“I understand.” Dr. West turned off the machine and moved the wand back to a tray. Then she grabbed three paper towels and handed them to Elise. “For your stomach.” She paused. “Can I get you anything else?”
Elise couldn’t breathe. Like before, she only wanted to leave out the back door and run. Run as far and fast from here as she could. Instead she wiped the goop off her skin and pulled her shirt back into place. As she sat up, she caught her reflection in the mirror. Her full dark hair pulled back in a loose messy ponytail, stomach flat. Huge blue eyes. She still looked like Belle.
How could she be pregnant?
“Should I get Cole?” Dr. West washed her hands and dried them.
Elise felt her heart skip a beat. No, she didn’t want Cole. As soon as he walked in the room she would have to tell him the truth. There was no possibility of a mistake this time. And then he wouldn’t see her the same. She wouldn’t be Elise the adventurous artist, the beautiful dreamer. Prettiest girl he’d ever known. The things Cole had told her.
She’d be a bad girl who got in trouble.
Dr. West was waiting. Elise had no choice, no way out. She took a deep breath. “Yes, please.” That was all she could say. She felt like she might throw up.
As Cole’s aunt left the room, Elise barely made it to the trash can in time. As if her body wanted to rid her of the terrible news. She vomited three times and she was still wiping her mouth when she heard a soft knock at the door.
“Just a minute.” A couple quick swishes of water from the sink and she was as ready as she’d ever be. She opened the door and Cole stepped in.
“Elise.” He took her in his arms and held her. The sort of strong, protective hug Elise had never known before. He leaned back and searched her face. “Was it . . . are you . . . ?”
“Yes.” She might as well get it over with. “I’m pregnant.” Her wobbly feet carried her across the floor to one of the padded chairs. She sat down and Cole took the seat beside her. His face was pale. Like the news was still hitting him. “We should’ve known. I mean . . . the tests you took. They were both positive.”
And there in the silence, in the awkwardness of her not knowing what to say, an idea came to Elise. The perfect idea. Of course! Why hadn’t she thought of it before? The . . . the little blob inside her wasn’t really a baby, after all. It was a thing. A bit of tissue with a little fluttering in the middle.
Peace came over her. “Cole.” She turned to him. Her nausea was barely noticeable. The room wasn’t spinning. “I know what I want to do.”
Confusion colored Cole’s face. “About the baby?”
The words came then, words she never thought she’d say. “I want an abortion.” She lifted her eyes to Cole’s. “As soon as possible.”
Cole shook his head. “No.” His voice wasn’t loud, but his response couldn’t have been more direct. “Elise, you can’t.”
“It’s my choice.” She was on her feet. Her cheeks felt hot, her tone grew bolder. “And it’s not a baby yet. It’s tissue. So this is the best thing for everyone, Cole. I need to do this!”
For a long few seconds Cole didn’t say anything. He only looked at her, his eyes locked on hers. She didn’t see anger or condemnation or judgment. She saw something she didn’t expect at all.
Compassion.
“Do me one favor first.” Cole reached for her hand. “Please, Elise.”
She didn’t want to make any promises, but she trusted Cole. He truly cared for her. She exhaled. “What?”
He didn’t hesitate. “Talk to my mom.” He waited a few seconds. “Remember how I told you she studied art in Paris? Well, maybe now’s a good time for you to hear the rest of her story.”
Talk to Cole’s mom? Elise’s heart began to race again. It was the last thing she expected him to say. The last thing she wanted to do. Her reality stood like a mountain before her. She was pregnant. It wasn’t a dream or a lie, the test results weren’t wrong. No matter how things had been between Randy and her, she was carrying his baby.
And the worst part was she hadn’t told her mom about any of this. Every week they talked, but Elise had said nothing. Not about her sickness or her fears, and of course nothing about the positive tests from Walgreens.
Deep, dark panic worked its way through her veins and made her start to shake. Maybe Cole was onto something. Elise could talk to his mom and it would be practice for the day she finally told her own mama.
The truth was, she had no real choice now. Cole was her only friend in the world. If he wanted her to meet with his mother, if he thought somehow that would help, then she had just one choice.
She would do it.
10
Up until the minute Cole pulled into his driveway with Elise, he hadn’t felt nervous about the two of them talking with his mom.
His mother was the most kindhearted, deeply compassionate person he knew. Her early days had broken her. God had redeemed her. She saw hope for every person she met. “If God can love someone like me, then He must certainly love everyone,” she often said.
But between parking and opening Elise’s passenger door, Cole felt clammy and light-headed. He wasn’t sure where today’s conversation was going. He had just one prayer. Lord, please let her keep the baby. Please, God. His mother was expecting them. Today Elise would learn the truth. That abortion was murder. That tissue she referred to made up a life.
Cole took a deep breath. Of course he wanted Elise to talk to his mom. Her story was personal to him. It was the reason he was alive today.
On the way to the door, Elise stopped to watch Amy and Devin building a snowman in the front yard. Cole tried to smile. “That’s my brother and my cousin Amy.” He paused and looked at Elise. “She lives with us. Long story.” He waved at the two. “I think they’re trying to make the tallest snowman ever. Guinness Book of World Records stuff. Something like that.”
“Wish I were doing that today.” Elise sounded defeated. Like she’d given up before the meeting had even begun.
There was no time to think about all that might go wrong in the next hour. His mom opened the door before they reached it. As soon as he saw her eyes, her smile and gentle expression, Cole felt himself relax. His mom wouldn’t do anything to push Elise away. Today was going to be just what he’d prayed:
A turning point for the girl he cared about.
They walked inside and once they reached the kitchen, Cole peered into the living room. It was empty. “Hey, Mom.” He looked around. “Where’s Dad?”
“At the store.” His mom chuckled. “You know us. Always out of something.”
“Okay.” Cole didn’t laugh. As serious as today was, it didn’t feel right that his dad wasn’t there. “Mom, this is Elise.”
“Hello.” His mother turned to Elise and smiled. Like she’d known Cole’s friend for years. “Nice to meet you.” She went to take Elise’s hand, but then seemed to change her mind and instead she hugged her. “I’ve looked forward to this.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Elise sounded sullen, like she hadn’t even heard his mother.
Panic grabbed at Cole’s throat. What was Elise doing? She could at least be nice. Please, God, don’t let this be awkward. He looked down at his shoes and then back at Elise. “Um, yeah. I’ll get you some water.”
His mom hesitated, but her expression remained genuine. “I’ll get it.” She poured water for each of them and turned to Elise. “Can I get you anything else? A sandwich or fruit?”
“No, ma’am. No thank you.” Again she sounded different. Stiff, beyond scared. Which made no sense. Cole had already told Elise that if anyone would understand her situation, his mother would. So why was Elise doing this? Her eyes looked hard. Completely closed off. When they had their water, Cole led the way to the living room. He sat next to Elise on the sofa, and his mom took the chair across from them.
He didn’t want to wait for someone else to start talking. “First, thank you, Mom.” Cole looked from her to Elise and back again. �
��For meeting with us.”
“Of course.” His mom leaned forward in the chair, fully engaged. Ready for whatever came next. Cole had told her just the basics. That Elise was, in fact, pregnant and not happy about it. The other details he wanted his mom to hear for herself. So she wouldn’t come in with any predetermined responses. Just real, genuine conversation.
His mom’s wisdom at its best.
Next to him, Elise crossed her arms and stared at her knees. Cole cared about her more than he wanted to admit. But she needed to let her walls down. He put his arm around her shoulders. “Hey.”
She looked up for a brief moment, then back down again. “Cole . . .” she whispered. “I don’t want to do this.”
His mother must’ve heard her. “Elise, whatever it is, I understand.” She hesitated, her tone kind. “That’s why we’re all here.”
“Please, Elise.” Cole tried to make eye contact with her. He dropped his voice to a whisper. He remembered when she had made up her mind about this visit. The words she had said. “You promised.”
Something about those last words seemed to get Elise’s attention, snap her out of her emotional collapse. She turned to Cole and then to his mom. “I’m sorry.”
His mother waited. Cole, too.
Elise sat a little straighter and took a long breath. She faced his mom and tears filled her eyes. “I’m pregnant, Mrs. Blake. I found out for sure at the crisis pregnancy center.” She sniffed and wiped her tears with the palms of her hands. Her determination seemed to build. “But I’ve already decided . . . I want an abortion.” She paused but not long enough for Cole or his mom to say anything. “It’s not really a . . . a baby yet. I’m not that far along. I found a website that said it was just an embryo, cells and tissue.”
Cole looked at his mother. “Mom . . . I thought maybe if . . . if you told Elise your story . . .”
“Sure.” His mother nodded, and Cole could see the past filling her expression. She wasn’t smiling anymore. “Would you like that, Elise? Do you want to hear what I went through?”
Elise squirmed in her spot on the sofa and finally folded her hands in her lap. As if she was only here to keep her word. “Yes.” She looked at Cole then back to his mom. “Cole says it’s important. I should hear it.”
His mom seemed to think for a minute. Like she was trying to decide where to start. “I moved to Paris after high school. I wanted to be an artist.”
Elise’s eyes lit up for the first time today. She was softening. Anyone could see that. “I’m an artist, too.”
“Yes.” His mother looked interested. “Cole told me. He says you’re very good.”
Cole had seen Elise’s website. It wasn’t public, but it had a dozen paintings she’d done in the last year. All of them were good enough to hang in a gallery. At least Cole thought so.
“He’s kind.” Elise smiled at him. “All the time.” She turned to his mom. “What happened in Paris?”
“I made bad choices.” His mom laced her fingers together and stared at her hands. At her wedding ring, maybe. Then she focused on Elise again. “The details aren’t important, but before I knew it I was pregnant.”
“And you weren’t married?” Elise looked at both of them.
His mom nodded. “Not close.” She took a quick breath. “And my family was this . . . God-loving group. Extraordinary people. All of them. They didn’t do the things I was doing.” A heaviness seemed to land on his mother.
Cole had never actually heard this part. About the rest of the family and how his mom might have felt she didn’t live up to their expectations.
“My mom’s like that.” Elise was definitely more engaged now. “So what did they say?”
“I didn’t tell them at first.” His mom hesitated. “I was a world away in France. I figured I would take care of the situation before anyone knew. So one rainy Friday morning I took a cab to an abortion clinic and paid for the operation.”
Elise’s eyes grew wide. “That . . .” She looked at Cole. “That was . . . ?”
“Cole. Yes.” His mother folded her arms.
Her eyes were shiny, Cole thought, like right before she cried at sad movies.
She took a quick breath. “I paid the girl and an hour later I was lying on a sheet over a cold metal table. And for the first time I heard the voice of God.”
“God’s voice?” Elise was on the edge of her seat. “I don’t understand. He talked to you?”
“I think so.” His mom angled her head. “It’s been a long time, but there was definitely this voice. And it told me to leave that place. Get up. Get dressed and leave. As fast as I could.”
“Wow.” Elise was obviously gripped. Her arms had goose bumps. “Then what?”
“I listened.” His mother looked down again, like even this many years later she couldn’t imagine what she’d almost done. “God was telling me it was wrong. It was murder.” She shook her head. “And I couldn’t kill my baby. No matter how I wound up pregnant.”
For the first time Cole realized something about Elise and his mom. They were kindred spirits. Both pretty with beautiful brunette hair. Both artists. Both of them dreamers and doers and people who wouldn’t give up on their passions. And both bent on finding their own way. Even in the face of great consequences.
No wonder God had brought Elise into his life.
His mom explained that she had no choice but to keep her baby. “The first time I held Cole I knew. He was mine forevermore. He had always been mine.” A depth filled her voice. Cole had never heard her talk like this. His mother wasn’t finished. “God hadn’t only spared my little boy’s life. He had spared mine. Because if I would’ve aborted that child . . . that gift . . . I would’ve hated myself for the rest of my life.”
An awful realization seemed to come over Elise. “You mean, like every time it would’ve been his birthday?”
“And every Christmas and summer vacation.” Cole’s mother slid forward again. Her voice was intense. “Every time I looked out the window at the morning sun, I’d wonder where that baby was. Why I hadn’t done everything in my power to protect him.” She stopped and lifted her eyes to the window, to the sky beyond. Then she turned to Elise again. “I thank God every day for Cole. For the fact that God talked to me and because He did, Cole is alive today.”
Cole looked at Elise. It was a lot for her, he could tell. She closed her eyes and hung her head. Cole wondered if she might be changing her mind. Maybe doubting her decision. Finally she looked at his mom again. “So . . . you don’t think I should have an abortion?”
“Elise.” His mom stood and crossed the carpet to the sofa. She took the spot on the other side of Elise. “The cells inside of you are a life. A baby.”
“But I don’t want a baby.” Elise’s answer came rapid fire. “The . . . the situation was terrible. Worse than whatever happened to you in Paris.”
His mom’s smile was colored in sadness. “Maybe. But it’s never a good situation when you wind up pregnant and considering an abortion.”
An awkward feeling came over Cole. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear many more details. But he stayed quiet, waiting.
“I volunteer at the crisis pregnancy center, Elise. Week after week I see women who’ve already had an abortion and now they’re pregnant again.” She paused, her voice filled with passion. “The truth is that when a woman goes into an abortion clinic, there are two victims. One doesn’t come out. One does.” She looked at Elise for a long moment. “Keep your baby, Elise. Every child is a gift from God. And if you choose, you could always place your child up for adoption.”
Adoption. Cole let the word ricochet in his heart. What if his mother had done that? They wouldn’t even know each other. And he would’ve missed out on being a Baxter. He would’ve never known his dad, Landon.
His mom was still talking. “Elise, I don’t know if you should raise your baby or place the child in an adoptive home.” Her voice grew soft again. “This will be one of the biggest decisions of
your life.”
“H-how am I supposed to do that?” Tears fell onto her cheeks. “I want to go to NYU. To study art.”
Gently, his mother reached out and took Elise’s hand in hers. “There’s only one way to make a decision like that. You talk to God about it.”
“It’s been . . . a long time.” Elise sounded ashamed. “Prayer works, though. I believe that.” She looked at both of them. “Cole prayed for a patient of mine. That her family would show up before she died.” Elise paused. “And they did. It was a miracle. I just found that out.”
“They did?” Cole felt a surge of hope. “They showed up?”
“Yes.” Elise turned to him. “It’s just . . . why would God listen to me now?”
Cole’s response was instant. “Because He loves you.” Like it was the most natural thing, Cole covered her hands with his own. “Come on. We could pray now.”
Elise hesitated. Fresh tears gathered in her eyes like all of this was a battle too great for her to fight alone. Then finally she squeezed her eyes shut and hung her head.
His mom nodded to him. “Go ahead.”
“Okay.” Cole hesitated. This was easily the most important prayer he’d ever spoken. Give me the words, God. Please. He sat up straighter and closed his eyes. “Lord, we come to you with so many emotions. And so much at stake.” He paused. “Elise is going to have a baby. You know that, of course. But Elise doesn’t know what to do next.”
He was still for a moment. God’s presence was here. Cole was sure. “Please, will You give Elise clear direction? If she is supposed to raise this child, then put that on her heart. And if she’s supposed to find another home for the baby, please make that clear, too. Because right now, You’re the only One who can. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Two Weeks: A Novel (The Baxter Family) Page 11
