by Purple Hazel
However, if Tatyana did not blink, did not flinch, and did not seem to startle away then Ludmilla planned on leaning in to kiss her. Just a peck at first. Just a smooch. Leave it all in Tatyana’s hands to make the next move. If after that, with their faces close together, if Tatyana still had not pulled back…then Ludmilla would press in once more and give her a big long good night's kiss. This elicited feelings of powerful emotions deep within her. Blood rushed to her cheeks. Extremities tingled!
And afterward? Well, she didn’t plan any further ahead than that. Frankly, she had no idea what she’d do! But the kiss—that was the hard part. Maybe then she’d just smile and say “goodnight, Tatyana,” and that would be all she’d need to say. Now she had a plan, and it made her smile imagining how it might work out.
Stepping through the doorway as they arrived at the room, Ludmilla’s heart was racing. It was pounding with excitement at the very thought of turning around to face her lover. Ludmilla sighed and took a deep breath, still frozen in place as she looked at her bed—all made up with fresh linens to sleep on.
See? she mouthed to herself—back still turned to Tatyana—this girl likes me and I know it. Then another thought occurred to her: My God, I’ve been so brave all my life…whenever I had to be. What’s so scary about kissing a girl? Come on, I can do this.
She relaxed for a moment to let her heart slow down while she laid down her bearskin robe. Laying it over the freshly laundered covers, she then thought for a moment that she should at least say something about the nicely made bed, the wonderful food and the exciting night in the tavern with all her new friends.
But that wasn’t important right now. It could wait. After she lay the robe over the bed she turned slowly around to finally face Tatyana. A smile slowly spread across her face. Her body was still quite sweaty from working downstairs, but she was relaxed and cooling off from the cold air in the room. No fire was set in the stove yet, and she was drying fast. Her clothes smelled like beer yeast and dishwater. But all the hard work scrubbing the floor had sobered her up. Her mind was clear and so was her purpose. Ludmilla was ready.
Meanwhile, Tatyana was giving off all the signs of a woman READY to be kissed! That’s what it looked like in her eyes. Ludmilla was determined. Tatyana’s eyes first widened with anticipation and then relaxed into peaceful bliss as Ludmilla stepped slowly toward her. Neither spoke. They only looked into each other’s eyes and gave that subtle glance up and down each other’s faces. Ludmilla reached out to gently grasp Tatyana’s arm right above the elbow just like she’d planned and sure enough Tatyana didn’t startle away or even flinch. Quite the contrary—she moved right into Ludmilla’s embrace! She even reached out to place her hands on Ludmilla’s hips!
In fact, they almost came in too fast and practically missed each other. But the young couple made the necessary adjustments and soon they were fully engaged with Ludmilla’s big arms embracing Tatyana ’round the shoulders and Tatyana craning her neck back to receive her. It may not have been graceful, but alas it was all they could possibly desire from love's first kiss. They continued their loving embrace for quite some time; and when they unlocked their lips Tatyana sighed so deeply she seemed to melt into her lover’s arms, placing her head on Ludmilla’s big chest and cooing with satisfaction.
Ludmilla had no problem finding the words to say now. She, too, sighed deeply and in a low voice whispered, “I had such a wonderful day with you Tatyana. Good night my darling, and I’ll see you in the morning.” Tatyana however, was not quite finished with the tender moment as it turned out. She looked up and gazed for a few more seconds into Ludmilla’s eyes; then aggressively planted another long, wet kiss on Ludmilla’s lips, reaching up to stroke her smooth cheeks and neck in the process.
When she finally did release, Tatyana replied in a soft whisper, “Sleep well, Lyev.”
Chapter 7
Father’s Farm
Next morning Tatyana arose feeling refreshed—feeling giddy even. Tired yes, but very relaxed—and peaceful. After all, love is always a pleasant surprise when it appears out of the clear blue sky.
Truly, no one honestly believes they can cause it to happen; and many would say that for them—when love finally came knocking—it was only because love found them (not the other way around). Many might also say that love often comes when you’re not really trying to find it, and sometimes only after you’ve already given up hope. It’s rarely exactly what you expected; and even when you’ve seemingly got it all sorted out there’s inevitably something different or quirky that you have to try and accept about the other person.
What had always concerned Tatyana was the realization that she had a rather slim chance of finding a husband while working as a barmaid in a tavern. She was probably correct too, in that people may have liked her and she was certainly beautiful, but there were harsh realities to her lowly station in society. Boys from good families didn't go courting barmaids; plus the low-life’s who frequented a tavern at night weren’t likely the marrying kind either. If there was any chance at all in finding a “man,” it could only have occurred from a sheer stroke of luck. A miracle might be another word for it.
And Ludmilla, for her part, had correctly sized up the men of the town and their attitudes regarding Tatyana. They saw her as the cute kid-sister who’d developed into a curvy, buxom woman. However, she was technically off-limits beyond kidding with her and making casual advances; which they saw as harmless fun even if Tatyana didn’t find it terribly playful. Frankly she was tired of it (night after night the same old thing, the same old crude comments, and the same old gropes and grabs). She’d love to escape a life like that, if she could. But she could never leave her father—that was the real problem. Bogdan was her only family; and Bodgan’s whole existence was that run-down tavern.
True, Ludmilla’s presence had put a sudden halt to the degrading treatment inside the dining hall. No one would act that way toward Tatyana again, that was for certain. Even in her absence, few would dare try patting Tatyana's fanny or copping a feel of her breasts when she bent over a table. Quite the contrary, the way Ludmilla saw it was that the men in the tavern—the regulars who’d known her since she was a darling little girl singing and dancing for them while they clapped and sang along—were happy for her. Now that she’d found someone who cared for her it meant their “little sister” was finally in love. What’s more, they’d see to it no one else bothered her either. From now on, they’d protect her from others and warn the uninformed that Tatyana was not to be touched. That’s why Ludmilla drank with them. It made them feel like “Lyev” was someone they could trust; and now that they liked “him,” they’d make sure no one took advantage of Tatyana. They’d be glad to do so, too! Ludmilla knew it in her heart.
Yet Tatyana didn’t concern herself with any of that in the morning when she woke up and got right to work on her daily chores. She was now something she always wanted to be—a happy teenager in love for the first time, smitten with her new-found “boyfriend,” without a care in the world. Life suddenly seemed so simple; and so peaceful. She felt normal. Felt just like any other girl in town; and rightly so, because now she had exactly what they had. She could now look forward to the future.
Her father Bogdan awoke that next morning feeling rather pleased with his new situation as well. He had a daughter who was happy with her life; and he had—quite possibly—a future son-in-law in the works who might prove to be quite a reliable business partner someday! Of course the way Bogdan imagined things was not ALL concerned with business. No, he certainly had worried many a night in the past about his daughter ever finding a husband. He’d suffered these past seven years over his wife’s passing, yes. But he also dreaded the consequences of raising a daughter in such a sordid environment, with lecherous men around her night after night. Though it haunted him frequently, he tried not thinking about what she might turn into as an adult, having grown up this way. Would she become an old maid; missing out on the things other girls got
to experience? Would she end up taking over for him when he got too old to work, and be forced to hire some unreliable dotard to help out around the place? Even worse, would she marry some opportunistic fiend who only wanted to take over the family business and reduce Tatyana to a mere servant?
Bogdan had always desired to do something better for his lovely daughter, oh, yes. But what? There was always so much work to do! All the cooking and the cleaning and the brewing and the endless nights of drunken carousing inside the tavern. Yes Tatyana had missed out on so much as a little girl. She’d missed out on a childhood and it saddened him. He loved her so very much. And yet now—that happiness in her eyes the evening before—with her heart so filled with joy? Any father could see it in his daughter’s face when she had fallen in love. This now brightened Bogdan’s outlook on life. It gave him a measure of relief, too! Thanks to “Lyev,” a new future beckoned for his only daughter!
And yet perhaps Bogdan could dare to envision even more, regarding random fate and the will of the Lord. Truly, Tatyana’s new “young man” was amazing. So hard working. So easy to get along with. Everyone in the tavern the previous night really liked “Lyev”; and what’s more “his” ideas for the tavern were quite innovative.
Distilling vodka? Yes, that was a brilliant idea; and not too difficult to do. Bogdan was not just being polite about it the day before either. In fact he knew how to produce the beverage; but had never pursued it. No, it wasn’t much more complicated than making bread or brewing ale. The equipment his father had used was quite rudimentary in fact, but the product? It was rather potent! It was quite a process too, but Bogdan looked back on it fondly like it was yesterday; helping his father distill a gallon of homemade vodka in the tavern’s kitchen when he was a boy.
With Tatyana’s new man working alongside—why they could make ten times that amount and before long who knows? They could be bottling and storing entire cases of it for guests—maybe even selling the surpluses at the market! Oh, the possibilities. Having a business like this, Bogdan fantasized, could mean increased revenue, hiring staff, and turning the tavern into a profitable business.
Frankly it had never “made money” at all…the tavern that is. Not even from the start. They made bread, traded it for vegetables and grains from the market, brewed ale, served customers, and used the revenue to purchase supplies to make more bread and pay rent to their landlord. Each year, their coffers would fill and then slowly empty as the winter began.
Not that this was all that bad, really: Bogdan’s father had done it that way and supported a family. Bogdan intended to do the same—and it would have worked out fine, of course—but now there was not even a son and heir to take it over someday, just Tatyana. Therefore, what if this “Lyev” could become something more than just a “boyfriend?” Perhaps, just perhaps, Bogdan might have a “son-in-law” to take over and he could someday retire. As Bogdan began his work day, these thoughts ran through his mind. Suddenly the bread-making and his other daily chores? They didn’t bother him so much. Just like with Tatyana, life suddenly seemed so light and uncomplicated.
Ludmilla, to be sure, awakened that morning in a rather similar frame of mind. Similar but not exactly the same of course; because her mind was focused on getting herself up and getting going. She’d have a long journey home, and this particular morning was not a bright sunny day like the one before it. Clouds covered the sky, and more snow was on the way, she could tell by simply sniffing the air. It might very well be a treacherous trip back to her father’s farm; but she’d have to chance it once again.
True, she was happy and fulfilled. Nothing like accomplishing something one has set out to achieve; and she most certainly had! Ludmilla had come to Belgorod with one purpose in mind and that was to find Tatyana. She’d done that. She’d endeavored to win the girl over, and she’d accomplished that, too. That gave her confidence in herself. It felt so right, believing in her heart she’d found a partner and companion to accompany her through life.
But first there was work to do, having to go fetch the old workhorse from the livery stable and hook the sled to it. Then she’d have to pack up and hit the road. It might be a tearful parting with her true love Tatyana that morning, yet the journey following would give her more time to think—because there was something quite important about her relationship with Tatyana that was eventually going to reveal itself one day soon.
Yes, Ludmilla was going to have to come clean about her identity as a woman, and she knew it. This bothered her greatly. Sure, she’d return in the spring after planting season, and in the meantime she could spend even more hours thinking about it during the coming months—think about how to explain herself. It would be difficult, and it would have to be dealt with, yes. But not just yet. Before dealing with that, she’d have to return to father’s farm before he noticed her gone and started to worry about her.
Father could not be left alone. That was a fact. Come spring he’d need help with the farm. And even in the winter, there were tasks to complete when weather permitted. There were things to repair, meals to prepare, and weather-worn farm equipment to fix before it was time to plow and till the soil for planting. So much to do. And so much time to pass by alone each night—with father sitting silent in his chair staring out the window while Ludmilla cleaned the kitchen. She could look forward to many more lonely nights ahead, joining her father by the fire when her chores were done, all the while thinking about lovely Tatyana, and dreaming about their life together.
Thus, it was almost in a daze that she finally met up with Bogdan and Tatyana to bid them goodbye until April. Such love and affection poured from the pretty young brunette. She was excited, enthusiastic, and beautifully radiant even in the overcast gray morning. Tatyana practically leaped into Ludmilla’s arms for one more farewell kiss as Ludmilla turned to tell everyone she was ready to depart. Ludmilla even noticed Tatyana’s eyes tearing up a bit, and kissed her forehead one last time while Tatyana burrowed into her chest, shivering in the early morning cold. Bogdan was there as well, and proudly smiled with a mirthful chuckle at seeing the two in such a tender moment. Her father clearly approved! That was a good thing, and Ludmilla picked up on it quickly. Winning him over had been easy, and Ludmilla was extremely pleased with herself for accomplishing this important task. Had she not done so—if Tatyana’s father had disliked her in any way—Ludmilla could have failed.
Yet Ludmilla picked up on something else, too. An odd look shown on Tatyana’s face as she pulled away to let Ludmilla load up on her sleigh. It was only for a moment, but Ludmilla noticed it; and though it was only a slight sea-change in her lover’s eyes; something clearly concerned Tatyana. Ludmilla could see her thinking deeply. What’s more, Tatyana was glancing back and forth between Ludmilla’s eyes and her chest!
Oh, no! thought Ludmilla, my breasts! She noticed them, didn’t she? God I hope not—not yet! That might change things if she did; and Ludmilla was certainly not ready to explain such an important detail! However, not wanting to tip her hand further, Ludmilla remained calm and bid farewell with a wave and a joyful “Dasvidania!” Tatyana's joyful smile returned, and the tense moment seemed to have abated. Ludmilla tried not to worry about it for the time being. It was time to go.
And with that, Ludmilla was off. With a crack of the reigns, the sled lurched forward from the icy grip of the snow below her. Bogdan and Tatyana waved and called after her wishing her well on her journey as Ludmilla struggled to get moving. The sled was heavy, loaded down with a sack of flour and some yeast for baking bread when she got home (something to tide her over ’til she returned, Bogdan had said). It was well-received; and it was something she could tell father about when she got home that evening (if he wasn’t already passed out in his chair that is). The small keg of ale she'd brought, however—she wisely left behind.
Ludmilla travelled briskly through the town and out the city gate, hitting the main road leading toward her farm. Guards at the gate recognized her and bid her a hearty go
odbye with encouragements to keep warm and return soon. “Proshchal’nyy privet!” they yelled down to her from the gatehouse. “Come back soon, Lyev!” A sentry who was manning the entryway smiled and waved to her, bidding her safe journey home. “Idi s Bogom, moy drug!” he said as she passed, and Ludmilla grinned happily.
This made her feel wonderful. Living as a man, she’d seemingly convinced half the town she was an acceptable prospect for their beloved Tatyana; and someday perhaps, when Ludmilla’s father passed on, maybe she’d come back to live with Tatyana there in Belgorod forever. God willing, anyway.
It was certainly safer than living in the countryside come summertime—that was for sure! Much safer, it might have been said, for there were preparations going on far to the south, way down in the Wild Fields of the Crimea, that would alter the course of Russian history. Yes, very bad things were about to happen as the Tatar raiding season was rapidly approaching.
Months from now perhaps, but soon enough it would come. After the snows melted. After the rains came. After the fields were planted, and the ground was dry enough for cavalry to move swiftly. That's when they'd come. It wouldn’t have crossed Ludmilla’s mind that day but nevertheless those dangerous months were fast approaching, when villages and towns might come under attack from those wild devils of the southern steppe. In fact, mobilization had been going on for some time down in the Crimea, as the leader of the Crimean Khanate, Devlet Giray, was right at this very moment making plans for a massive attack on The Tsardom of Russia.
