by Quinn Loftis
Can’t text right now. Tucker is calling.
He totally wasn’t calling, but Elias didn’t know that. Now she was the one poking the bear.
Before she set the phone down, Tara checked her text messages from Shelly. There were five of them.
If I don’t hear from you soon I’m going to report you missing and tell them to check Tucker’s basement.
WHY. HAVEN’T. YOU. TEXTED???
I’m dying … literally. If you don’t send me a text right now, I will leave this world not knowing how your very first date went. And if that happens, you will be the worst BFFF in the history of BFFF’s, and I will demand you put your necklace in my ashes and then take my ashes to the highest mountain you can climb, which we both know will be that stupid ridge you call a mountain, and scatter them to the wind. And a song. I want you to sing me a song. Like, hmmm, sing ”Say Something” because teat-less female dog, I’m giving up on you.
Ugh. You’re fired. We are no longer BFFF’s. I’ve got a new one. Found her at the intersection of Main and 2nd Street. She doesn’t make fun of the way I talk or say rude, snarky things. So, basically, she suuuuuuuuuucks. Come on, Tara-bear. Don’t leave me to this BFFF hell.
That’s it. You’re dead to me. DEAD. TO. ME.
Tara was laughing so hard that she had to sit down on her bed. Her stomach ached, and she had tears running down her cheeks. It was a much-needed break from the heaviness that had been dropped on her in the past half hour. A second later, her smile evaporated when a tap on the window caused her to jump up from the bed.
Tara crept over to the window, wondering if she should call out to Carol. She decided against it because if it was a bad person, at least Carol would have a chance to get away. Slowly, she pushed the curtain out of the way and came face to face with… “Oh, okay, not a face,” she muttered. Someone’s chest and stomach were in front of her window. When she looked up, Tara could only see the back of his head because the man was turned around looking behind him. She knew immediately it was Elias. What gave him away? Probably the dark, perfectly messy hair and broad shoulders that tapered into a narrow waist. He turned back around and started to tap again but stopped when he realized she was staring back at him. He motioned for her to open the window.
She shook her head.
Elias mouthed the word “please,” though his eyes weren’t pleading. They were hard.
Tara thought of all the reasons she should not open her window. But as if they had a mind of their own, her hands reached out, unlocked, and then raised the window on their own accord. Stupid, disobedient hands.
Elias pulled the screen out. “All right if I come in?”
“If I say no?”
“I’ll probably come in anyway.”
She let out a sigh. “Fine. Come in.”
He smirked at her as he stepped through the opening. He had to crouch low to allow his tall frame to squeeze through, yet he still moved with a quick and quiet grace. Tara wondered if he crawled through a lot of windows. He seemed rather good at it.
Once he was in, Elias turned, slid the window shut behind him, then faced her. His eyes drank her in as his jaw muscles clenched tightly. His hands opened and closed into fists as if he was trying to restrain himself, but from what?
“Why are you here?” Tara finally asked. “I have to go eat dinner with Carol.”
“I thought you were on the phone with that boy,” he said.
Tara was a little surprised at the anger lacing his voice. “It was a short call.”
“Go eat. I’ll wait.” His voice was clipped and deeper than usual.
“If she finds you in here, she’ll probably hit you with a broom or something,” Tara warned.
“I’m pretty sure a broom can’t take me out. But she won’t find out I’m here. Go eat, luv. We can talk when you’re done.”
Tara stared at him for several heartbeats. She didn’t want him to leave, but she didn’t want to admit that to him either. Finally, she just shrugged and marched out of the room. Her stomach was tight with anticipation. She was wondering why he’d come, ridiculously happy to see him, angry because he wouldn’t give her straight answers, and some part of her just wanted him to leave her alone so she could move on with her probably-not-going-to-work-out-relationship with Tucker.
All of dinner she was distracted. Carol asked questions, and all Tara could do was nod and say, ‘Uh-huh.’ She wasn’t sure if anything she said or did made sense. All Tara could think about was the fact that Elias was in her room right that very second.
“That must have been quite a date,” Carol said as they put away the dirty dishes. “You’ve been in a daze.”
“I’m sorry.” Tara sighed as her shoulders drooped. “I don’t mean to be bad company.”
“It’s fine, Tara. It’s nice to see you smitten with someone.” Carol smiled and patted her shoulder.
She nodded. “Thank you. I’ve got some homework to get done.”
Carol shooed her away. “Get to it then, missy. I’m working a double tomorrow so I will probably go to bed in just a few minutes. Give me a quick hug since I won’t see you until Sunday.”
Tara obeyed and wrapped her arms around her foster mom. Carol worked too much, but she wouldn’t allow Tara to get a job during the school year. Carol always said she just wanted Tara to focus on studying and being young.
“Sleep tight,” Carol said and then headed for her own bedroom.
Tara seriously considered just walking out the front door and texting Shelly to come get her. It would be kind of funny—okay, really funny—to leave Elias sitting waiting in her room. But her stupid heart was pitter-pattering because he was in her room sitting and waiting.
As she walked back to her room, her phone rang. She answered it without checking the ID because she knew who it would be.
“Hi, Shelly.”
“HI, SHELLY?”
Tara held the phone away from her ear as her friend screamed through it.
“Hi, Shelly is all I get when I have been texting you and worrying about you and wondering if Tucker rocked your world and I get ‘Hi, Shelly’?”
Tara stepped into her room still holding the phone out but not speaking. She let Shelly dislodge all the pent-up statements and questions before she even tried to respond. Elias was sitting at her desk looking at a piece of paper. Tara didn’t pay him any mind while she attempted to deal with an irate BFFF.
“Do you know how hard it is to sit and wait for you to let me know how your very first date went?”
“I bet you’re going to tell me.”
“I have fretted and paced and nearly bit off all my fingernails because you refused to even consider my feelings!”
“You sound like a narcissist. It’s not a good look for you.”
“I am the Best Freaking Friend Forever! I get to know the things! I don’t just get to know things. I get to know them immediately. As soon as they happen. I shouldn’t have to wait longer than two minutes after the date leaves before I get my first report.”
“Are you done, you crazy, freaking nutter?”
“Nutter and crazy are the same thing,” Shelly pointed out, her breathing fast from her tirade.
“I know. I said it two times because you are acting double the crazy you normally act.”
“I’m on my period. It makes me irrational,” Shelly said.
“Irrational and psychotic.”
“Will you please just tell me how the date went?” she whined. “I’ve been bored out of my mind.”
“It actually sounds like you’ve been quite busy becoming a raging lunatic.”
Shelly huffed. “I concede. Now dish.”
Tara glanced over at Elias and saw that he’d put the paper down and was now watching her. A single brow rose on his forehead as though challenging her to tell Shelly about the date while he was able to listen.
She rolled her eyes and climbed up on her bed as she spoke. “It was actually pretty fun. He took me axe throwing.”
“No,” Tara agreed. “I didn’t cut off any appendages of my own … obviously.” She tried to put as much meaning into the word as possible without being too obvious. She glanced sidelong at Elias as she said it to see if his expression changed in any way. She couldn’t tell, but she thought his eyes might have narrowed almost imperceptibly.
“Oh yeah,” said Shelly. “I guess you wouldn’t have been able to. But forget that, how was it?”
“It wasn’t awkward like I thought it would be. He’s easy to talk to and has made it clear what he wants.” When Tara said the last part she made it a point to turn and stare straight at Elias with her own silent challenge. He simply glared back.
“Did he kiss you?” Shelly’s voice was so eager that it made Tara laugh.
“He was going to, but then there was this small earthquake that made us both fall on our asses. It was weird. The moment was pretty much gone after that.”
“Bummer.” Shelly sighed. “What earthquake? There wasn’t an earthquake.”
“Yeah, there was. Like I said, it knocked us down.”
“I think I would have remembered feeling an earthquake a little while ago,” said Shelly.
“I don’t know what to tell you. Must have only been in my part of town.”
“Strange. Oh, well, I was hoping to hear all about this kiss so you could tell me if it’s as amazing as it sounds in books and looks in movies. I keep thinking there’s no way it’s as good as they act, but then I’m like, why would the idiots keep doing it if it’s not that good? We could just kiss each other and see what all the fuss is about.”
Tara’s eyes widened, and she saw a smirk on Elias’s face. Had he seriously heard that through the phone? Not that Shelly spoke quietly or anything. Even her non-yelling voice was still pretty loud.
“Okay, that’s where we’re going to end this convo. I’m going to get some homework done so I don’t have to do it on Sunday.”
“You’re so weird,” Shelly said. “But I still love you, ya dirty woman of the street corner.”
“Lame.”
“Shut up. I’m tired. Bye.” Shelly ended the call.
Tara sat the phone on the bed beside her, taking a slow breath before she once again looked at her uninvited guest.
“Why are you here?” She repeated the question she’d asked before she’d gone to eat dinner with Carol.
“I’ve been thinking.”
“Anytime Shelly says that to me, it usually means I run the serious risk of being thrown in jail. Now, I get very leery when anyone utters those words.” She watched as he picked up the paper he’d been looking at while she’d been on the phone with Shelly. Tara’s eyes widened when she realized it was her poem. She lunged forward to snatch it from him, but he stood deftly and held it out of her reach, which wasn’t hard considering she was five foot nothing and he was a damn giant. “That’s private,” she whisper-yelled.
“It’s beautiful and eye opening,” he said, keeping his voice low. And then to her complete and utter horror, he began to read it out loud.
“He stole my breath and all my thoughts he now held captive.
The life I had carefully built, I no longer wanted to live.
I find myself wondering, could there be more than this?
If I don’t take this leap, is there joy I might miss?
Do I want to continue holding onto the pain and past?
Or do I want to start anew, moving forward at last?
The fear of change keeps me chained, bowing to its whim.
It binds my hands and holds me fast, keeping me from him.”
Tara couldn’t look at him as he read. She felt as if he were peeling back the layers of her protection, leaving her raw and vulnerable.
“If I break these chains and let the walls come crashing down,
Can I trust that in the aftermath he will still be around?
Can I follow him into a future not planned and unclear,
Giving up the safety of the anger that has been to me so dear?
I have no answers yet. I have not decided my direction.
Explore the world before me, or stay behind my protection?”
When he stopped, she realized he wasn’t going to read that last few lines, for which she was very grateful.
“Tara.” He said her name gently. “Please look at me.”
She took a deep breath and then raised her head. When her eyes met his, she didn’t see any mocking laughter or judgment. She saw relief and understanding.
“I told you we couldn’t be together.”
She nodded and felt her heart begin to pick up its pace as his beautiful eyes stared into hers. They were the color of the sea green ocean, and she wondered if she stared into them long enough if she would fall into them. Tara knew if she wasn’t careful, she could lose herself to Elias Creed and never be able to find herself again.
“I wasn’t sure how you felt about me. And because I let my fragile ego get in the way, I made an assumption that I was the only one interested in the possibility of us getting to know one another better. But that’s not the only reason I said we couldn’t be together. It’s also because I will be leaving in a few days. I travel a lot because of my work. It’s not exactly conducive to a budding relationship. But this”—he held up the poem and smiled—“this makes me think that maybe you’d like us to get to know each other, too. Yeah?”
She nearly rolled her eyes because that poem didn’t make it sound like she wanted to get to know him. It sounded like she wanted to bind herself to him for all eternity. But it was cute he was downplaying the poem to lessen the embarrassment. “I think the words on that page answer that question.”
“I’d like to hear it from your lips,” he pushed.
“You realize this is exactly why I wrote that last sentence, right?”
He chuckled. “I’m sorry that I induce such emotions that cause you to want to kick me. I won’t promise that the urge will abate. It might, in fact, increase.”
“You’re not building a very good case for yourself,” Tara said as she sat back down on her bed.
“Little bear,” he growled.
“Fine. Yes, I want to get to know you. But what happens if I don’t get offered a place at TGTE, or if I do, and I choose not to take it?”
Tara saw a momentary look of confusion on his face, but it was gone in an instant. He looked away as he retook his seat at her desk and cleared his throat. “I guess that depends on how we feel about one another. If we begin this”—he paused, tilting his head slightly as if he was looking for the right words and then said—“friendship and discover that a friendship is all our relationship will be, then I suppose it won’t be a big deal. But if there is more, if we want more, then we will need to figure that out when the time comes.”
“It’s a risk,” she said quietly
His lips turned up in a crooked smile. “Most good things are.”
Elias set the poem back on her desk then leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. It was the same pose he’d taken the last time he was in her room and giving her his full attention. All that intensity focused on her was overwhelming. It was one of many differences she noticed between him and Tucker. When Tucker focused on her, there was no intensity, at least not for her. There wasn’t an urgency to know everything she could about him.
“What were you just thinking about?” Elias asked.
“I’m not sure that you really want to know,” she admitted.
“Tucker?” he guessed. Elias’s face dropped into a frown, his brow drawing low.
“It’s hard for me not to notice the differences between you two,” she explained. “You’re just so intense and urgent, as if you’re trying to race time even though you know time will always win. It will pass faster than you like, and nothing you can do will change that.”
“Okay, and how is Tucker different?” He
sounded as if it pained him to even ask.
“He’s safe.”
Elias’s eyes sharpened. “What does that mean?”
“I’ve known him, or at least known of him, for years. Everyone I know knows him. He’s just a guy who likes to throw axes and play football. I guess I just mean I feel like I know what I would be getting into with him.”
“People aren’t always what they seem, luv,” Elias said, his features softening a bit.
Tara ignored his words. Elias didn’t know Tucker. He was just trying to get her not to like him. She continued on. “What about you? You seem mysterious, dangerous, and unusual. Are you different than what you seem?”
“I’m not sure I want to say no. Those things all make me sound sexy.”
A surprised laugh bubbled up out of Tara, and she quickly smacked a hand over her mouth, hoping Carol hadn’t heard.
Elias gazed at her and grinned in return. “Your laugh is lovely.”
Tara needed a subject change and for him to stop looking at her like that. At any moment, she was going to bat her eyelashes and sigh. “When you were a kid, what did you want to be? Was it always something that involved working in nature?” she asked.
He ran a hand over his mouth as if he was trying to cover a smile, like he knew she was purposely changing the subject. “No, actually I wanted to be a mime.”
Tara laughed again. She couldn’t help it. Picturing intense Elias as a silly mime… Nope, not happening. “Really?”
He shook his head. “No, not really. I just wanted to hear you laugh again.”
Bloody hell, don’t swoon. “All right, you heard me. Now answer the question.”
His brow rose. “Bossy. I like it.”
She rolled her eyes and stared at him, waiting.
“All right, all right,” he said, raising his hands in surrender. “I honestly thought I would just take over the farm my grandparents had. It was all I knew. I like the hard work. I like being outside, taking care of the animals. So, I guess in a way, I did want to work in nature. I just didn’t know it would be in the capacity that I do now.”
