I know Pete’s a competitive guy when it comes to basketball, but I didn’t realize his intensity would also apply to cooking. The second the teacher says there will be a contest for the best chocolate ball, he has this look in his eyes like he’s going to win. I’m actually glad he’s getting into it, because there’s no way I’m going to let Andy beat me.
There’s a bunch of steps in a row, but once I’m done carefully pouring our bowl into the chocolate mold, I peer over my shoulder to see how Andy and Sarah are doing. I watch Andy scoop his finger into the bowl and then poke Sarah on the nose, getting a spot of chocolate on it. She covers her hand over her mouth to stop herself from laughing. When she turns away to get the chocolate off, he spins her back around and wipes the chocolate right off for her. For a second I think he’s going to lick his finger with the chocolate that was on her nose, but thankfully he wipes it off with a towel. Even so, the whole interaction is nauseating.
Why are you even watching them? I ask myself. Get it together.
“It’s a good thing you’re better at basketball than these chocolate balls.” I laugh, trying to lighten the mood.
“You’re one to talk,” he teases. “I’ll still give you an A for effort.”
“So, uh…what are you reading right now?” I ask, resisting the urge to look back at Andy.
“Who has time to read with school?” he answers. “Not to mention I have basketball practice every day.”
“Oh right,” I say, which could be true, but I notice he doesn’t ask what book is on my nightstand right now. There’s an awkward pause instead.
“What about for school then?”
“You mean, what am I reading?”
I nod.
“Sparknotes.com.” He grins like it’s an inside joke between us, but I’m very much on the outside.
I smile, but inside my heart drops. I was really hoping that today would be a game changer for Pete and me. But so far I care more about knowing what Andy’s doing than talking to Pete, who is sitting right next to me.
If Pete’s my admirer, he’s so romantic and kind and all of the things I want in a boyfriend. Shouldn’t that count for something? Who cares if he doesn’t like to read? That’s just one quality about him.
Right, I tell myself. But right now, my heart feels as muddled as the chocolate in front of me.
“Excuse me. I have to use the restroom,” I say to Pete. Really, I just need some fresh air. Maybe the heat from the oven is what is making my head feel like it’s spinning.
“Okay, but hurry back. We can take the balls out of the freezer in four minutes. Then game time. We can start dipping these suckers.”
“Of course…,” I say, trailing off.
I really do like how into this chocolate class he is. For some reason, though, I can’t be the same….
The second I’m out of the test kitchen, I can breathe again. Still, I go to the bathroom so I can put my hands under cool water. When I see my reflection in the mirror, I’m glad I looked. I quickly reapply my lip gloss and put a little concealer on my cheeks so I don’t look so red. I shouldn’t have worn such a thick sweater to a cooking class. Once I run my hands under the cool water again, I shake my hands dry before pushing the bathroom door open.
My timing couldn’t be worse. There in front of me are Andy and Sarah, standing so close to each other their bodies are practically touching, looking right into each other’s eyes. They’re definitely more than friends. So much for Andy being jaded.
“Uh, hi, guys,” I manage to say.
“Oh, hey,” Andy says, grinning at me. Then he turns back to Sarah. “Told you I could find the bathroom.” But she’s already rushing toward the door. As she passes me, Andy turns his eyes back to me.
“You wouldn’t happen to know where the men’s bathroom is?”
“Nope,” I say. Normally, I’d make a joke about how he’s an awful detective, but seeing him and Sarah again like this was surprising. Suddenly, my mouth is all dry.
“So…you and…,” I start to say, but then I realize it’s none of my business. Here I am at a chocolate-making class with another guy, not to mention chasing the paper hearts of a mystery admirer. Obviously, Andy knew I was never interested in him and he was free to do whatever he wanted. But there’s still a part of me that feels dumb for thinking there could’ve been something between us.
“Better get going. Pete wants to start dipping the chocolate balls as soon as they’re out of the freezer.”
“We’re definitely not going to win, so we’ll be okay,” he laughs.
“Well, it would’ve helped to keep the chocolate in the pan,” I retort.
He raises an eyebrow. I realize I accidentally just admitted I was watching them. “The whole class could hear you two giggling.” I shrug, covering up for it.
“We didn’t mean to be a distraction,” he responds. But when he looks at me now there’s a glimmer in his eyes that makes me think that was his intention this whole time.
“Oh, I was far from distracted. In fact, I really do think we’re going to win.”
“Better get going, then,” Andy says. “Wouldn’t want Paul to have to accept the award alone.”
“Pete,” I correct him.
“Oh right, I knew that.”
He did. Why is he being like this?
“Okay…,” I say, walking away slowly. Normally, he would’ve said at least one flirtatious thing by now. What, is he afraid Sarah is going to hear him? I keep walking, and nothing. I don’t know what I expect, but the silence is deafening. The only sound is from my boots hitting the floor.
When I’m back at the kitchen, Pete smiles widely. “Just in time!” he says before telling me what I missed while I was in the bathroom. We begin dipping the chocolate balls into the different bowls in front of us, some with nuts, others with sprinkles and more garnishes.
Once everyone is done, the teacher walks around taking notes to determine the winner. She pauses when she gets to Andy and Sarah, but I force myself to look away before I can see her reaction.
Was the reason I was so bothered about Andy and Sarah because I was jealous? So what if he didn’t flirt with me back there? That’s all it was before, flirting. Not the romantic kind of love I really want.
Right?
Suddenly, I feel Pete nudge my shoulder. The woman in front pulls out three ribbons.
“That blue one is for us,” he whispers.
I smile weakly. The third and second place teams are called and then I hear our names as Pete fist-pumps the air next to me. We won.
I glance back at Andy to see if he’s watching me, but the chairs he and Sarah were sitting at before are empty. They didn’t even bother to stay for the awards. What could they possibly be doing together that’s more fun? I turn back to receive the ribbon and Pete’s frowning, like he knows why I was looking back.
And even though we’re technically winners, I feel like the ultimate loser.
Chapter 18
After the longest shower of my life, I no longer smell like a chocolate bar.
I wrap myself in my fluffiest bathrobe. It’s white, and whenever I wear it, I feel like a polar bear, which makes me love it even more.
As I walk to Ashley’s room, the faint sound of the music playing from her speakers becomes louder. I knock on her door as drums blare from the other side. I wonder if she can even hear me, so I knock again.
“What?” Ashley yells.
“Can I come in?”
There’s a long pause. Then she yells over the music.
“Sure!”
As I enter the room, Ashley’s turning the music down. “What’s up?” she says from her bed. Her eyes are rimmed with eyeliner but when I join her on the bed, I get a closer view. It looks like they’re red underneath, like she’s been crying.
I sigh
. She was mad at me this morning, but this must not just be about me. I pry gently.
“I came with a peace offering,” I say, handing her the bag of chocolates. “Disclaimer, Pete already took two, but it was the least I could give him for leading our team to first place.”
“There was a competition?” Ashley says, cracking a smile that also cracks the tension in the room.
“Yes. And you should’ve seen Pete. He wanted to win so bad like it was a championship game or something. It was intense. So know this peace offering was made with blood, sweat, and tears.”
I hand the bag to her.
“Want to share one?” she asks. Her hand is already grabbing one out of the bag. She splits the chocolate as evenly as she can, then holds the two pieces out for me to choose from. Our mom taught us this trick when we were young to keep us honest.
I grab the one on the right and pop it into my mouth. Ashley takes a bite and then whips her head toward me.
“Mmm. I love the taste of blood.”
“Okay, now you sound like a vampire.”
“I don’t hate that.” She smiles. “I’d make a great one.”
“A great vampire?”
“Sure,” she says, taking another bite and chewing while she talks. “Instead of going to bed, I could go to concerts all night. You could join me if you want, but you’d probably end up reading from sunset to sunrise.”
“I think you’re forgetting about the whole biting-other-humans part.”
“Small sacrifice.”
“Oh boy. Glad I brought a peace offering. You know, to avoid getting my head bitten off.”
“I was tempted earlier,” she says.
I know this is my opening to take the conversation from vampires to serious sister stuff, so I go for it. “Do you…do you want to talk about it?”
“There’s not much to talk about,” she says, crossing her arms. “You didn’t invite me. I was offended. End of story.”
“But you never invite me anywhere.” I don’t say it to be mean, only to speak the truth. Deep down I know this has to do with Steve, not me. Right now, Ashley should be listening to her emo music with him, not alone. “Where is Ste—” I start to ask, but she cuts me off.
“We’re fighting, okay?”
I knew it. But I can’t gloat now.
“About what?”
“Honestly, nothing,” she starts. “It’s weird. Not that we’re picking fights with each other on purpose, but sometimes I get so mad at him and…” She trails off.
“You want to bite his head off like a vampire?” I offer.
“Exactly,” she says. “It’s so frustrating. We never used to fight, and all of a sudden, it happens all the time.”
“Do you think you should break up?” I ask. It seems like a perfectly reasonable follow-up question to me, but her jaw drops like I said the most ridiculous thing she’s ever heard.
“Couples can fight, Ella. And I don’t want to break up with him,” Ashley says matter-of-factly. It’s the voice she uses when she has heard enough. There’s no point in arguing with her now.
“Why?”
“I love him. He’s my first real boyfriend. And he’s been there for me through so much. After your accident, he was the glue that put me back together.”
Ugh. I wish she didn’t feel that way.
“What’re you thinking?” Ashley asks. “You’re so obvious when you’re thinking something.”
“Nothing.”
“You’ve always been a bad liar.” She smiles. “Can’t you tell me?”
“I think just because someone is your first love doesn’t mean they need to be your last,” I say.
“Wise words from someone who hasn’t been in love,” she says, raising an eyebrow.
I guess everyone at school thought Pete and I were the perfect couple except for my own sister. She sees right through me.
I shrug. “You’re right. I can’t offer any advice with the way my life is going right now.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” she says. “But first have another chocolate ball. It looks like you deserve a whole one.” She hands me the one that Pete dipped in red sprinkles. I don’t need to be convinced, and I eat the creamy goodness in one bite.
“So delicious,” I say. “Okay, fine…I guess I just decided I don’t like Pete.”
“What?!” Ashley gasps. “I was sure that when you invited him, you wanted a second chance.”
“I’ve tried to like him. Really, here is this great guy—”
“Who is smart, hot, and likes you even after you stomped on his heart. What more could you want?”
“Gee, thanks, Ashley.”
“Sorry. Have another chocolate ball.”
I grab one from the bag and eat it before I keep going.
“Well, there’s this other guy, Andy, but I don’t even know why I’m bringing him up because that’s not the problem. I just…I know this sounds stupid. But I always thought I’d end up with someone that gave me…butterflies.”
I spit the last word out, fully knowing that my sister might laugh in my face. After all, she’s a self-proclaimed vampire. But she surprises me.
“No, you’re right. That’s the most important thing.”
“Really. You think so?”
“Absolutely.”
I can’t imagine Steve giving my sister butterflies. Maybe it’s more like moths and she’s just confused. But I choose not to ruin our sister moment by saying this. Instead, she’s the one who ruins it.
“So tell me about Andy.”
I groan. “Split a chocolate ball with me for this one?”
She breaks one up and lets me choose. I grab the piece closer to me, wondering where to even start. From the beginning? All the paper hearts? No, too much backstory. Instead, I go with what has been eating me up inside.
“He came to the chocolate-making class with another girl even though he knew I was going to be there.”
“That’s so rude!” Ashley says. “Who’s the girl?”
“Her name is Sarah. They work together at the library.”
“Oh, so maybe it’s not what you think,” she says, taking a bite of the chocolate.
“No, it is. The way they were looking at each other. They were more interested in flirting with each other than making chocolates. I don’t even know why they went.”
“Sounds like he was trying to make you jealous.”
“Jealous?” I spit.
“It also sounds like it worked.”
“Did not!” I say loudly. Too loudly. Ashley looks at me with a big smirk on her face. “He can go on chocolate dates with anyone he wants to,” I continue. “He isn’t my boyfriend. We’re just friends.”
“Friends who have been spending an awful lot of time together, judging by the fact that I haven’t seen you locked in your room for days.”
“Yeah, we have,” I admit. “And I thought we were having a lot of fun.”
“Have you told him that?” Ashley asks.
“Well, no…,” I start.
“It’s pretty obvious you should have a conversation with him,” Ashley says.
“Why?”
“I don’t know, it’s good to see you like this.”
“Like what?”
“Like your old self again,” she says, like it’s obvious.
“You mean before the accident? Finally.”
“No,” she says, looking up at me. “I mean even before that. Before, when we were close.”
“Ouch,” I retort.
“You know it’s true.”
“Well, maybe that’s why that hurt.”
Ashley nods. “Yeah, I wish we were closer now too.”
“Really?” I ask, surprised.
“Yeah. We used to tell each
other everything, but once you got to high school…I don’t know, I think I always feel second choice to your friends.”
My eyes widen. “Aw, Ash, that’s so not true.”
“I mean, I get it. I’m younger than you, and—”
“No,” I say, cutting her off. “I don’t want you to ever feel that way. What can I do?”
“Maybe the next time we’re hanging out, can you not ditch your only sister? Deal?”
I smile. “Deal.”
She hands me the bag of chocolates. I reach inside, searching for one of the remaining pieces, when my fingertips feel something else—paper.
I look inside and see it: another paper heart.
Oh my God. How on earth did that get in there? I think, but Ashley doesn’t seem to notice. Suddenly, there’s a loud chime from the doorbell.
“That’s been ringing a lot lately.” Ashley smiles.
“Yeah, well, it’s not for me this time,” I say confidently. Neither Pete nor Andy would want to see me after that fiasco.
“I’ll get it since you’re in your robe,” she says, getting up and leaving me alone on her bed. As she heads downstairs, I debate opening the paper heart while she’s gone, until I hear Ashley shout.
“Ella, it’s for you!”
“Coming!” I yell back right away, but I’m startled. Who could it possibly be?
I rush to my room and throw on the first yoga pants and T-shirt I can find. When I make my way down the stairs, I see Pete standing at the doorway. He’s not smiling like he was the times he greeted me for our past two dates. In fact, he looks like I think he would’ve looked if we’d lost that chocolate competition. This can’t be good.
“What’s up?” I ask. As I do, Ashley disappears into the other room.
Pete shifts uncomfortably. “I was going to text you, but you and I both know that you’re not the best responder.”
Ouch.
“That’s not fair—” I start, but I’m cut off.
“I didn’t come here to argue. I just came here to find out why.”
“Why what?”
He looks down at his sneakers for a second, then back up at me. “Why you never look at me like you looked at Andy today. I may use Sparknotes, but I’m not dumb, Ella. I…just…I just want to know why.”
11 Paper Hearts (Underlined Paperbacks) Page 16
