My wolf’s teeth sink into her neck. Bones crunch against my, her—our—powerful jaws. The cat’s body goes lax, but my wolf doesn’t let up. We need to prove a point. No one messes with Rion. Not while I’m human, nor when my wolf takes over. No one will get the better of us.
Solomon steps forward to try to get my wolf to release the cat, but she’s not having it. A few steps backward and I’m staring at everyone through my wolf’s eyes. Vampires, fae, whoever was in the entryway when things got real, are in front of us, and that includes members of this cat’s family. It’s then I realize she’s not moving anymore. Jasmine is completely limp.
The metallic taste of blood sits heavily on my wolf’s tongue. While she’s content in what happened, I’m not even close to being so. At that moment, my wolf relents to me, though she doesn’t shift back. She wants to stay in wolf form. Quickly, I tell my wolf to drop Jasmine to the ground. She’s dead, and I’m the one who killed her. Maybe not by my hands, but by my wolf’s teeth. The cat wouldn’t give up, and we had to prove a point. But now, the sight before me makes me sick to my stomach. I’ve never taken a life before.
Fear and revulsion rush through me. I can’t stand here and look at the body of the person I just killed. With my wolf letting me take over, we run fast and hard into the forest. Her paws grip the ground easily, catapulting us rapidly forward.
Rion and Aries chase me in wolf form, but they can’t keep up. Fear is a powerful emotion. In me—us—it’s driving the feet of my wolf as fast as possible. Jasmine died and it’s all my fault.
My wolf doesn’t stop until we reach the clearing. I wasn’t consciously pushing her here, but this is where we ended up, nevertheless. And I can’t keep going. It’s always here. This clearing draws me to it like a magnet. I’m not sure what it is about it, but I can’t seem to stay away.
I have to face what I’ve done. I ended a life. I snapped someone’s neck. In front of everyone.
With my wolf content and finally having a good stretch of her legs, the ripple I felt when I first shifted is back. It washes over me, and in a matter of seconds, I’m back in human form. My knees hit the warm earth as I curl into myself and cry. Sobs wrack my body as the weight of what happened fully settles over me.
Ford is the first person to get to me. His familiar scent of leather, mixed with the saltiness of the ocean, reaches me as he wraps me in his arms while whispering words of comfort. I cry harder as regret lies heavily over me. I’m a killer—a murderer. Jasmine will never find a mate. She’ll never have children. I took the life of a member of the cat pack and can’t ever take it back. A member of the very pack who is on our side to fight in this war.
Two wolves rush into the clearing. Rion’s thoughts hit me as he shifts. I’ve been blocking him out without realizing it. In my weakened state, I can’t be bothered to put the wall back up that crumbled when Ford reached for me.
Ford stands with me in his arms and hands me over to my mate. But I don’t want him to hold me. I’m a disgrace and shouldn’t be anyone’s mate if this is how I’m going to act. I don’t deserve his love and devotion. I don’t deserve his comfort.
A few twists of my body and I’m able to wiggle free and drop to my feet. Without looking into Rion’s eyes, I turn and head into the forest, not at a run or even a brisk walk. I’m moving slowly, sluggishly, all the energy draining from me with each step as I try to come to terms with what I just did and how it’s going to affect me every day for the rest of my life.
11
“Ari, stop,” Rion says behind me.
Ignoring him, I keep moving with no destination in sight, except to get away from everyone who saw what I did. To hide in the dark depths of the forest. With the sun setting, the forest is eerily shrouded in the beginnings of night.
His steps quicken as he gets closer and gently grips my elbow when he reaches me, pulling me to a halt. I don’t fight him but drop my shoulders in defeat as fresh tears flood my vision. Even back in human form, everything is stronger now. Clearer. The sounds around me included.
Rion tugs me into his chest, bringing his arms around me. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” he soothes, hearing every one of my thoughts.
“How can you say that? I killed someone.”
“You’re a shifter now. It happens. And Jasmine basically challenged you for me. She didn’t come outright and say it, but by her continuously touching me when she was asked to stop, that was a challenge to you, my mate. Your wolf took over and did what nature intended of us. We fight for what’s ours, even if it means to the death.” His emotions hit me. Love. Trust. Acceptance. Not one ounce of disgust is there. No feeling of regret on his part.
This paranormal world is nothing like I imagined when I read those books. I had this dreamy idea of shifters and vampires. Of the fae and mages. Yes, there was always something bad that happened in each book, but the heroes and heroines overcame it every time. They always got their happily ever after.
Those books aren’t all accurate. The stories aren’t purely nonfiction. Lealla added things to make it better, or because the mates involved wanted certain things left out. Those books aren’t my reality. I’m in the thick of things. It’s full of death and destruction. Too many lives have been lost. I led Cace to his death. My dad died. But now I know the taste of blood. I’m the one who ended a life today. Me.
“Please don’t be so hard on yourself,” he soothes. “I’ll help you get through this. I love you, Ariane.”
Pulling back, I peer up at him, tears shimmering in my eyes making everything wavy. “How can you still love me after what I did?”
“Do you remember the night I was challenged for you?” I nod. There’s no way I could forget. That evening is permanently etched into my mind. “Shifters fight to the death over our mates. It’s what we do. There is no one in the world who matters more than the one who holds our heart. My life revolves around you,” he says softly, brushing a piece of hair back from my face. “Everything I do, every day of my life will be for you.” Tears flow freely down my cheeks as his words work their way into my chest, easing a tiny fraction of the pain I’m feeling.
“But I was a human until this. I wasn’t a shifter. There was no possibility of me being one.”
“Your wolf must have been buried inside you, only to have come out now when she had something powerful to bring her through. Where you are concerned, nothing is out of the realm of possibility.”
I shake my head. “Everyone will hate me. I wanted her dead, but I didn’t think it was actually going to happen. I only wanted to prove a point and show I’m capable of protecting myself and fighting for those I love. That no one should be touching what’s mine. I warned her, Rion. I told her to stop and she wouldn’t,” I cry.
“I know, and you did more than any shifter would have. How many times did I go after Ford? We don’t think, only react when our mate is involved.” It’s not the same. He knows it, but he’s trying to rationalize what I did.
“You never went through with killing him.”
“I almost did. I pulled a silver knife on him with the intent to do just that. If not for you, I would have done it. He wanted me to, but you’re his best friend, and I couldn’t take him from you. You’d only resent me if I had.” I don’t want to think about a world where Ford isn’t in it.
“I’m glad you didn’t kill him, but none of that excuses my behavior. How am I supposed to go back down there and face her pack? How am I supposed to look them in the eyes, knowing full well I’m the one who caused their pain? And furthermore, how can I expect them to still fight for our side?” They lost someone they loved. They have every right to hate me.
“If they leave after what happened, that’s their prerogative. No one will hold it against them. But, hear me when I say this, because I’m not going to keep repeating myself. You did nothing wrong.” His eyes hold mine as his thoughts hit me. What he’s saying is true. Or, at least, he believes it to be so.
He gives me a moment to let i
t sink in, and it does, but the guilty part of my conscience isn’t ready to let go of what I’ve done. My wolf is settled inside me. Her body resting from the fight, my human form healed. She doesn’t think there was anything wrong with what happened either. She’s a new part of me I need to get used to. But I’m tired right now. There’s no fire left in me. I’m deflated both mentally and physically.
“Now,” he continues, “you can stand here and let what just happened rule your life, or you can accept it and move on. I’m not saying it will be easy. You haven’t had your whole existence to get used to the idea of being a shifter. No one ever told you all the things you can expect. But we have a war coming, Ari. You’re a wolf now. And from what I’ve witnessed, you’re much faster than us. Stronger, too. No new wolf could take a cheetah on like that and win. Travis doesn’t know you’re a wolf, and we’ll use that to our advantage. What you won’t have is the time to get used to your wolf and how you two will work together. You’re going to have to learn as you go. I’m going to give you a few minutes, then we’re going back.”
My eyes drop to the ground. He’s right. There’s still a war coming, and I need to fight. There’s so much that needs protecting and defending. But going back down there and facing what I’ve done? I’m not sure how to do that without breaking down and crying my eyes out in front of everyone.
Rion reads my thoughts. “You don’t have to appear strong to them. Maybe that’s how you’ll be different and better than the rest of us. You’ll never see a shifter apologize for taking a life. Ever. What our animal does is always for a reason and with conviction. Your wolf knew what needed to be done.”
“They’re going to hate me,” I mutter as my eyes find his again, needing the connection I have with him.
“So?” he asks, peering down at me. “You’ve come a long way from the Ariane I first met. The girl who wasn’t popular in school. Who was always picked on and would rather not deal with conflict. You’ve transformed into the woman you’re supposed to be, and a wolf at that. You don’t back down from a challenge. You’re there when others need you. And you don’t let anyone disrespect or hurt your friends.” He cups his hand around the back of my neck. Lightning zips through my veins as his thumb gently caresses my skin. “You are the kindest person I know. It took someone threatening what’s yours to bring your wolf out. Be strong, Ari. Hold your head high. Your wolf won’t let you sulk. She’s probably in there right now completely content.”
I nod. She has zero regrets about what happened.
“That gorgeous wolf I saw, inside the beautiful woman I love, she will never lead you astray. You’ll lean on her, and she’ll need your support. When you don’t think you’re strong enough to handle something, she will be. She’ll balance you out in a way you never imagined. Together, you’ll be unstoppable.”
“Do you really believe that?”
I’m not sure if I’ll ever understand what Rion sees in me. So much more than I see in myself. I don’t feel strong or like I can conquer anything. If it were up to me, I’d hide out in the woods until Rion dragged me out kicking and screaming. I don’t want to face what I’ve done. But my wolf decides she isn’t having it. She stretches her legs and pushes herself to the forefront of my mind. There’s no shift, but she’s showing that we won’t sit here and hide. That we’ll hold our head high. We might have taken a life, but it wasn’t without provocation. She makes me face that I’m a shifter now, and with that comes a whole new set of rules.
Rion’s eyes widen then go green. I can easily make them out in the dark. I guess it’s part of this whole being a wolf shifter thing. “Your eyes… They’re green. My wolf...” he murmurs, “he wants to meet yours.”
“Uhhh, I’m not sure how to shift at will or even if I want to. What if I do something else? Something bad?”
Rion’s eyes hold mine intently. My wolf claws at the surface, begging to be let out. “Trust her, Ari. Let the shift take over. You two have to work as one, but if you truly want to hold her back, you can, though it’s never wise to do so.”
“So I just let her take over and she does the shifting herself?” He nods.
Maybe it would be good to let her run the show again. Maybe it will help us connect further. Well, as long as she doesn’t kill anyone else right now. She growls inside my head. If I start arguing with her in my mind, I’ll have finally lost it. As it is, I’m on the brink of insanity. I’m a wolf, for crying out loud.
Shifters exist. I’m highly aware of that. I’ve seen Rion and the others shift. I’ve witnessed enough to realize it’s all true, but to be one as well? That’s a whole new ball game.
My wolf nudges me, wanting to be set free and greet her mate properly. I relent and allow her to the front. A ripple courses through my entire body. Before I can blink, I’m on four legs instead of two. Rion shifts as well, his black wolf taller than mine, but only slightly. I don’t have to glance up at him in this position.
Orion takes a few steps forward, until his nose is almost touching my wolf’s. Everything is crystal clear behind her eyes. Every sound is amplified. Every detail is crisper. And the scents… Orion still smells of sandalwood and it stirs something inside of me. He comes around to my side.
Where I would hesitate, my wolf reaches up and licks the underside of his mouth. He leans into me, his weight a comforting presence. Then we start walking next to each other, Orion rubbing his body along mine.
My wolf’s instincts overrule my thoughts. There’s something primal and very right about greeting Orion this way. As if I was always meant to be a wolf with him. Without a doubt, I believe fate put us together. Yes, I believed before I was a wolf, but it’s so much stronger now. Our wolves are connected. Our human bodies as well. We’re one soul tied together. The bond more powerful now that our wolves have met. It’s like the final piece of us has finally clicked into place. It’s a small part. So tiny I hadn’t noticed it was missing before this. But now I’m complete—we’re complete. Only death can tear us apart, and I’ll fight with everything in me to keep him alive.
My mind starts to drift to the death I caused, but my wolf won’t let me dwell on it. She pulls me from it, focusing on Orion, who has stopped by my side. Once she stops as well, he begins walking in lazy circles around us.
“You’re beautiful, Ariane,” Rion says in my mind. “Your wolf is to be admired. She’s going to be a formidable fighter in the war. Together, we’ll be a powerful team.” A blush creeps up my cheeks, although it’s not one Orion can see, thankfully.
“I hope I’ll know what to do and when to shift. It’s not like I can teleport when I’m a wolf unless I have the odd skill of being able to snap with a paw.”
“Your wolf will never lead you astray. She only has your best interests at heart, and she’ll fight to protect you. You have to learn to trust her. Give yourself over to her every time she calls to shift. The stronger your bond, the better you’ll be together.”
“Let’s hope she wants to shift a lot between now and when Travis shows up, because I’m not sure how much practice time I’m going to get.” I can picture it now. Me in the middle of the war, fighting with my wolf, trying to figure out who should be in control.
“I have faith in you, little mouse.”
“Am I still a mouse?” I tease.
He continues around me, coming to a stop when we’re face-to-face. “No, you’re most certainly not, though I love that nickname. It still fits, in a way. You have even more bite than before.”
“Yes, but with much bigger and sharper teeth now.”
Then he asks the question I’m dreading. The one where I have to face what I’ve done. “Are you ready to go back?”
My wolf paws at the dirt, nodding her head. She doesn’t speak for both of us. “I’m not ready at all, but I guess I don’t have much of a choice.”
“You always have a choice. I will never force you to do anything you don’t want to. Hiding up here won’t help, though. You’re a wolf now. It’s time to come to
terms with your instincts. This may be the first, but it won’t be the last time you kill. When the war happens, there will be more blood. Chin up, Ari. We don’t bow down to anyone, especially when another lays a hand on our mate.”
12
Aries and Ford are waiting for us in the clearing when we emerge from the forest. The sun has gone down a little more, but I can see fine. Orion and I are still in wolf form. My wolf doesn’t want to let me out yet, so I’m along for the ride at this point. I also don’t put up much of a fight. I meant it when I said I wasn’t ready to face the crowd at the mansion. I’ll let my wolf handle it for now.
Slowly, we walk back. Aries and Orion are on one side of me and Ford is on the other. Ford’s thoughts float freely to me. He’s surprised I’m a wolf but realizes that by me being with Orion, especially now that I’m a shifter, I’m where I’m supposed to be. His love is still there, but the longing he had is dwindling. Maybe he can move on now that I’m a shifter. I love him dearly but don’t want him in love with me that way.
Luckily, my thoughts are on lockdown and he can’t hear anything that’s going on in my mind. No one can. Orion doesn’t need to hear about my guilt, and Ford doesn’t need to know I want him to find someone else, although he already does. I’ve said it repeatedly. No sense in beating him on the head with a rock over it. He gets the point. It’s accepting it that’s been a different story.
When we break through the trees on the side of the mansion, the crowd is still there. The fae are standing off to one side, their magic hitting me strongly as a wolf. It’s as if it’s a tangible presence in the air. They are more powerful than I could have imagined. And their scent. My wolf and her super nose pick right up on it. They smell like dewdrops and cotton candy. Tricking others must be easy when you smell so good.
The Crucial Shift (The Ariane Trilogy Book 3) Page 8
