by Tina Beckett
Well, he wasn’t trying to drown his troubles—plural—he was only trying to drown out one particular trouble. And that trouble had started the moment they’d begun working together.
* * *
Clancy had seemed off for the last several days, but she couldn’t put her finger on exactly how. He’d been friendly enough, but there was an emotional detachment that hadn’t been there earlier in the week. And certainly there’d been no more touching moments like they’d shared in that exam room, when his light kiss had lit her up as brightly as the Christmas tree standing outside the door.
She shifted her instrument tray, not used to playing surgical nurse, even though she’d done a rotation in it during her training. But the regular nurse was sick with a stomach bug and Matt had asked if she’d fill in, since there were no active labor cases right now. She’d seen Clancy’s eyes when she’d stepped into the room. There had been a combination of dismay and resignation in them that had made her throat tighten.
He didn’t like working with her, despite his assurances that they could be friends.
Maybe she’d been fooling herself. Two nights ago, he’d come up to her, and she could have sworn he’d had something on his mind, something he’d wanted to say, but in the end he’d just discussed the tree and ordinary things about the town and then left as quickly as he’d appeared.
It had been more surreal than the kiss they’d shared in the exam room.
“Suture.”
She handed him the needle threaded with the suture material, bringing her mind back to the task at hand. Three-year-old Kaley was lying sedated on the table. The little girl had fallen while holding a glass of water and had cut her lip right through the vermillion border. They’d called in Clancy, since an error in lining up the edges would be noticeable as the girl got older. Strapping the child to a papoose board had quickly proved to be a no-go. The panicked child had screamed helplessly, causing her parents almost as much distress as it did Kaley.
Clancy had loosened the restraints himself, making soothing sounds as he carried the toddler over to her mom, and then asked the anesthesiologist to prepare a light sedation instead of physically restraining the child. It worked like a charm and soon Kaley was out like a light.
The sight of him holding that little girl had almost been her undoing. Just like seeing him with his niece, and later with Randy. He was so amazingly gentle with children. If he ever found the right woman, maybe he’d...
What? Settle down?
She didn’t see that happening, and what Clancy did or didn’t do was none of her business.
Four minutes later he’d finished the top lip and everything lined up perfectly.
Unfortunately the same couldn’t be said of her dealings with Clancy, where nothing seemed to line up and where she was busy playing a psychological version of the mix-up-the-cups game. She was never sure which emotion was hidden under which cup at any given time. Pick up the wrong cup and—oops!—there it would be, on display for everyone to see. Like in that Santa picture.
She didn’t need any more slipups like that one.
“Okay, moving to the lower lip.” He glanced at her, his attention dipping to her mouth before tugging his loupes down and shielding his eyes from view. Maybe she wasn’t the only one slipping up.
“Can you rinse the area again, please?
Okay, his brusque tone said she’d imagined that look. His mind, unlike hers, was completely focused on his job.
Using the bottle of saline, she washed the blood from the area, granting Clancy a clear view of what he had to work with.
Should she do the same thing? Sluice some emotional saline and just come out and ask Clancy if something was bothering him? What if he gave her the standard “nothing’s wrong” reply?
She couldn’t force him to talk. And she wasn’t really sure she wanted to know, especially if it went back to what had happened between them in her kitchen.
No, he’d seemed to put that behind him a lot easier than she had. Except he’d kissed her again in that exam room. And he had seemed to glance at her lips a few seconds ago.
Was Clancy really as indifferent as he seemed at this moment?
She didn’t know. And she wasn’t sure she wanted to know. She had time. There was still a little over a week before they had to leave Bender. Surely before then she could figure this thing out. And then she could go back to Arlington with an assurance that she knew exactly where he stood.
* * *
A week later, she was no closer to knowing where they stood than she’d been during Kaley’s surgery, and time was up. It was decorating day. The crowds that had swamped their little clinic each day had again assembled outside the barn. But tonight it was for a different reason. And despite her uncertainties, the town’s excitement was infectious. This was probably the first fun thing they’d done as a community since the disaster. Kids were chattering in animated voices, holding their offerings for the tree.
She allowed the turmoil and tension from working with Clancy to be washed to one side, at least for tonight.
Except he was the official MC for the event, since this had been his idea. She stood next to a large box that contained the gifts she would hand out to the kids who participated. There was also a pair of scissors and suture material that they would use to hang the ornaments. The tree was already lit, its glow like a beacon that made the crowd gather closer, their coats and gloves helping to keep the December chill at bay.
Clancy picked up the microphone, sending a long glance her way before turning back to the group in front of them.
Her heart tripped before righting itself.
Get a hold of yourself, Hollee.
That was hard to do when the man was heartbreakingly gorgeous. He always had been, that slight bad-boy air he’d carried with him as a teenager was still as potent as any pharmaceutical known to man. No wonder he’d had women swarming over him back then, her included. Even those scars did nothing to diminish his looks, as evidenced by the woman who’d slipped him that piece of paper at the dog park. Even here, he’d gotten sideways glances from some of the nurses, Kristen included, who’d asked if there was something between her and Clancy.
She’d flatly denied it. Did that mean Kristen was going to set her sights on him?
“I think we’re ready to start,” he said. “Who wants to be first?” He gestured at the lit but still empty tree.
Two kids moved forward—the resemblance between them unmistakable. They held matching stars made out of twigs that had been wired together.
Hollee peeled off her mittens and fashioned loops out of the suture material, before handing the ornaments back to the brothers and letting them choose where to put them. “Good job, you guys.” She gave each of them a wrapped gift.
One by one they presented their treasures to Hollee for loops. The ornaments ranged from pictures scratched on bits of paper to a tiny wooden box that contained a nativity scene made from pebbles.
Very imaginative.
Another child had found a clear plastic soda bottle and cut what looked like icicles from it. There were twenty or so of them.
As things got more congested, Kristen came up to help her make hanging loops.
“Clancy came up with a great idea. I’ve never seen a more beautiful tree.”
She hadn’t either, and a sudden squeezing in her throat caught her by surprise.
“It’s perfect.” And it was. This dug-up-from-the-earth impromptu Christmas tree was somehow more special than all the trees at the hospital, or even the trees she and Jacob had shared over the years. The fear that its specialness had something to do with the man who’d spearheaded this event made her hands ball up at her sides.
She’d seen so many different sides of Clancy during this trip. Things that she’d never thought about or looked for when they had been younger. Like the way he’d taken Rand
y from his dad’s arms—the intensity and determination behind his gaze making her believe that everything was going to be okay. Or the way he’d held his sister’s baby with such tenderness. Or how he’d set up a tree for a struggling, heartbroken community and given them hope.
Dwelling on any of that right now was sure to turn her into a giant waterworks, so those thoughts would have to wait until she knew she wouldn’t dissolve. Until then, she needed to hold it together.
It had to be the highs and lows of the last two weeks kicking in. It had nothing to do with Clancy, or what they’d been through. At least she hoped not. Because when they got back to Arlington things would return to normal. In every way.
So she sent her friend a smile. “Who is your pick for best decoration?”
“Those icicles are really cool.” She glanced at where the maker was still hanging them on the tree. With each slight breeze, they twirled and sparkled, catching the light from the tree and magnifying it. “It’s amazing what they came up with, and a good lesson for us all that keeping things simple is sometimes best.”
“Yes, it is.” She could apply that lesson to her current situation. She needed to keep things with Clancy simple and stop letting her feelings and emotions from the past bleed into the present.
Remember that fortune, Hollee. The past belongs to the past.
The icicles were up, and it looked like that might be all the ornaments. Then Randy’s dad led him to the front of the crowd and gave him an encouraging nudge. He looked healthy but shy, hesitantly coming forward carrying something in a plastic bag.
Clancy looked inside, and his head cocked for a second as if puzzled. Then his throat moved with a quick jerk and he motioned for the child’s dad to come up. Wearing worn jeans and a T-shirt sporting the name of the state football team, the bearded man moved toward them, draping his arm around his son.
“Hi, Randy.” Clancy gave the child a smile. “Let’s see what you brought for our tree.”
Hollee’s heart squeezed, that weepy sensation growing stronger. Maybe she’d fall apart after all.
Clancy pulled out a length of red yarn. Strung along it were bead-like items. Some were silver and shiny, and some were a dark dull color, almost like rust or—
“Oh, wow,” Kristen said.
The words made her take a closer look, then she realized the part of the garland that was visible contained pieces of hardware. Odds and ends. Hinges and nuts and bolts and even a silver doorknob. Her chest tightened.
Clancy spoke into the microphone before holding it in front of the man’s mouth. “I’d like you to tell us the story behind these items, if you don’t mind.”
The man took off his hat and nodded. “I didn’t want the kids to step on nails after the tornado, so I borrowed a metal detector and started going through the streets and properties where...” He took a deep breath before continuing. “Where some of our houses used to be. I put them in a bucket, intending to throw them away. One bucket became two, and two became three. I realized these things were once part of this town and could be again.” He rubbed a hand over his head. “They’d be a great way to remember what happened, to remember our loved ones. So I’m going to use them to rebuild my house. To rebuild my neighbors’ houses. When the call came for items to put on the tree, Randy asked if he could use some of the stuff from the buckets.”
He nodded at the bag. “These are what he chose.”
The squeezing in her chest grew fiercer, and when she looked out over the townspeople she didn’t see a dry eye out there. Some people were openly sobbing, including Randy’s aunt and her family.
Clancy reached out and gripped the other man’s hand, giving it a firm shake. “I can’t think of a better thing to put on this tree. A tree that belongs to the people of Bender, Virginia. Will you both help me loop it around?”
Putting down his microphone, there was an almost reverent silence as Randy, his dad and Clancy wrapped the garland around the tree, carefully tucking it beneath the icicles and other ornaments, the gathered items a bittersweet reminder of what they’d lost, but also a picture of hope. These things would eventually be put back to use, showing that what had happened in the past could merge into the future, that it wasn’t entirely lost.
Hadn’t she just been thinking about that fortune and her past with Clancy? And how it had nothing to do with the present? What if she was wrong?
The garland was on, and Randy and his dad rejoined the rest of the townsfolk. Several clapped the father on the back and gave his son a quick squeeze. Others took pictures of the tree with their phones. As Hollee gazed at it, she realized Kristen was right. She’d likely never see a tree like it again in her life.
“Is that everyone?” Clancy’s voice startled her, and she couldn’t stop the shudder that rolled through her at the words. At the thought of never seeing him breathe life into another child. Or having him hook a finger under her chin to tip her face up for his kiss. Once they were back home, it would be all over. They would go their own separate ways. Yes, they might see each other for Jen-Jen’s christening or around the hospital. But...
Was that all?
It’s only been a little over a month since he came back to Arlington, Hollee. You can’t get attached that fast.
Maybe not, but what about over the space of ten years?
“If we have all the decorations, we’re going to ask our panel of judges to pick a winner, but first let me say that this tree wouldn’t be what it is without all of your contributions. I never expected such a variety of creative ideas. You’ve made something special out of what was once a scraggly old tree.” He smiled and glanced around the group. “I hope you’ll remember this as you grow up. It doesn’t matter what you have as much as it matters what you make out of what you have. Randy’s garland is a great reminder of that.”
And sometimes you had something beautiful and didn’t make anything out of it at all. Even her life with Jacob had turned out differently from what she had thought it would be. What it might have been.
One of the hospital staff members took several more photos of the tree from various angles, probably for Arlington Regional’s newsletter.
Mixed in with the furor of other emotions was a hint of sadness over leaving this quaint mining town behind. The trip had been about caring and helping and...loving. She wished there was some way to stay in contact with Randy and some of the other folks she’d met over the past couple of weeks.
Maybe she could come back someday. Why not?
Clancy formed a huddle with the others on the voting panel, one of whom was Kristen, who’d excused herself to be with them.
Hollee was glad she wasn’t on it. She could just enjoy the tree and not have to worry about that uneasy awareness that crept in whenever she stood too close to him.
Who was she kidding? All she had to do was lay eyes on the man and her traitorous pulse picked up its pace.
Five minutes later, Clancy stepped forward. “We’ve reached a decision. Randy, would you come up here, please?”
Hollee pulled in a quick breath, needing the shot of oxygen.
The little boy glanced up at his dad, who nodded. He hurried over to them, stopping beside Clancy, who put his hand on the child’s shoulder. “I heard something else about you. Can you tell me if it’s true? Someone told me that you’re actually helping your dad collect some of the items that are on your garland, and that you spent most of the night stringing it.” Randy nodded and Clancy looked up at everyone. “When you get a chance, you should come by and look at it.”
Clancy knelt beside the boy while Kristen handed him a wrapped box. “We want to give you this to remember us by.”
Randy took the present, fingering the stick-on bow. “Can I open it?”
“Yes, of course.”
The little boy carefully peeled away the bow and paper and inside was a flat white gift box. Opening i
t, Randy’s eyes got huge, and he looked up at Clancy. “This is mine?”
He nodded, picking up a white stethoscope. “Yep. Let me show you how to listen to your heart.” He put the earpieces in the boy’s ears and then held it to his chest. “Can you hear it?”
His head bobbed a couple of times and a huge smile appeared on his face.
“I used this same stethoscope to listen to your heart after your accident. You’ll never know how glad I was to hear that strong beat thumping away in your chest.”
Clancy removed the earbuds and draped the item around Randy’s neck with a smile. Soon the boy was engulfed by his friends, the Christmas tree forgotten as everyone waited their turn to listen to each other’s hearts.
Wait a minute. That was the ’scope he’d used on Randy? She swallowed. Tomorrow was their last full day in Bender, and Clancy had just given away his personal stethoscope—which were normally closely guarded by their owners. He was leaving a tangible piece of himself with the boy he’d helped save. With the town he’d poured his life into over the last two weeks.
And that’s when she realized Clancy had poured a part of himself into her heart as well, whether he’d meant to or not.
She loved him. Loved his selflessness and caring nature, even when he appeared to be at his most unapproachable. Loved everything she’d learned about him during their time in Bender.
Only there was nothing she could do about it. Not ten years ago, and certainly not now.
Not without risking her heart all over again.
* * *
Some of the partitions in the barn had been pushed back to allow room for a festive group of tables to be set up. People from both the Arlington volunteer team and the town had come together to make a wonderful spread of finger foods and drinks, careful to make sure that anything alcoholic was kept well out of reach of the kids. The three-drink maximum had been lifted for this one night, but Clancy doubted anyone would tiptoe over that line. Especially not tonight.
