion last week.
“I’m pretty open with you guys about my life,” She continues, “Most of you know that I lost my parents too soon … that I’ve struggled with my earthly relationships … and that most recently, I’ve been diagnosed wit
h cancer.”
“But let me tell you how I’m feeling about all of those things. I’m feeling honored. Not because it doesn’t suck … it absolutely does, and sometimes it’s hard. But I want you to consider this: For Satan to be attacking you so hard, just one thing after another, he must see you as a pretty threatening target.”
She pauses for us to fully consider what she said.
“By ‘threatening target’, I mean someone who is growing in their faith … someone who is threatening the risk of spreading their faith with others and the joy it brings. And boy, does that scare Satan. Satan will do everything in his power to keep you from doing that. Because we all know his goal: to make sure no one knows the joy of the Lord.”
Several people nod in agreement.
“So if discouraging you and tearing you down with hit after hit is the quickest way to quiet you down about the Lord, or worse, make you feel like God isn’t as present in your life or as gracious and loving as you thought, you can bet Satan is going to do just that. His attacks will come in the most personal, most intimate ways possible. And throughout those attacks, we have to remember that God has enough faith in us to say to Satan, “My beautiful daughter isn’t going to give in. Try what you will, but she loves me, and she will be strong even through your attacks.”
I think of the story in the book of Job … a perfect example of what she’s saying.
“God even gives us the gift of extra strength throughout these trials so that we are able to combat Satan. The key is, we just have to know how to access it and utilize it … and how do we do that?”
She pauses.
“Through fervent prayers, so that God can step forward and fight these battles for us.”
My pen is flying as I write in my notebook.
“The quickest way to discouragement is when we try to do it all on our own. When we don’t draw from the extra bits of strength God is gifting us with — we give up on asking God for it, and as a result, we end up battling Satan all on our own. Well, my friends, we’re merely humans. Satan is a divine force … and it takes one divine force to combat another. We need to give it to God.”
She takes a seat, “So next time you feel like it’s just one thing after another … I challenge you to alter your way of thinking. Feel honored that you have grown to be a spiritual threat. Feel honored that God has placed his faith right back in you, and told Satan about his confidence in you. But most of all, please don’t give up … pain and suffering are amazing instruments of growth. If you’re going through something, your character is being beautifully refined in how you choose to handle it. When it’s all said and done, you’ll be left with a story that’ll inspire others. That’ll help them keep going. But,” she smiles, “You have to share those stories in order for that last part to be effective. So now, before you go, I’d like to encourage you to be transparent with each other. Ask one another what’s going on in life, and, here’s the clincher, actually share what’s going on. I don’t want to hear any ‘I’m fine, how ‘bout you’ being exchanged in this room.”
We laugh and Kaya dismisses the session.
I turn towards Grace, “I feel like that spoke straight into my soul,”
“No kidding,” She says, eyes wide, “The part about Satan slowly picking away at you? That was ridiculously relevant.”
I frown, “Update me, boo. What’s going on?”
She sighs, “I have a huge update, but I don’t think I can cover it all here.”
“Listen,” I smile, “I’m thinking after I take this test tomorrow, you and I need to just go somewhere. Take some time away — a couple days, to just talk, catch up, and relax for once.”
She nods, “I hope you’re serious, because I’m all in. I need a vacation.”
“Fall break slash early bachelorette trip, you feel me?” I wink.
“Hell yeah,” she laughs, gesturing to her stomach, “Before I get large.”
I give her a shove, lowering my voice, “Stop — baby bumps are adorable, and you know it.”
She giggles.
“Ladies,” Kaya comes up to us, gathering both of us in a squeeze.
“Kaya,” Grace says, taking her hand, “I had no idea you’ve been dealing with cancer. I’m sorry to hear that.”
Kaya winks, “It’s alright. I’m honored, remember? Actually, I came over here to give you guys an update since I know Rae’s been praying. I have an appointment to get all the cancer removed in a few months. I’m asking people to pray for the procedure, because if all goes well, this trial will be a thing of the past for me.”
“Absolutely, that’s amazing news.” I say.
“It’s going to go perfectly,” Grace smiles.
Kaya smiles back at Grace, “I also wanted to check in and see how your situation is going … the one we prayed about.”
“Oh goodness,” Grace sighs, “It’s been a rollercoaster. The conversation we prayed about went beautifully, but now I’ve got a whole new set of problems to worry about. Much bigger than emotional conflicts.”
“Oh no,” Kaya frowns, “Well how can we change our prayer for you this week?”
Grace shoves her hands in her pockets, clearly debating. She looks at me, and I know she’s wondering if she should give this “transparency” thing a try. I nod encouragingly.
“Well,” she starts, “I actually found out this week that I’m pregnant. With my ex’s baby. And he is 100% not interested.”
Kaya’s lips part, her expression one of concern, “Oh, Grace …”
The two of them break off into the far end of the corner and after a few details are exchanged, Kaya begins praying for her. I can see tears on Grace’s cheeks.
“Lacey,” My mom says, turning my attention to her.
“Hey mom,” I smile back.
“How are you, honey? I heard from your father yesterday. He said he’s going to try his hardest to be at your wedding, but you know how it is. He never knows …”
“I know,” I say, “Let him know it’s okay if he can’t.”
Mom smiles at me, placing an affectionate hand on my cheek, “You’re a good girl.”
***
From: Adam
Sent: 10/16/19
Time: 7:23 pm
“When your Bible study group is over, come to the pizzeria — I’ve already got us a table. I have to tell you something.”
____________
I bite my lip as I pull up to the pizzeria. His tone was so serious, I worry something is wrong.
Has he decided he can’t accept my goals for abstinence? That he doesn’t think I’m worth it after all?
My worries melt when I see him at our corner table, smiling at me.
“Hey gorgeous,” He says when I approach.
A steaming hot plate of our favorite dish is waiting for me.
“What’s all this about?” I say, sliding in next to him, “Don’t make me wait anymore.”
He shrugs, “I just want you to know I met with Sam today.”
“Sam?” I say, not fully registering. Then I almost spit my drink, “Ross?”
“Yeah.”
“What? Why? Or how?”
“I ran into him in town,” He says. “Recognized him from your profile picture a few years back. Decided to introduce myself.”
Oh no.
‘Introduce himself’ how? With his fists?
My face must convey my horror because Adam laughs.
“Oh my goodness, Rae, relax. We just talked. Decided to get a coffee. He’s a cool dude.”
I stare at him for a few minutes, “He’s a cool dude?”
“Yeah,” He nods, “We’re cool.”
“You’re … cool? Just like that …”
“Yeah,” Adam shrugs, “I like him. He’s coming to our wedding since you asked Rosie to be a bridesmaid.”
I pause, unable to process. All that drama, and then, “we’re cool”? Men are so weird. I decide to just accept it for what it is and be grateful.
“Did y
ou meet her too?” I ask.
“No, just Sam today. Apparently he’s into rock climbing like we are. Been to a lot of places we’ve been.”
I knew that about Sam, but I say nothing.
I simply smile at my husband-to-be as he tells me about his day, feeling blessed.
37
Grace - Thursday
She’s not home, but I’m not surprised.
I expected to spend a few hours here on my own, especially since I showed up unannounced.
I smile when the floor creaks in familiar places on the way to her bedroom. I remember when I was younger, I’d crawl into her bed at night when she wasn’t home and breathe in her lovely scent. I’d snuggle in her blankets and pretend she was holding me. Then it always felt like magic in the morning when I woke up in my own bed — a nice fairy must have transported me there in the night.
I push open her bedroom door and crawl into her unmade bed. I wrap her soft, blue blankets around me and hold her pillow close, breathing in vanilla mint. I don’t know why I’ve always found her scent joy-inspiring; I don’t really associate it with a happy memory. I guess now I just associate it with childhood. A simpler time.
If I send her a text, she’ll ignore it.
I call her instead.
“Corinne,” she answers.
“Hey mom,”
“Grace?”
“Yeah,” I smile, because who else?
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m okay. I’m at the house.”
“The house?”
“Our house.” I say.
“Oh. You are?”
“Yeah,” I laugh.
She’s silent.
“Come home, mama.”
“Grace … I’m … I’m right in the middle of —”
“I wanna see you,” I say, “Please?”
She sighs, sounding a bit flustered, “Baby, I can’t just … I’ve got to …”
I wait.
“Oh, screw it. I’m coming, Grace. Give me about an hour.”
She hangs up the phone in that abrupt way of hers, but then again, she’s never taken off work for me before. Maybe she only is now because I caught her off guard, but whatever the reason, for now, I am grateful.
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