by Faith Anna
**********
Jul 1
Hey,
Glad to hear about the biking and gym! I had wondered a few times.
I'll leave it up to you to decide how you want to go with the two manuscripts. If you want to read the new one now, that will be great. If you want to finish the other, no problem.
You won't believe what I just found! I just discovered some women's clubs in Victoria. They have programs especially for women who have moved to Victoria recently. There's one I hope to join and they’ll be having a dinner @ the University Club, University of Victoria. They do lots of fun stuff like hiking, cycling, Saturday morning walk, book club, Writers' Group, movie club, ladies pub night, bridge, golf, bird watching, scrabble, etc etc. Did you know that Victoria has North America's second highest number of restaurants per capita? Did you know that from age 50 one gets seniors' discount on hotels, buses, etc?
Well, bye for now. Have fun!
Me
Chapter Twelve
The next few days went by without any abnormal interaction with Michael.
What’s new was that I had met someone I liked; as in a girlfriend. Sandra was introduced to me by the administrative assistant at BC Families in Need where she was a volunteer.
We had left the building together and decided to stop for coffee.
Sandra explained why we had never met. “I usually volunteer on Mondays with Karen but she’ll be away on vacation starting tomorrow.”
“Makes sense. How long have you been with BCFIN?”
“Over a year now. I enjoy helping people.” Sandra beamed a lovely smile as she looked at me over her glasses. I could still see her beautiful dark eyes. She was the first Aboriginal person I knew closely.
“Do you work any place else?”
“Not at the moment. I just went back to school… Camosun College.”
I nodded. “Do you have kids?” I saw no wedding ring on her finger.
Her eyes lit up as she smiled again. “Yes, a daughter. She studied at Vancouver Island University and now works at the Empress Hotel.” Sandra looked like she was in her thirties.
“You must have been very young when you had her.”
“Not really. I was twenty and now 43.”
“You certainly don’t look forty,” I said shaking my head.
She laughed heartily this time. “So how old are you?”
“Almost 37. Divorced. No kids yet.”
“Don’t look so sad. You have the time to marry and have kids if those are what you want.”
“You think? I don’t know anyone here and don’t socialize at all.”
“I’m from Nova Scotia and know only a few people on the island.” She moved her coffee and Hash Browns aside and leaned closer. “My daughter met her boyfriend online. He was a postgrad student at UBC then. She goes to visit him in Vancouver all the time.”
I took a bite of my donut. I chewed for a while. “Isn’t that dangerous?”
She drank her coffee. “Every romantic relationship involves taking risks even if you both grew up in the same town and attended same schools. It was like that with my ex but it didn’t work out.”
“Have you tried online dating yourself?”
“A few times but I haven’t met someone I like yet.”
“Have you gone on dates with any of them?” My eyes were getting wider.
“A few.” I thought my eyes were going to pop. Sandra burst into another infectious laughter, pushing her thick dark hair away from her face.
I just smiled and shook my head. Sandra was so cheerful and amiable that I knew we were going to be great friends.
She touched my wrist. “Think about it. You need to take risks to achieve your goals.”
**********
Michael
Jul 3
to me
Hi,
Just wanted to let you know that I heard about the misunderstanding you had with HR about getting a copy of that proposal and I am looking into it. I know it’s not a protected document. In fact, I think you have every right to expect to receive your copy since you researched and wrote it. That is only fair.
On the aside, I’ll like to say that I have no intention of forgetting about you or abandoning this friendship
Me
I was beginning to feel like Michael was playing a cat and mouse game with me. Whenever I seemed to be getting him out of my mind, he would write or do something that ‘got me back in line’. I knew I needed to create some emotional distance between us but I had no clue how to go about it.
I decided not to respond to his email. That same week, I received another email from him.
Michael
Jul 7
to me
Hey,
Happy Birthday again! I wasn't sure when your card would actually arrive, so if it came early I'm sorry for that. I also hope you like the singing kitten. I found it both cute and a little unsettling. Anyway, I hope you liked it.
By the way, I watched the World Cup championship today, and have to say I'm disappointed. Neither team played very well I thought, but I supposed Spain played better, and so deserved the win. All the whistles prevented any kind of flow from developing, but then you can't blame the ref if the players are going to kick each other and take dives.
As a rule I don't kill bugs, unless they happen to be cockroaches, flies, or ants - especially if any of those are in my house. Spiders I usually like (but not in my shorts). I used to keep spiders for "pets" as a boy - I catch one and put in a jar, and then feed it flies. Black widow spiders, though, are an exception - those are nasty ones, and aggressive. Are you afraid of bugs?
Happy BD again. Do something nice for yourself as a present.
Me
One thing about Michael was that he never ever forgot my birthday. He was always the first person to send me birthday wishes. That meant a lot to me.
Erinshow details Jul 10
to Michael
Hey,
Thanks!
I haven't been able to listen to the music cos the computer I'm using has no sound. Why did you find it a little unsettling?
I must say, I haven't watched a finals that was this emotion packed. I'll get back to u on the rest of your mail later.
Me
Michaelshow details Jul 11
to me
Hey,
Since you left, we haven’t been able to get a replacement for you. I just interviewed qualified candidates to fill the position but at a slightly lower level. For some weird reason, it has dawned on me in a new way that you are not here anymore. I felt very odd (and lonely). I still miss looking up and seeing you at my door. And I miss your genuine, warm smile.
Me
PS - I guess I find the kitten creepy because he has his eyes closed and is singing. Kittens aren't supposed to sing.
**********
Michaelshow details Jul 19
to me
Hey,
I'm so sorry I haven’t written in a while. This isn't much of an excuse, but I've been very busy and just haven't been able to get on line in the past few days. I’ll be off to a conference tomorrow. I should have more time to write tomorrow once I'm in Hawaii and settled for the night. I arrive in Honolulu around 2:30 p.m. local time (not sure what that is in Victoria, maybe 4:30?), so I'll write you something longer then.
Me
PS - Despite this, how are you doing?
**********
I did not reply until the following evening.
Hi,
Hope you have a great time at the conference. Will you be meeting up with Shirley and her hubby? Say me well to them. I have an interview tomo
rrow for the position of logistics coordinator at a government agency. I already interviewed to be case officer at a non-profit. I haven’t heard back from them yet.
Take care
Michael wrote back after a week.
Michael
Jul 26
Hello,
My jet lag has indeed worn off, and I’m pretty much back to my normal schedule – in bed by 10 or 10:30, and up by 7. Spent most of yesterday working on the office area. With new staff coming in (7 of them!) we have to find spaces for them all. With Arnold’s help, we did a fair amount of sorting and tossing. We started with the main lounge area, which is always a mess and very crowded. We pitched a bunch of junk that had been lying around since I’ve been here. We also removed a small table from the office lounge area, which made room for a bookcase. So, all in all, things look much neater now. I still have a ways to go. I need to find some extra desks and do some more rearranging, but at least we’re better off than before.
Are you thinking of career change? I won’t dissuade you one way or another. I only hope that whatever you end up doing, you will still have time to write and pursue a career as an author. I meant what I said when I said I admire your writing. You have a talent with words, and I enjoy reading your stories and appreciate the honor you give me not only by allowing me to read what you have written, but also by accepting my comments.
Take care and enjoy the bounties of Victoria.
Me
**********
Before I could reply, he wrote again.
Jul 28
Hello,
It’s still very quiet here, which in some ways is kind of nice, though a bit lonely. I especially like not having all these administrators around wanting to have meetings every other day. I do have my first meeting since coming back this afternoon. But I know, all too soon, people will be returning, and my email box will be filling up with emergency requests and problems. Best to enjoy the solitude while I can.
There’s not much else to say. I’m going to go down to Staples and buy some folders for the new staff. Arnold already collected some things from Lynn, so we’ll have a kind of starter pack ready. Take care and enjoy those hills.
Me
Chapter Thirteen
I got a job as case officer at Big Brothers Big Sisters of Victoria. The pay was less than I was making at the Peace Institute but I did not mind. Working for a non-profit organization always gave me great pleasure and fulfilment. Also, I had enough to pay my bills and put away a little.
I had grown in many ways but I was still the same in some others. One of the things I had learned was that everyone was struggling with peculiar insecurities – it did not matter how attractive one actually was. Some people never admitted it though. Everyone was affected by the approval or disapproval of those they cared about. Denying its existence did not remove the feeling of insecurity. From time to time, even a beautiful model shocked the world by publicly confessing what they had been through sometime in their career.
Landing that job was a major breakthrough. My long term goal was to be a published full-time novelist but for now, I needed to work. I heaved a sigh of relief that since returning to Canada, the first glimmer of light was beginning to shine through the tunnel. The light was that of success, open doors, not an approaching train. I was very thankful.
One thing that remained sluggish was my social life which would have been non-existent had it not been for Sandra’s friendship.
Sandra and I were meeting for breakfast on Saturday morning when she invited me to a singles dance in downtown Victoria.
“Sorry, I can’t,” I said almost in a panic. I made a grab for my roasted vegetable Panini and focused on eating.
“Come on. It will be fun. I’ve gone a couple of times before.” Sandra tried to change my mind but I was not giving in. I had not danced since college and did not intend to go make a fool of myself.
“Not this time, Sandra. Go have fun.”
“So how do you intend to meet any man if you won’t go to social events, the pub, or even try to connect with them online?”
I did not answer. Sandra shrugged and began to eat the roasted tomato and mozzarella Panini she had ordered with her latte.
I was not sure if Sandra was pissed off or just frustrated but she soon gave me an understanding smile and said, “I’ll have to think of other ways to get you to come out of your shell and meet men. You’re beautiful and there are lots of men out there. But you need to show them that you exist and are available.”
“But I am not looking for men,” I said, hoping she understood.
“Mr. Right is out there. How is he gonna find you if all you do is stay home after work? ”
She had a point there. I gave her a sheepish smile.
She just rolled her eyes at me and continued eating.
**********
I still received random emails from Michael. I was impressed by the fact that he remembered that I grew up knowing little about my country, having spent most of my growing up years as young adult away from Canadians. My return to Canada as an adult made me feel like, in some ways, I had skipped important aspects of who I really was. There was no doubt that I had made the right decision.
Michael
Aug 1
to me
Hello, eh?
Have you adopted the tag question “eh” to your speech yet? Perhaps it’s a bit stereotypical, but at least in the Midwest the running joke is that all Canadians end their sentences with “eh.” So, for example:
“Cold out today, eh?”
“You betcha, it’s a cold one, eh?”
I doubt it’s as prevalent as we make it out to be, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve run across it from time to time. And, I’m sure Canucks have jokes about the way Americans talk. Speaking of which, have you ever heard of the song “American Idiot” by Green Day? It’s a rock n’ roll song about the insidiousness of the US media, and how it controls the way people think. One part of the song goes, “Don’t want to be an American idiot, One nation controlled by the media, Information nation of hysteria, Calling out to idiot America.” A few years later, the artist Weird Al Yankovich, who satirizes popular songs, wrote one called “Canadian Idiot.” A part of his song goes:
Don't wanna be a Canadian idiot
Won't figure out their temperature in Celsius
See the map, they're hoverin' right over us
Tell you the truth, it makes me kinda nervous
Anyway, it’s a hoot if you know “American Idiot” and Canadians. I’m half thinking of using it as one of the songs in a volunteer ESL teaching I’m doing this fall. Kind of a crash course in American and Canadian culture.
My weekend was very quiet. I’m sure it’s one of the last ones where I will have two days to just do whatever I want, which was basically nothing. I did do my laundry, and I went to the gym. Otherwise, I worked on crossword puzzles and watched movies.
Today, I’ve been working on getting offices ready for the newbies. We moved additional furniture into your old office so Cory and Matt (new staff) will each have a place to work. I have to say feeling a little wistful standing in it. I could still catch a whiff of your perfume in the air and I remembered the talks we had in there. Despite what you may think, I do miss you, and I know the place is emptier as a result.
Are you a cat person or a dog person? I prefer cats, though I can tolerate some dogs. I guess dogs are too dependent for me. If I were to have a dog, it would have to be a Labrador, or some larger dog.
In other news, your package arrived. I have hand delivered some postcards to those who happened to be around at the time. The others I have put in their respective mailboxes. Thank you for the cards – Victoria does look like a beautiful city. And I will be sure to pass onto Lynn one of the calendars and a fridge magnet.
&nbs
p; Well, back to the grind. Take care.
Me
I enjoyed reading Michael’s email. I was little when we left Canada and had no idea what Michael was talking about. I did not know there was any rivalry between our two countries. Growing up, I never saw myself as different from other American kids. As an adult, I knew I had to renew my Canadian passport at specific times but the PI took care of work permits for its employees everywhere in the world. As far as I was concerned Canada and USA were like siblings.
Michael and I continued to chat and exchange emails. Although I still felt that the relationship was unhealthy, I did not break free. Was that how drug addicts felt when they became hooked on drugs? It was a prison with momentary bursts of excitement that was only skin deep. It was not good for anyone and it had no tangible rewards. It was a dead end. I needed to turn around and leave. Good idea!
I did not arrive at any clear decision. However, I began to browse the web looking for useful information about women coming out of unhealthy relationships. I saw some useful information, including a recommended book "My Life My Way" by Peggy Yan and Chad Leeks. Luckily, there was a copy in one of the branches of the Greater Victoria Library. I requested it and it was sent to the Esquimalt branch where I wanted to pick it up.
I was not a fan of non-fiction books. So, it felt like I was reading a textbook but I drudged on. It was a good book for me to be reading at that time. It worked the reader through the healing process up to starting a new intimate relationship. It helped me understand the effects the abusive marriage had on me and how to move past those effects. Interestingly, it also helped me understand why I always panicked each time Dick and I had a fight. Sadly, I had the same panic attack whenever Michael and I had a disagreement.
Chapter Fourteen
“What do you mean, ‘he just left’?” I asked Sandra, flabbergasted by what she was telling me about a guy she had met online and gone on a date with. I was visiting her at her apartment on Roberts Street, not far from the Cape Breton base.
Sandra exhaled, sat back, and slowly repeated it like someone trying to enunciate clearly, “He just left.” When I continued to stare at her in speechless amazement, she continued. “He picked me up in front of my apartment building. We went to one of the coffee shops on Esquimalt Road – you know the one near the mall….”
I nodded. I was astonished but Sandra was calm. I was not sure whether to be worried or relieved. Was her calmness an indication that she had lost complete trust in men? Did she believe there were no good men out there anymore? What about you? Have you given up on finding true love? That voice again. I refused to ponder the idea.
